Not Saving It For Later - Guiding Women Through Divorce & Beyond

How to Spot a Narcissist

Season 2 Episode 6 : How to Spot a Narcissist What if the problem wasn’t that you were too sensitive… …but that you were being taught to doubt your own reality? In this episode of Not Saving It For Later, Hannah sits down with retired clinical psychologist Dr. Kerry McAvoy to unpack one of the most misunderstood and overused words in modern relationships: narcissist. Because not every difficult partner is a narcissist. And not every narcissist looks the way you think. This conversation moves beyond social media buzzwords and into the real psychology behind narcissistic behavior, manipulation, power, and emotional control. Dr. Kerry brings both clinical expertise and personal experience to this conversation, helping listeners understand not only what narcissism is — but why smart, capable, loving women so often find themselves trapped inside these relationships. If you have ever felt confused… blamed… emotionally exhausted… or like you were slowly disappearing inside your relationship… this conversation may help you make sense of what you’ve been living. This Conversation Covers: • What narcissism actually means according to the DSM • Why narcissism is often confused with selfishness or being a jerk • The core traits narcissists share • Manipulation, entitlement, and lack of empathy • Why narcissists often see relationships as competition and control • How love bombing and “compliance testing” work • Why smart women still fall into these dynamics • The role of self-betrayal and emotional conditioning • Why narcissists struggle to change • What emotional detachment can look like inside marriage • How manipulation escalates when you begin pulling your power back • Why staying “for the kids” may not protect them the way you hope • Practical ways to begin recognizing patterns and protecting yourself One truth from this episode that hit hard: "The people who benefited from you giving away your power will freak out when you call it back." If this conversation feels painfully familiar, please hear this: You are not crazy. You are not weak. And you are not doomed to stay stuck in dynamics that require you to abandon yourself to survive. TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 – Introduction + Meet Dr. Kerry McAvoy 02:15 – What Narcissism Actually Means 06:30 – Narcissist vs. “Just an Asshole” 11:40 – DSM Criteria + Core Traits Explained 18:15 – Jealousy, Entitlement & Lack of Empathy 24:20 – Are Narcissists Born or Made? 31:10 – Family Patterns + Genetic Components 38:00 – Why Narcissists Feel Superior Yet Empty 45:15 – Power, Control & Competition in Relationships 52:30 – Why Women End Up With Narcissists 58:10 – Love Bombing + The Mask They Wear 1:04:20 – How Compliance Testing Works 1:12:00 – Self-Betrayal, Attachment & People Pleasing 1:19:45 – Pulling Your Power Back 1:27:30 – Why Leaving Is So Hard 1:35:10 – Staying for the Kids + The Cost of Survival Mode 1:43:40 – Emotional Healing + Building Back Better 1:51:15 – Divorce, Labels & Why Caution Matters 1:59:20 – Not Saving It For Later CONNECT WITH DR. KERRY MCAVOY: Website: https://www.kerrymcavoyphd.com/ Instagram: @kerrymcavoyphd Facebook: Dr. Kerry McAvoy CONNECT WITH HANNAH + HEMBREE BELL: Website: www.hembreebell.com Website: HannahHembreebell.com Instagram: @hannahhembreebell Instagram: @hembreebelllaw Facebook: Hannah Hembree Bell TikTok: @hannahhembreebell

Are Your Kids Being Used as Weapons in Your Divorce?

