I Was An Internet Pioneer (and All I Got Was This Lousy Story)

I Was An Internet Pioneer (And All I Got Was This Lousy Story) - Episode 7

Transcript: Hello and welcome to episode 7 of this podcast about my crazy life. While I’m not really bothering too much with content warnings with this podcast, I will say upfront that this particular episode does contain some possibly upsetting topics like child abuse, neglect, and loss. That said, I didn’t exactly plan this, but when it all came together, it suddenly occurred to me that I’m very much embodying my Mom’s vibe in the seventies, with the top, and even how I’m pinning my hair back because I’m growing out my bangs and they’re at a very awkward stage, right now, and I think my Mom was doing something similar at the time, but eventually she just went bangs for the rest of her life. I think right now I’m gonna go and try to give no bangs another try, but I haven’t made any final decisions… OK enough about my bangs. I’ve been warning for at least a couple of episodes that more serious topics were upcoming. I think I felt the need to issue those warnings because I chose to center this podcast around a particular time in my life: One where I lived this crazy, kind of fantasy life. And there’s no doubt that there were some really positive moments that I hold dear. I wouldn’t trade some of these experiences for the world. However, it was just one era in a much longer life, and even when these events were occurring, there was more going on than what we shared online at the time. I could just keep telling fun stories… and I will (because there are definitely more)... but, I think I’ve always intended to make this podcast a larger story about my life and what I’ve learned through my experiences. The “internet pioneer” part was just the most… unique, intriguing, salacious... and yeah, hence, maybe more marketable. So, it just felt like the best place to start, at least. I think with this episode, though, maybe I should just go back to the beginning. In fact maybe even a little further back than that. Because I think it might be important to know where I’m coming from… because to be perfectly honest, it is a little crazy, too. When I was born, a little over 50 years ago now, my Dad was 27 and my Mom was 19. They had gotten married in February of ‘74. They didn’t go on a honeymoon. They didn’t have the money for that, especially after paying for the wedding themselves. Both of my parent’s families have been poor for generations as far as I can tell. My ancestors started making their way over to the good ‘ol USA in the late 19th century, primarily from Germany, but also a few from England and Ireland. (Yeah, I’ve done a bit of ancestry research.) My parent’s families also already knew each other. I know how that sounds but I promise there is no incest in this story. My Dad’s older brother and my Mom’s older sister were already married. But, yeah, that’s how my father met my mother. Their families weren’t happy about them getting together at first, primarily because when they started “dating,” my Mom was only 15. I know, and I’m not trying to defend that action, but I do feel the need to now paint a more complete picture of my parents, starting with my Dad. My Dad was born in 1947, and I like to joke that, “oh, you just happened to be born the same year that the aliens landed.” They’ve never laughed at it. There was an even bigger age gap between my Dad’s parents. When they got married, my Grandmother was 16 and my Grandad was in his mid-40s. My grandfather, not great-great grandfather, just grandfather, was born in 1895. I’m not sure exactly where my grandparents met, but I did hear that my Grandmother was into the burlesque scene for a little bit. Possibly that’s where they met, but that is unconfirmed. Purely just a theory. He was always very healthy and he lived to his early 90s and the doctors said he had the heart of a 30-year old when he died. We’re still not sure where he got it. Ba-da-bum. However, he did develop emphysema from the cigars he smoked. He also liked to bet on the ponies and my Grandmother took over the finances early on, put him on an allowance, and along with making sure the kids had plenty of gifts for Christmas and nice clothes (most of which she made), she eventually managed to wrangle a good deal on a small house in the Green Haven neighborhood of Pasadena, Maryland. When they got old enough, she put all three of her “sons” in tap dancing lessons. (I’ll explain why I put sons in air-quotation-marks in a little bit.) My Dad took tap dancing lessons for about 20 years, and along with first their older brother and then with their younger brother, performed in “Ms. Wilson’s Show Troupe” for many years. As good as they were at tap dancing, during those years my Dad found their true love: Drumming. They were completely self-taught but soon started performing with a variety of different local bands. They did some jazz but rock n roll was always their favorite. They may have taken it further but there was a little thing called the Vietnam War going on at the time, which interrupted things. My Dad was drafted and narrowly avoided death on more than one occasion. They shared a lot of their war stories with me, possibly when I was a little too young, but my favorite of their war stories is the one where they were trapped at the bottom of this valley with a bunch of other troops and a helicopter was sent in to rescue them. There wasn’t enough room in the helicopter for everyone, so they were waiting for a second one that would be arriving at some point. The troops, I think they drew straws, and my Dad was going to be in the group to get on the first helicopter… or chopper or I don’t know, whatever they were called. However, at the last minute, a guy in the other group pleaded with my Dad to let him on instead. My Dad let them, because that’s just the kind of person they are. Shortly after liftoff, the helicopter was shot down, and everyone on board died. As sad as I am for those who lost their lives that day, selfishly, I’m so glad my Dad wasn’t on board like they were supposed to be… if just because; this was before my Dad had even met my Mom. After the war, my Dad came back and started working for the post office. They told me that, in the two weeks or so between coming back from the war and actually being sent home, they gave you two choices for how to spend your time: Play war games… and especially after just coming back from a real war, that did not appeal to my Dad. Or, train for the post office. Now, I do have a theory about the whole going postal thing in the 80s but that’s probably for a completely different kind of podcast. My Dad did not “go postal” and has even said that when it was just the work… which was very physical, because they were a mail handler… it wasn’t bad. It was just the people they never got along with. My Dad has earned every penny of the pension they are currently living on, though. They worked so hard when I was growing up. They barely slept. I’m not going to say that my Mom did nothing because that would be very far from the truth, but my Dad would go to work during the night, then come home, clean, run errands, including the grocery store, the laundromat…. and still had the time and energy to play with us kids and take us fun places. Occasionally, they would pass out to the point that it was very much like that one scene in Kentucky Fried Movie. I love my Dad. I may not be quite the “Daddy’s Little Girl” I was as a kid but, I still love my Dad so much. They set such a great example for me of love, generosity, creativity. They were also deeply troubled and could be… unpredictable. And my Mom… she had a different life experience. She was quite neglected as a child. The youngest of 4 girls, my maternal grandparents… I didn’t know them very well and the few memories I do have, have kind of a hazy feel to them, probably due to all the chain smoking. I mean, my parents didn’t drink, they didn’t smoke, they didn’t do any drugs… they were just completely… straight. And so, it was always kind of a shock going over to my grandparent’s house, because there were three of them in there chain-smoking. One of my aunts lived with them because she had been labeled “mentally retarded” but in retrospect, I actually think she may have been autistic. I’m not qualified to make a diagnosis like that, but there are certain stories and I’m like, no, I, I don’t think that… that sounds more autistic. And, I’ve come to realize, and nobody’s been really officially diagnosed, but I think there may be some autism that runs through my family tree. I could also never understand a word any of them were saying. It was literally like Charlie Brown. Wa-wa-wa. I mean, it didn’t sound exactly like that but I don’t know if it was a speech impediment but, I just couldn’t understand them. My parents seemed to be able to understand what they were saying… I just couldn’t. My Mom grew up having to go days without food until ultimately they brought home subs, and french fries, and soda (and beer) on payday… and then the cycle would repeat after the food ran out halfway through the week. My Mom had stories like her Dad coming home on Christmas Eve and knocking over the Christmas tree because they were so drunk. Not ideal, to put it lightly. One thing my maternal grandparents did do at one point because reportedly the city schools were not great, was put her in Catholic school. It only lasted about a year because my Mom hated it so much that she threw a fit until they took her out… which would have been so unlike her, but she had a lifetime hatred of nuns afterward. A rejection of religion is something that my parents shared. My Dad because the preacher ranted against rock n roll. My Mom because nuns. I was technically Christened as a baby, probably at the direction of my Grandmother, but I did not grow up going to church or anything like that. We still celebrated Christmas and Easter but as purely secular holidays. Funny side story, my Godfather was my Uncle Lee (my Dad’s younger brother by like 10 years) and his girlfriend at the time Janice. Despite them being together for awhile, I remember my Uncle Lee as kind of a swinging bachelor type in the seventies. He had this green van that had these little windows in the shape of the Playboy Bunny ears. Inside, the van was also green, being completely covered in green shag carpeting. I mean, this thing was epic. It was like being inside Oscar the Grouch. Eventually, Lee and Janice did break up and when I was still pretty young, so my memories of her are faint… and, I mean no disrespect to her, wherever she is, but my Godmother Janice does bear a striking resemblance to Muppet Janice. It might be partly because I grew up on the Muppet Show but I remember she had this long, kinda thin, straight blonde hair and I just remember that she was this cool hippie chick who liked to do things to my hair like put it in curlers, giving me baby’s first afro. Back to my actual Mom, though, eventually, she got so sick of the city schools that she went to live with her older sister, and her husband and their two baby girls, where they were living in the county. This is when she met my Dad. From the stories, her sister and brother-in-law were taking advantage of the fact that they now had a live-in babysitter and the stress was getting to my Mom. Then my Dad comes around, shows interest, helps with the kids… like a knight in