The Get Up 8 Podcast

EP 06 - The Life After Death Podclass - Reframing Regrets

Episode 6 – The Life After Death Podclass – Reframing Regrets Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass I just wish I would have done more for her and told her how much she meant to me. This is what Anna told me about her friend, Sarah. Anna and Sarah knew of each other in High School, but it wasn’t until many years later that they connected on Social media. In 2013, Sarah posted that she was diagnosed breast cancer. Anna reached out and after a few get-togethers they were fast friends. In February of 2019, Sarah learned thatfter six-years in remission, her breast cancer had come back and it only brought Anna and Sarah closer together as friends - despite Sarah living in Florida. By mid-year, Sarah was having trouble breathing. After some tests, her oncologist told her that the cancer had moved to her lungs. After an infection affected Sarah’s lungs and the antibiotics caused more issues, and with Sarah’s mother, brother and Anna in hospital room, the oncology team came in and shut the door. A discussion that was supposed to be about the next medication to treat the virus, instead turned into a discussion about Sarah’s end of life. Anna returned a couple of days later. Sarah was at that place of resolution, and Sarah wanted to talk about it. When Anna was about to leave after this wonderful day with her friend, she said - “I'll see you in a couple of days?” Sarah replied “we’ll see.” But, for the next 4-days, no one outside of the family was allowed to see her. It upset and made Anna Angry that she couldn’t talk with her friend or hold her hand. Late evening on the fourth day, Sarah’s brother texted Anna to let her know that Sarah had slipped away. Regrets and guilt are probably second in line to the sadness that you feel when you lose a loved one. Why is that? Guilt is an emotion that is telling us something specific. It’s telling us that we have to reframe our regrets and guilt and TAKE ACTION. 2 years ago, I was coaching a woman, I'll call her Lynn. And, Lynn told me that she lost her husband 30 years ago. To make matters worse, she still felt like she was on day 1 in terms of her grief. Emotionally, she felt as though she lost her husband just yesterday. I asked Lynn to think about if the situation was reversed. “What if you had passed away Lynn, and your husband was still here? Would you want him to continue to live his life? To be happy? To be guilt-free? Without hesitating, Lynn said, “Oh yes!” If you’ve lost a loved one: • Identify what your guilt is telling you. What are you telling yourself? • Determine what you are going to do about it. What will you be doing differently from now on? • Put the new action into practice right away. How will you remind yourself of this often? If you’re supporting someone else: • Help your friend or family member to reframe their narrative. • Use examples from your own reframing experience to help them see what’s possible. Guilt is such a powerful emotion, we do have the power to change our thoughts about it. We cannot turn the clock back. But, we can move forward and let the guilt go. And that’s ok. Let's continue to walk together. Email: eric@erichodgdon.com Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

EP 01 - The Life After Death Podclass - Introduction to The Life After Death Podclass

Episode 1 – Introduction to The Life After Death Podclass Download PDF companion: https://www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass The loss of a loved one usually comes when you least expect It, and it’s never easy no matter who you are. Those first couple of weeks - they feel like a blur. After losing my daughter Zoi in early 2014 to suicide, I felt like I was in the “blur”. When I Look back on that time, I wish I had some clue of what to expect. I found out pretty quickly that I was woefully unprepared for this. I felt like I had been placed at the edge of a dark abyss without my permission. This was the abyss of grief. I want to share with you how you can lead yourself and others through the first 8-days after loss. Why 8? Life does go on and love never dies – it goes on forever. I’ve dedicated the next 8 episodes in this series to address your early grief journey. In each episode, I’ll share with you some personal stories, the lesson I learned and the tool you can use right away to help you, or others. • Surviving the Shock • The Emotional Roller Coaster • You’re not alone • Choosing to Survive • Reframing Regrets • Asking the Questions • Closing the Gap Between Love and Loss. • What’s Next? When we lose a loved one, it’s important to remember that we don’t have to do this alone. And, if we have the right tools to help us navigate the first few days of a loss, we will have a better chance of getting through the longer grief journey and getting back up. Take notes, teach what you’ve learned here and share this Podclass with others. Let’s walk together. Email: eric@erichodgdon.com Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

EP 09 - The Life After Death Podclass - What's Next?

