Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

Stop Trying to Fix Him: The Michelangelo Effect

Are you in love with a man you’re quietly trying to fix? This episode names the pattern, the psychology behind it, and the way out. There is a script some of us learned long before we ever met him: love hard enough, see deeply enough, hold space generously enough, and you can reach the wounded part of him no one else has reached. Our culture calls these the highest things a woman can offer. Sometimes they are. And sometimes — wearing the exact same clothes — they are something else entirely. In this solo episode of Pulling Threads, I share the psychology that finally gave me language for what I had been doing in my own relationship, including the stretch I am not proud of and the part of me that learned in childhood that fixing equals safety. We meet the Michelangelo Effect (Drigotas, 1999) and its dangerous twin, the Pygmalion phenomenon — and the difference between affirming the partner he wants to become and chiseling him toward the one you need him to be. By the end you will have a framework for telling apart the three men you might actually be with: the one who is chiseling, the one who could but isn’t, and the one whose contempt makes this pattern dangerous, not just expensive. WORK WITH ME: → Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] → THROUGH — my 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram [https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram] → 1:1 coaching for women rebuilding relationships and themselves: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] MORE FROM THE LOOM LIFE: → The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] → Loom Life Therapy (EMDR, IFS, trauma therapy): https://loomlifetherapy.com [https://loomlifetherapy.com] → Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com [https://leslieellenmathews.com] → Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life [https://instagram.com/the.loom.life] → TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews [https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews] COMPANION EPISODE FOR THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE: → “They Told You Women Want a Beast” (For the Boys playlist) — send it to him if anything in today’s episode named something you’ve been carrying together. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: → The Michelangelo phenomenon, Drigotas, Rusbult, et al. (1999) → The Pygmalion phenomenon as the unhealthy twin → The “fix-him script” and the “psych nurse” part → The three situations: the man chiseling, the man who could but isn’t, the man with contempt If anything here named something you’ve been carrying, drop a comment and tell me where you are in this — whether you’ve seen David, whether you’ve tried to carve your own, or whether you’re questioning the whole thing right now. Other women read these comments and learn from them. Take exquisite care of yourselves out there. — Leslie #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife #FixHimTrap #MichelangeloEffect #RelationshipPodcast #HealingPodcast #WomenInRelationships KEYWORDS: how to stop trying to fix him, fix him trap, fix him syndrome, Michelangelo effect relationships, Pygmalion phenomenon, codependency, people pleasing in relationships, attachment wounds, healing after toxic relationship, mental health podcast for women, relationship podcast, IFS parts work, women’s personal growth