shining armor. And then I came along. :) Reportedly, I was a perfect baby. However, I was fashionably late. Due on December 8th, my Mom’s doctor started saying, as the days and then weeks went on, “That baby better not come on Christmas and interrupt my dinner!” Maybe just to piss him off, my Mom woke up on Christmas morning to find that her water had broken overnight. I was finally born at about 2:30 in the afternoon, so plenty of time to get your dinner, doc! My Dad even enjoyed a special Christmas turkey lunch, I guess it was, in the hospital cafeteria. It was the seventies, after all. According to my Mother, the nurses were pushing her to name me “Noel.” However, my parents had already picked out a uniquely common name for baby girls born in the United States between 1970 and 1984: Jennifer. They said it was because of a song by Bobby Sherman but that song only made it to #60 on the charts (although it did make it to #9 in Adult Contemporary!) and “Jennifer” was a bonafide baby name phenomenon not seen before or since. Really, look it up! Also like so many, my age, it’s a miracle I’m here and as healthy as I am. My Mom liked to joke (at least I hope it was a joke) that she subsisted on nothing but crabs and Pepsi when she was pregnant with me. She was also dressed as a nun for Halloween 1974, when she was pregnant with me. I’m telling you. She had it out for nuns. Oh and she and my Dad almost got caught in the middle of two riots when she was pregnant with me. First was at some concert and they got out just in time, and then at this bar my Dad was playing drums at and this huge bar brawl broke out. Again, they got her out just in time, but there were so many times that I almost didn’t make it into the world except for my parent’s dumb luck. They could be fun together. There was the time that they kicked all us kids out of the house for the day…(it was the 80s, we were probably gonna be out roaming the neighborhood anyway) and they spent the entire day decorating our apartment together. Then, one by one, they took us on a ride through the “haunted house” by pulling us along in a little red wagon. It was elaborate. It’s one of my favorite memories. I don’t even remember crying like my Mom said I did when I saw that she had hung my Holly Hobby doll from a noose. I definitely get my dark sense of humor from her. I swear at her memorial service, the skeleton I had set up to greet everyone was hers…. In that she bought it. :-p I promise… she would have LOVED it. The first year of my life was reportedly quite peaceful; idyllic, even. I was told that I started sleeping through the night almost immediately and barely cried at all. The consummate baby that lulls you into a false sense of security so you go on to have more. My Mom liked to say that I was the best Christmas present she ever received. Even my first words were Christmas-themed. Valley View Farms in Hunt Valley, MD, has a very long tradition of decorating with millions of lights every year. According to my parents, we were walking around and they were repeating over and over, “Look at all the pretty lights, Jennifer. Look at all the pretty lights!” And I finally parrotted back, “piddy ights.” Close enough. And through all this, my Mom was pregnant because my sister Sharon was born on January 3, 1976. Then, on March 14, 1976, Sharon died. It was an ordinary Sunday afternoon. My Dad was out of the apartment, helping a brother-in-law set up a stereo. My Mom was home with the two of us, doing Mom things. Sharon started crying. No matter what my Mom did, Sharon just would not stop crying. Finally, my Mom decided to put Sharon in her crib and let her cry it out. My Mom started vacuuming, which always seemed to calm Sharon down. Sure enough, Sharon quieted down pretty quickly when the vacuum started from the other room. A little later, my Mom went in to check in on her and found that Sharon had turned blue. My Mom grabbed Sharon out of the crib, laid her down on the couch, and started trying to perform mouth-to-mouth. She said I giggled and babbled, “Mommy kissing baby” and that she then shouted, “Get out of here, Jennifer!” I only learned that last part while meeting my Mom for coffee one day. We were sitting there, looking at my twin babies sleeping peacefully in their carriers. She apologized for yelling at me that day. Of course, I very awkwardly told her, you don’t have to apologize for that, my God! I don’t even remember it and I can’t even imagine what she was feeling at that moment. I think it made her feel better, though, to get it out after all that time. Therapy just wasn’t a thing back in the seventies. I just wish I hadn’t ruined it when she started talking about a psychic who told her that Sharon follows me around, and asked if I had ever felt anything. I said no and she seemed disappointed. It wasn’t even exactly true. I don’t know anything about her following me around but I certainly felt Sharon’s absence, even though I have no actual memories of her. What I do have is distinct memories of sitting around the dinner table and feeling like someone was missing. I would go around and count all of us, over and over again. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, no, we’re all here. It happened many times, too, and would really bother me. It wasn’t until years after that coffee shop conversation that I finally realized somebody was missing: Sharon. My parents did go on to have more children. A couple years later, my brother Daniel came along… then a couple of years after that, my sister Melody… then a couple of years after that, my brother Jeffrey. They also moved around a lot, for no particular reason. Though they never left Anne Arundel County, it was usually just far enough to change schools. They just couldn’t seem to stay in one place very long. As a result, I spent my school years as what I now describe as the “perpetual new girl.” I never felt like I belonged anywhere; A feeling I struggle with to this day. Often I felt like a ghost. To others, though, I was simply described as “shy” and was often told that I needed to “break out of my shell.” I once remember going out to recess and sitting on the curb. I put my head down and was very sad because everyone was running around having fun with their friends and I didn’t know anyone yet. Some kids came over and asked me to play and I was so happy. It was a great recess. The next day, I wasn’t sure what to do so I decided to repeat what I had done the day before and sit on the curb and look sad. This time, though, nobody came. I felt pathetic but was too afraid to insert myself into the crowd. I needed to be invited. The shyness only seemed to grow worse. One day, I did not hand in the homework that I had indeed done because I was too scared to walk up to the front of the classroom and hand it to the teacher. She usually just had us hand it up, and this was different, we had to come and walk up… the change was just too much for me. Paradoxically, though, I had a growing desire to be the center of attention. It didn’t happen often, but if I found something that made the people around me laugh, I would latch onto it. For example, in my senior year of high school, I started laughing at something in music class and as I breathed in, I accidentally made a sound not unlike Lewis in Revenge of the Nerds. The rest of the year, it became a regular thing that my classmates would try to make me laugh, just to hear “the noise.” I was always happy to oblige, even though I had to fake it most of the time, if not all the time, because it was just an accident that one time. It was just the one time I felt connected to my peers, even if they were laughing at me. Most of the time, though, I just moved through my day, trying to get through it so I could go home to the safety of my room… although, I always had to share a room with my little sister Melody but she was constantly out, running the neighborhood. The older she got, the more we had no idea where she was half the time. I could also be a little bossy. “Get out of my room, Melody! I don’t care if it’s your room, too!” It kind of comes with the territory of being the firstborn, but if you can’t admit that you were kind of a dick to your younger siblings, they probably still think you’re a dick. That said, another thing that comes with the territory of being the oldest (especially as a girl) is being left “in charge” of your younger siblings. While understandable, it does have a way of drawing the battle lines. Suffice it to say, I spent a lot of time alone as a kid… or at least as alone as I could be. One of my favorite places to hang out was on the swing tied to the branches of a tree in my Grandmom’s backyard. As we moved between the different apartments and townhouses, we would often stay with my Grandmother in between moves. Her small, royal blue (later yellow) painted house is probably the place I most associate with being my childhood home. I did not have the worst of childhoods by any means. In some ways, though, it was incredibly stressful. My Dad, for all their wonderful qualities, did have a very volatile temper. It was not uncommon for there to be holes in the wall in my Grandmother’s house, apartments we lived in… Neither of my parents was physically abusive… at least not really. My Mom would spank us and there was one incident that I was told about when I was very young, that my Dad smacked me in the face. I don’t know how old I was, but I don’t remember it. I was just told that I gave my Dad such a look that they swore never to touch me (or any of the kids) ever again. We also had our family secrets. For one, I had a thumb-sucking habit that continued, well, I never stopped. I still do it. Not that my parents didn’t try to break me of it. From special nail polishes to bribery to telling me how much I would get made fun of if someone saw me doing it… and a lot of times just plain old pulling the thumb out of my mouth… they indeed tried everything. Sucking my thumb has just always been a way of drawing into myself. It made me feel so safe and calm. It still does. However, I knew, just like my Dad’s nightgowns, it was something that anyone outside of the house could never know about. My Dad, who now goes by the name Darla, never dressed as a woman outside of the house when I was growing up, and I had been warned that if I ever told anyone… if anybody found out… it would be pretty much the end of the world. We would be outcasts, made fun of, run out of town on a rail, you name it. Otherwise, though, my Dad wearing nightgowns was no big deal. I barely noticed it most of the time. The only damage ever done was as a result of having to keep it a secret. In 2001, my Dad called me from Sheppard Pratt (the local mental health hospital) to let me know that, if they could not become a woman, they wanted to die. While I feel like I should have seen it coming, I did not. It’s still the closest I’ve ever come to actually passing out. I sort of knew that transgender people existed, but I really knew nothing about it at the time. As always, though, I just wanted whatever would make my Dad happy, so I have always supported them. In recent years, they’ve pursued hormone treatments and have changed their name to Darla Rose. And yes, I have talked to them about how they want me to refer to them and they are still fine with me calling them Dad. As they’ve said, it’s fine, I am your Dad. That will never change. You can call me Dad, you can