How To Disappoint Your Mom

How To Not Take A Single Relationship For Granted — With My Wife Carmen Riot Smith

So many of the stories in this season were about people who reached a precipice in their life and felt like it was over because their life, as they knew it, was over. Like Wen Peetes from episode 2 when she confronted her Mom and Dad about sexual abuse and beating in her childhood—that was a point of no return for her. Just like it was for Kyra in episode 3 when she had a panic attack moments before telling her husband she was getting a divorce. Part 2 of my conversation with my wife, Carmen Riot Smith, is our answer to the question, what is it like on the other side of that precipice? And I'm happy to say, the other side has treated us pretty well.  The conversation we've had with so many of you in messages has been really touching and we don't want it to end. So Carmen decided to start an email newsletter to continue the conversation with those of you who are grappling with what it means to leave the evangelical church and the hope and the grief that brings. You can find it at carmenriotsmith.com/newsletter. Unlike mass email newsletters this one will be intimate, and it's just for people coming out of the evangelical church. CarmenRiotSmith.com [https://www.carmenriotsmith.com/] Carmen On Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/carmen_riot_smith/] ____________ Host:  Elise Smith [https://www.instagram.com/the.elisesmith/]

How To Propose To A Boy, But Get The Girl — With My Wife Carmen Riot Smith

In part 1, we talk about a little known fact that my wife, Carmen, proposed to a boy before she proposed to me, we talk about the coming out process and how people told us that gay people are child molesters after we told them we were in love, how family vacations were canceled because it was "dangerous" for Carmen's nieces and nephews to see us together, and how internalizing all of these messages led to one of the hardest moments of my life: holding Carmen while she sobbed on the bathroom floor saying, "I just want to die." For me, this is a love story. Not a love story where we live happily ever after, but a love story where we were happy from the beginning and we have learned to create space for our own happiness. I believe creating that space is one of the hardest and most important skills we can learn. CarmenRiotSmith.com [https://www.carmenriotsmith.com/] Carmen On Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/carmen_riot_smith/] ____________ Host:  Elise Smith [https://www.instagram.com/the.elisesmith/]

How To Heal A Relationship That Hit Rock Bottom — With Sisters Carmen Riot Smith and Kelsey Klopfenstein

This is part 2 of my conversation with my wife, Carmen, and two of her sisters. We talk about how to leave the community you're family has been part of for 150 years, we talk about what it's like to support someone during a panic attack, and, for me, the most moving part of the conversation comes about halfway through when we talk with one sister and Carmen about how you actually heal a relationship after years of hardly speaking. This episode is about how to heal when you lose your community and how to rebuild a relationship that hit rock bottom. Carmen Riot Smith [https://www.instagram.com/carmen_riot_smith/] Kelsey Klopfenstein [https://www.instagram.com/sisilife9/] ___________ Host:  Elise Smith [https://www.instagram.com/the.elisesmith/]

How To Be A Proud Woman: Career And Body Shame In The Church— With Sisters Carmen Riot Smith and Kelsey Klopfenstein

Today I'm chatting with my wife, Carmen, and 2 of her sisters. You'll remember one from two episodes ago when we talked about how she had to leave the church her family had been part of for 150 years because of her divorce. Today in part 1 of this conversation we're chatting about the experiences of growing up in that church. For this conversation, it's helpful to know a little background on the church; it's very similar to a Mennonite church in that the women wear head coverings, skirts, and they're not allowed to speak in the church service. We talk about how the same environment can affect each personality in dramatically different ways, and we talk about being taught to fear people outside of the church, then being hurt the most by your church family. Every single one of us cried during this conversation. I think some of the hardest parts of this conversation were about what it means to be a woman growing up in a conservative environment and how deep the shame runs about your career, your dreams, and even your own body. Carmen Riot Smith [https://www.instagram.com/carmen_riot_smith/] Kelsey Klopfenstein [https://www.instagram.com/sisilife9/] ____________ Host:  Elise Smith [https://www.instagram.com/the.elisesmith/]

How To Stop Wasting Your Time On The Relationships And Jobs That Aren't Working

To master life you have to master quitting. Quitting is not a moral failure, it's a skill we have to practice. Every episode has one theme in common: quitting. In my first episode, Tricia Rose Burt quit her career and her marriage and moved to Ireland to be an artist. In my last episode, Kyra quit the church her family had been part of for 150 years and quit her emotionally abusive marriage. Quitting was the hardest and best thing that ever happened to them; to live the life they were called to live they had to quit their old life. There is no room for both. We want to have relationships where we feel safe and seen and we want to have jobs where we are challenged and inspired. That means we have to quit the relationships and the jobs that aren't working. Quitting just means you didn't get it right the first time and you need to try again. Or it means the job that was great 5 years ago, you've now outgrown. So I'm going to share 5 myths about quitting, including an actual text I sent to set boundaries in a relationship, some of my favorite books about having tough conversations, some of my regrets from coming out as gay, and what I'd do differently. ____________ Host:  Elise Smith [https://www.instagram.com/the.elisesmith/]