The Leadership Habit
> Summary > > > Authentic leadership is about leading from your strengths rather than changing who you are to meet others’ expectations. In this episode of The Leadership Habit Podcast, executive coach Dale Wilsher explains the leadership double bind, explores how workplace bias shapes perceptions of leadership, and shares practical strategies for balancing warmth and competence to build greater influence, executive presence, and leadership effectiveness. Many leaders spend years trying to become the person they believe they need to be in order to succeed. They speak differently, hold back ideas, soften their opinions, or adopt leadership styles that feel unnatural. Often, these changes stem from feedback, workplace expectations, or assumptions about what leadership should look like. The challenge is that when leaders focus too heavily on fitting a mold, they can lose sight of the qualities that make them effective in the first place. In the latest episode of The Leadership Habit Podcast, host Jenn DeWall sits down with Dale Wilsher to discuss authentic leadership, executive presence, workplace bias, and the “leadership double bind”. Their conversation offers valuable insights for leaders who want to increase their influence without sacrificing who they are. MEET DALE WILSHER, EXECUTIVE LIFE AND LEADERSHIP COACH Dale Wilsher [https://www.linkedin.com/in/dalewilsher/] is an executive life and leadership coach, keynote speaker, and founder of Your Authentic Personality [https://www.yourauthenticpersonality.com/about]. For more than a decade, she has helped professionals better understand themselves, build confidence, and lead with greater authenticity. She is also the author of an award-winning book on personality and human potential and is currently writing a new book focused on identity, self-awareness, and leadership. Through coaching, speaking, and leadership development programs, Wilsher helps individuals align who they are with how they lead so they can maximize their potential without compromising their authentic strengths. WHAT IS THE LEADERSHIP DOUBLE BIND? One of the central topics discussed in the episode is the leadership double bind. The double bind refers to a no-win situation in which leaders face competing expectations. Wilsher explains that women, in particular, often experience a tension between being perceived as competent and as likable. Leaders may be viewed as too soft or too tough, too collaborative or too direct, but rarely “just right.” While the double bind is most commonly discussed in the context of women in leadership, the broader lesson applies to leaders of all backgrounds. Many professionals feel pressure to suppress parts of their personality in order to align with traditional expectations of leadership. According to research discussed during the episode, the most influential leaders demonstrate both warmth and strength. In other words, people must be able to answer “yes” to two critical questions: * Do you care about me? * Can you deliver results? Leaders who consistently communicate both are often viewed as more effective, trustworthy, and influential. WHY AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP MATTERS A powerful theme throughout the conversation is that authentic leadership is not about becoming someone else. Too often, leaders receive feedback focused on their personality rather than their performance. Wilsher notes that this type of feedback can cause people to question who they are instead of helping them improve what they do. As a result, many leaders begin to modify or hide their natural tendencies in an effort to meet expectations. The problem is that authentic strengths and perceived weaknesses are often connected. A leader who is highly direct may also be exceptionally decisive. A leader who is highly relational may also excel at collaboration and inclusion. When leaders try to eliminate traits that others criticize, they often diminish the strengths associated with those traits as well. Authentic leadership starts with understanding your natural tendencies and learning how to expand your effectiveness without abandoning your strengths. STOP SUBTRACTING YOURSELF Perhaps the most memorable lesson from the episode is Wilsher’s advice to leaders: Don’t subtract yourself. When leaders receive critical feedback, their instinct is often to become less visible, less outspoken, or less themselves. They begin removing parts of their personality to avoid criticism. Wilsher encourages leaders to take a different approach. Instead of subtracting, add. Rather than suppressing your strengths, identify complementary behaviors that help others experience your leadership more effectively. A direct leader may need to add empathy. A highly collaborative leader may need to add decisiveness. A relationship-focused leader may need to communicate recommendations with greater confidence. The goal is not to become a different person. The goal is to become a more complete leader. BALANCING WARMTH AND COMPETENCE The discussion also offers practical strategies for strengthening leadership presence. Leaders who naturally prioritize relationships can benefit from demonstrating greater confidence and authority through concise communication, clear recommendations, and stronger ownership of accomplishments. Small changes in language can significantly influence how others perceive leadership presence. One of Wilsher’s most practical pieces of advice focuses on how leaders communicate expertise and confidence. Many professionals unintentionally weaken their authority by using minimizing language such as “Does that make sense?” or by downplaying their recommendations. Instead, leaders can communicate with greater confidence while remaining approachable. As Wilsher explains: > “There are stronger ways to check in with people than giving away too much of your authority or power when you lead with data; I say you can speak softly as long as you carry a big statistic.” The lesson is simple but powerful: leadership presence does not require being the loudest person in the room. Leaders can build influence by supporting their recommendations with facts, evidence, and clear reasoning, and by communicating with confidence and clarity. Meanwhile, leaders who naturally prioritize tasks and results can strengthen their influence by intentionally demonstrating warmth. Inviting collaboration, expressing gratitude, seeking input, and communicating care for others can help build trust and engagement without sacrificing accountability. Neither approach is inherently better. The most effective leaders understand their natural strengths and intentionally develop complementary skills that help them connect with a broader range of people and situations. AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP STRENGTHENS TEAMS Authentic leadership benefits more than the individual leader. Organizations perform best when they embrace diverse leadership styles rather than expecting everyone to lead the same way. Teams gain stronger perspectives, greater innovation, and better decision-making when leaders bring different strengths to the table. As Wilsher points out, individuals should not be expected to be all things to all people. That is the role of the team. When leaders understand and value different leadership styles, they create environments where people can contribute their unique strengths while still working toward shared goals. The result is a more engaged, adaptable, and high-performing organization. WHERE TO FIND MORE FROM DALE WILSHER To learn more about Dale Wilsher’s work on authentic leadership, personality, executive presence, and leadership development, visit her website, YourAuthenticPersonality.com [https://www.yourauthenticpersonality.com/about]. You can also connect with Dale on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/dalewilsher/], where she regularly shares insights on self-awareness, confidence, and helping leaders align who they are with how they lead. Her coaching, speaking engagements, and leadership programs provide practical tools for professionals who want to maximize their influence without sacrificing authenticity. AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP IS ABOUT EXPANSION, NOT REINVENTION Leadership is not about fitting someone else’s definition of success. It is about understanding your strengths, recognizing your blind spots, and developing the skills needed to lead more effectively. The strongest leaders do not succeed because they have eliminated every weakness. They succeed because they have learned how to build on their strengths while adding the capabilities needed to connect with others. Dale Wilsher’s message is a powerful reminder that effective leadership is not about shrinking yourself to meet someone else’s expectations. It’s about becoming more intentional, more self-aware, and more capable while remaining true to who you are. At Crestcom, we believe leadership development should help leaders become more effective versions of themselves—not force them into a one-size-fits-all leadership model. Through live-facilitated learning, coaching, accountability, and real-world application, Crestcom helps leaders develop the self-awareness, communication skills, and confidence needed to lead authentically and deliver meaningful results. If you’d like to explore how leadership development can help your organization build stronger, more effective leaders, consider scheduling a complimentary Leadership Skills Workshop [http://crestcom.com/freeworkshop] to experience Crestcom’s approach firsthand. The post Stop Subtracting Yourself to Fit In! Authentic Leadership with Dale Wilsher [https://crestcom.com/blog/2026/06/05/stop-subtracting-yourself-to-fit-in-authentic-leadership-with-dale-wilsher/] appeared first on Crestcom International [https://crestcom.com].
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