call me Darla, just don’t call me late for dinner! There was also my Mom’s affairs. She had her first one when she would have about 25. She started seeing a neighbor guy who was a bit younger (I think he was 19 at the time). I do have one memory of that guy but it was weird and I’m just glad that he did not last long. I don’t think she had any others between then and when I was a teenager but when America Online started sending those disks around… I mean floppy disks, this was even before they were on CDs… my Mom got online and started talking to other guys. She was obviously looking for a way out. When I was like 13, she handed me a note one day, told me not to read it, but to hand it to my Dad when they got home from work. They had a suitcase. Of course, I didn’t listen. I steamed open the letter. I mean, she had taught me how to do it… how to steam open letters. In the letter, she said that, “You need help, and I’m leaving until you do.” I called my Dad, said you need to come home now. They did, I handed them the letter, they went off to find my Mom… found her, brought her back, and as far as I knew everything went back to normal. My Mom finally found a guy that would take her in and left my Dad right around their 20th wedding anniversary. She only stayed with that one for a little bit and then ended up with the guy that she was living with for the rest of her life, Eric. My sister eventually followed her… even parking herself on Eric’s doorstep until they agreed to let her stay. My sister and my Dad just never got along and it only got worse after my Mom left. Even though she found Eric, she never considered them her true love. She was always looking, but in November of 2020, she passed away very unexpectedly. For a while, COVID was suspected, but the circumstances led to an investigation. Eventually, the cause was revealed as being a buildup of blood pressure meds with a secondary cause of alcohol abuse. Again, my parents never smoked or drank or anything growing up. I actually gave my Mom her first drink, which in retrospect, I regret. She never really had a problem with it, though, until after her weightloss surgery. The surgery left her with nothing but a sleeve of a stomach and she could barely eat anything… drinking was the only thing she could enjoy anymore. Her husband had been taken away to the hospital due to a severe opiate addiction just days before her death. She had been caretaking for him for a while, as I could tell. The house had completely gotten away from her but she was in the middle of trying to clean it up, all by herself, when she collapsed. She just wasn’t one to ask for help and I think that she was embarrassed by how bad things had gotten. After her death, I was going through the house and found this little glass slipper, buried beneath the mess. It was filthy, but I cleaned it up. I keep it because I know it was her dream to find her knight in shining armor. And, it’s understandable, from the childhood she had, but I keep it as a reminder that we are responsible for making our own dreams come true. Going back to me, though. I never considered going to college. If it was talked about at all, it was always in terms of how expensive it is, and how it’s for people who want to be doctors and lawyers and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but I was no fan of school to begin with and I developed the attitude of, “When I decide on a career, then I’ll figure out what job training or education I need.” Plus, my Dad wanted me to have a music career. One of my other very early memories is dancing in a bar. I remember my Dad’s band was playing “Proud Mary” and I was just going to town. Yeah, I was the baby in a bar. I don’t think I ever considered music a real possibility as a career, but in the absence of any other direction after high school ended, I agreed to be enrolled at the Peabody Institute in Baltimore. I did like playing around with music when it was something I was choosing to do, but I could never seem to get around to practicing. After a while, I felt like I was wasting my time, my teacher’s time, and my Dad’s money. I only stayed for three semesters before dropping out. I did have a few ideas while growing up about what I might like to do. My first career ambition as a child was actually “Disney Animator.” Like many kids, I would draw constantly, on any surface I could find. My parents and other adults were always telling me how good I was at it, so I started to get the idea that I could draw for Disney. I loved Disney movies and when I was around 10 years old, I found this book in the library called, “The Art of Animation.” It included an address to the Walt Disney Studios in Burbank, CA and I wrote a letter asking for more information on how to become an animator. I never received a reply… which was disappointing then, but it was ultimately all well and good. I’ve since realized that I liked drawing like I did playing music: I had some fun with it, but I don’t think I loved it enough to make a career out of it. I also enjoyed dancing and photography, but I never considered either as a real career possibility. The only other occupation I seriously considered was writing. My Mom always had these romance novels lying around that she would let me read when she was done with them. I remember being a fan of the “Harlequin Intrigue” series, in particular. Those always had some kind of (usually murder) mystery as part of the story, so I just found those the most enjoyable. While reading these stories, I would think to myself, “I can do this!” So, I started begging my parents for a typewriter. It took a couple years, but they finally gave in and bought a super nice one for my birthday/Christmas. It even had this tiny screen where you could preview a line of text before actually printing it out onto the paper. I know, I’m ancient. I still feel bad that I didn’t use it more, but when I sat down to it for the first time, it was as if I developed instant writer’s block. I would maybe start to write a couple of lines, but then rip the paper out, crumple it up, and throw it in the nearest trash can. I’ve since concluded that the reason I couldn’t write is because I hadn’t yet lived. Well, now I have. OK, I think that’s quite enough for this week. I hope I haven’t lost ya… we will be moving on… but let me know what you think regardless… just be nice. And like, subscribe, all that good stuff… and I’ll see you next time! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenpm.substack.com [https://jenpm.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Was An Internet Pioneer (And All I Got Was This Lousy Story) - Episode 6

Transcript Hello and welcome to episode 6! The long-awaited episode 6. I took a couple weeks off… uh, just, life getting in the way… but, um… Oh and also I am a little more casual today. I just got back from the pool, took a shower, had a little bit to eat and, you know… I gotta get this done because I have let another week get by me and I… I know that I don’t need to keep to a schedule but I want to so… I am gonna hop right in here. So, let’s… let’s continue. This is going to be another one with some wild stories. Next episode, things may get a bit more serious, but I still don’t think I’ve adequately expressed how crazy things got at one time… and besides just being fun to talk about, I think it’s important because one thing you have to remember is that I was very young when all this began. I was just 20 years old when those first photos were posted so I have very much felt like the internet and I grew up together. I did have 20 years of life before it, but it was all in the process of coming together in those years, as well… and, I was still very much a blank slate in a lot of ways in those early days… just like the internet. So, the one thing that’s hard to describe to people that have had a different life experience… which is almost everybody… is how *normal* all this felt to me. Still feels to me. It’s actually surprising to me that I have made it to episode 6 without mentioning that my birthday is December 25th. I’ve always kind of liked having my birthday on Christmas. It made me feel special in a way, I guess. I know it doesn’t really, but, you know… When people ask me what it’s like to have your birthday on Christmas, I want to reply, “What’s it like not having your birthday on Christmas?” It’s just my reality. One of my favorite movie lines comes from, “The Truman Show.” It’s when Christof is asked why Truman never tried to break through the boundaries of his world before and Christof replied, “We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.” It’s kind of the whole point of this podcast; To show you my world. My reality. You may find it unbelievable that I did these things but I sort of find it unbelievable that you haven’t done things like this. That said, I do understand how out-there some of these things are… it’s why I think it’s a good story… but, I just want you to remember that you can get used to just about anything, if you do it enough. Anyway, some of the biggest parties we hosted were our anniversary parties. After returning from Atlanta, the next party we organized was one in celebration of our website’s 3rd anniversary. While we had been posting on the internet before then, we always celebrated October 1, 1995 as our official start date, since that was the date we debuted the actual website. October 1st was already a special date for us, anyway. On October 1, 1993, I made my first credit card purchase ever: A motel room where Dave and I had sex for the first time. Now it was 1998, and we actually knew a guy who ran a “cybercafe” in downtown Baltimore called, “The Strand” who offered us the run of the place for the party, no charge (they would make plenty at the bar). That first party seemed huge, even though it was dwarfed by future ones. There were about 20 guys there, along with me, Dave, and Simple. It also ended up being a surprise birthday party for me. Dave knew how my birthday always gets lost in the holidays so he contacted everybody we already knew and set it up. It was early October, so I was definitely surprised! If a little confused, at first… After opening gifts and having cake and all, Simple and I got topless and started posing with fans behind the bar for what we called “lucky guy” pics. One of the most common phrases Dave heard during that time was, “You’re a lucky guy!” So, this was a way of spreading that luck around, I guess. Everyone was always respectful. I might even get annoyed at times: I told you it’s OK to touch my boobs! Stop asking! Our next anniversary party took place in that same cyber-cafe. We were actually going to have it in our apartment complex’s community center but at the last minute, higher-ups in the community figured out what our website was about and refused us service. Luckily, “The Strand” stepped in and saved the day! They even put butcher paper up over all the windows this time so it would be a truly private party. So, we did everything we could to let people know where the party had moved to. I think we got at least almost everybody. I still feel bad if anyone missed out, though. Things had exploded to a point that we knew that this party was going to be big. So, to keep some kind of control, we actually mailed out physical invitations to people that they would have to show at the door to get in. I was so stressed out leading up to that party. I think I forgot to eat for a few days before it, and I was having some sort of episode when it all began. We bought these big subs from Subway that nobody ate but me, but at least once I ate, I was finally able to calm down. We had over a dozen webgirls join us for it. We had topless karaoke. Somebody drove their fancy red motorcycle into the bar for the girls to pose on. The group photos from that night are crazy. A fan also gave me my favorite toy ever that night: the “eroscillator.” It was endorsed by Dr. Ruth and I still have it. I first learned about it from a lady named Jane who ran a site called JanesGuide.com [http://janesguide.com]… and, we actually met up with her and her partner at the time in Vegas and she let me borrow her eroscillator… and, I was like, I need to have one of these. So, I think I posted about how much I loved it and, so a nice fan bought it for me and brought it to the party. I still use it. It’s my “old faithful.” I actually used to call my first vibrator my “old faithful” but I ultimately auctioned that off for a 9/11 benefit and the eroscillator is still going strong. It’s plug-in, no batteries needed… I just gotta put this one piece back in that’s always falling out, and it still works. So, I think it’s earned that title. Anyway, it was a great party. Then, the next year, I decided to try and keep things a bit more low-key. We had decided to get married on October 1, 2000, so the anniversary party would be a bit before that (I think it was held in August). We chose to have it in the bar/arcade area of our local bowling alley. We didn’t do invitations this time and didn’t even promote it that much. I just felt like we should do something for our 5th anniversary, but I was already losing my mind over planning the wedding. Well, as I often do, I underestimated things, again. We had even more webgirls, more fans, more everything… it was completely insane. Of course, I had to make sure we got some group photos. I asked everyone to join me over by the glass case where they would give out arcade prizes. I intended to just pose in front of it. I did not intend for people to start climbing on the cases, but I had completely lost control by then. I’m still surprised the establishment never charged us for the damage done. The case had cracks in it for months to come after that. I felt so bad about it. I guess they made good money when we hosted parties, though (especially this night), and decided to let it slide. It wasn’t even the last party we hosted there. The only thing they did do at one point is ask us to chill it with the nudity. They were OK when it was just quick flashing but people were starting to get a little too comfortable. I remember making an announcement for everyone to stop. getting. naked. PLEASE. Then about 5 minutes later, I see one of the girls just walking completely naked through the bar… and, I think that’s when I decided, maybe we need to wrap this up. So, we started going around and privately inviting people back to the after-party. We couldn’t just invite everyone this time. Our apartment was about 1100 sq. ft and there had been about 100 people at our 4-year party. We didn’t take an official count but this party seemed to be at least double the size of the last one. So we decided to keep it to people we already knew. That was still too much, but I was just hoping for the best at this point. I know one guy, who we had never met before (so, was not invited back) had brought a cake. He came up to me and said, “So this is it?” And sheepishly, I said, “Well, I guess…” So he said, OK, handed me the cake, and walked out. I felt so bad, but… When Dave and I returned home, I saw that the hallway of our building was absolutely jam-packed with people. To their credit, everyone was being completely silent. It was almost eerie. Still, we had to ask for people to clear a path since we were the ones with the keys to the front door. Then the party really started. There were people having sex all over the place. You could barely move. We had to have the most tolerant neighbors ever because we never got any complaints. And people were being none too quiet, especially that girl who had been walking around naked in the bar. She was very loudly having sex with a few people. The only reaction we did get from one of our neighbors was a guy from downstairs who knocked on my door a few days later and asked if he could please be invited to the next one. I even found out much later that at least one of our neighbors just wandered in that night, too. The lady who lived right next to us. She was kind of a 40-something barfly-type. Funny side story: One day after this party, I had been busy working on stuff in my office. I wasn’t in a great mood, to begin with for some reason, and when she knocked on my door, I became even more annoyed. I was not in the mood to deal with her so when I opened the door to see her standing there with some guy behind her, I barely even glanced at the guy. I can’t even remember what I said exactly, and you know, I was trying to not be rude but, I just basically said I’m sorry, I’m busy, and closed the door on them. The next day, I found out who the guy with her was: A local weather guy named Marty Bass. I had watched him on TV since I was a little girl, hoping that it would snow and the schools would be closed. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him, but at the same time, I didn’t really look. I just assumed he was another of the many men that she had going in and out. No judgments, but he kind of was. It’s just that he also happened to be a fan of mine and had wanted to meet me. Oops. After that party, a few things happened: Apparently, a reporter from Baltimore’s City Paper was there. I don’t think he ever talked to me, but he wrote a whole article about the party. Well, the bar portion, anyway. He wouldn’t have been invited back. (Oh my god, maybe he was the guy with the cake! Probably not.) That actually led to us being interviewed on the Kirk, Mark, and Lopez morning show on 98 Rock. All of this before the wedding. Oh and somewhere in there we had the Nude Olympics. It was just this thing we did on this guy’s farm who let a bunch of us webgirls run all over the place, horseback riding, playing baseball, badminton, and more, completely naked. It wasn’t just us that made a big deal of the whole website anniversaries, either. In April of 1999, O was celebrating the 3rd anniversary of her website. She and her partner had since moved from Tampa, Florida to Lake Havasu, Arizona. It was shaping up to be a big to-do, so we bought our plane tickets and headed west! We had already been over that way earlier in the year, for a convention taking place in Vegas in January. We flew into the Vegas airport again, but this time we were meeting up with O and her partner Lance along with Celeste and her husband, who were flying in, as well. We had planned to all stay overnight in Vegas, in this huge suite that O and Lance had reserved. Before that, though, we had a bar meet planned at a Vegas bar. No guests actually showed up… at least that we knew of… because after a short time, we were asked to leave because word was, the bar knew about our websites and that we were planning to meet up there. While we had no intentions of being inappropriate at the bar, the nature of our websites was enough to get us kicked out. We got kicked out of a bar in Vegas for being sinful people, I guess. I wish I could remember the name of that place. I think it had some kind of cow theme. Anyway, we decided to just go back to the hotel and hang out, the six of us. We took a few photos out on the balcony but mostly we just chilled. The next morning, we stopped by a Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru. It was my first time experiencing Jack-in-the-Box… I can’t say I really remember anything about the meal, but it was cool just to go to a place I’d only heard about on tv/radio. It was kind of like the time I saw a Circle K for the first time. I was even more excited about that because I’d had no idea it existed outside of the Bill and Ted universe, until I saw one. We flashed at the “Welcome to California” sign since we had to pass through the state briefly on our way from Vegas to Havasu. Still my only visit to California to date. Perhaps someday I’ll see more of it than the highway which, by the way, was noticeably in worse shape than it had been in Nevada. Just an observation. We got to their place and settled in. The next day, O had planned a hike out to the lake. We all met up and there ended up being 7 webgirls total (plus all the partners and I think a few extra people). I can’t remember who suggested it, but we (the girls) all got naked, posed for a few pics, and then started our hike, with our partners carrying our clothes and stuff. O led us on this long-ass hike through the desert. I remember she kept saying, “I think it’s just over this next dune.” And I now had the perfect opening for one of my favorite lines from the film Spaceballs and I shouted, “You said that three dunes ago!” (As it often does, my comic genius went unappreciated.) Along the way, many photos were taken. Seven naked girls hiking in the desert made for quite the sight. However, we didn’t come across another soul. After what felt like an eternity, we finally made it to Lake Havasu. It was beautiful. We were in a secluded alcove… nobody but a goat climbing up one of the giant rocks, around to see… and everybody gratefully jumped into the water. We take some photos and rest for a bit, but soon we decide to head back. Not many pictures were taken on the way back… I don’t know about everyone else, but I was exhausted. Hiking through the desert is tough! You’re slogging through sand, and I can’t say I had the best footwear for this. One of the bad things about having so many photos taken of you is you get to see all the bad fashion choices you made in the past. (And don’t get me started on the perm.) When we all finally made it back to O and Lance’s house, I went to bed. We had an air mattress in O’s office and that’s pretty much the last thing I remember that day. I knew there was supposed to be a big house party that night and everybody, including Dave, had a crazy, wild night… and I slept through the whole thing. The next morning, though, I was nice and refreshed. I even did a shoot in the shower with a couple of other webgirls. Dave and I did take it easy that day, though. I think there were others that went out and rented jet skis but the most exciting thing we did that day was show off our skills playing $100,000 Pyramid. The next day, though, O and Lance had rented a houseboat for all of us to go out on. It took forever for it to get brought around and I remember chatting with some guys about accents. I had never thought I had an accent before, but they said I did. Finally, the boat arrives and we headed out on the water. Everybody’s having a great time. I went swimming around the boat… Dave got on a jet ski and I hopped on the back for a bit… Before long, though, I was spending the rest of the day inside the boat. I can’t say I’ve always been the most careful with sunscreen. I may very well live to regret it someday, but I just don’t think about it most of the time. I don’t generally burn easily. I had spent almost the entire day hiking naked through the desert, and I’d barely gotten any kind of tan. A couple of hours on the water, though, and I was in Lobster City. I