How to Be a Person

Internal Family Systems, Shadow Work, and Human Darkness | Tina Estrella

What happens when the parts of yourself you’re trying hardest to suppress are actually the parts running your life? In this episode, Giuliano sits down with Existential Kink coach and Internal Family Systems practitioner Tina Estrella for a conversation about shadow work, self-sabotage, nervous systems, trauma patterns, and the darker sides of human psychology that most people avoid talking about openly. The conversation explores the core ideas behind Internal Family Systems (IFS), including the concept that we’re not just one singular personality, but a collection of “parts” shaped by childhood experiences, emotional survival, fear, desire, shame, protection, and conditioning. Tina explains how many of the behaviors people consciously want to stop (procrastination, addiction, toxic relationship patterns, emotional shutdown, self-sabotage, rage, insecurity, people-pleasing, even destructive impulses) may actually be unconscious strategies designed to create safety, belonging, or control. Giuliano and Tina also get into the idea of “Existential Kink,” which suggests that some part of us may unconsciously enjoy or identify with the very patterns we say we want to escape. That leads into a much larger conversation about human darkness, repression, shadow integration, religion, social conditioning, trauma, BDSM, nervous system regulation, and why trying to become a purely “good” person may actually create more fragmentation internally instead of less. The second half of the conversation moves into topics most people are too uncomfortable to discuss publicly. They explore how shame, suppression, and disowned parts of the psyche can distort human behavior, including conversations around addiction, violence, sexual pathology, and collective outrage culture online. Rather than approaching these subjects from a simplistic “good vs bad” lens, the episode looks at the deeper psychological mechanisms underneath destructive behavior and why honest conversations around human nature matter. The episode also touches on feminism, patriarchy, social media discourse, collective nervous system dysregulation, communication breakdowns online, and the growing tendency for people to reduce nuanced conversations into black-and-white thinking. This is one of those conversations that gets philosophical, psychological, uncomfortable at times… and very human. Whether you’re already familiar with Internal Family Systems and shadow work or hearing these ideas for the first time, this episode will probably challenge the way you think about identity, healing, accountability, and the hidden parts of yourself that may be shaping your life more than you realize. And if you enjoy this episode, hit subscribe to drop in on more of these conversations. https://linktr.ee/tinaestrella [https://linktr.ee/tinaestrella] How to Be a Person: ⁠https://howtobeaperson.co [https://howtobeaperson.co] Support the show: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno [https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno] Life insurance: ⁠https://life.howtobeaperson.co [https://life.howtobeaperson.co] Want to be a guest on How to Be a Person? Send Giuliano Grimaudo a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b [https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b] Please note: Links may be affiliated and may pay me a commission.

The Internet Is Rewiring Human Relationships | John Kai Wallis

Why does the internet make people feel more divided, more suspicious of each other, and more disconnected from real human connection? And what happens when online identity starts replacing real-life experience? In this conversation, Giuliano sits down with relationship mentor John Kai Wallis to unpack the hidden psychological forces shaping modern relationships, online culture, identity, trauma, and the way social media is influencing how we see each other. What starts as a conversation about a Threads comment quickly turns into a much deeper exploration of echo chambers, ideology, parenting, emotional safety, dating culture, and the human need to belong to something bigger than ourselves. John shares his perspective on “The Love Map,” the unconscious emotional blueprint that shapes who we’re attracted to, what feels familiar in relationships, and why so many people unknowingly repeat the same painful patterns over and over again. The conversation explores how childhood experiences, unresolved emotional wounds, and online reinforcement loops can distort the way people view intimacy, men, women, and even humanity itself. They also talk about the growing divide between online interactions and real-life human connection, why social media algorithms seem to reward outrage and tribalism, and how many people are building entire identities around ideological movements without realizing it. Giuliano and John discuss modern dating culture, the psychology behind internet dogpiling and blocking culture, why people become emotionally attached to certain beliefs, and what happens when disagreement starts feeling like a personal threat. The conversation eventually moves into parenting, emotional regulation, trauma, and the pressure modern parents feel to “do everything right.” Giuliano opens up about becoming a father, while John shares his thoughts on presence, repair, and why raising emotionally resilient children may have less to do with perfect techniques and more to do with authenticity, emotional honesty, and allowing kids to fully become themselves. This episode is thoughtful, philosophical, deeply human, and filled with the kind of honest conversation that feels increasingly rare online. And if you enjoy this episode, hit subscribe to drop in on more of these conversations. https://www.instagram.com/johnkaiwallis/ [https://www.instagram.com/johnkaiwallis/] How to Be a Person: ⁠https://howtobeaperson.co [https://howtobeaperson.co] Support the show: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno⁠ [https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno⁠] Life insurance: ⁠https://life.howtobeaperson.co [https://life.howtobeaperson.co] Want to be a guest on How to Be a Person? Send Giuliano Grimaudo a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b [https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b] Please note: Links may be affiliated and may pay me a commission.