Season 2 Episode 5: Are Your Kids Being Used as Weapons in Your Divorce? High Conflict Divorce Explained What happens when divorce stops being about resolution… and starts becoming about control? In this  episode of Not Saving It For Later, Hannah sits down with psychologist Dr. Mary Alvarez to unpack the painful reality of high conflict divorce and custody cases — and the devastating impact conflict can have on children. If communication feels impossible… if you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells… if co-parenting feels more like surviving than parenting… this conversation is for you. Dr. Alvarez brings decades of experience working inside high conflict family systems and explains what many parents quietly live through but struggle to put words around. This conversation covers: • What actually qualifies as high conflict divorce • Why conflict is often about power and control—not parenting • Co-parenting vs. parallel parenting • How children become emotional weapons in custody battles • Why tight custody orders matter • How toxic conflict impacts children’s brains and development • The emotional toll on the healthier parent • Self-care, regulation, and surviving without losing yourself • Whether children eventually “figure it out” One truth from this episode that hit hard: "It’s not the divorce that harms children. It’s the ongoing conflict." If you are navigating divorce or custody conflict, we hope this conversation helps you feel less alone — and more equipped. TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 – Introduction + Why This Conversation Matters 02:15 – Meet Dr. Mary Alvarez + Understanding Her Role 07:40 – What High Conflict Divorce Actually Means 14:10 – Why Progress Can Feel Unsafe During Litigation 20:05 – Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting 27:35 – Why Tight Custody Orders Matter 34:50 – How High Conflict Personalities Operate 41:15 – When Children Become Weapons 48:20 – Why Moms Often Feel Pressure to Be “Perfect” 54:10 – Trauma, Emotional Regulation & Self-Care 1:01:30 – Mental Health, Therapy & Divorce Stigma 1:08:45 – Learning Emotional Skills During Divorce 1:14:20 – Choosing Which Hills to Die On 1:20:10 – Do Kids Eventually Figure It Out? 1:27:15 – Healing, Hope & Leaving the Door Open CONNECT WITH DR. MARY ALVAREZ: Website: https://drmaryalvarez.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-alvarez-ph-d-4028836b/ CONNECT WITH HANNAH + HEMBREE BELL: Website: www.hembreebell.com Website: HannahHembreebell.com Instagram: @hannahhembreebell Instagram: @hembreebelllaw Facebook: Hannah Hembree Bell TikTok: @hannahhembreebell

What If the Good Stuff Scares You Too?

Season 2 Episode 4: What If the Good Stuff Scares You Too?You expected divorce to feel hard. What you didn't expect is that the good stuff on the other side might feel scarier.Tah Whitty is back for season two — nurse, healer, men's work guide, and one of Hannah's most trusted people. In their first season conversation he pulled a thread that wouldn't let her go: the part of her, and most women coming through divorce, that learned to keep the bad stuff out by also keeping the good stuff out. The same armor that protected you in the worst of it can quietly block the joy, the new love, the easier flow you've been working so hard to receive.This conversation is about full spectrum humanity — feeling all of it on purpose. They get into why "good" and "bad" are the wrong words, the five-step framework Tah teaches his clients, and why letting it just be is a level up from letting it be good.Tender, layered, and full of permission. Save this one for the days when you can't tell if you're protecting yourself or hiding from your life.Timestamps:- 01:35 — Welcome back, Tah- 03:20 — The thread from season one Hannah couldn't drop- 04:30 — Hannah's mean inner critic and the half-step removed life- 08:00 — Armor that keeps the bad out also keeps the good out- 09:30 — Logan's question: what do you do when you finally get what you wanted- 10:47 — Familiarity is what we protect, even when it hurts- 13:05 — The warrior still standing at the gate after the war is over- 16:12 — Tah's five steps: awareness, intention, strategy, action, accountability- 18:00 — Why "good" and "bad" are the wrong words. Try "different."- 22:25 — The doomsday scenario coming online- 22:44 — Tonga, humpback whales, and getting out of narrative- 23:44 — The four questions that craft your intention- 24:57 — Strategy, action, and the accountability piece people skip- 33:00 — Joy as the mother of all emotions. Capacity built both ways.- 34:30 — Full spectrum humanity, defined- 38:00 — Why women stay for years while every signal is on fire- 41:30 — Find your people: the boutique pack that can hold your honesty- 47:00 — Be messy. The right people love you in your mess.- 53:00 — It's all good. There is no opposite.- 56:00 — Stretching the rubber band: tiny doses of staying in the feeling- 58:50 — Don't rob your future self of the good by avoiding the hard- 59:00 — Trauma responses and why good things trigger the guardian- 1:02:00 — The color question on Tah's intake form- 1:03:25 — Hannah's new mantra: instead of let it be good, just let it be- 1:05:00 — Tah on Not Saving It For Later: save the doomsday scenario for later, not the joy- 1:07:40 — What's been shaking Tah lately- 1:09:30 — The empathetic witness: trauma in the absence of one- 1:11:30 — People throw rocks at things that shine- 1:13:00 — Tah's one piece of advice: 100 trillion cells, 4,000 ancestors, the magic in the mirrorMentioned in this episode:- Kimber Hardick's new book on joy- "Be Your Future Self Now" — Benjamin Hardy- Napoleon Hill — "The Six Ghosts of Fear"Connect With Tah:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tahfree/?hl=en The YOUniverse is where Tah supports people in building emotional fluency and the capacity to navigate what they’re feeling, especially in moments of major life transition like divorce. Click here to join - https://CallTah.com/YOUniverse. Thinking about divorce in Texas? You don't have to figure it out alone.Hembree Bell Law is a Texas family-law-only firm built for high-functioning women who want to end their marriage well — with clarity, integrity, and a real plan for what comes next. Schedule a confidential consultation at (http://HembreeBell.com)Considering divorce but not in Texas or not ready to file? Start here.My Confident Divorce is Hannah's free community for women considering divorce. Access free coaching, private groups, preparation documents and so much more! Head over to (http://MyConfidentDivorce.com)