always have a way of learning things the hard way. I came back up top as the sun was going down, though, and that’s when things started to get wild again. Dave and I retreated fairly quickly, though, because he felt like he was being pressured to perform. Performing in front of other people is the one thing most guys don’t consider when thinking that being a porn star is a great way to get laid. We also got into a bit of a tiff with Lance because they had planned to spend the night on the boat, but we had not known that. I was personally OK with it, but Dave had not brought his rum with us. Dave was very meticulous in what and how much he would drink. It was his way of maintaining at least an illusion of control. He did seem very functional but I’ve also come to believe that Dave is immortal. I know he’s not but again, how that boy is still alive…. Anyway, they brought us back, and everyone went to bed. The next morning, the plan for the day was to go to this bar out in the middle of nowhere. We took some photos there, and then out on a deserted stretch of road… naked girls on top of Lance’s BMW, with all the guys taking turns posing behind the wheel, and all that. Oh and somewhere in there, there was a big gathering (although not really a party)... I’m suddenly reminded of the antipasto lady… but, whatever… that’s not the point. The point is that it was a gathering, it was nine webgirls in all that participated in a daisy chain/orgy. And yes, me included. Dave also got his favorite “lucky guy” pic ever during that. It was a heck of a thing… OK, I think that about wraps it up for now but, yeah, there’s more next week. Again, it may have some more serious undertones at least but, as with everything with that time, it was all tied into this crazy lifestyle we were leading. So, it’s not all serious. As always, though, please like, subscribe, all that good stuff… tell me in the comments what you think or if you have any questions… and, I’ll see you next week! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenpm.substack.com [https://jenpm.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Was An Internet Pioneer (And All I Got Was This Lousy Story) - Episode 5

Transcript Hello and welcome to episode 5 of “I Was an Internet Pioneer and All I Got Was This Lousy Story.” I know, it’s kind of a long title. I have struggled with finding a name for my story, whether it be a book or podcast or whatever, for years… and when this one popped up in my head, it just felt right. I wasn’t thinking about it at the time, but now that I have, I’ve counted and the title has one more word than one of my favorite MST3K episodes: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Oh well… what’s done is done. On with the story! At the Tampa party, we had been invited down to Atlanta by a couple of people there. One was the guy that I posed with for the “sex” picture. His wife, “Sapphire” was a friend of O’s and also had a website of her own. She had not been at the Tampa party… I think she was sick… so it would be cool to meet. In addition, we met another webgirl: Celeste Fox and her husband, who also lived in Atlanta. So, just a couple of months after returning home from Tampa, we hopped back in the car to drive south, again. We never thought about the weather during these trips or we might not have planned a trip to Georgia in July but we had other things on our mind. We planned a bar-meet, as well as meeting up with everyone individually. I can’t remember which we met first, but the meeting with Sapphire was fine if fairly uneventful. She did, however, make it clear almost immediately that she was not interested in anything “more” with us. Admittedly, we were both kind of taken aback at the time. It just seemed so out of the blue, especially since we didn’t consider ourselves “swingers.” We always rejected that term even when we did things that could be considered swinging, but we definitely weren’t then. We had not come there with any intentions of sex with anybody whatsoever. I get it, though. She just wanted to make sure things were clear. I respect that now. Meeting up with Celeste, however, was a different story. We actually first met up at Zoo Atlanta. There we took a few flashing pics, but things got really interesting when Celeste and her husband joined us at the hotel. We decided to check out the pool, and found it completely deserted... not even a lifeguard! Again, this was 1998. Things were just a little different back then. We had chosen a hotel that was more of a business hotel so it was busy during the week, but not so much on the weekends, which is when we were there. Still, how we got away with that, I’m not sure. We just got lucky, I guess. Because we took quite a few pictures there. We even had a couple of waterproof disposable cameras, so we took a bunch of pictures underwater. I loved taking those kinds of photos. Then it was time for the bar-meet, joining forces with Celeste and Sapphire. There wasn’t much of an after-party with that one. We did go back to the hotel but Celeste decided to get naked in the fountain in front of our hotel. That was a bit too much for us. I mean, the front desk was right there! Besides, we met a long-time fan on that trip and we wanted to spend some time with. We took a few more pics in that hotel pool (it really was always deserted) and in the fan’s red jeep. It was a great time and further cemented our plan to have parties, both at home and while traveling. We did meet up with both Celeste and Sapphire several times at various functions, but a couple of the best friends that we made during those days were “Lacy and Stuntman.” While Lacy had already picked her name, Stuntman and I came up with it while getting stoned at their house one night. He liked the idea of being a “stunt cock.” He was chill about it, but he was just there if anybody happened to need one! They lived in Northern Virginia and contacted us about meeting up. After going back and forth a while, we finally planned a bar-meet/party at the Cancun Cantina in Hanover, Maryland. It wasn’t exactly halfway to their house, but it was south of Baltimore City, at least, and we had never been there before. We had just heard plenty of commercials for the place on the radio. Simple and her boyfriend were there, too. We hung out at the bar for a little bit and a good number of people showed up. Inside there was country line-dancing which was not really our thing, but outside there was sand and palm trees and volleyball. There was a guy grilling stuff, who would occasionally throw bits of food to the feral cats that lived on the property. I liked it a lot! After hanging at the bar for a bit, we decided to move the party back to our place. A whole bunch of people followed us around the beltway to get back to our apartment in Cockeysville. There, we just kind of hung out. Lacy, Simple, and I stripped down to nothing but our panties and posed for some photos on the couch. At one point we were trying to recreate the See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil monkeys but everyone had been drinking and we couldn’t seem to figure out the right order. In fact, we tried to do this every time we had three webgirls in the same room and I’m not sure we ever got it right. Afterward, Lacy and Stuntman quickly became a couple of our very best friends. We still consider them very good friends, even though we don’t see them hardly ever, anymore… but, for a few years there, though, we were constantly driving down to visit them. We’d stay over, drink, smoke some pot, and get naked. Over time things progressed and Lacy and I started fooling around on camera. Of course, one of the many confessions I have to make is that I am not actually sexually attracted to women. I know everybody is on a spectrum but I am pretty firmly in the heterosexual category. I used to call myself heteroflexible which is a good term for it because I was flexible. I mean, more than one woman has given me an orgasm by going down on me and I could not even begin to count how many women I have had some kind of sexual contact with. However, it only happened on camera. I was obviously open-minded, and in the end, when someone’s going down on you, does it really matter what gender they are? It was a bit different with women who had long nails, but other than that, I was still perfectly capable of cumming that way. And I very much would not fake orgasms. Even if it took a long time, I’m like dammit, I gonna have one! I do have to admit, though, that posing with the other webgirls kind of became expected. It very much did become a community. Most of the people that we hung with were heterosexual couples. Not that we would ever exclude anybody but it’s just the way that it turned out. And women just felt safer to everybody. Nobody’s male partners were going to get jealous, and it was a great way to promote each other’s websites. I know a lot of web girls/couples came to parties for just that reason. I understand now that, with the whole girl-girl thing, I was playing into the whole male fantasy of lesbian sex and I’m now a bit embarrassed by it. I now know that it can be offensive to actual lesbians and for that, I apologize. The nineties were a different time, but I get it. That said, we did also start swapping partners. Stuntman was the first guy I had sex with on camera (besides Dave, of course). They even sort of had their own “Simple” in the form of a webgirl who went by the name “Cherie.” They had been friends with Cherie for many years before this and Stuntman ran her site, as well. Cherie lived out on a farm with her husband and we visited there a couple of times to take photos and have fun. One time we were there, Celeste Fox and some other people had joined us there, as well. The main thing I remember from that time is that we all decided to order Subway and Celeste ordered a sub with no bread. It was the first time I was introduced to the concept that bread could be bad for you. (I may still be in a bit of denial about that.) One great memory from that time of visiting Lacy and Stuntman was New Year’s Eve of 1998. It was me and Dave, Lacy and Stuntman, Cherie and her husband. The next morning, we started the year 1999 with everyone trying to figure out where their clothes had ended up. Now that’s a party. Although, it was nothing compared to New Year’s Eve 1999. I indeed partied like it was 1999. So, what were you doing on December 31, 1999 (assuming you existed then)? I was 26 years old and in Virginia at O and Lance’s house. We thought it was so cool when they moved so relatively close to us. Not taking complete credit for it, but I do remember talking with them about moving this way after our 4th-anniversary party a couple of months prior. We had been visiting Washington D.C. with them and another web-couple; Flashing in front of all the monuments and stuff. Specifically, I remember trying to convince warm-weather-loving Lance that our winters had been pretty mild lately. This was true. The fact that in the winter of 2000, we got hit with snow and ice like seldom seen here, is certainly not my fault. Anyway, they were hosting a big party that night. Their parties never disappointed, and this was no exception. We actually attended several parties during the short time they lived there, but at this one in particular, I remember wandering around the house, completely naked but for an army helmet on my head and mardi gras beads