The Own My Life Podcast

7. Viran and Helen

Join us as Abi Thomas meets amazing women who have all been through the Own My Life Course, 12 sessions which enable women who have been subjected to abuse to regain ownership of their lives. Be aware that you will hear painful stories of many types of abuse during these episodes. But you will also hear a lot of joy - and we make no apology for that! Today we meet the wonderful Viran and Helen. Viran Wiltshire is a Detective Sergeant with 25 years of experience in the Metropolitan Police, specialising in public protection and domestic abuse policy development. She is credited for creating a standalone domestic abuse policy for staff and officers for the whole Met Police, establishing support mechanisms like a force-wide Independent Domestic Violence Advocate (IDVA), and co-leading the HEAL DA initiative for system-wide police support for those subjected to abuse. Viran is dedicated to empowering colleagues who have been abused, improving organisational culture, and has been recognised with the King’s medal for her efforts. Helen is a magnificent woman and a serving officer at the Metropolitan Police. She is a participant and advocate for Own My Life, which she credits with enabling her to move forward with her life after she was abused by her partner. She particularly speaks to the ways Own My Life contributed to improved health and well-being. Helen acts as an ambassador, referring other police staff to the course. She emphasises the power of support networks and the Own My Life sisterhood and values the positive shifts in culture and empathy that the course inspires within the police force. More information about Own My Life: 1. Our training HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/training] 2. Find a course HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/findacourse] 3. Evaluations HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/news/categories/evaluations] 4. Own My Life Discovery HERE [http://ownmylifediscovery.org/] Further Reading and Resources: 1. Employers Initiative on Domestic Abuse HERE [https://www.eida.org.uk/resources/domestic-abuse-act-factsheet] 2. Met Police blog HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/post/bringing-hope-through-heal-da-launching-two-powerful-testimony-videos] You may realise as you listen that you, or someone you know, needs help or support to get safe. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline [https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/] is on 0808 2000 247. If you have concerns that a man is behaving in an unsafe way to a partner you can contact the Respect Perpetrator Phoneline [https://respectphoneline.org.uk/] on 0800 802 4040. The Rape Crisis England and Wales [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/] helpline is 0808 500 2222. Rape Crisis Scotland [https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/] is 08088 010302 and Rape Crisis Northern Ireland [https://rapecrisisni.org.uk/] is 0800 0246 991. Music: Untamed (Instrumental Version) [https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/1b43c0ee-9fde-466c-a359-a546ff976f1b/] used with permission and our thanks to Ludlów.

6. Naomi

Join us as Abi Thomas meets amazing women who have all been through the Own My Life course, 12 sessions which enable women who have been subjected to abuse to regain ownership of their lives. Be aware that you will hear painful stories of many types of abuse during these episodes. But you will also hear a lot of joy - and we make no apology for that! Today we meet the fantastic Naomi. Naomi is a clear-thinking and radiant woman and mother. Her husband abused her for over 15 years. Naomi only realised the extent of his control and emotional manipulation after many years together, initially believing that relationship challenges were normal and required perseverance, she experienced a pivotal "thunderbolt moment" that shifted her understanding and made her recognise her husband’s abuse of her. Naomi endured his escalating control of nearly every aspect of her life, from finances and daily routines to social connections and even how she physically cared for herself. Despite these challenges, Naomi found ways badass and brilliant ways to quietly resist and began carefully planning her eventual departure, building a trusted support network and prioritising hers and her children’s. She describes feeling isolated and the necessity of not leaving him until she was certain she could do so safely and permanently. Naomi’s faith and the supportive environment of her church community played an important role in her recovery, although she acknowledges not all faith communities are equipped to be supportive, including her previous church. Following her departure, Naomi gained a sense of joy and freedom in daily choices; whether simple decisions like buying yogurt or larger ones like enjoying her children and time with friends free from fear. More information about Own My Life: 1. Our training HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/training] 2. Find a course HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/findacourse] 3. Evaluations HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/news/categories/evaluations] 4. Own My Life Discovery HERE [http://ownmylifediscovery.org/] Further Reading and Resources: 1. Safety Plan HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/safetyplan] 2. Out of Control by Natalie Collins HERE [https://www.nataliecollins.info/product-page/out-of-control-book] (audio book HERE [http://nataliecollins.info/audiobook]) 3. Abuse is a Verb by Natalie Collins HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/product-page/abuse-is-a-verb-paperback] 4. Own My Life Discovery HERE [http://ownmylifediscovery.org/] 5. Traumatic Attachment: 6. Mags Lesiak report HERE [https://www.cam.ac.uk/stories/domestic-abuse-trauma-bonds?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&fbclid=IwZnRzaANhOIxleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHr3nIbzOcFH5eIm3HFHBo4B2tAX3ocYvTT1IrKhADEOrUXyshcbjcvGHCp5Z_aem_i_A7WnrYG5jHl0zK3RK1Dw] 7. Zoe Lodrick article HERE [https://www.zoelodrick.co.uk/physcological-trauma-article] 8. Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers by David Mandel [https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com] 9. Restored HERE [https://www.restored-uk.org/] 10. Faith and VAWG Coalition HERE [https://www.faithandvawg.org/] You may realise as you listen that you, or someone you know, needs help or support to get safe. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline [https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/] is on 0808 2000 247. If you have concerns that a man is behaving in an unsafe way to a partner you can contact the Respect Perpetrator Phoneline [https://respectphoneline.org.uk/] on 0800 802 4040. If you would like to talk to someone about suicidal feelings please call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline [https://spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline/]. The Rape Crisis England and Wales [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/] helpline is 0808 500 2222. Rape Crisis Scotland [https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/] is 08088 010302 and Rape Crisis Northern Ireland [https://rapecrisisni.org.uk/] is 0800 0246 991. Music: Untamed (Instrumental Version) [https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/1b43c0ee-9fde-466c-a359-a546ff976f1b/] used with permission and our thanks to Ludlów.

