The Midlife Reset: Sleep, Strength & Joyful Living for Women 50+

"Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?"

Are we gonna have sex or what? This is the question that so many of us midlife women are asking. Desire has been lost in a haze of hormones, deadlines, sleep deprivation and relationship meltdown. Let’s unpack what it will take to get you back to feeling pleasure again. And girlfriend… it’s not what you think! Reclaiming desire is one part of your midlife reset. Watch a full masterclass on reclaiming better sleep, losing midlife weight and building strength. Meet Dr. Julie Merriman, clinical therapist, author and podcast host. She has spent 25 years counselling high-achieving women over 50 on burnout, compassion fatigue, and nervous system depletion— including how this stress shows up as disconnection, shutdown, and loss of intimacy. By the end of this post, you’ll understand that lacking desire is not a character flaw. You are not broken. This state of affairs is an adaptive nervous system response to decades of responsibility, care, and chronic demand. Let us help you start to unwind the mess right now. Why Midlife Changes Everything About Desire “Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?” is the title of Dr. Julie’s new book. This is a question that’s big on my mind. I’m actually going to turn 63 at the end of this week. I have always loved intimacy with my partner — it was a big part of who I am and who I was. Through my menopausal journey it’s been really challenging. Challenging to keep up the libido, to keep my parts functioning. Hormones are an issue — at one time estrogen was flooding through our bodies. And estrogen plays a big role not only in reproduction but also in brain function, which I think we forget. Here’s something most women don’t know: it doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 65 — only about 10 to 15% of women experience spontaneous desire. The rest of us — that’s 85 to 90% — depend on responsive desire, where we’re responding to our partner or responding to a context. As we age, it’s still there, but it might take a little longer to get her online. And our nervous system plays a huge role in this. Hormones are very important, but the full picture isn’t just hormones. You have to look at the person holistically. The Superwoman Myth and the Fried Nervous System Think about women over 50. A lot of us came up with the superwoman myth — you can have all the jobs, raise all the kids, take care of the house, and how dare you say you’re tired. You have to stay thin and sexy, keep a perfect house, remember everyone’s birthday, get all the kids to the doctor’s appointments, and be ambitious at work. And we were told, if you weren’t doing that, something was wrong with you. That was a myth — we cannot do all of that. But we arrive in midlife completely fried. Our nervous system has been in a pressure cooker for 20 or 30 years. There’s an allostatic load that builds — it’s not just one stress cycle, it’s decades of unfinished stress cycles. When our nervous system is dysregulated — when we’re over-functioning and holding everyone’s emotional load — we cycle through three states. There’s the ventral state, where we’re regulated and social, and that’s where intimacy feels wonderful. There’s the sympathetic state, where we’re in fight or flight, which is where many of us live. And then there’s the vagal state, where we’re dissociated from our body entirely. Our nervous system’s job is to keep us alive. So it tells our brain: you are in survival mode, and I’m taking pleasure off the table. We just need to get you through this day. After 20 or 30 years of this, we’re living on adrenaline and cortisol. And coffee. It’s become quite habitual. I call it the habit brain running the show. Because when we’re going through those busy years, we didn’t even have time to think about it. Kids hanging off of us, gym, laundry — and then at night, husband winks at us and we’re like, no way, buddy. Resentment builds up. He got to go to hockey, or golf, or guys’ night out. All of that has been building for 20 or 30 years. There’s a myth that we can’t pour from an empty cup — except we’ve done it for years, to the point that we’ve become the empty cup. We bring forward from childhood the belief that our worth is tied to our performance. The idea of not doing, or even receiving, is deeply uncomfortable. Dr Julie works with women where she’ll give them an assignment: just colour for 10 minutes this weekend. Something completely unproductive. And the client comes back and say, I nearly crawled out of my skin — I couldn’t just sit there without feeling guilty. So yes, we have years of unmet needs, and of course it leads to resentment. Chakras, the Vagus Nerve, and Sacred Resentment It can be helpful to use chakra psychology alongside somatic psychology. If one has their neuroscientist hat on, one talks about the vagus nerve through neuroscience language. If one has a yoga instructor hat on, one talks about it through chakra language. They’re the same thing — our vagus nerve runs right through our chakra system. And for my clients, that framework is often more tangible than an anatomy chart. What it reveals is this: for years, we’ve swallowed our truth to keep the peace — and that lives in the throat chakra. The unexpressed accumulates and moves down into the heart and solar plexus as resentment. I think of it as sacred resentment, because if we’ll slow down and listen to it, she has a lot to tell us about the needs we need met. Until we make our body a safe place to live, desire cannot return. When we’re in a constant state of fight or flight, our body doesn’t feel safe. And pleasure really depends on a safe body to open up to. Sex is wonderful, but it’s a very vulnerable place to be. From a very basic biological point of view, there’s no point in procreating if lions are about to eat you. It’s so fascinating that the chakras line up with where the vagus nerve is most active. The vagus nerve is a long-wandering nerve that activates our rest-and-digest response. It’s attached to the parasympathetic side of the autonomic nervous system — and it has branches in the groin, the gut, the heart, the throat, and the face. I usually start with the root chakra, because that’s where safety lives. The root chakra runs from the sits bones down to the tips of the toes. Right above it is the sacral chakra — that’s where our sensuality, creativity, and emotions live. Those two need to be balanced and talking to each other. When we’ve been in a state of functional freeze with a dysregulated nervous system, those two areas are completely depleted. And I want to name something about the self-care industry. It can be very gaslighting to say, just go get a massage. Or just meditate. When you are in a dysregulated state, your frontal cortex isn’t available to settle into meditation — and then we feel like we’ve failed at that too. Which just dysregulates us a little more. Defrosting — Practical Tools to Regulate and Re-Embody Grounding, above everything else, is the place to start. I want clients to start with a walking meditation — going outside without a phone, just birds, leaves, vitamin D from the sun. Five to ten minutes. That’s it. Because a walking meditation starts at the root chakra, and it begins the process of re-embodiment. We are floating heads of competence, completely disconnected from the fact that we have a body. The next tool is shaking. Dr. Julie lives on a cattle ranch in Texas, and after a ride, her horse will shake from nose to tail. That’s the nervous system completing its cycle. So she has her clients do full body shakes, especially when something has activated them. Then hip circles — so many women carry trauma, shame, and tension in the hips and the sacral area. Just gentle hip circles, placing a hand on the sacral chakra, inviting movement and groundedness. From there, a full body scan — approaching your body with curiosity and self-compassion, noticing any physical sensation. We have told our bodies for years: shut up, I don’t have time for you. We have to invite the body back online. People overlook these tools because they seem simplistic. They’re looking for complicated solutions because life feels so complicated. But baby steps, getting back to nature — these have always been part of the human experience. We’ve just sanitized them out because we’ve become floating heads. And here’s what’s interesting — as my clients start to defrost, pain starts coming back online, because they’ve ignored it for so long. Dr. Julie had one woman who started a walking meditation and her feet began burning like they were on fire. Her doctor couldn’t find anything wrong — he thought it was a nervous system response. They worked on helping her hold space for the pain rather than immediately trying to make it go away. To sit with it, get curious, ask what wisdom might be there. And sure enough, over time it became minimal. I see this in yoga classes all the time. People say yoga isn’t working for them because their shoulder or hip started to act up. And really, things are just waking up. Communication channels are opening. We have so many tools to bring the vagus nerve into activity, to invite natural healing — rather than running away again. And in that healing, your desire lives. We bring things back online. Think about bracing — when we’re in a dysregulated state, we’re braced everywhere, including the pelvic floor. You’re starving your genitals of blood flow. Softening is very important. You cannot force desire back. She has to be invited back through a soft and connected place. Reclaiming Pleasure — The Homecoming We also have to be honest with our bodies. How much obligatory sex have we had through the years? How many orgasms have we faked, just to get to sleep? Our body has been lied to for so many years. So we really need to help ourselves remap pleasure — just for us, first. Dr Julie always has her clients start with a pleasure map with themselves. They get a new vibrator — but we can’t use it on our genitals for about a month. The first thing we do is run it in various places on the body to discover where pleasure actually lives, because we’ve completely lost track. It’s wonderful for the vagus nerve too. We need to find where pleasure lives for us now, without any rules and without pressure to perform. As we age, things feel different, and that’s okay. Dr Julie had breast cancer a few years ago. She had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. An area that used to be highly pleasurable for her is very different now — but there are other areas that are very pleasurable. She has to start mapping that for herself, just for her. Then, slowly, as you have that map, you can invite your partner in — but sex and intercourse are off the table for a good month. Just be together. Connect. Because desire is about connection. Intimacy is about connection. Get Dr. Julie’s free somatic signature quiz at www.juliemerriman [http://www.juliemerriman/] phd.com/quiz. It gives you a good idea of what’s going on in your body and where you need to start. I would really encourage all of our sisters to reclaim pleasure again. Don’t let decades of taking care of everybody else deprive you of something so fundamental to the human experience — pleasure and intimacy. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com [https://cherylgordonyt.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Why Willpower Isn't Your Problem: The Midlife Secret to Lasting Change

How many times have you bought into a course or book, hoping it would make things better? How many diets or cleanses have you jumped into thinking that this expert has that certain secret that will finally unlock the weight gain? Only to discover that the end result is lacklustre at best… and sometimes the fall out ends up feeling like a failure yet again. Why can’t we stick to things? And how much longer will we beat ourselves up over it? Is the solution to just give in? Admit we’re getting older. Accept life as it is? In today’s post, I want to shout out a resounding NO. Let me offer the KEY reason why these fixes have not worked for you and three solid strategies for finding what will work. Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode 59. My name is Cheryl Gordon. I guide midlife women to greater strength, happiness and energy without dieting, harsh exercise or rigid rules. I’m a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach with almost 30 years field experience with women just like you. If you’re looking to find a publication that distills all the noise out there into a doable plan… you’re home! Marching to Your Own Beat I don’t practice headstand. Are you allowed to be a yoga teacher if you can’t hold headstand for 20 minutes? I used to think no, but then I taught like 10000 classes and realized… I guess I’m a teacher. But there’s a very good reason I never took to the pose. I have an anatomically unusual neck length. I’m very short but long necked. This makes headstand a risky pose to hold. It could crunch those delicate vertebrae. What’s this got to do with why cleanses, diets and workout plans often fall flat? Stick with me. If you go to traditional yoga classes, headstand is almost always part of the series. And for a lot of people, it’s a great pose. The ancient texts call it king of the poses. What the ancient texts don’t talk about is anatomy. They talk a lot about meditation, spirituality, breathing. But nothing about spinal anomalies. You know why? Because yoga was shared 1:1. Often, a student would live with their teachers for years, yes maybe in caves. But in this intimate arena, poses were adapted to each individual as they needed them. Text books didn’t have to cover this stuff because it was understood that the teachings wouldn’t be doled out to 10, 20, 50 students at a time in a group setting. So in here is your first clue. What worked for your neighbour, sister-in-law or instagram star is not necessarily right for you. The ancient yogis knew this. And we’ve lost that wisdom somewhere. As the guru developed the student’s program, it was a two way conversation. There was constant adaptation. Adjustment. Listening. When you jump into a solution that comes from an external source, it’s a one way conversation. You’re the one listening to that external source. Here’s my point. Unless you have intimate access to an enlightened, wizened teacher in your house (my dog comes pretty close to be honest and I do learn a lot of yoga from her), seeking generalized advice will always lead to disharmony and ultimately abandonment of your goal. The key problem is that you are looking outside yourself for answers. You are the world’s expert in you. No one, not a guru with a million followers or the doctor with lots of letters after her name, knows you better than you. And girlfriend, we have not been encouraged to trust our own instincts. How Did We Get So Far Off Track? I remember working so hard in high school to fit in. I think all teenagers do, don’t they? Painfully conscious of every zit. Whether our jeans were the right brand. Did we really just blurt that out??? The need to be liked and accepted by the tribe started way before high school was even invented. As a human species, it could be fatal to be shunned by our people. And this hard wiring is still very real today. Add to this fact… most of us were parented by emotionally immature and less than full formed humans. They passed along to us, along with grandma’s gravy bowl and those beautiful eyes, all their insecurities and worries about not fitting in. I remember coming home from school after having an accident wetting my pants. This happens to a lot of little kids but at the time, I only knew it happened to me. And it was a rough day. My mom’s reaction? Don’t do this! The kids will make fun of you! Which of course they had. Which made my nervousness worse. You can see over time, we clearly get the picture that we need to fit in, be accepted and conform. So if Susie has a red coat, I want a red coat. If Debbie takes ballet, I have to take ballet. If Bonnie is sad, I have