The DATEABILITY Smart Lovers Podcast

Ep 10. A Too-Fast Courtship Horror Story

You’ve been following the Lord for over a decade. You’re mature in your faith, and when you meet someone new, you’re excited. Maybe even thinking, Why wait? I’ve already been waiting 10+ years! But here’s the thing—jumping in too fast can lead to heartbreak or missed red flags. In this episode, I’m sharing excerpts from my e-book, The Vulnerability Modulation Handbook. This is your guide to navigating the early stages of courtship with wisdom and grace, ensuring you’re protecting your heart and honouring God along the way. I’ll be reading three chapters that will completely transform how you think about vulnerability, pacing, and emotional safety in relationships. If you’ve ever felt like you’re "all in" way too quickly, this is the episode for you. Mentioned in This Episode: * Grab your copy of The Vulnerability Modulation Handbook for just $13: Get it here. * Follow me on Instagram: @_dateability [https://www.instagram.com/_dateability]. Interested in MATCHMAKING? Fill out my forms: * For Women: Matchmaking Form for Women [https://forms.office.com/r/PaY6uKG3MK]. * For Men: Matchmaking Form for Men [https://forms.office.com/r/QM6vj8MjGM].

Ep 9. Why Aren't Men Approaching Women IRL? (feat. Single Man Panel)

MATCHMAKING INTEREST FORMS: MEN click here [https://forms.office.com/r/QM6vj8MjGM]. WOMEN click here [https://forms.office.com/r/PaY6uKG3MK]. Available to Australians only, but if you are from outside Aus you are still welcome to fill out the form. It may just take a while to find you a match :) Follow me (Jess) on IG: @_dateability Send me a DM with "READY" to ask about coaching ------------------------------------------- What are men thinking as they look for their dream woman in the modern dating market?    According to Pew Research Data of 2023, 63% of men aged 30 and under have dropped out of the dating market with 51% reportedly still single.    As for the boys aged 30-49 in the US, 27% are still single.    What about the Aussies?  According to Australian 2021 Census data, the stats guy Simon Keutsenmacher says    "If you are a man looking for a single female the chances improve the older you get... and At age 100+ there are three times as many single women than men.  He says, "Dear single men, just staying alive will make you an increasingly attractive partner.  And If, on top of being alive, you manage to gain a university degree and/or earn a decent income your success on the dating market is all but guaranteed after the age of 35."    These sound like good odds.    Well here to either confirm or deny Pew Research data or Census data ANECDOTALLY, are 3 men who I've hand picked from the DATEABILITY community and have volunteered for my schemes to varying degrees.     They are all strong conservative Christian men, single, marriage-minded and absolutely wonderful conversation.

Ep 8. How HEALED do we have to be before meeting our Forever Person? (feat. Licensed Counsellor Sarah Sibi Thomas)

If you are in your late 20s to early 30s, and wanting a come-to-Jesus moment about your dating journey, this episode is for you.  My guest for this podcast episode is Sarah Sibi Thomas, a Christian Counsellor from QLD, Australia who met her husband at age 31.    She is the founder of Pure Heart Therapies counselling and family therapy practice and has 2 beautiful little toddlers.    We discuss the following in length:  * Qualities of a Healthy, Healed Man  * The Importance of Vulnerability, Emotional Maturity and Kindness  * The Significance of Doing the Inner Work  * The Power of a Strong Community  * Healing and Self Discovery  * Being Open to Different Paths  * Finding a Partner with Shared Faith  * The Journey of Healing    She is super spiro in the best way! I challenge and wrestle with her about the marriage of both the practical and the spiritual when it comes to finding a husband.    I found this to be an incredibly enriching and soulfoodie conversation.    Pure Heart Therapies was founded on the verse Matthew 5:8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”.   Sarah is passionate to help each individual, couple and family find holistic healing and freedom in body, soul and spirit so they can encounter the Fathers true character...  His transformative, healing and consuming love.    SARAH'S GOODS:    A 1 hour appointment is $95 or 1.5 hours is $140 and people can register their interest via the website www.purehearttherapies.com.au [http://www.purehearttherapies.com.au/] or follow me on instagram @pure_heart_therapies.