around my neck, while drinking straight out of a bottle of champagne. I thought to myself, “I am doing this night so right.” Lots of photos, lots of crazy fun… less hardcore sex, more naked shenanigans. Prince’s song embodied a lot of my attitude around that time. We had no idea what the future would bring, so fuck it, let’s party while we still can. Just before midnight, Dave asked Lance where the fuse box was. He snuck down into the basement and as the clock struck 12, he shut down the power to the house. Now, if you were around in 1999, you might remember what it felt like as Y2K approached. For me, I was pretty sure everything was going to be fine. However, no one could know for sure until it happened. So, no matter how chill you were about it, there was still at least an undercurrent of anxiety. What WOULD happen as the calendar flipped from 1999 to 2000? Only a few of us were in on it, in a big house filled to the brim with partiers, and at that moment, everyone gasped in unison. You could see lights at the neighboring houses and even before Dave put the power back on a few moments later, people had figured out it was a gag. For just a moment, though… I kind of wish I hadn’t known about it and could have experienced that myself. The absolute panic I would have felt. Anyway, back to the website itself: As the internet grows, toplists become a thing: Lists of links automatically sorted by how much traffic that site had sent back over a certain period of time. I hated them, especially when used as a “friends list” by other amateurs. I just found it so icky to rank your friends that way. We do this because we love it guys, right? That’s what we all say on our websites! Networking? Do you mean making friends? Toplists became so ubiquitous, though, I eventually gave in and participated in many of them. One site that had toplists was YNOT. The YNOT network was a big deal, at least for a while. I believe it’s still around in some form as like a webmaster resource, but of course, much has changed over the decades. In addition to the ‘public” list anyone could participate in, there was a special list for YNOT members only. We had turned down becoming YNOT members when it first began because they required a banner link back and Dave was still rejecting anything even remotely commercial. Now that I was running things, though, and it had become this exclusive club that only opened up for memberships periodically. The next time applications opened, I signed us right up. We were actually in Atlanta when we found out that we had been voted in by the other members. It was great for a time, but eventually, the membership part of it faded away. I know our participation in it dwindled after the “Orlando” incident. The porno conventions we attended were a lot like any other industry convention you might attend. It was just a different product being sold! The first one was in Secaucus, NJ, I took that opportunity to flash in front of the Statue of Liberty and of course unbeknownst to us at the time, the ill-fated twin towers. You know, because boobies are like twin towers. It was funny at the time. Not so much now, of course. Back to the conventions, though, we went to ones in Vegas, New Orleans, Orlando… Orlando, Florida was perhaps the most misguided location picked by AVN for their annual convention. At one point, we heard a lady in the hotel lobby exclaim, “What is this, a whore convention?” Overall, that was a fun trip, though. It was the one time I felt truly famous. No matter where I went in the hotel, people were stopping me to get a picture, talk to me… it was a little overwhelming but in a thrilling way. We even met Danni Ashe on the convention floor and she knew who I was! The incident occurred in the YNOT guest suite. There were people coming in and out of it, but the only people there were other adult webmaster types. This was a place I actually felt comfortable taking my clothes off. We were there with Celeste and we ended up doing an impromptu photo shoot on top of the big table in there. (Not my idea, by the way, but I just went with it, like I always did.) It all happened very organically… everyone was just having a good time, and all the spectators were respectful. We just played around and posed. There was no actual sex, and we never imagined that it would be controversial. When we returned from the trip, though, we found ourselves the main topic of conversation on the YNOT member board. Apparently, it was very unprofessional for us to do this. We were confused because don’t we all make porn? This was a suite in a hotel especially for adult webmasters. It just never occurred to us that anyone would have a problem with it. Plus, unprofessional? We’re amateurs! I mean, it had become a business for us in many ways, too, but it was also a way of life for us. And that made all the difference… in a lot of ways. OK, I think that’s a good place to end it for now, but thank you for joining me once again! Please like, subscribe, all that good stuff… tell me in the comments what you think or if you have any questions… and I’ll see you next time! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenpm.substack.com [https://jenpm.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Was An Internet Pioneer (And All I Got Was This Lousy Story) - Episode 4

Transcript Hello and welcome to episode 4! As you might be able to tell if you’re watching the video version of this, I’m going a bit more casual today. I’ll be honest, it’s been a bit tough keeping up with this weekly schedule. It’s good for me, but I am pushing myself. And today, I just didn’t feel like getting all gussied up for this. If you’ve made it this far, I figure you can handle seeing a 50-year old woman without make-up. And not like how some women try to claim it’s a “no make-up” selfie… oh, except for some foundation, and a bit of eyeliner, and of course some lip gloss… no, no make-up means NO MAKEUP. Sorry, it’s a pet peeve of mine. I am also dressed to go to the pool. Summer has finally arrived in full force and it’s just the best way for me to exercise which I do need more of so it’s important I fit it into my schedule along with doing this. Also, I can’t seem to do a thing with my hair, so whatever. At the risk of going off on too much of a tangent, it also reminds me of my Grandmother. Admittedly, as much as I loved her, I hate to think that I’m the same age as she was when she would go swimming with us kids in the 80s, but that’s neither here nor there. She always insisted that we get her a guest pass for any apartment community that we lived in… and we lived in a lot… when we weren’t living with her. I’ll probably go back and talk about my childhood more in the future but for now, let’s continue the story where I left off last episode. After the great time we had in Tampa, we were anxious to start doing our own parties. To start things off, we decided to go back to where it had all begun. As I mentioned before, there was a bar right next to where we lived in that first apartment above the State Farm office, and we chose to announce that as our first official “party” location. It was just me, Dave, and a brand new webgirl who we had sort of recruited and went by the stage name Simple (her choice, I promise). We actually helped a few girls start websites (including my sister for a short time), but she was our first and most enduring “project.” Simple had worked at Pizza Hut with Dave and, after a while, they became good enough friends that they started talking about the website, and how we could help her start her own. Simple always maintained that she was “softcore” only. She became comfortable with taking off her clothes in all sorts of different situations, but nothing sexually explicit. Just fun nudity! Only three guests showed up that time, but it was fun! One of them was “Just Johnny.” He only posed for a couple of tame pictures with me back at our apartment that day, but that was only the beginning with him. (More about him later.) I had never heard the terms “bar-meet” or “after-party” at the time, but after a while, that’s what everybody started calling them. We kind of solidified the format with that first party which carried on for all of our future get-togethers: Meet up in a public place, usually a bar, and then invite anyone who seemed cool back to our place to hang out more. The after-party was always my favorite. There I could relax, take my clothes off, etc. Plus, I love to decorate so if it was a holiday or something, I could have fun dressing our apartment up… even if I was the only one to notice or care. I was always sure to preface any party announcement with the message: Do not come to this expecting to have sex with me or anybody else. As time went on, the parties did have a tendency to get wilder, but that message never changed. If we became good enough friends with you and one thing led to another, that’s one thing, but if you came with any expectations whatsoever, I could spot you from a mile away and you had immediately disqualified yourself. The one thing we always wanted to be clear and unequivocal about was, you must show the utmost respect to everyone, especially the women. You don’t touch, you don’t do anything, unless they let you know it’s OK. Period. I never knew how many people actually read the things I wrote, but with perhaps just a couple of exceptions (which were dealt with quickly) over all those parties, everybody was always so cool. We always seemed to attract the best people, and they all “got it.” That feeling of being with like-minded people was so special. I still miss it. Sometimes, I have no idea what I was thinking at a particular time; I still find it kind of strange that we didn’t even think to take photos on those first couple of trips we made, when the site first started making money. The first trip we took where we took photos was an impromptu trip to Atlantic City for a couple of days. Even then, I only posed inside our hotel room. At home, we were always trying to think of new ideas for photos. One day, we found out that we could climb out of one of our windows onto the roof of the building below us. The first time we did it, it was summer, and we got tar all over our hands and feet. Later, when it was also cooler outside, we found ways of avoiding the tar, like putting old sheets down first. It was so fun to get naked up there! I could hear the traffic going by on York Road, but the signage of the building hid us very effectively. It felt so naughty! The only time I had ever felt anything similar was with my first boyfriend. It was before I had even lost my virginity to him. His parents were out and we were in his room. I don’t remember if he undressed me or if I did it myself, but I know he left the room at one point and I was just standing there naked. It was a bit awkward. I kept trying to figure out how I should stand, where I should put my hands… do I cover anything or not? But I stayed where I was. It was late afternoon and the sun was slanting through the windows. I could see the little specks of dust illuminated in the air. It was quiet and warm in his house. He came back after a few minutes, but I found that time alone to be so empowering in some way. I felt so sexy and beautiful… and not dirty in the slightest. I felt powerful. I was only 16 at the time, and it was my first time doing anything like that and I have never been ashamed of the fact that I liked it. It was