to act sad too. A lot of this is that hard wiring. It’s called mirror neurons. And it’s a part of our deep survival adaptation. Anne’s Story I had a client who sustained a painful hamstring injury. She came to me, as a yoga therapist, to help her get back to running. She wanted to know how to stretch the muscle and reduce the pain. Which I can help clients do. But yoga therapy goes deeper than that. As we worked together, it came out that she didn’t actually love running that much anymore. She started because her former partner was part of a club and in order to spend time with him, she ran. And then, even though it was getting more painful every year, she kept pushing for longer and faster runs because the club members (who were a big part of her social group) did that. Her injury had necessitated a change in her habits. Now she was ready to address the fear of not fitting in… of being left behind… of being alone…on a deeper plane. She went on to take up pole fitness. Don’t laugh. It’s a big growth sport these days and she loves it. She feels alive when she’s dancing and loves the strength challenge of lifting upside down. The moral is that you don’t have to wait for a catastrophic injury to start dancing to your own beat. Carving Your Own Path Sometimes it’s just so hard to see the path ahead. There is so much noise in our complicated universe… so many products and advice. This is where the SHE Mindfulness program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/] really shines. It is a comprehensive, step by step guide to resetting midlife. It takes all the aspects from physical to mental to spiritual and puts it all together in a customized plan. We’re not in the jungle fighting for survival anymore. We have time and resources to evolve to higher pursuits. It is safe, and definitely desirable, to define our individuality. To trust our individual instincts regarding what is supportive to our goals. So how do we break free from this conditioning? And it goes deep. In some circles, it’s called people pleasing. Here are three ways you can start marching more fearlessly to the beat of your own drummer: Journal So much of our behaviour is unconscious. Some research suggests 95%! And our behaviours are driven by our emotions. We feel something and we do something in reaction. Experiencing boredom might lead to scrolling my phone. I didn’t plan to scroll but it was an habitual reaction to having a few open minutes. Boredom might also lead to wandering toward the pantry to choose a quick snack. It’s not mealtime but it just occurred to me that I feel peckish. I’m not truly hungry but actually just reacting to that open space in my day. Emotions drive behaviour whether you register it or not. When you sit down in front of a blank page and commit to writing a certain amount or for a certain time, your brain will draw the emotions out from the habitual part of your brain into the pre-frontal cortex. It makes your subconscious - well, conscious. This method of journalling is not about complaining, dreaming or fixing. It’s about illuminating what is actually going in at that moment. Am I bored? Lonely? Hopeful? The first three sentences are the hardest. After that, the words flow more easily. Handwriting is more powerful than typing for this. And remember, you are not writing for any other reason than to give voice to your hidden brain. No one ever reads this. You can burn it or rip it up right after. It’s the exercise of journalling that produces the results. I journal morning and evening. Every day. Consistency is key. 2. Makes dates with yourself. I bet if you promise to meet a friend for lunch, you’re right on time. I bet if you commit to leading a project at church, you rock it. But how many times do you put yourself off? Too busy. Too tired. Something came up. I have a client who loves yoga. She’s my biggest fan really. But she misses most of her classes. Because she prioritizes everyone and everything else. She can’t relax in yoga if there is a babysitting request or someone’s moving or a good sale is on. My client MUST start marking her yoga dates in her calendar and giving them the same power as any other appointment. If you cancel your dental cleaning, there’s a charge. So you don’t cancel it. Maybe try assigning a penalty if you skip out on yourself. Become your own rules master. This is way more important than just getting to yoga class. It’s about the relationship with yourself… taking responsibility…. Not waiting for external circumstances to perfectly align. The universe reads your cavalier attitude toward your needs and provides many chances to abandon yourself. It seems that’s what works for you. So don’t let it work for you anymore. Put down your foot. Which brings us to #3: 3. Boundaries This is really a whole podcast on its own. But for today, let’s just practice how to say no, lovingly, when you have something scheduled, like a yoga class, and a dear one offers you something else to do. Let’s practice together. Here’s a real life example from my world. I love my grandsons and would love to spend more time with them. I get a last minute text that there is a baseball game tonight at 6. BUT I work till 5:30 and have a healthy dinner to cook when I get home. And I take a 30 minute walk after dinner for digestion. I COULD grab takeout on my way home and make the game, skip the walk. And then spend time with