Cracks In Time The Podcast

Car Writing, Burnout, and Finally Moving Forward

Prefer the video version? Click here to watch [https://youtu.be/OealREQbntc] 🎥 As you can see… we are in a totally different location today. We are in my car. {if you listening or reading just imagine me in a car 🤣} Because I am a busy mom. I’m at co-op for my daughter. My son isn’t big enough yet, so… car it is. This is where we’re working today. And today we’re talking all things my book. First of all—side note—this is like my fourth computer case. My kids keep breaking them. Thank God for cases because my laptop would not have survived at this point. Anyways. We are remote working on my book today, and I wanted to give you guys an update because… I’m actually writing again. I sent my book to my editor—I think in January? I honestly don’t even remember at this point. But it’s been a while since I’ve really sat down and looked at it. So if you’re new here—hi. My name is Ash Kairie. I am writing a romantic paranormal dystopian fantasy. Yes… it’s a mouthful.Yes… it’s confusing.Yes… it makes my life slightly miserable. But I love it. I love the story. I love the characters. I love what it’s doing. It’s just… a beast. This is my debut novel, and I really said go big or go home… which maybe was a choice. Because I’ve had to reevaluate this book so many times. It was originally supposed to be a six book series. Halfway through writing it, I decided: nope. One book. Why? Because I was so over it. I wanted to go write contemporary romance instead (which is still the plan after this). But this book needs to be finished. I paid my editor. We’re committed. We’re in it. Right now, we’re a little over halfway through. * Chapters 1–10 → basically solid * Chapters 11–20 → lots of “white room syndrome” If you don’t know what that is—it just means your characters are talking, but nothing around them feels real. No environment, no grounding, no sensory detail. Just floating dialogue. Which sounds scary, but honestly… that’s an easy fix. So I’m not too worried about it. What I have been struggling with… is actually writing. I’ve had the go-ahead for weeks. And I just… haven’t touched it. Because the truth is? I’m over writing this book. Not because I don’t love it. I do. But because it’s complex. It’s heavy. It’s layered. There are so many moving pieces. Even after simplifying it ten times—it’s still a lot. And my main character? She sounds nothing like me. She’s clipped. Calculated. Controlled. And I am… not that. So writing in her voice takes effort. BUT. Yesterday? I sat down and wrote three chapters. Are they rough? Yes.Are they complete? Absolutely not.Are they enough to keep moving? Yes. And that’s the goal. I want to push through the next ten chapters, then go back and refine. I need that distance so I can actually see what’s working and what’s not. Right now I’m in this weird space between developmental editing and line editing. We started that way because I had two main issues: * Overwriting * Not staying on track Scenes have always been the hardest thing for me. I understand what a scene is. Beginning, middle, end. I get it. But when I go to write one? My brain just… short circuits. Same thing with outlining. If I outline too much, my brain goes, “cool, the book is done,” and then I don’t want to write it anymore. I don’t know if it’s ADHD. I don’t know what it is. But it slows me down. A lot. But now? We’re at a turning point. My editor is like:“We need MORE.” Which is actually a good problem to have. Adding is so much easier than cutting. And I finally understand that now. So the plan is: Finish writing the book → send the rest to my editor → go through edits → hopefully be done. I want this book published this year. I don’t know if that will happen. I don’t even have a cover yet. But I do have a title… and I love it. I’m just not sharing it yet because things can still change. Story-wise, we are officially past the midpoint. Something big happened. Something the main character did not want to happen. She made a choice—her first real choice—and then immediately… that choice gets ripped away. So now she’s in that place of: “I’m still choosing this. Even if everything is falling apart.” Which complicates everything. We’re in Act 2B now. We know a lot—but not everything. And from here to Act 3? It gets chaotic. Act 3A → all the answersAct 3B → okay… now what? How do we live with this? I have all the major beats mapped out. Not in a super rigid outline, but enough structure to keep me from accidentally ending up in Neverland in a story where Neverland does not exist. Because yes—my brain will do that. And for the first time in a long time… it’s working. Writing those three chapters showed me that. I know where the story is going. I know what needs to happen. I just have to sit down and do it. But also? I’m tired. I’ve been working on this book for three years. And this is why authors always say—if you’re stuck, go write something else for a bit. I don’t have that option right now. I’m working with an editor. We are past that stage. We are in the “we need to finish this” stage. And I will finish it. So if you’re in the same place? * If you’re stuck → try something new, switch projects, shake it up * If you’re working