ZILLION TRILLION

Your Brain Is Not Supposed To Live Like This

There’s something deeply dystopian about the fact that even journaling has become aspirational content. Somewhere along the way, writing down your thoughts turned into another optimization ritual. Another thing women are supposed to do perfectly. Beautiful notebook. Perfect handwriting. Peaceful morning routine. No children screaming in the background. No notifications. No real life. Which is why this conversation with Laura Rubin [https://substack.com/profile/337745177-laura-rubin] genuinely changed the way I think about journaling. Not because she romanticizes it, but because she completely strips the performance out of it. We talk about overthinking, anxiety, emotional spirals, indecision, nervous system overwhelm, and why most of us are no longer cognitively capable of the wellness routines we keep trying to force ourselves into. She explains why journaling is less about “dear diary” introspection and more about organizing thought before your brain organizes chaos for you instead. Laura also shares the exact prompts she uses when you feel reactive, stuck, emotionally flooded, disconnected from yourself, or unable to figure out what you actually want anymore beneath all the noise. But honestly, the moment that stayed with me most was when she described asking a room full of successful women to simply write down things they liked and one of them realizing she genuinely no longer knew. Not loved, liked.And I think that says something pretty devastating about the moment we’re living in. This episode felt less like productivity advice and more like permission. Permission to stop trying to do wellness perfectly. Permission to slow your brain down long enough to actually hear yourself think again. If your brain has felt loud lately, I think you’ll love this one. When was the last time you sat quietly long enough to hear what you actually think? BUY THE BOOK HERE [https://go.shopmy.us/p-55687565] Connect with LAURA: INSTAGRAM [https://www.instagram.com/lauralrubin/] SUBSTACK [https://lauralivingstonrubin.substack.com/] * if this hit, restack it, heart, comment( that’s how new people actually find me here) paid subs are what keep this thing going. if you’ve been thinking about it, here’s your sign 💛 * Get full access to Zillion Trillion at zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe [https://zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

I Booked a Spirit Baby Medium. I Was Not Prepared.

The babies you can almost feel before they get here. The ones you swear you knew before any positive test. The little one you’ve been quietly carrying around in your body for years that nobody else can see. That feeling we’ve all been trained to dismiss as wishful thinking, hormones, projection: anything but what it actually might be. This week, I’m sitting down with Kelly Meehan Brown, the woman who literally invented the term spirit baby medium. For over a decade she has been speaking to babies before they come, in conception, in miscarriage, in IVF, in pregnancy, and in all the in-between spaces we don’t have a real language for yet. We talk about miscarriage as embodied death, why over-intervention is a real thing nobody warns you about, what babies actually look like in spirit form, soul personalities, birth imprints, why 43 isn’t the cliff we’ve been sold, the difference emotional support statistically makes on a fertility journey, and how grief lives in the body when we refuse to tend to it. She also reads me on the podcast. About the daughter I’ve been feeling for years. I have not fully recovered. It’s wild, it’s grounding, it’s a little disorienting in the best possible way, and exactly the kind of conversation I needed right now. If you’ve ever felt a child before they came, lost one, been told to “just relax,” or been quietly waiting for a soul that hasn’t shown up yet, this one is for you. BUY THE BOOK HER [https://go.shopmy.us/p-55310282]E Connect with Kelly on Instagram at @spiritbabymedium [https://www.instagram.com/spiritbabymedium/] Listen to her podcast Spirit Baby Radio [https://www.newearthchildren.com/spirit-baby-radio] Visit her website HERE [https://newearthchildren.com] *Tap the heart (it helps more people find this) — and send it to a friend who’d get it.* Get full access to Zillion Trillion at zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe [https://zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