my kids. BUT that means abandoning my healthy habits. What does it matter? Just this once! Hmmmm. This is a tough one that gets me right where it hurts. There is no right answer. And many of you will judge me for the one I choose. I choose me. My healthy commitments to myself. My kids are amazing. My boy will kill it at the game. They don’t really need me there. And as much as I would love to be part of their world, at the end of the day, I face myself … just me alone…. In the mirror. Am I looking tired? Is my digestion upside down again? My choice is to wait until a time with the family that works for everyone. And look after my own wellbeing as a number one priority. It feels scary just saying that out loud. Selfish. But this is hard won wisdom, my friend. Continually putting others first is draining, unrewarding and lonely. You wait for your turn and it never really shows up. The Next Step Make your own rules. Run your own life. Stop copying what someone else does or what the celebrity of the week says is life changing. When you start taking back your own life, you invest in activities and projects that are meaningful to you. And you have confidence that you will complete them because you know how to prioritize and set boundaries. If any of this resonates, I would love to talk more about applying this in your life. I have a masterclass you might find interesting that called “Midlife Weight, Sleep and Confidence without Diets, Drugs or Burning Out [https://mailchi.mp/cherylgordonyt/reset-midlife-weight]”. I’ll get you started on three basic steps that will help you reset your life. Get free, instant access. Until next time, please share this podcast with a friend who needs a boost. Like and subscribe so I know what content inspires you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com [https://cherylgordonyt.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

30 Days to a Calmer Home and Mind

What if the reason you feel overwhelmed… isn’t your hormones, your calendar, or your to-do list? What if it’s your kitchen counter? Or the drawer you avoid opening. Or the piles you’ve stopped seeing. Midlife has a way of amplifying everything. The brain rewiring is real. The anxiety is real. And when our external world feels chaotic, our nervous system follows. Here’s the truth: Physical clutter becomes mental clutter. Mental clutter becomes emotional weight. And emotional weight becomes body stress. That’s why this conversation matters. In this episode of The Midlife Reset Podcast, I sat down with professional organizer Tracy Hoth to talk about a simple, doable plan:30 days to a calmer home — using just one 15-minute daily decluttering habit. This isn’t about perfection. It’s about nervous system hygiene. And in midlife, that’s powerful. The Shame Behind the Clutter Tracy has been helping people create peaceful, organized homes since 2008. But her journey into this work began with something deeply human: shame. She once met a family whose children weren’t allowed to have friends over because of the state of their home. The mother felt embarrassed and stuck. When Tracy offered to help, they worked together room by room — and the transformation was more than physical. It lifted a weight. So many women believe they’re the only ones struggling. They think everyone else has it together. Meanwhile, half the world is quietly drowning in paper piles, overstuffed closets, and mental overwhelm. The isolation fuels stress. And stress fuels everything else. As I’ve learned through building my SHE Mindfulness program, chronic stress — especially in midlife — isn’t just emotional. It’s biochemical. Elevated cortisol levels affect sleep, weight, mood, and energy. And here’s what’s fascinating: research shows that clutter can raise stress levels even when we say it doesn’t bother us. Your nervous system knows. Small Shifts Create Big Change One of Tracy’s clients was caregiving for her husband, raising a teenager, and working full-time. Paper had taken over her home. She felt frozen. Instead of attacking the whole pile, Tracy gave her one small commitment: Sort five pieces of paper a day. That’s it. Five. The client’s thought shifted from “I’ll never get through this” to “I have a plan.” Over time, she sorted every piece of paper in her home. She created systems. She built confidence. Her entire family felt the difference. This is exactly what I teach inside the SHE Mindfulness Program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/]. We don’t overhaul everything overnight. We create small, embodied shifts. Consistency over intensity. Whether it’s regulating blood sugar, calming the nervous system, or decluttering a countertop — sustainable progress comes from doable daily practice. The 15-Minute Rule We tend to believe we need a full weekend — or a massive burst of motivation — to make progress. But 15 minutes is enough. You won’t declutter your entire garage in 15 minutes. But you can declutter one shelf. One category. One drawer. Tracy encourages choosing one focused area for 30 days — clothes, paper, a closet — and breaking it into micro-projects. You can divide by: * Category (tank tops, pants, shoes) * Or physical area (top shelf, left drawer, shoe cubby) Then follow her five-step system, which spells the word SPACE: S – SortP – PurgeA – Assign homesC – ContainE – Energize That final step matters most. Energize: The