Caregiver Isolation, Causes
The path to isolation is marked by 3 steps: 1) pain begins journey—usually words as talebearer that go deep. Isolation seems safe. 2). you take counsel of self (echo chamber), where your perspective + ideas seem best because unchecked. 3) if/when you do emerge conflict ensues—hence wars (see James) with others, or further retreat. The isolation pattern is born, like every rap star spitting out lyrics against “they”… if everyone is singing about “they,” then WHO is THEY?? You do same, they dont understand me, they wont help me, they dont care.
Consider all in our society that separates us. Perfectionism, being task oriented, addiction, criminal behavior, anger, pride, sports, desire to be the best, materialism, shyness, gossip, selfishness, demanding our way, laziness, ignorance, gluttony, tribalism, and clannishness, prejudice, Being a high achiever, self isolation, fear. Add now to this the pain & problems of caregiving itself.
In his book, the Great Divorce, CS Lewis describes hell as a Gray Town place where each person thinks she is happier the more they isolate themselves from one another. Each retreats by free will into that which hurts, then kills her.
Imagine hell as a place where you get everything you want, and more, forever, by yourself. Caregivers ironically do much of the same. See Proverbs 18:1--we pursue our ideas, or even the ideal, and so take fatal step after fatal step from all others who can inform and help us on this journey.
You’ve heard the expression, “pride comes before a fall.” The Bible doesn’t actually say this, but close to this is proverbs 18:12. In fact, all of Proverbs 18 is a warning against the evils of self-absorbed isolation.
And, much of caregiving is self-absorbed (woe is me) pity, mixed with isolation (especial emotional separation). We lose touch with care receiver, family members, friends, our habits of life, and even ourself. In process we become lazy, speak foolishness, are full of pride, and in time lose heart. A strong spirit can sustain a broken body, but nothing can sustain a broken spirit (called implosion).
Isolation is born out of arrogance, coupled with fear. Isolation breeds ignorance. We never grow wise in isolation. The three great teachers of wisdom are nature, the Bible, and interaction with others. Isolation robs us all three.
The prodigal son was alone. He was alone in his mind when he rebelled against his father, he was alone with the pigs. And every step he took toward the hogs he was alone. He was somewhat alone around everyone else except for his father When he returned. Then others slowly returned to him. I doubt he was ever alone afterward.
Eve sinned when she was alone from her husband, Cain when alone from parents.
The strength of David, even as his restoration following horrible sins with Bathsheba and killing her husband, was that he never traveled alone. David was always in midst of his soldiers & preachers.
The strongest biblical metaphors are the body, a building like the temple, a family, and an army. There are no Lone Rangerd in the faith. And no effective caregivers can in the end go it alone. Remember, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. he was never alone. In his great book Pilgrims Progress, John Bunyan show us Christian is never alone. First he walks with faithful, then with hopeful. Then the promised land post-River.
Let us as caregivers work in faith and hope, walking with faithful, hopeful others. Let us examine what inside us today isolates us. Then count the cost of that continued isolation.
Is it worth it?