Ep 7. Is Our Childhood Attachment Style a Life Sentence? (feat. Clinical Psychotherapist Jennifer Nurick)

Is the attachment style we inherit from childhood a life sentence?  Can we go from an Anxious or Avoidant attachment style to earning the holy grail of close connection in human relationships as an adult – earned (and learned) SECURE attachment?    Here to explore the answer to this massive question is Clinical Psychotherapist and Attachment Expert - Jennifer Nurick.   She is the founder of the Psychotherapy Central [https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central/] Instagram page, a community of 180K like-minded seekers, a Director of the International Energetic Healing Association (IEHA) [https://www.internationaleha.org/?avia_forced_reroute=1],   She is a Mother to two beautiful children, a wife, daughter, sister and friend. She has a Master’s Degree in Applied Psychotherapy and Counselling. She is also the author of Healing Your Anxious Attachment [https://www.amazon.com.au/Heal-Your-Anxious-Attachment-Relationships/dp/1648481973] which was only released in February this year. This episode was in front of 15 girls from the DATEABILITY Community who asked Jen specific questions about their own attachment journey, like: 1. How can I be less afraid of rejection?  2. While you're single and practicing becoming more secure, what are ways that you can practice being secure with friends or family so that in a relationship it becomes easier?  3. How do I manage myself when temporarily parting ways from my secure partner is causing distress? 4. What is one daily thing I can do to move from avoidant to secure?  Specific to the pre-commitment DATING journey though, Jen dives deep into: * How your single girl/guy season is the BEST time to work on healing your inner child, and the different parts of yourself. * Why co-regulation is the easiest way to achieving self-regulation (which is harder to do alone). * How Attachment is on a spectrum, and anxious and avoidant parts are very common. * How every couple in the early dating stages experiences the "Attachment Dance". * The importance of paying attention to what is happening in your nervous system when a new love interest ghosts you out of the blue. * Why it's not realistic to expect yourself to be "fully healed" before getting into a relationship, and what to do instead! Given this is such a rich discussion, I would love to know what has come up for you. Email me at jessica@dateability.io.

Ep 6. Are we lying about our Core Values? (feat. Kevin Paulraj)

When it comes to first dates... are we unintentionally being dishonest about what our CORE VALUES are?      Most people say they value the usual things – honesty, integrity, family.... but my guest today would argue that a person's TRUE values are exposed in the seemingly mundane content of their lives.       Now, how do we quantify said mundane content?      Here to show us and tell us is KEVIN PAULRAJ, Mindset Coach.      Marked by profound challenges—an abusive childhood, being kicked out of home, battling addiction, and enduring crippling anxiety.      Through these trials, Kevin found resilience and a deeper purpose.       He now sees his journey as a platform to inspire others, firmly believing in his mission to share his story and wisdom.       His goal is clear: to guide others towards lives of growth, love, and abundance, emphasizing the transformative power of personal discovery and resilience      We discuss at length...   * The intersection of faith and personal development – neither of us fit into mainstream Christianity...   * Why values are neither good nor bad – they just ARE.   * Using values as a framework for compatibility in the dating game.   * Creating the perfect conditions for meeting your Person using obliquity.   * Confidence, authenticity and resilience in your single season and so much more!     DATEABILITY (Jessica Santosa Carlton)'s goods:  follow me on IG @_dateability  DM "Masterclass" for the FREE sample of the Romantic Intelligence 101 course  Drop me a hi at ⁠⁠jessica@dateability.io⁠⁠ [jessica@dateability.io]     Kevin Paulraj's goods:   www.kevinpaulraj.com [https://auc-onenote.officeapps.live.com/o/www.kevinpaulraj.com]    * ⁠Reviews⁠ [https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fg.co%2Fkgs%2F6D1trr%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3Axwhc2HX0rAjJKiCVe6wgSz1wv6DomgOKOOrb0AvYGZcjXyhooWcRpfE&h=AT3P8hwrEHiUvjt4mKgOPxdiqYhWjCopJny0lSvPJCjLwHts-5ALKuVKqMvj9WUyu5ZrQRhqm0ArXqcKg589DWJ_hSWgyfvnZ2jDo20evhP9jeXrHFI45oDme5pSKv1YWoer1w5n] (What people are saying)    * ⁠Success Stories⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkjvyn4W-zE] (Client success stories)     * ⁠Instagram⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/kevinpaulrajcoaching/?hl=en] (Follow me on instagram)   * ⁠Facebook Group⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/groups/748283439087338] (Join our free community)