Step Most People Skip Energize means maintaining your space by tying it to something you already do. Every time you put laundry away, you tidy that drawer. Or before bed, you clear one portion of the counter. One of Tracy’s clients committed to keeping just a small section of her countertop clear. She did 10 minutes before bed every night. Then she added a second section. Momentum builds energy. And energy builds identity. You begin to see yourself differently. In the SHE Mindfulness Program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/], I call this self-leadership — stepping out of survival mode and into intentional action. In midlife, we are less tolerant of chaos. That’s not weakness. That’s awareness. Our nervous systems are more sensitive. Visual clutter becomes constant micro-stress. Creating systems is a form of nervous system care. You cannot meditate your way out of a chaotic environment. But you can build structures that support a calmer brain. Organizing as a Practice I loved something Tracy said: organizing is a practice — just like yoga. You don’t do yoga once and call it done.You don’t regulate your nervous system once and never revisit it.You don’t declutter once and expect life to stop happening. It’s a rhythm. And part of that rhythm is celebration. Ideas to celebrate wins include: * post before-and-after photos in community groups. * write down wins in a journal. * do a five-second happy dance. * One couple even keeps a glass jar and adds written “wins” every Friday, then reads them at the end of the year. In the SHE program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/], I encourage colourful sticky notes on the fridge — just like we celebrate children’s artwork. We deserve visible reminders of our progress, too. Celebration wires the brain for repetition. The Legacy Piece There’s another layer to this conversation. At some point, someone will have to go through our things. One of Tracy’s clients recently lost her father after caregiving for him. She shared something powerful: “Just don’t stop telling people to take care of their stuff before they go.” Grief is heavy enough. Decluttering isn’t just about aesthetics. It’s about legacy. It’s about lightening the load — for yourself now, and for those you love later. Letting go can be generous. Decluttering the Mind Perhaps the most powerful takeaway from our conversation was this: The same five steps work for your mind. Sort your thoughts.Purge what isn’t needed.Assign homes to tasks.Contain them in calendars or notebooks.Energize by reviewing and celebrating. When you walk into your kitchen and drop items on the counter, ask: Does this have a home? Or does it not have a home yet? Same with your thoughts. Do your worries have a place to land? Or are they just piling up in your nervous system? Decluttering your mind and decluttering your home are deeply connected practices. That’s why in the SHE Mindfulness program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/], we address all three layers: * Mind * Body * Environment Because everything talks to everything else. Where to Begin If you’re feeling paralyzed by clutter, start here: * Choose one small area. * Set a 15-minute timer. * Follow the SPACE steps. * Celebrate the win. Repeat tomorrow. You don’t need a mountain retreat. You need a timer and a drawer. When you reset your space, you reset your nervous system. That is midlife magic. Resources Tracy offers a free 15-minute Declutter Challenge [https://simplysquaredaway.com/bio/]that walks you through the SPACE steps, plus her Organized Life Academy for deeper, structured support. And if you’d like to explore how decluttering your environment connects to regulating stress, improving energy, and finding clarity in midlife, I invite you to watch my free masterclass on the SHE Mindfulness program. [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/] Because a calm home supports a calm mind. And a calm mind supports a vibrant body. And you deserve all three. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com [https://cherylgordonyt.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Your Doctor Might be Missing This

You wake up tired after a full night’s sleep. You feel anxious for no reason you can name. Your joints ache. Your memory feels foggy. You’ve gained weight even though you haven’t changed anything. Maybe your heart races unexpectedly, or you feel hot and then cold, or you just feel… shitty. And you go to the doctor, and maybe they don’t dismiss you right away. Maybe they run some tests, and then look at you and say — “Everything looks fine.” I know. So many of my clients have exactly this experience. Here’s what you need to know: you are not imagining it. You are not being dramatic. And there is a real, biological reason your body feels different. In this episode, you’ll get five strategies to get the treatment you need and start feeling yourself again. It’s Your Hormones. In your 40s — and for some women even earlier — your body starts producing less estrogen and progesterone. This is called perimenopause, and it can begin 8 to 10 years before your actual last period. I didn’t clue in at all that I was in this stage. Despite the heavy periods, sleeplessness and joint pain. Many women don’t. But here’s the thing about estrogen that most people don’t know: it’s not just a “reproductive hormone.” It affects your