The Girlboss Hangover

We need to talk about ambition. Not the clean, empowering, girlboss version we were sold. The shinier, more socially acceptable kind. The one that got dressed up as freedom, identity, feminism, self-worth, and proof that we were doing life correctly. The one so many of us built ourselves around, only to wake up one day exhausted, underwhelmed, and quietly wondering why getting everything we thought we wanted still didn’t feel like enough. This week, I’m talking to Amil about motherhood, work, burnout, feminism, identity, and the very unsettling possibility that a lot of what we were taught to want was never actually designed to make us happy in the first place. We talk about the ambition trap, the guilt of wanting a slower life, the impossible standard of being fully present at work and fully present at home, and why so many women still feel like they are failing inside systems that were built to make them fail. We also get into social media, IVF, the politics of modern motherhood, and the strange cultural moment we are in where women are constantly being asked to defend whatever choice they make. It’s honest, nuanced, a little existential, and exactly the kind of conversation that makes you look at your life differently after it’s over. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re burnt out, disillusioned, ungrateful, or just finally seeing the game for what it is, this one is for you. BUY THE BOOK HERE [https://go.shopmy.us/p-41036489] Connect with Amil on Instagram at Amil Niazi [https://www.instagram.com/amilniazi/] Read her columns for the cut HERE [https://www.thecut.com/author/amil-niazi/] *Tap the heart (it helps more people find this) — and send it to a friend who’d get it.* Get full access to Zillion Trillion at zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe [https://zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

"I Trained for Space. Nothing Prepared Me for This."

There are very few people who can say they trained to go to space—and even fewer who will tell you that nothing prepared them for early motherhood. In this episode, I sit down with Katya Echazarreta [https://www.instagram.com/katvoltage], [https://www.instagram.com/katvoltage] the first Mexican-born woman to travel to space, to talk about the parts of motherhood no one warns you about; not in books, not on TikTok, not even in the most thorough “research spirals.” We talk about exhaustion that rewires your psychology, the mental weight of missing milestones you can’t schedule, and the moment when your entire definition of success quietly collapses and reforms. Katya opens up about how becoming a mother forced her to radically reorganize her life, her work, and her relationship to ambition. About choosing presence over prestige. About saying no without apology. About why productivity didn’t disappear, it sharpened. We also go deep on something that genuinely caught me off guard: RSV. What it is, why so many parents don’t know about it, how easy it is to underestimate, and why prevention—not panic—matters. This part alone is worth listening to if you have a baby in your life. At its core, this conversation isn’t about space. It’s about what we think we’re striving for, what actually sustains us, and how motherhood strips away the noise until only the essential remains. If you’ve ever felt torn between who you were and who you’re becoming, or wondered whether you’re allowed to want less and mean it, this one is for you. Connect with Katya on Instagram at @katvoltage [https://www.instagram.com/katvoltage]Explore the Foundation : https://maccapani.store/La Fundación Espacial Katya Echazarreta [https://www.fundacionespacial.com/conoce] *Tap the heart (it helps more people find this) — and send it to a friend who’d get it.* Get full access to Zillion Trillion at zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe [https://zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

You Didn’t Fail. The Plan Fell Apart.

There’s a version of womanhood that looks good on paper. The right partner. The right timing. The right balance. The right plan. And then there’s real life. In this episode I sit down with Margherita to talk about what happens when everything you carefully built gets taken away and what grows in its place. We talk about motherhood guilt that doesn’t make sense but won’t leave about raising boys without suffocating them about being let go before you’re ready and about the quiet power of letting go when life forces your hand. This isn’t a redemption arc or a reinvention fantasy. It’s a conversation about becoming more yourself in your 40s than you ever were in your 20s. About choosing fulfillment over perfection. About trusting the process even when you hate that advice. If you’re in the middle of a life unraveling this one’s for you. If you’re carrying guilt you can’t quite explain questioning old plans or realizing that the version of success you were sold doesn’t fit anymore this conversation will feel uncomfortably familiar in the best way. We talk about faith without religion independence without isolation and why sometimes life has to take things from you before it gives you what you actually need. We talk about building a brand from the ground up dressing women for real lives and modeling happiness not perfection for our kids. No answers. No five step frameworks. Just an honest conversation about motherhood identity taste and learning to trust that life knows best even when you don’t. Connect with Margherita on Instagram at @margheritamissoni [https://www.instagram.com/mmmargherita/?hl=en]Explore the brand : https://maccapani.store/MACCAPANI [https://maccapani.store/]Shop Margherita’s curated gift guide HERE [https://go.shopmy.us/p-36031494] *Tap the heart (it helps more people find this) — and send it to a friend who’d get it.* Get full access to Zillion Trillion at zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe [https://zilliontrillion.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]