The Invisible Prison Most Married Women Don't See

Season 2 Episode 3: The Invisible Prison Most Married Women Don't See.If you've ever felt vaguely exhausted in your marriage but couldn't quite name why — walking on eggshells, repeating the same arguments, somehow still the one carrying it all — this conversation is going to put words on it.Abby Eckel is one of Hannah's favorite follows online. She talks about domestic labor, the mental load, and the quiet inequities baked into most marriages — and she does it without sugar-coating any of it. She and Hannah dig into why "just leave" is some of the worst advice women get, what it actually looks like to center yourself in small daily ways, and why so many smart, capable women stay in the invisible prison even when the key is in their own pocket.Honest, funny, and full of permission slips. If you needed someone to tell you it's okay to make a dinner you like, take the bath during the football game, and stop being the family cruise ship director — start here.Timestamps:- 01:17 — Meet Abby Eckel: domestic labor and the invisible load- 03:27 — Why Fair Play is a band-aid, not the answer- 04:20 — The root problem: nobody thinks women's labor is valuable- 05:22 — The invisible timeline drilled into girls from birth- 07:18 — Church-boy "submissive" theology and the women it breaks- 10:56 — The invisible prison (and the key in your pocket)- 11:24 — The shift that changes everything: believing you deserve more- 14:03 — You are worthy because you exist. Full stop.- 15:21 — First-generation freedom: credit cards, bank accounts, ancestral trauma- 16:44 — Centering yourself doesn't mean a hobby and a babysitter- 19:01 — Thermostats, default settings, and how men center themselves automatically- 21:40 — Hannah's mantra: that is not my preference- 26:43 — The hot bath during the football game- 27:58 — I am not a cruise ship director- 31:47 — Hold the line. Men respect a boundary.- 34:10 — Permission to take up space and find fulfillment outside the kids- 36:46 — Why "just leave" is unkind, unhelpful, and ignores the system- 39:30 — The recon mission: talking to a divorce lawyer is fact-finding, not the point of no return- 43:21 — A decision has been made: deciding before you act- 49:39 — Surviving the marriage vs. healing from it- 50:21 — Markers that the episode is talking to YOU- 52:23 — Time, place, and manner restrictions on talking to your spouse- 53:16 — Beige malaise: when there's nothing to look forward to anymore- 54:04 — What's been shaking Abby lately- 56:57 — Hannah on 2026: joy, not on layaway- 58:10 — Abby's one piece of advice: think and act like your husbandMentioned in this episode:- "Fair Play" — Eve Rodsky- "Wild Geese" — Mary Oliver- "Be Your Future Self Now" — Benjamin Hardy- Simon Sinek (find your why)Connect With Abby:Instagram: @AbbyEckelFacebook: @TheAbbyEckelWebsite: AbbyEckel.comThinking about divorce in Texas? You don't have to figure it out alone.Hembree Bell Law is a Texas family-law-only firm built for high-functioning women who want to end their marriage well — with clarity, integrity, and a real plan for what comes next. Schedule a confidential consultation at (http://HembreeBell.com)Considering divorce but not in Texas or not ready to file? Start here.My Confident Divorce is Hannah's free community for women considering divorce. Access free coaching, private groups, preparation documents and so much more! Head over to (http://MyConfidentDivorce.com)