with an editor → I see you. I feel you. We’re in this together. This book will get written. It has to. Because it’s a good story. I love it. I love the characters. I’m just… ready to be done writing it. Also—quick note on filming. You might see more car videos like this. Because honestly? This is the most realistic time for me to film right now. Two kids. Busy life. Trying to balance everything. So if the background changes sometimes… just know we’re making it work. Thank you for being here. Truly. Watching this grow—even slowly—means everything to me. I know it’s still small. But I’m so grateful for every single one of you. This started as a diary for myself… and now people are actually watching. That’s wild to me. If you have questions—about my book, my process, my journey, anything—drop them below. Maybe I’ll do a Q&A soon. And I’ll be back next week with hopefully more progress. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Finally Like My Book (And It Only Took 3 Years)

I don’t think I’ve actually talked about my book. Like really talked about it. The story.The process.The absolute chaos it took to get here. So… let’s talk about it. Because for the first time since I started this journey, I can finally say: I’m excited about my book. If you would much rather watch this click here. [https://youtu.be/wLBJBXQhfFc] The Truth? It Wasn’t Always Like This For almost four years… This book has been the bane of my existence. I wrote the first draft. It was trash. And listen—before anyone comes for me—first drafts are supposed to be trash. But this one? Extra trash. Even the early edits? Still trash. My editor was kind about it (bless her), but the reality was: There was no structure.No real foundation.Just vibes and chaos. And honestly? That’s part of the process. Because what I have now? Is something I’m genuinely proud of. This Book Was an Accident I did not set out to become an author. This book wasn’t planned.It wasn’t some lifelong dream. It just… happened. And now here we are, years later, with a story that has been rewritten, torn apart, rebuilt, and reshaped into something completely different than what it started as. What I’m Writing (Without Giving Everything Away) My debut novel (currently under a placeholder title 👀) is a: Romantic. Paranormal. Dystopian. Fantasy. Yes. All of that. It’s genre-bending, which is both: * Really fun * And really annoying (especially when it comes to things like covers and marketing) The World The story takes place in a world called Ameridon, where there’s an island called Rhea. Rhea is where hybrids go. Hybrids = people with multiple supernatural abilities. And they’re sent there young—like babies—to learn control. Because without it? They’re volatile. Dangerous. Unstable. Everything at Rhea is built around one goal: Ascension. Graduate. Prove you’re stable.Earn your place back in the world. The Main Character Demi. She’s: * The top student * Controlled * Calculated * Morally gray (but not dark-dark) She knows how to play the system. Not for power. But to protect the people she loves. Because her best friend? Is one mistake away from being sent somewhere worse. The Catalyst Everything is fine. Until her best friend disappears. And suddenly? Nothing is what it seemed. The Vibes (aka Tropes We Love) Because I know you care about this part: * Found family * Enemies to lovers * “I choose you” romance * Control vs love * Dark academia energy * Hidden manipulation * System vs truth And yes… It’s dark.Moody.Chaotic. In the best way. The Characters (My Favorite Part) This is where it gets fun. Because the dynamics? Elite. We’ve got: * Demi – controlled, clipped, hard to write because she is not me * Jaxxon – sunshine chaos in a 7-foot dragon-shifter body * Heximus – dark, moody, grumpy (we love him) * Maeve – calm, calculating, slightly detached * Luna – pure chaos gremlin energy * Juniper – chaotic, playful, unpredictable * Hailynn – structured, mother-hen, rule follower They’re all different. But somehow they work. And writing their dynamics? Is one of my favorite parts of this entire process. The Turning Point For the longest time, something wasn’t working. We couldn’t figure out what. The story almost fit—but not quite. Until my editor asked: “What if it had a military structure?” And suddenly— Everything clicked. The world made sense.The villain made sense.Demi made sense. It was like all the puzzle pieces finally snapped into place. Where I’m At Now Right now: * Chapters 1–10 → solid (just needs standard edits) * Chapters 11–20 → strong, but needs more depth (hello, white room syndrome) * The rest → ready to be written And for the first time? It feels like a real book. Not a mess I’m trying to fix. But a story I’m building. The Emotional Reality I almost quit. Multiple times. I even took a long break because something just wasn’t clicking. And here’s the thing I learned: You’re not failing if you pause. You’re not failing if you step back. You’re not failing if you need time to figure it out. You only fail if you quit. What Comes Next Now I’m: * Writing the second half of the book * Editing the first half alongside my editor * Figuring out a cover (pray for me 😅) And trying—really trying—to give myself grace with the timeline. Because I want it done this year. But also? I want it done right. Final Thought This book is not what it started as. Not even close. But maybe that’s the point. Because writing isn’t about getting it right the first time. It’s about staying long enough to figure it out. If You’re Here With Me… If this story sounds like something you’d read— Tell me. Because I’m finally at a point where I’m excited. And I want to share that energy with people who get it. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

What It Actually Looks Like to Be a Writer in 2026

Let’s talk about what it really means to be a writer. Not the polished, aesthetic version.Not the “I’ve had a dream since I was five and have a creative writing degree” version. I mean the real one. The everyday, average, chaotic version. The stay-at-home, homeschool, juggling-life-and-ideas kind of writer. Because here’s the truth: Anyone can write a book. And I don’t mean that lightly. If you would rather watch this instead of listening or reading please click here [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt2FMIu1eQc]. The Myth of “Real Writers” There’s this weird, quiet gatekeeping in the writing world. Like you have to: * Have a degree * Have been writing your whole life * Have some deep, poetic origin story But it’s 2026. If you have an idea—even just a tiny one—that won’t leave you alone? You can write a book. That’s it. That’s the requirement. An idea that keeps whispering what if… Start Before You Feel Ready If you’re sitting there thinking: “It would be cool if…”“I wonder what would happen if…” That’s your sign. Write the book. Even if it’s just for fun.Even if no one ever reads it.Even if it’s messy. Because a lot of careers start as hobbies. Let’s Be Honest About Money I need to say this clearly: Do not start writing because you think it will make you rich. Could it? Yes.Does it for some people? Yes. But for most? It’s slow. It’s inconsistent. And it’s expensive. You could: * Spend thousands on editing * Pay for covers, formatting, software * Invest time, energy, literal tears And then… Make about $1 per book sale. Sometimes less. That’s the reality no one glamorizes. Writing in 2026 = Chaos Let’s just call it what it is: It’s a battlefield. You’re navigating: * Books marketed as romance that are… not really romance * AI-generated books flooding the market * Debates about what is “real writing” * Pricing struggles and platform payouts It’s loud. It’s messy. It’s confusing. And you’re just over here trying to tell a story. The AI Conversation (Real Talk) I’m not here to scream “AI is evil.” Because let’s be honest: If you use tools like grammar checkers or editing software…That’s AI. But here’s where I stand: 👉 Use tools to assist, not replace.👉 Learn the craft yourself.👉 Don’t outsource your voice. Because writing isn’t just output. It’s skill.It’s growth.It’s learning how to tell a story that actually feels like something. And you don’t get that by skipping the work. The Cost No One Talks About Writing a book isn’t just writing. It’s: * Editing * Covers * Formatting * Marketing * Shipping (if you sell physical copies) * Websites * Platforms You could easily invest thousands before making a dollar. And sometimes? It takes years to make that money back. The Truth About Getting Better Your first book probably won’t be your best. Actually—hopefully it’s not. Because every book should be better than the last. That’s the goal. And the only way to get there? Practice. Messy drafts.Bad sentences.Rewrites. Growth. What You Actually Need to Start Let me simplify this for you: You do not need fancy tools. You need: * Google Docs * Your brain * An idea That’s it. Everything else? Optional. How I Write (Because This Matters) I am not a strict plotter. I’ve tried it. My brain said no. So I: * Start with a loose idea * Dump words onto the page * Walk away * Come back and fix the chaos It’s messy. But writing is figuring it out. Not executing perfection. If You’re Thinking About Writing… Here’s what I want you to take from all of this: * Do your research—but don’t overthink it * Don’t expect instant success * Don’t rely on shortcuts * Don’t wait until you feel “ready” Just start. Because you don’t actually know what you’re capable of until you try. My Honest Timeline I thought I could write a book in a month. I did. It was terrible. It’s taken me three years to get to where I am now. And I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Because now? I understand: * Structure * Scenes * Process * Craft And that didn’t come from shortcuts. It came from doing the work. Final Thought If you have an idea… Write the book. Even if: * No one reads it * It never gets published * It’s messy and imperfect Because somewhere out there? There is someone who would love your story. And you’ll never find them if you never write it. Tell Me If you’re writing your debut novel… Tell me what it’s about. I want to hear it. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Faith Ruined My Author Career (But Maybe in the Best Way)

Welcome back to another week. This is one of those posts I’ve debated writing. Because once it’s out there… I can’t take it back. And if I’m being honest, part of me feels like I’m not qualified to say any of this. Which is a weird place to be—feeling something deeply, but questioning whether you’re allowed to speak on it. But here’s the truth: My faith has changed my author career. Not in a bad way.Just… not in the way I planned. If you want to watch the video version: Click Here [https://youtu.be/Hf2eoZ_j5qA] The Version of Me I Thought I’d Be I started writing my first book in 2022. A romantic paranormal dystopian fantasy.With spice. And like most first drafts—it was trash.(Which is normal, but at the time I didn’t know that.) I didn’t know structure.I didn’t know plotting.I didn’t know anything, really. The last four years have been me learning how to write, how to think like an author, how to actually finish something. But more recently? Something else started shaping me. The Part I Ran From Faith has always been complicated for me. I have a rough past.A lot of trauma.And for a long time, my question was simple: Why would God allow that? So I ran. But about a year ago, something shifted. Not because I suddenly had answers—but because my kids started asking questions I didn’t have answers for. And then life hit. Hard. Everything started breaking all at once: * Roof * Hot water heater * Floors * Garbage disposal * Microwave * Fridge * Sewer line One thing after another. And I watched my husband carry it all—financially, emotionally—while also supporting my dream of becoming an author. I could see the weight on him. And I felt… lost. The Night Everything Changed One night, I prayed. Not a polished prayer. Not a “good” one. Just honest. “You don’t owe me anything.But if we’re supposed to stay here…If I’m supposed to homeschool…If I’m supposed to write…If this is the path—fix the fridge. If not… don’t.” The fridge was still broken when I went to bed. The next morning? It worked. And I just sat there like— Okay… I hear you. Then we opened our Bible study… And instead of continuing where we were, it jumped to the story of Job. Then later that day, a verse: “Ask and you shall receive…” It felt like confirmation stacked on confirmation. So we leaned in. And Then Everything Got… Quieter Not perfect. Not easy. But calmer. More grounded. More clear. We started going to church.Reading daily.Building something we didn’t even know we were missing. And in the middle of all that— I went back to my book. The Scene That Broke Everything I hit a spice scene. Wrote it. And something felt… off. Not wrong in a moral, rule-based way. Just… misaligned. So I set it aside. Came back weeks later. Still off. Then I noticed something else: Everything I was reading with spice? Started giving me the ick. So I switched to closed-door romance. And something in me relaxed. That’s when it hit: Maybe I’m not supposed to write spice. The Decision That Changed Everything So I made a choice. I’m removing the spice. From this book.From future books. And the moment I decided that? I felt peace. The Fear That Came With It And then immediately— Fear. Because let’s be real: BookTok = spice.The market = spice.Everything feels like it’s pushing in that direction. So my thoughts went straight to: * “No one’s going to buy my books.” * “I’m limiting myself.” * “Am I ruining my career before it even starts?” And then something wild happened. My entire algorithm shifted. Everywhere. * Clean romance readers * Authors writing without spice * A whole audience I didn’t even know existed And I realized: There is space here. The Moment That Made Me Feel Less Crazy Then I saw a video from Kelsey Humphreys. She’s established. Successful. Making great money. And she said she’s removing the spice from her books. On purpose. Because it no longer aligned. And I just sat there thinking: Okay. I’m not alone. Let Me Be Clear About One Thing I’m not writing Christian romance. I’m writing: Contemporary romance with no spice. There’s a difference. My stories will still have: * Messy people * Real struggles * Faith elements (especially people wrestling with it) * Emotional depth * Happily ever afters Just… no spice. So Yeah… Faith Ruined My Author Career At least the version I thought I was building. The dark romance path.The expectations.The plan. It’s gone. But honestly? I think what’s replacing it is better. Not easier. Not safer. But more aligned. Where I’m Going From Here My debut? Still happening. (I’ve invested too much to walk away.) But after that? I’m writing stories about: * Women in their 30s+ * Real life, not fantasy bodies or unrealistic expectations * Love that exists without needing explicit scenes to carry it Because that’s what I want to read now. And If I’m Being Honest… I’m still scared. Scared of being put in a box.Scared people won’t get it.Scared I’m doing this wrong. But I also feel something I didn’t before: Peace. And right now? That matters more than the plan I had. If You’re In This Too… If something in your process feels off… If you feel like you’re forcing yourself into a version of success that doesn’t fit anymore… If you’re quietly questioning everything— You’re not alone. I’m right there with you. If you’re here for the long haul—for writing, motherhood, homeschooling, building something in the cracks of time— stay. We’re figuring this out together. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Am a Writer. But Homeschool Comes First.