brain, your heart, your bones, your joints, your sleep, your mood, your metabolism, and your skin. So when estrogen starts fluctuating — not disappearing, but wildly fluctuating — it can affect all of those things at once. And because the symptoms are so varied, and because they often look like other things — depression, thyroid issues, anxiety, chronic fatigue — many women spend years going from specialist to specialist, never getting the full picture. You might have been told: “It’s just stress.” Or “This is just part of getting older.” Or “Your labs are normal.” What is Normal? Normal labs don’t always capture what’s happening hormonally, especially when you’re in perimenopause. Hormone levels can look “normal” on a single blood draw and still be causing real symptoms. Because hormones fluctuate constantly. And, in this stage, wildly. This is not a personal failing. This is a gap in how medicine was designed. Research on midlife women was woefully inadequate until very recently. I hear this from my clients all the time. They’re in perimenopause. They’re not in perimenopause. Based on some sort of lab test. But the doctor didn’t even really look at them! Or spent five minutes asking about their lives! And so many of my clients are like Norma. She did not have hot flashes. However, her mom had osteoporosis. And she was experiencing severe allergies, lethargy and weight gain. But because she didn’t complain of the hot flashes, her doctor didn’t investigate any further regarding hormone therapy. MHT can be really helpful for Norma’s other symptoms. Life saving even, in the case of bone density. But there was no curiosity or education. So Norma came away thinking hormones weren’t for her. And maybe they aren’t. But the question hasn’t been thoroughly explored, right? Symptoms your Doctor May be Missing Let’s walk through seven symptoms that are genuinely connected to hormonal changes — and that are very frequently dismissed or misdiagnosed. Now you’ll know when to push a little harder at the doctor’s for the answers you need. Number one: Brain fog. Difficulty concentrating, forgetting words mid-sentence, feeling like your mind just won’t cooperate. This is real. Estrogen plays a direct role in memory and cognitive function. Research shows that brain fog peaks in the transition phase and often improves afterward. Number two: Anxiety and mood changes. Many women describe developing anxiety for the first time in their lives in their late 40s or 50s. Others notice they feel tearful, irritable, or emotionally reactive in ways that don’t feel like them. This isn’t a personality change — it’s neurochemistry. Estrogen influences serotonin (a hormone that boosts a feeling of safety and connection), dopamine, and GABA (a neurotransmitter that assists concentration, calm and focus). When it fluctuates, so does your emotional regulation. In addition, the amygdala, which is the gland that decides whether you are under threat or not, gets trigger happy. Due to these chemical changes, the coating on the brain part literally gets thin skinned. Anxiety can show up differently at this stage than it did when you were younger. Maybe more anger. Insomnia. Or a generalized confusion or uncertainty. Every decision feels above your pay grade. Number three: Sleep disruption. Not just hot flashes waking you up — but the inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or reach deep sleep. Progesterone, which drops significantly in perimenopause, is naturally calming and sleep-promoting. When it falls, sleep often suffers. Because we are bombarded with warnings that sleep is so important, the anxiety (see number two!) Ramps up creating a vicious loop of exhaustion. In the SHE Mindfulness program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/], we deal with this problem in detail. There are videos to help you understand morning and evening routines as well as other lifestyle changes to set you up for smoother sleep (in other words, naturally boost progesterone production). And I show solid ways to deeply rest when insomnia is stubborn. These are the tools that I use almost every night to cope. Number four: Joint pain and muscle aches. This one surprises a lot of women. Estrogen has anti-inflammatory properties. When it drops, many women experience new aches — in the knees, hips, hands, even the jaw. If you’ve been told “it must be arthritis” but it started around the same time as other symptoms, keep pushing. It’s called the musculoskeletal syndrome of menopause. The puzzle pieces only came together a few years ago so many doctors are unaware that it is a medically verified condition. And a nod back to number three. Most of my clients report shoulder or hip pain getting worse at night when they try to sleep. A major contributor to insomnia. Rather than sleeping pills, maybe we should be looking at the root cause???? Number five: Weight changes — especially around the belly. Estrogen influences where your body stores fat. As it shifts, fat distribution tends to move toward the abdomen. I’ve done a number of podcasts on this. I’ll include some links in the show notes. Metabolism also slows due to muscle loss. This can happen even with no change in diet or activity — and it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Number six: Heart palpitations. Unexpected racing or fluttering heart. This is common and often alarming. In most