Episode 9 – The Life After Death Podclass – What’s Next? Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass We can’t change what happened, but we can change what happened next. 9 days after Zoi died, my house emptied out. My friends and family had to get back to their lives. And for the next several weeks, my life felt as fluid as my thoughts. It didn’t take very long to realize that I had no idea what my next steps were, and I felt really unprepared for what lie ahead. I had so many doubts about the future and I was afraid. Any attempt to do normal activities and my energy was drained instantly. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive this but I believed that was a light on the other side of this darkness. I just didn’t know how to get there. My mindset had to be reframed. I couldn’t change what happened. I could only change what happens next. I was sad and with as heavy as my heart was, this new normal felt like a dream. And, none of it was going to make any sense whatsoever until I moved. I had to take the first step and then committed to the next. 6-years later, I realize that no one could have walked this journey for me. It taught me that others can walk it with me though. We don’t have to traverse the abyss without a plan and a guide to help us through – that’s someone who can prepare us as much as possible for what is up ahead on our journey – both good and bad. Because of my guides, I found a way to get up and live beyond my loss, and I don’t want another person to have to walk their journey of grief alone or without a guide - to help them understand what’s going on now, so they can explore what’s next. If you have lost a loved one, I invite you to find your guide for the next part of your grief journey. Who represents the most relevance in your life right now to help you survive this? And if you’re helping someone who lost a loved one – BE the guide for them. Walk with them, hold space for them, Help find them to find the resources THEY need. Ask them how they are doing in the days, weeks, even months later. It will go a long way with them and they will know you genuinely care. Thank you for listening to this Life after Death Pod class. If this pod class helped you , Please message me and let me know what impacted you the most and share this Pod class with your family, friends and others who need to hear it. You have what you need to get through the first 8-days after your loss. You’re not alone. I get it. I’ve been in the same place you are right now and I know it’s not easy. I’m always updating my website with new, practical resources for navigating grief including my book “A Sherpa Named Zoi. How to walk through grief and live with intention.” You can find the link to my website and my email address in the show notes below. I know this time is very difficult for you. So, let’s stay connected. Message me with more topics that you’d like me to cover and I’ll bring in my team of experts to help you when you need it the most. I’m Eric Hodgdon. I’m not a PhD. I’m a DaD… I’m Zoi’s dad. I’m a guide and I am building a system to help people get up from their sudden setbacks. I know what this journey means to you. imagine being able to lead yourself throught the next 8-weeks of your journey not be led by the grief for months and even years later. So, Let’s continue to walk together. Email: eric@erichodgdon.com Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

EP 05 - The Life After Death Podclass - Choosing to Survive

Episode 5 – The Life After Death Podclass – Choosing to Survive Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass Sometimes the hardest part of losing a loved one, isn’t the loss itself, but whether or not we will survive the loss. I was reminded of why survival was so very important very soon after Zoi died. in the many handwritten letters that I received from her hospital friends, it seems that on more than one occasion, Zoi was the first person to come up to them because she could just tell it was their first time at an adolescent unit. She would hug them and say, Hey, I'm Zoi. There's nothing to be afraid of here. it's really not that bad. And by the way, when those counselors aren't looking…. You can draw on the walls. I don't think Zoi fully understood the impact that she had on her new friends at the time, but she clearly helped them to choose to survive. Surviving your loss IS a choice. And, choosing to survive is something you must recommit to - If not daily, then hourly. A couple of weeks after Zoi died, one of her friends came to see me. Her name is Beth and Beth met Zoi through some mutual friends. At that time Beth was struggling with her own survival. She felt like she didn't want to continue on and she was very candid when she told me “You know, I was planning on ending my life too. But, when I heard that Zoi took her life, I realized that I didn't want to take mine any more. Beth was actively choosing to survive. If you’ve lost a loved one: • Every morning, choose to survive. • 5-10 reps of the lower body breathing exercise (Episode 3 – The Emotional Roller Coaster) • Movement – physical movement or move your pen in a journal. • Stay hydrated If you’re supporting someone else: • Show up with intention to be supportive in whatever way your friend or family member needs you. • Ask yourself - What can I do to make them feel safe and supported right now? • Ask yourself – What would I want someone to do for me in this moment? It's been six years since I lost Zoi. I did survive it. but as much as survival is necessary, it should be temporary. You can survive this too. We all can. Let's continue to walk together. Email: eric@erichodgdon.com Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

EP 07 - The Life After Death Podclass - Asking the Questions

Episode 7 – The Life After Death Podclass – Asking the Questions Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass When we lose a loved one, we ask a lot of questions. We focus on Why when it’s important to focus on what. By the time my friend Cory was 11, a few important things had happened in her life. The US NAVY issued orders for her family to move from Meridian, MS to Brunswick, ME and she had already been through 15 of nearly 30 surgeries to repair her bilateral cleft lip and pallet. Cory was always excited about seeing new places, but there always was that one kid.... On one particular spring day there was an opportunity to be outside and so Cory and her younger brother Scooter ran to the basketball court. A boy who was a few years older than Cory, who also lived in Navy housing like them, was standing at the other end of the basketball court with his friends. “Hey! What are you doing Bubble lip? This is my court.” His name was Billy. He called her bubble lip again. In a flash Cory landed on Billy with all 4 feet and beat the snot out of him. After, she got up and ran like hell back home and to her garage, and leaned against the 1958 Ford pickup truck and she doubled over crying. “Dad, I don’t know why they make fun of me. I tell them why I look the way I look, but they just keep making fun of me! It’s just plain mean!” “Well Honey, maybe you’re asking the wrong question.” “What happened?” “What are you going to do about it?” …and honey, you’re my daughter, I love you... What do you need from me?” Well, 10-years later Bud died. My friend Scott who I shared the story about losing his dad, in Episode 2 – Surviving the Shock, is Scooter. When her dad died, Cory was faced again with asking “Why”, or asking “What.” If you’ve lost a loved one: • What happened? I lost my loved one. • What am I going to do about it? • What do I need to do right now to make it to the next hour and the next day? If you’re supporting someone else: • Ask your friend or family member- What do you need from me? • Ask your friend - How are you doing? And, ask often! • Ask with intention! There are a lot of other questions you may be asking right now. Write those down too and know that the answers to a lot of those will come in time. Being resilient doesn’t mean you have it ALL figured out. It means that you’re consistently working on it. The most important question you can ask of yourself in the early days of loss is “What do I need to do right now to make it to the next hour and the next day.” Let's continue to walk together. Email: eric@erichodgdon.com Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon