Secret Sesh

Lime Green Firetruck (iykyk)

Graduation is around the corner. I'm going to be a real gingerbread boy now and no one can stop me. Fuck you, Martha. I haven't forgotten what you did to Spencer's sock in 3rd grade. Nah, I don't actually know a Martha. Could you imagine?

Semen Sheets

It's cold and rainy. It's Summer. I am Steven.

Live From This Guy's Bedroom

Is nothing sacred anymore? Will the entertainment complex ever be satiated with what must surely be "too much shit?" Are you tired of losing sleep over the loss of your sanity and/or dignity? Well toil no more! With THERAPY GUN, you can end it all right now! Not to be confused with theragun, the massage tool, THERAPY GUN is just a gun. Any gun will do! Heck, you might already have a THERAPY GUN at home- how about that! You've already got a free THERAPY GUN. Eat it for breakfast, bring it to bed, take it on your next family vacation. THERAPY GUN! There's never a wrong time to be strapped!

I Heard Your Boyfriend Sucks

But I don't. That doesn't mean I'm a good partner. I just don't suck and your boyfriend does. This isn't an attempt to break y'all up- I wouldn't be a better option. You can leave him if you want to, but I'm just saying that I probably won't fulfill your needs either on an emotional level. He sucks, but I'm unavailable emotionally. That being said, if you guys do breakup and you want someone to fuck around with while you're looking for the real deal, I could be down for that. And who knows, maybe we'll wind up really liking each other. I'm not ruling that out, like I can be open to the possibility of something happening between us on a committed level, but we can cross that bridge when we get there. Anyways, I hope you wake up from your coma soon. HAGS

The Hangman Always Swings Twice

Cut the crap. Your father's home and he is pissed. You're killing your father. Bad boy.