cases during perimenopause it’s benign — but always get it checked. Once cardiac causes are ruled out, know that hormonal fluctuations can absolutely cause this. Number seven: Painful sex and urinary symptoms. The tissues of the vagina and bladder are estrogen-sensitive. As estrogen drops, these tissues can thin and dry — leading to discomfort during sex, increased UTIs, or urgency and leaking. This is called the genitourinary syndrome of menopause, and it’s very treatable — but many women are too embarrassed to bring it up, and many doctors don’t ask. For goodness sake, let’s talk about it! Vaginal estrogen (either a cream or insert) is basic health care for midlife women. It is extremely safe because the hormone stays locally in the vagina. And the symptoms will not get better with time. In fact they get worse. My grama had constant UTI’s as she aged. With the risk of sepsis, these infections are not only embarrassing and painful but deadly. I went off the cream because I went on full hormone therapy. But then I got a UTI. Back on girlfriend. In the SHE Mindfulness program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/], we have these kind of conversations in our group calls. It’s a supportive community where us women can get real answers. What to Say at the Doctor’s First: track your symptoms. Before your next doctor’s appointment, write down everything — not just the big ones, but the subtle ones too. When they happen, how often, how disruptive they are. Doctors respond to patterns. A list is harder to dismiss than a conversation. And I don’t know about you, but that brain fog makes my memory less reliable. My dad used to say “a short pencil is better than a long memory”. If you feel reluctant to have a laundry list for the doctor, pretend you’re appearing on behalf of your daughter or best friend. We can often find the assertive energy we need if we’re protecting someone we love. Of course, I would love you to be part of our SHE program so you learn to love and protect yourself in that same way. Second: ask specifically about perimenopause. Don’t wait for your doctor to bring it up. Say: “I’ve been reading about perimenopause and I think some of my symptoms might be connected to hormonal changes. Can we talk about that?” You are allowed to direct this conversation. Third: consider seeing a menopause specialist. Very few general practitioners have deep training in menopause management. Organizations like the Menopause Society [http://www.menopause.org] — formerly NAMS — have directories of certified practitioners. And some excellent patient papers that explain these symptoms is greater detail. You deserve someone who takes this seriously. And I know that when you’re feeling exhausted and embarrassed the last thing you need is going from appointment to appointment. But you deserve answers. Fourth: learn about your options. Treatment isn’t one-size-fits-all. For some women, lifestyle changes — sleep hygiene, strength training, reducing alcohol, managing stress — make a significant difference. For others, hormone therapy is a game changer. The research on MRT has evolved a lot since the early 2000s, and many of the fears around it have been revisited. This conversation comes up in our SHE group all the time. Fifth: be your own advocate. You know your body. If you leave an appointment feeling dismissed, you are allowed to get a second opinion. You are allowed to push back. You are allowed to say “I don’t think this is just stress.” Because here’s what I believe: a woman who understands what’s happening in her body is a woman who can make informed decisions for her own health. And that’s exactly what you deserve. And in closing…. For too long, women’s health experiences — especially in midlife — have been minimized. Symptoms have been attributed to anxiety, to aging, to “just being a woman.” And so many women have internalized that. They’ve started to doubt themselves. If that’s you — please hear me say: your experience is valid. Your body is communicating something real. And you deserve care that takes that seriously. You are not falling apart. You are going through one of the most significant biological transitions a human body can experience. And with the right information and the right support, you can feel like yourself again. I would love to be part of your transformation. The SHE Mindfulness program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/] is a comprehensive, step by step approach. We have education, community, support and practical tools all arranged for busy, exhausted women. If this video helped you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Leave me a comment and tell me — which symptom resonated most with you? I read every single one. PS: Please consider joining Norma and hundreds of other women who have used the SHE program [https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/] to rediscover their strength, confidence, energy and joy again. It draws from the time tested practices of yoga and mindfulness to provide solid solutions for menopausal hormone challenges. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com [https://cherylgordonyt.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Midlife transitions & the subconscious

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com [https://cherylgordonyt.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]