🎥 Prefer to watch? The full video version is here: Watch Here [https://youtu.be/7ubG47cYax0] I am a writer. But homeschool comes first. And that feels heavy to say out loud. Because I want to be taken seriously as an author. I want to be seen as disciplined. Focused. Committed. Professional. But the reality of my life — the actual, honest-to-God reality — is that in this season, homeschool comes first. And that changes everything. Why That Feels So Heavy It feels heavy because I don’t have unlimited time. I don’t have eight uninterrupted hours at a desk. I don’t have four. I don’t even always have a guaranteed two. My writing doesn’t live in long, luxurious blocks of time. It lives in the cracks. And when you look around at other authors — especially online — it’s easy to slip into comparison. We know how some authors write because they share their process. We know how Brandon Sanderson writes. We’ve heard bits and pieces of other authors’ routines. But I’m not Brandon Sanderson. I don’t live his life.I don’t live J.K. Rowling’s life.I don’t have their circumstances. And neither do you. Maybe you have five kids.Maybe you have ten.I have a friend with baby number twelve on the way. Our time constraints are different.Our breathing room is different.Our seasons are different. Comparison is pointless. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting sometimes. The Shift I Had to Make This part is hard to admit. There was a stretch where I was prioritizing my book over my kids. Not neglecting them — that’s not the right word. But not prioritizing them. And in October, something shifted. I started a 365-day Bible study. I’m about 140 days in now. My husband and I both started re-evaluating everything — our priorities, our rhythms, the way we structure our lives. And my order became very clear: God first.My husband.My children.Then everything else. And that means homeschool comes before writing. Because my kids are little.They need guidance.They need coaching.They need presence. And I adore them. They are not a side quest in my life. They are the main story. Ambition vs. Priority Here’s the tension. I am deeply ambitious. I have multiple degrees.I was a teacher for five years.I overcompensated in education because of the life I came from. I come from trauma.I come from very little.And I built, built, built to prove something. So yes — I am ambitious. I have twenty-four books planned. Twenty-four. They live in my notes app and my brain and occasionally wake me up at night. I want to write emotional stories.Stories where people come from trauma and brokenness.Stories where love wins.Stories where healing is messy but real. I don’t need to be a global phenomenon. I just want to sit in my little room and write books that people love. But ambition does not override priority. And that’s the lesson I’m learning. Ambition says:“Do more. Publish faster. Push harder.” Priority says:“Be present. Show up. Raise your children well.” And they can coexist. It just might look slower than you imagined. Creating in the Cracks I call this whole thing “In the Cracks.” Because that’s where everything happens. I shower in the cracks.I clean in the cracks.I write in the cracks. My Substack? In the cracks.My YouTube? In the cracks.My novel? Definitely in the cracks. Quiet time.Early mornings.Late nights. I wake up at 4:30 a.m. because if I don’t, the day runs away from me. And yes, it’s early.No, I don’t like it.But it’s the only way I get time where no one is calling my name mid-sentence. Because every writer knows: You’re vibing.You’re in the flow.And then — “Mom?” Gone. The sentence evaporates. The Slump I haven’t touched my book since December. There. I said it. I finished drafting. Now I need to reread and edit before sending it to my editor. But we had: * A new baby born into the family * The holidays * A brutal round of sickness * A complete homeschool system overhaul And I started beating myself up. “You’re lazy.”“You’re behind.”“You’re failing.” But I wasn’t lazy. I was prioritizing. I revamped our homeschool system.I stopped overthinking curriculum.I finally accepted that what we’re using works. (My kids are above grade level. They’re thriving. I need to stop acting like I’m failing.) We’ve been in a smooth rhythm for a week now. That’s a win. My Writing Is Shaped by My Real Life I’m almost four years into working on my debut novel. Four. There are people who publish ten books in that time. There are people who rapid release.People who move fast.People who have systems. And then there’s me. Learning.Experimenting.Figuring out my process.Writing a romantic paranormal dystopian fantasy (because apparently I enjoy making things harder for myself). My process is slower. But it’s mine. And motherhood is not something I’m apologizing for. Motherhood made me softer.Stronger.Closer to God.More emotionally aware.A cycle breaker in my family. I am not repeating what was done to me. And I wouldn’t even be writing if I hadn’t quit teaching — which I only did because of my kids. They are not in the way of my author career. They are the reason it exists. If You’re in a Season If you’re taking care of children…Or elderly parents…Or working a nine-to-five…Or rebuilding your life… You are not behind. You are in a season. And seasons change. Maybe in ten years I’ll look back at this and laugh. Maybe I’ll have two books published.Maybe I’ll have a hundred. Maybe I’ll just have peace. But I want to remember this version of me. The one in the trenches.The one waking up at 4:30.The one creating in the cracks.The one refusing to apologize for motherhood. If any part of this resonated with you — you are seen. You don’t have to apologize for the season you’re in. We’re still building. Just… a little differently. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]