5. Tara

Join us as Abi Thomas and Natalie Collins meet amazing women who have all been through the Own My Life Course, 12 sessions which enable women who have been subjected to abuse to regain ownership of their lives. Be aware that you will hear painful stories of many types of abuse during these episodes. But you will also hear a lot of joy - and we make no apology for that! Today we meet the splendid Tara. Tara is a strong and reflective woman who was partner subjected her to a prolonged and complex abuse within a ten-year relationship. His abuse was deeply emotional and psychological, including destroying her home, manipulating her, and his repeated cycles of blaming her and making her feel guilty. Tara’s partner owned a business with her. He is now subject to a 6 year harassment order and a short term restriction of liberty order. She describes herself as having been compassionate and empathic, focused on helping her partner and seeing the good in him, even as he became increasingly dysfunctional and his abuse towards her escalated. Tara sought healing and understanding through therapy and support groups, notably Own My Life and Women's Aid [https://womensaid.org.uk/], which both played a major role in her recovery. She recognises both the trauma his abuse caused her and the strength it took to leave, rebuild, and redefine herself. Despite him taking so much from her; her home, business, financial security, and sense of identity, Tara maintains hope for the future and finds joy in simple pleasures, such as late-night walks and the companionship of her lovely dog. Throughout her story, Tara demonstrates courage, honesty, and a desire to help others understand the complexities of making sense of a relationship with an abusive partner. Her community is really important to her and seeks to move beyond what her partner did to her, reclaiming her agency and embracing personal growth. More information about Own My Life: 1. Our training HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/training] 2. Find a course HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/findacourse] 3. Evaluations HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/news/categories/evaluations] 4. Own My Life Discovery HERE [http://ownmylifediscovery.org/] Further Reading and Resources: 1. Woman's Aid [https://womensaid.org.uk] UK and Scottish Women's Aid [https://womensaid.scot] 2. Surviving Economic Abuse HERE [https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/] 3. The Body Keeps the Score [https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score] by Bessel van der Kolk 4. When the Body Says No [https://drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/] by Gabor Mate 5. Coercive Control [https://www.waterstones.com/book/coercive-control/evan-stark/9780197639986] by Evan Stark 6. More on the Power Threat Meaning Framework Pattern HERE [https://cms.bps.org.uk/sites/default/files/2025-09/PTMF%20Pattern%20-%20Women%20surviving%20domestic%20violence%20and%20abuse%20in%20heterosexual%20relationships.pdf] 7. A Straight Talking Guide to the Power Threat Meaning Framework [https://www.waterstones.com/book/a-straight-talking-introduction-to-the-power-threat-meaning-framework/mary-boyle/lucy-johnstone/9781910919712] You may realise as you listen that you, or someone you know, needs help or support to get safe. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline [https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/] is on 0808 2000 247. If you have concerns that a man is behaving in an unsafe way to a partner you can contact the Respect Perpetrator Phoneline [https://respectphoneline.org.uk/] on 0800 802 4040. If you would like to talk to someone about suicidal feelings please call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline [https://spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline/]. The Rape Crisis England and Wales [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/] helpline is 0808 500 2222. Rape Crisis Scotland [https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/] is 08088 010302 and Rape Crisis Northern Ireland [https://rapecrisisni.org.uk/] is 0800 0246 991. Music: Untamed (Instrumental Version) [https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/1b43c0ee-9fde-466c-a359-a546ff976f1b/] used with permission and our thanks to Ludlów.

4. Lorna

Join us as Abi Thomas meets amazing women who have all been through the Own My Life Course, 12 sessions which enable women who have been subjected to abuse to regain ownership of their lives. Be aware that you will hear painful stories of many types of abuse during these episodes. But you will also hear a lot of joy - and we make no apology for that! Today we meet the wonderful Lorna. Lorna is a courageous and visionary woman who has survived both a childhood and adulthood dominated by abusers. Lorna has also lived with addiction, and been through the trauma of losing her child to care proceedings. Her journey led her to Her Circle, a beautiful organisation dedicated to supporting women with dealing with “complex motherhood”, where she found healing and empowerment. Lorna has since reclaimed her life, built a strong relationship with her daughter, and become an advocate for systemic change, including speaking in parliament. Lorna’s former partner was significantly older than her, and subjected her to physical abuse from the start of the relationship. His emotional and psychological abuse of her was severe. Exercising control over her finances, her partner isolated her from others, manipulated and intimidated her, and his possessiveness was wielded as a way to control her relationship with her daughter, preventing cuddling her daughter or showing her she loved her. Her partner sexually abused Lorna, his threats to her were ongoing, and were realised in acts of violence, including him seriously injuring her. His abuse also included him sharing intimate videos of her online to further traumatise and control her. Lorna is a remarkable woman, who now helps facilitate Own My Life courses, using her skills and joy to support and inspire other women. Lorna embodies strength, hope, and the power of sisterhood, transforming her what was done to her into a mission to help others reclaim ownership of their lives. More information about Own My Life: 1. Our training HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/training] 2. Find a course HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/findacourse] 3. Evaluations HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/news/categories/evaluations] 4. Own My Life Discovery HERE [http://ownmylifediscovery.org/] Further Reading and Resources: 1. Tim Churchill’s report on domestic abuse and suicide HERE [https://media.churchillfellowship.org/documents/Woodhouse_T_Report_2023_Final.pdf] 2. Mother of Invention by Katrine Marçal [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/post/abuse-is-a-verb-book] 3. Making Life Worth Living article HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/post/making-life-worth-living] You may realise as you listen that you, or someone you know, needs help or support to get safe. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline [https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/] is on 0808 2000 247. If you have concerns that a man is behaving in an unsafe way to a partner you can contact the Respect Perpetrator Phoneline [https://respectphoneline.org.uk/] on 0800 802 4040. The Rape Crisis England and Wales [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/] helpline is 0808 500 2222. Rape Crisis Scotland [https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/] is 08088 010302 and Rape Crisis Northern Ireland [https://rapecrisisni.org.uk/] is 0800 0246 991. Music: Untamed (Instrumental Version) [https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/1b43c0ee-9fde-466c-a359-a546ff976f1b/] used with permission and our thanks to Ludlów.

3. Clara

Join us as Abi Thomas meets amazing women who have all been through the Own My Life course, 12 sessions which enable women who have been subjected to abuse to regain ownership of their lives. Be aware that you will hear painful stories of many types of abuse during these episodes. But you will also hear a lot of joy - and we make no apology for that! Today we meet the marvellous Clara. Clara is a creative and strong woman who was subjected to abuse by her former partner and found renewed joy, confidence, and autonomy after completing Own My Life. Her journey was marked by years of self-doubt, gradual recognition of her partner’s abuse, and overcoming the emotional and practical obstacles to leaving him. Clara values freedom, self-expression, and authenticity, qualities she celebrates in her new life. Despite manipulation, gaslighting, threatening behaviour and repeated violations of her boundaries, Clara maintained a core sense of self-worth, eventually drawing strength from her support network of family, friends, Women’s Aid, and Own My Life. She is honest about the difficulty of recognising and naming abuse, and she highlights the importance of understanding, support and self-compassion in recovery. We also hear about Clara’s inspiring moments of resisting her partner’s abuse, maintaining her sense of value. Clara’s story reflects both vulnerability and courage: she acknowledges the scars left by the abuser but also the hope and sense of possibility she’s rediscovered. She embraces her creativity and encourages others to realise that they are always enough. Clara shows us the extraordinary potential for renewal after escaping an abuser. More information about Own My Life: 1. Our training HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/training] 2. Find a course HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/findacourse] 3. Evaluations HERE [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/news/categories/evaluations] 4. Own My Life Discovery HERE [http://ownmylifediscovery.org/] Further Reading and Resources: 1. Abuse is a Verb [https://www.ownmylifecourse.org/post/abuse-is-a-verb-book] by Natalie Collins 2. Invisible Women [https://carolinecriadoperez.com/book/invisible-women/] by Caroline Criado Perez You may realise as you listen that you, or someone you know, needs help or support to get safe. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline [https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/] is on 0808 2000 247. If you have concerns that a man is behaving in an unsafe way to a partner you can contact the Respect Perpetrator Phoneline [https://respectphoneline.org.uk/] on 0800 802 4040. The Rape Crisis England and Wales [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/] helpline is 0808 500 2222. Rape Crisis Scotland [https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/] is 08088 010302 and Rape Crisis Northern Ireland [https://rapecrisisni.org.uk/] is 0800 0246 991. Music: Untamed (Instrumental Version) [https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/1b43c0ee-9fde-466c-a359-a546ff976f1b/] used with permission and our thanks to Ludlów.