the same when we started venturing outside. At first, we just went around the building (on a Sunday when it would be the least busy)... I flashed here and there in this little peach vest and skirt combo that I think I bought while I was working as a fitting room attendant at Marshall’s when I was 18. I love my memories from our time in that first apartment but before long, we decided to move. We headed north, into the county and chose a community in Cockeysville, Maryland where we still live today. In fact, for a few years, I worked in the leasing office of this place. We had only been looking for another one-bedroom but were somehow talked into renting a two-bedroom with a den. I did not voice this to Dave at the time, but I’ll admit that thoughts of a future nursery danced through my mind, and the den would be perfect for me to have an office. The place wasn’t anything fancy, but it was a nice-sized space, with central air and an in-unit washer and dryer. No more hanging sheets or taking buses to the laundromat! We moved in on November 10, 1996. Things continued as usual for a while. We were settling into our new place. We got a dog: the aforementioned Spot. In addition to the parties and traveling, I posed naked all over the place. I will probably have to do a whole episode on all the places I’ve flashed. The fact that we never got into any kind of trouble for what we did is a testament to how careful we were, but we were definitely becoming more and more daring. At the same time, we were exploring the exciting world of video production. Especially once I picked up my very first vibrator at a store called, “The Love Ones” in Towson. Again, digital cameras were still in their infancy so most recordings were on good old VHS, but we actually sold a CD-ROM before we sold tapes. They would contain our entire archive of photos up until its creation, as well as numerous video clips. Many of the longer scenes had to be cut down into smaller clips because the files were so huge and computers were so ill-equipped to handle them. And don’t even think of downloading through the internet. It was simply an exercise in frustration to try and do anything with video via the early internet. After a while, I decided it would be better all around to just make VHS tapes. Editing and duplication were achieved via two connected VCRs. Years ago, while doing a big spring cleaning, I found no less than 9 VCRs, and even some old, blank VHS tapes, still in the package. I used to buy the latter in bulk wherever I could find them. Fun side fact: I was (am) a huge fan of “Mystery Science Theater 3000” but I had no tapes to trade in the beginning. I did, however, have another type of tape I could trade. Yes, I traded my porn tapes for episodes of MST3K. Everything was done by us… and frankly, by that time, mostly me. Dave was still the photographer and was certainly there to help if I had any computer issues I couldn’t deal with, but I was now running the show. Most people didn’t believe I was running the site, even though Dave was quick to back me up on the fact. When other webmasters would come up to him to talk shop, he would direct them over to me. They would pause and then say something like, “No really, what do you use for blah, blah, blah…” One thing Dave did do was broker a deal with a local porn shop. We allowed them to duplicate our tapes and sell them, with the promise of a cut of the sales. It was completely on the honor system which was probably pretty stupid, but we did make sure that our URL was listed on every tape, at the very least. At this time, website memberships made up most of our income, anyway, and we did develop a larger fan base due to the distribution of those tapes. There was also the time they closed the store and allowed us to take pictures all over it. It was kind of neat having people do stuff like that for us, just so we could take naked photos! Another notable example is when a proprietor of a blacksmithing shop at the Maryland Renaissance Festival, let us into the back where they had a little private fenced-in backyard area. They even let us borrow some swords to pose with. Again, I’ll admit, it was such a thrill being able to hear the crowds while taking my clothes off, even though no one could see or even suspect a thing. Plus, it was sort of like receiving VIP treatment… which happened more and more as time went on. In fact, we received the literal VIP treatment when a fan who worked for HSFstival gave us free tickets and VIP passes. We had our own box on the club level and when Dave discovered he could get free Heinekens at the bar? Well, I could have used some help dragging him out of there. I flashed my boobs all around RFK Stadium. That may have been the most brazen I ever got with flashing in public. The festival atmosphere just made it feel like it was OK. And no, I did not take advantage of the free drinks, myself. Most of the time when doing this kind of thing, I was bone-sober. Dave, not so much and his alcoholism will factor into the story in the future. He has been sober for many years now but to be perfectly honest, it is nothing short of a miracle… several miracles, in fact… that he is still alive today. He is, though, and Dave is very self-aware of his past mistakes, so while I won’t go into anything that is not relevant to the story, it’s fair to say that this story is not all boobies and roses. I also plan to be very kind in any tellings (and I expect the same from anyone commenting), because I always treated him as if he had a disease… because that’s what it is. I hate ending this on a down note, because there are still so many fun stories. Like life, there are ups and downs… and sometimes the higher you fly, the harder you fall. But I’ll be back next week with another tale of a particular trip we took: This time to Hotlanta! Sorry Georgians,I know you’re sick of that, but I had to do it. I first heard the term during that first road trip we took, which was the summer of 1996… when the Olympics were going on in Atlanta… which we passed through. I think they even renovated the rest stop bathrooms in that area, because I always need to find a bathroom, and I just remember that area having the best bathrooms. They were gorgeous and so high-tech! They even had those new faucets that you have to wave your hands under to get the water to go. They were new at the time. I choose to find it cute how fascinated I was with what is now *old* new technology. You gotta find your kicks where you can the older you get. OK, before I start telling you about that time I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time, I’m gonna call that an episode. Please like, subscribe, all that good stuff… tell me in the comments what you think or if you have any questions… and I’ll see you next time! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenpm.substack.com [https://jenpm.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Was An Internet Pioneer (And All I Got Was This Lousy Story) - Episode 3

Transcript Hello and welcome to episode 3! While my first two-episodes were sort of world-building, this episode is going to be about one very specific event: The trip that Dave I took to Tampa, Florida in May of 1998. I will also be including photos. They’ll be censored but, keep that in mind if you’re consuming this episode in a way other than simply listening to it. Around the same time I took over the reins of the website, Dave started exchanging messages with another early amateur webgirl who I’ll simply call O. If you know who I’m referring to, please don’t reveal her full name, real or stage, in a comment or anything like that. I am very much an outlier, not just in how early I got started in all this but also being in a position to still feel comfortable talking about it publicly. Others, though, moved on and would rather not have a spotlight on that time in their lives. So, her name for the purposes of this is O. That’s all you need to know anyway. Also like most, the website only had her stage name attached to it, even though she had a partner. Again, we were an anomaly, using both our real names and including Dave in the title. O and her partner “Lance” (also not his real name) were living in Tampa, Florida at the time. O and Lance are no longer together but they were for many years. They were also *much* wilder than we were. They would host these parties where anyone and everyone could come and meet up with O and any other webgirls they could get together. At first, we thought that was nuts! How does she know some axe murderer isn’t going to show up? Quite a few years later, I had a very similar reaction to the concept of Uber. She eventually convinced us to come down for a party weekend, though. She had done many of these without anything terrible happening, so we decided to give it a whirl. We did have one thing we had to do first, though: We had already bought tickets to one of those big seminars with a lot of different motivational speakers at the Baltimore Civic Center (or Royal Farms Arena or whatever they’re calling it now.) Dave had been given Brian Tracy tapes by his Mother in the past and he was suitably impressed enough to insist we check it out. We’re not quite as enamored with self-help gurus these days… it was kind of a phase… but we did take some valuable lessons from that time. The seminar took place just a few days before we left for Tampa, and we listened to the cassette tapes we bought there from Brian Tracy all the way down and back. Between speakers, Dave would go outside to smoke a cigarette. He has since quit but he smoked for a long time so there are a lot of stories that involve smoke breaks. I have never smoked… well, cigarettes… but I would often stand out there with him. During this one, we were chatting about the speakers we had seen: Brian Tracy (of course), Zig Ziglar, Faith Popcorn… even Colin Powell! It was certainly interesting. It was then that Dave finally shared with me the extent of the negative messages he had received in the beginning, and how that had shaped his views about running the website. I then said to him, “What would we do if we won the lottery and never had to worry about money again?” Almost in unison, we both replied, “Make the site free again.” It finally clicked in both of us, but especially Dave who had been so tormented, that yes, we were doing what we had to do to pay the bills, but that didn’t mean we didn’t love what we did and couldn’t be ethical about how we made money. I still value the message that I took from the Brian Tracy tapes of how caring about other people isn't just “the right thing to do,” but can actually be the key to your own success. We still weren’t entirely sure about O and her parties, but we packed up the Saturn, dropped our dog Spot off at the vet for boarding, and hit the road! Spot was his real name, by the way. He was a border collie mix that was 5 months old when he entered the shelter but we didn’t get to him until he was 8 months old. The shelter named him Spot and he seemed to be attached to the name, so it stuck. Anyway, for some reason, I chose a hotel that was approximately 45 minutes away from her house. I can’t remember why; I think it had to do with price, but I don't know why I was being so cheap; We were doing pretty good with money again. However, like every misstep, it just gave us more stories! One of the first things we did after getting settled into the hotel, was to