The Personality Framework That’s Stayed Relevant for 20 Years | Marita Littauer

Most personality tests tell you who you are. This conversation with Marita Littauer explores what to actually do with that information. Marita is the author of Wired That Way, a personality framework that has remained relevant for more than 20 years in a world where most self-help trends disappear almost overnight. In this episode, she breaks down the four core personality types, why people are naturally drawn to their opposites, and how understanding personality differences can completely change the way we approach relationships, communication, marriage, parenting, and even work. The conversation also dives into the surprising history behind the framework itself. Marita shares how her father created the original personality profile nearly 60 years ago, how her mother Florence Littauer helped popularize the concept through speaking and writing, and how growing up around that world shaped her own work as an author and speaker. She also reflects on writing 20 books, the evolution of publishing, why so many self-published books fail to find an audience, and why speaking about your ideas before writing about them may be one of the smartest things an aspiring author can do. Along the way, there’s a bigger conversation underneath all of it: the idea that many relationship problems come from expecting other people to think, feel, communicate, and respond exactly the way we do. Instead of trying to change people, Marita argues that understanding them better is often the key to stronger relationships. The episode touches on personality tests like Myers-Briggs, DISC, and the Enneagram, but also challenges one of the biggest problems with personality frameworks in general: using them as excuses instead of tools for growth. Marita explains why awareness matters, why strengths and weaknesses exist within every personality type, and why maturity is ultimately more important than personality itself. This is a conversation about self-awareness, human differences, emotional needs, communication, relationships, personal growth, and the strange reality that people can spend decades trying to change each other instead of simply learning to understand one another. https://thepersonalities.com/ [https://thepersonalities.com/] How to Be a Person: ⁠https://howtobeaperson.co/⁠ [https://howtobeaperson.co/⁠] Peaceful Profits: https://author.howtobeaperson.co/ [https://author.howtobeaperson.co/] Support the show: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno [https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno] Want to be a guest on How to Be a Person? Send Giuliano Grimaudo a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b [https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b] Please note: Links may be affiliated and may pay me a commission.

The Hidden Cost of Not Feeling Your Feelings | Ann Hince

This episode explores how unprocessed emotions may show up as physical tension in the body, and what it actually looks like to release them. Giuliano sits down with Ann Hince to unpack the connection between feelings, memory, and physical sensation, and why simply “thinking through” your past might not be enough to move on from it. Ann shares her personal story, from a childhood shaped by trauma to a moment in her 40s that forced her to confront how much of it she was still carrying. What started as a search for inner peace turned into a deeper exploration of emotional awareness, leading her to develop a practice centered around feeling, rather than avoiding, what comes up. The conversation walks through how she uses techniques like EFT tapping and body awareness to release long-held tension, and why many people unknowingly store emotional experiences physically. Along the way, Giuliano challenges the ideas from a more grounded, skeptical perspective, asking the kinds of questions most people are already thinking. Is this something real and measurable, or is it just perception? Can focusing on pain actually make it go away? And if emotions are tied to physical sensations, what does that mean for how we deal with them in real time? The discussion also expands into everyday application. What it actually means to “feel your feelings” without spiraling. Why avoiding discomfort might be the very thing that keeps it around. And how this way of approaching emotions can impact everything from relationships to parenting. Whether you fully buy into the idea or not, this conversation will likely change the way you think about what you’re holding onto… and what it might be costing you. Get Ann’s 5-Step Blueprint to Profound Inner Peace: https://annhince.com/ [https://annhince.com/] How to Be a Person: ⁠https://howtobeaperson.co/⁠ [https://howtobeaperson.co/⁠] Support the show: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno [https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno] Peaceful Profits: https://author.howtobeaperson.co/ [https://author.howtobeaperson.co/] Please note: Links may be affiliated and may pay me a commission. Want to be a guest on How to Be a Person? Send Giuliano Grimaudo a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b [https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b]

#78 - Marit Welker // Going "No Contact", Concept Creep, and Emotional Responsibility

What happens when a child cuts off their parent… and both sides feel justified? In this episode, Giuliano sits down with Marit Welker, a life coach who works with estranged Christian mothers… and someone who’s lived this from both sides. She’s been the child who blamed the parent, and the parent who got cut off. This conversation dives into one of the more uncomfortable trends happening right now… the rise of going “no contact” with family. And instead of taking a one-sided stance, it explores what’s actually underneath it. The pain, the misunderstandings, the language we use, and the ways people end up talking past each other instead of actually resolving anything. Marit breaks down what she calls “concept creep” (how words like trauma, abuse, and narcissism have expanded over time)… and how that shift can create more confusion than clarity in real relationships. The result is people using the same words… but meaning completely different things. And when that happens, it becomes almost impossible to fix what’s actually broken. The conversation also gets into emotional responsibility… what it actually means, where it applies, and where people get it wrong. There’s a difference between being hurt and being harmed… and understanding that difference changes how you approach conflict, boundaries, and healing. At the same time, this isn’t about dismissing real pain or pretending every relationship should be saved. There are situations where distance is necessary. But there are also a lot of situations where people walk away from something that could have been worked through… and end up carrying the same patterns into the next relationship. This episode looks at both sides of that reality. From parenting dynamics and identity… to therapy culture, expectations, and the difficulty of letting go… this is a conversation about what it actually takes to understand another human being… especially when it’s someone you’re closest to. And why that might be the only way forward. https://maritwelker.com/ How to Be a Person: ⁠https://howtobeaperson.co/ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/jewleeahno Life insurance: https://life.howtobeaperson.co/ Want to be a guest on How to Be a Person? Send Giuliano Grimaudo a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17374246500089236b5dfbb6b Please note: Links may be affiliated and may pay me a commission.