People Pleasing Is the Highest Form of Lying

Season 2 Episode 2: People Pleasing Is the Highest Form of Lying.If "I'll just do it" is your default — at home, with the kids, at work, in your marriage — this is the conversation that's going to wreck you in the best way.Marla Mattenson is Hannah's longtime coach, friend, and one of the most quietly brilliant people she's ever worked with. Former math teacher, doula, body worker, executive coach, and a meditator with 23 years and 23 ten-day silent retreats under her belt. In this episode, Hannah brings you the Marla Greatest Hits — the small, simple shifts that quietly rewire how you communicate, how you set boundaries, and how you stop bleeding yourself dry trying to keep everyone else comfortable.We get into consent in everyday relationships, the difference between a clean yes and a "mushy yes," why people pleasing is technically lying, and the nervous system regulation tools (red, yellow, green) you can actually use the next time you feel agitated, stuck, or about to snap.This one is layered, tender, and weirdly practical. Stay till the end — Marla's takeaway is the line you're going to want on your fridge.Timestamps:- 01:22 — Meet Marla Mattenson: coach, math teacher, doula, body worker- 04:34 — The gift of consent: stop vomiting your truth on people- 05:41 — Clean yes vs. mushy yes (and why we don't proceed through mushy)- 07:05 — Considering the landing: how is what I'm about to say going to land- 10:24 — Where your consent is being trampled and you didn't know it- 12:01 — Lack of consent is the beginning of resentment building- 12:50 — How to practice consent with your kids (and your teen step-kid)- 14:41 — Consent as a micro tool that softens the whole road ahead- 21:22 — Asking is now a good time at work, on calls, with your husband- 22:30 — Suppressed words show up in your jaw, neck, and headaches- 23:00 — The audio note hack: get it out, send it later, build intimacy anyway- 24:24 — How consent eliminates people pleasing- 25:51 — Marla's most famous line: people pleasing is the highest form of lying- 29:20 — Lying as a spectrum: white lies all the way to malicious deception- 30:32 — Nobody wants to think of themselves as a liar — but here's how to catch yourself- 37:20 — Suppressed yeses become rage: how marriages rupture from the inside- 39:30 — Why divorce can look like a personality break (it's not — it's the volcano)- 42:14 — Nervous system 101: red, yellow, green and fight, flight, freeze, fawn- 45:04 — Feeling safe in red is intimacy. Feeling unsafe in red is collapse.- 52:58 — Marla on Vipashana: 23 years, 23 silent retreats, observing without reacting- 54:59 — Owning your sensations, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as yours- 1:00:00 — Marla's free nervous system training (linked below)- 1:05:05 — Get into nature, feet in the dirt, cold water on the back of the neck- 1:07:15 — Marla's one thing for the women of divorce land: you're doing it perfectly- 1:09:50 — Even your messy choices and mistakes are working for goodMentioned in this episode:- "Vipashana" silent meditation tradition- The Gottmans (relationship research)Connect With Marla:Free training: ethicalsalesinstitute.com Follow her on Instagram and LinkedInhttps://www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson/linkedin.com/in/marla-mattenson-08613195Thinking about divorce in Texas? You don't have to figure it out alone.Hembree Bell Law is a Texas family-law-only firm built for high-functioning women who want to end their marriage well — with clarity, integrity, and a real plan for what comes next. Schedule a confidential consultation at (http://HembreeBell.com)Considering divorce but not in Texas or not ready to file? Start here.My Confident Divorce is Hannah's free community for women considering divorce. Access free coaching, private groups, preparation documents and so much more! Head over to (http://MyConfidentDivorce.com)