go to the mall. It was right across the street (I think that might have been part of why I picked it) and I wanted to see if I could find anything new to wear to the party. Showing off my new dress, in typical "Jen n Dave" fashion. One of the places I wanted to visit was Victoria’s Secret. We went in, and I found what I was looking for: this sheer white bra with matching panties. Here’s those same bra and panties taken off of me by O during an iFriends show. We’ll talk about iFriends more later. I was all ready to head to the register when a very friendly but aggressive salesgirl pounced on me. She insisted I go into the fitting room to try on the bra. Dave then asked if he could go back with me and she said, “Sure!” Six-foot Dave with a mullet halfway down his back and a big Nikon SLR camera hanging around his neck followed me into the fitting room with the staff’s blessing. Florida, man. Despite the camera, there ended up being no photos of this encounter because Dave was simply too dumbstruck. As I finished putting the bra on, the sales girl came to the door and asked if she could come in. I was surprised but said, “Sure?” She begins explaining how the underwire is specially designed for... blah, blah, blah, something. I can't remember exactly what she said, because as she’s doing this, she is very lightly touching my breasts through the bra. After she left the dressing room, I put my clothes back on, and we left the store (after I bought the bra and panties, of course). As we’re heading back to the hotel, I remember asking Dave, “Why didn’t you take any pictures??” He could only respond, “I froze!” After we had dinner that night, I went down to the hotel pool. It stayed open late and I love swimming at night. I love it any time of day, but it is somehow different at night. I remember floating there and feeling like I was exactly where I should be at this moment in time. When I went back up to the room, I found Dave poring over a bunch of the little brochures I had grabbed in the hotel lobby, when we first arrived. He had been trying to find something we could do during the day to pass the time until the party the next night. He suggested we go canoeing. I said, “Have you ever been canoeing?” He said, “Not really.” Neither had I but as I often do, I said, "Sure, why not?" Looking back, that was perhaps the craziest thing we did that whole trip. We went to the place on the brochure, paid our money, and the “guide” drove us out into the wilderness. He gave us a quick tutorial on what to do… he tells us not to worry about the gators; it’s not mating season yet… and Dave and I were pushed out into the river! It was truly one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. I’m sure it has something to do with adrenaline, but I have never felt more alive than when I was scared I might die. At one point, the thought occurred to us, “What if we accidentally bothered the gators?” We could see their little eyes poking up in the water and, while they seemed to be staying far enough away, I couldn't stop imagining one of them swimming under or too near the boat and one of us accidentally hitting them with an oar. How do you say, “Whoopsiedoodle” to an alligator? Actual photo of a gator we passed. Everything was gorgeous, though, so as much as we tried to remain focused on rowing appropriately, we kept getting distracted by the scenery. Not long into it, I just went ahead and took my top off while we rowed because who was going to see? We were deep in the wilds of Florida and there were no sign of humans anywhere. Taking a break from rowing to pose for photos. Because of course... At one point, we saw what we thought was a giant crane or some other large white bird, just down the river from us. We were in awe. The only thing that tore my attention away, was when I suddenly realized we were heading for an embankment with a big black snake on it, raised up and clearly saying, “I know you’re not coming over here.” Paddle, paddle, paddle. Despite the snake incident, though, a little further down, we spot the perfect place where I could get out and pose for a few pictures. I take off the rest of my clothes and get out of the canoe. We got a couple good snaps in. Immediately after taking that last photo, though, I look over and notice that there’s another couple in a canoe coming up behind us on the river. They were still pretty far off but obviously, photoshoot over! I hop back in the canoe, put my clothes back on, and we paddle, paddle, paddle our asses out of there. We made it back safely to our guide who was waiting on the other side, to take us back to our car. We drove back to the hotel, got freshened up, and then headed out for the party! Oh, to have the energy I had at 23. There would be no way now. "Sorry we missed your party, we just survived doing the dumbest thing we’ve ever done and we are beat." There were already several people there, although not nearly the crowd that would soon make its way there. Everyone was so warm and welcoming. I got all these compliments on these snow pics I had done a few months before. Everybody already knew who we were. More and more people showed up. There was even a band in the dining room. It was a true house party. Early on, there was a group photo taken of all the webgirls there: one “nice” and one flashing. Later, one girl was smoking in the garage, talking about how her boob job was still healing, so that's why she was the only one that didn't flash for the group photo. I did plenty, though. My arms got tired from holding my shirt up, so these guys were nice enough to help a girl out. As the party went on, I got it in my head to just take all my clothes off. It’s one of my core memories. As I was just standing there naked, it felt a little weird at first; Had I gone too far? Nobody was complaining, though, and the weirdness quickly faded away. Can you believe all the seats were taken? Then Dave, O, and I snuck off to a back bedroom where we could shoot a few pictures of me and O alone. It was still just posing but definitely more than I had done with Raven. In fact, I do often refer to it as my first “girl-girl” experience. We finished the photoshoot and rejoined the party. The band is no longer playing and there are full-fledged orgies going on in every room of the house. We did not join in but were chatting with some people in the living room. At one point, we decided to simulate a photo of me having sex with a guy that seemed nice enough. Look, I have no reason to lie. If his penis was inside me, I would tell you! However, he had boxer shorts on. I know, I’m always ruining the fantasy by telling the truth. I don't know if you can see it in my eyes or not in this photo, but after this, I was ready to go. Not because I was having a bad time but because I was exhausted! So, as much fun as we were having, and as much fun as I'm sure went on after we left, we decided to call it a night. I drove because I had not been drinking that night, but I only got about halfway back to the hotel before I asked Dave if he felt sober enough to drive. I could barely keep my eyes open. He said he did. He had stopped drinking long enough before we left that, by the time he took over, he was OK; Certainly better off than I was, at least. The next day, there were plans to meet up with everyone at this beach bar for brunch. I had yet to hear the term, if it had even been coined yet, but it was my first experience with being “hangry.” I mean, I had barely eaten the day before. Can you blame me? We were having a hard time finding the group. Then we find everybody, but getting a server’s attention is impossible. I finally do and it still takes an hour for the food to come out. I did not act out, but even I was surprised by how mean I was feeling! After I was finally able to eat, though, I felt much better. The pleasant look on my face brought to you by food, glorious food. I did briefly flash there. Dave likes to tell the story of these guys that were looking over and bumping each other and going, “Look, look… she’s gonna show her boobs!” And when I did, there was much rejoicing. As the beach bar hangout broke up, we made plans with O to meet up at another bar in Ybor City later that night. That's when I wore that black dress I had bought earlier in the trip. Why nobody took any pictures there, I’m not sure. Probably because nobody was getting naked. I do know that I drank way too many Long Island Iced Teas. O and I talked about our childhoods… how we both broke our arms at the same age… classic icebreaker stuff like that. The whole night, I’m just happily girl-crushing on her. I just thought she was so cool. I then drop my last, only half-drunk Long Island Iced Tea, and Dave says, “Jen’s pretty wasted, I should probably get her back to the hotel.” I was so offended and tried to argue “No, I’m fine!” Then we walk outside and I throw up in the bushes. And on the side of the road halfway back. And when we got back to the hotel. The next day I slept in for a while. Then we went to O’s house one last time. She showed us how to do iFriends, which was an early camming service that I just discovered is actually still around. This was before video streaming, though. Computers couldn’t handle that then. They were refresh cams, like the famous JenniCam, where a new picture would be uploaded like every 30 seconds or so. O and I put on a little show for her iFriends audience. Are you not entertained?? Afterward, we shot a few more pictures, including of me and O on Lance’s motorcycle in the garage. Don’t be like me boys and girls. Always wear a helmet. Then we say our goodbyes and the next day, Dave and I decide to do one last thing before heading home: Go to Busch Gardens. Now it's a business trip. I don’t remember the rides all that much but I do remember the zoo. Seeing the alligators in their pen seemed so boring now. I also had this amazing, and kinda disturbing experience coming face-to-face with a gorilla. She was sitting right against the glass and when I leaned down to get a better look at her, I caught her eye and immediately felt… embarrassed. It felt so much like looking into a human’s eyes, that I felt like I had invaded someone’s personal space. Instinctively I apologized and backed up. I’m not about to get into the discussion of whether zoos are a good thing or not. There are plenty of pros and cons to be debated… but, that was perhaps the first moment that I felt conflicted about them. However, one thing we liked to do while traveling was to visit any zoos or aquariums that might be in the area. Weirdly, it’s tough to get people who have been partying naked all night to get up and go to the zoo with you in the morning but somehow we convinced people to join us at times. On the way home, Dave and I discussed doing our own parties. Maybe not quite like O’s but our own version. We remarked on how natural it felt; How unjealous Dave felt even as I’m naked and talking to other guys. It was a pivotal moment for sure. OK, well, that’s it for now but I’ll be back next week with more. This was the first of many crazy stories… and yes, some even get crazier than this, so be prepared. In the meantime, though, like, subscribe, all that good stuff… let me know in the comments what you think or if you have any questions… and I’ll see you next time! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenpm.substack.com [https://jenpm.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]