Healing After Divorce: Nervous System Reset & Self-Trust

Healing after divorce starts in the body — not the spreadsheet. In this conversation, crisis coach Pamela Dussault joins Leslie Mathews to share why nervous system reset has to come before any of the practical work, and how women rebuild self-trust after an abusive marriage, burnout, or estrangement. ▶ Ready for structured support through divorce? Learn about THROUGH, Leslie's 8-week coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram [https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram] ▶ Book a free discovery call with Pamela: https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com [https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com] —————————————— In this episode of Pulling Threads, Pamela Dussault — a coach with more than 23 years of experience guiding women through divorce, burnout, estrangement, and existential reckoning — walks us through her signature framework she calls "victory." Pamela's path began with her own series of storms, including a divorce from an abusive partner who threatened her life when she sought to leave. From that breaking point, she built a methodology that moves clients through three anchors: resetting the nervous system, disrupting the identity and belief patterns that no longer serve them, and rebuilding self-trust so they can emerge as the most authentic version of themselves. Leslie and Pamela talk candidly about the moment of awakening that comes inside crisis — when you finally see that the wall in front of you is actually a new beginning. They explore what it feels like to choose change, why acceptance is the hardest and most empowering step, and how something as small as the "butterfly tap" under the collarbone can move you out of fear and back into your body's wisdom. Pamela also shares her own story of setting new standards for love after divorce, and why it took her four years to find a relationship that matched what she actually wanted. If you're in the middle of your own storm — divorce, burnout, an estrangement, or that quiet existential question of "is this really my life?" — this episode is a gentle, grounded reminder that change isn't happening to you. It's happening for you. WHAT WE COVER: • Why nervous system reset has to come before the legal, financial, and parenting decisions • The "butterfly" technique and a hand-on-heart practice you can use today • How to spot the belief patterns keeping you in a life that doesn't fit anymore • Pamela's three-pillar framework: reset, disrupt, rebuild • Setting new standards for love (and why this isn't about finding a partner) • Holding both connection and distance in estrangement • The Disneyland moment when joy comes back — and what to do with it TIMESTAMP 00:00 Welcome & introducing Pamela Dussault 01:30 The one thing your younger self would be surprised by 04:00 'I need to know this for a reason' — the wounded healer's path 06:00 Leslie's newspaper-article moment & deciding to leave 10:30 Pamela's 3am awakening & the gentle voice that changed everything 14:00 The mind-body downloads after the spiritual opening 18:00 The black-mold sign and trusting the universe 20:30 What the reframe to hope actually looks like inside the pain 23:30 Joy returning after suffering: the Disneyland story 25:00 The first choice — acceptance is the hardest, most powerful move 26:30 Why nervous system reset is the first pillar (not finances) 29:00 Two practices: the butterfly tap & hand-on-heart 31:30 Disrupting belief patterns: what story are you living in? 34:30 Social media, constant fear, and the noise we absorb 38:00 Burnout, career change, and the courage to stop 40:30 Setting new standards for love after an abusive marriage 43:30 Looking for the relationship — not the person 45:30 How long it took, why she wasn't nervous, and what she refused to settle for 48:30 When overwhelm is real and when it's a signal 51:30 Pamela's three-pillar method: reset, disrupt, rebuild 54:00 Estrangement: how to love from a distance 57:00 The Pisces symbol — holding both wholeness and connection 01:02:30 How to work with Pamela: discovery calls & the Victory package 01:04:30 Closing reflections CONNECT WITH PAMELA DUSSAULT: • Website & free discovery call: https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com [https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com] • Instagram & Threads: @pamela.dussault.consulting • All her links: https://linktr.ee/CrisisCoachPamela [https://linktr.ee/CrisisCoachPamela] • Free burnout quiz: https://shorturl.at/8igxA [https://shorturl.at/8igxA] CONNECT WITH LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE: • THROUGH — 8-week divorce program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram [https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram] • Main hub: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] • Therapy practice: https://loomlifetherapy.com [https://loomlifetherapy.com] • Leslie's site: https://leslieellenmathews.com [https://leslieellenmathews.com] • Instagram: @the.loom.life • TikTok: @leslieellenmathews ▶ SUBSCRIBE for weekly conversations on divorce recovery, nervous system healing, and authentic living. ▶ If this episode helped, leave a rating or review — it's the single best way to help another woman find this work. #DivorceRecoveryPodcast #NervousSystemReset #HealingAfterDivorce #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife

What an Avoidant Man Actually Wants, and The Part Nobody Talks About

If you've been dating an avoidant man and you can't quite name what you've been tracking — this is for you. There's a paradox he can't articulate, and you've been guessing for your whole relationship. Today it gets language. 👉 Ready to stop performing your way through this? Book a 1:1 discovery call with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] 👉 If he's willing to do the work, send him the companion men's episode "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" on the For The Boys playlist. — — — — — — — — — — You are not crazy. You've been tracking something real. The fact that you can't quite name it is part of what makes the experience so disorienting — and it's the part the dating advice industrial complex never explains. In this companion episode to last week's For The Boys release, Leslie names what an avoidant man actually wants (yes, both things at once), why most online advice for women dating avoidant men is actively harmful, and what to do instead. In this episode: • The paradox he's been asking you to solve without telling you (and probably without knowing it himself) • Why "have your own life" as a strategy doesn't work — and what does • Performed distance vs. the real thing: why his nervous system can tell the difference instantly • Leslie's own story: the four-month discard, the conversation that changed everything, and what she learned saying no • The 5 things to actually do when you're dating an avoidant man • How to tell the difference between a healing avoidant and an unhealed one (this is the whole game) • Why "the full life is the point, not the bait" This episode pairs with For The Boys Ep. 4: "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" — same information, written for the man on the other side of this conversation. — — — — — — — — — — 🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADS Pulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores attachment, dating, divorce recovery, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living. 🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE • Website: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] • Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] • Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life [https://instagram.com/the.loom.life] • TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews [https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews] 📬 DROP A COMMENT Did this land for you — especially section 5 on whether he closes the gap? Tell Leslie below. 00:00 Welcome — A Companion Piece for the Girls 01:00 You Are Not Crazy 02:00 Why Most Dating Advice for Women Is Wrong 03:00 What He Actually Wants 04:00 Both Needs at Once: The Paradox 05:00 Leslie's Story: The Air Filter Moment 07:00 What You've Already Learned in Your Body 08:00 Same Week, Opposite Signals 09:00 Where Dismissive Avoidance Comes From 10:00 What His Nervous System Is Scanning You For 11:00 Leslie's Full Life When They Met 12:00 The Middle: When She Stopped Saying No 13:00 Why His System Reads You as a Threat 14:00 Why the Internet's Advice Is Harmful 15:00 Performed Distance Is Still Engulfment 16:00 The "Orbiters" 17:00 The Full Life Is the Point, Not the Bait 18:00 The Four-Month Discard 19:00 The Calm Response That Changed Everything 21:00 The 5 Recommendations Start Here 22:00 1: Don't Text Him First All Day 22:30 2: Don't Make Him Your Primary Emotional Regulator 23:30 3: Let Him Pursue 24:00 4: Communicate Clearly, Not in Questions 24:30 5: Watch Whether He Closes the Gap 26:00 You're Not Weak. You're Not Too Much. 27:00 The Real Choice You Get to Make 28:00 Where to Find Leslie + Book a Call

Reinventing Yourself After Big Life Pivots | Chelsea Freeman

Former model and longtime QVC host Chelsea Freeman on what it actually takes to reinvent yourself after a major life pivot — and why looking good has nothing to do with vanity. 🌿 Work with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] ✨ THROUGH — 8-Week Divorce Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram [https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram] 📩 leslie@theloomlife.com In this episode of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity, Leslie sits down with longtime friend Chelsea Freeman — seasoned QVC host, former shopping-TV model, and creator of The Chelsea Standard — for a wide-ranging conversation about identity, confidence, and the kind of reinvention that arrives whether you’re ready or not. Chelsea began her career in shopping television at just nineteen and spent years in front of the camera and behind the scenes in product development before stepping back from the industry to focus on family. After an unexpected family move from Florida to Pennsylvania, she launched The Chelsea Standard — a fashion, beauty, and lifestyle brand that’s allowed her to step into a fresh chapter on her own terms. Together, Leslie and Chelsea unpack: How early modeling shaped (and sometimes distorted) Chelsea’s relationship with her own body What our mothers and grandmothers passed down about beauty and worth The difference between beauty as performance and beauty as self-care Why “vanity” and “self-respect” are not the same thing Permission slips women rarely give themselves — to evolve, to take up space, to like the way they look without apology How to navigate big life pivots when they weren’t your idea This is a lighter episode about heavy themes: identity, visibility, self-worth, and the quiet work of becoming who you’ve always imagined yourself to be. ✨ CONNECT WITH CHELSEA Instagram: @thechelseastandard TikTok: search “The Chelsea Standard” Catch her hosting on QVC 🌐 CONNECT WITH LESLIE Website: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com [https://loomlifetherapy.com] Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com [https://leslieellenmathews.com] Instagram: @the.loom.life TikTok: @leslieellenmathews 🎯 READY FOR YOUR OWN REINVENTION? Curious about working with Leslie 1:1 or joining the THROUGH divorce coaching program? Visit https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] to book a discovery call. 📺 Subscribe for new episodes weekly — real conversations on healing, identity, and weaving an authentic life. ⭐ If this episode resonated, leave a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more women find conversations like these. #PullingThreads #ReinventingYourself #WomenInTransition #Confidence #PersonalGrowth

For Men: Avoidant Attachment in Men And What They Actually Want

Avoidant attachment in men isn't about not wanting love. It's about a paradox almost no one names: you want her to choose you completely AND have a full life that doesn't depend on you. This episode names it. 👉 For the woman in your life who's been confused by you: send her the companion episode "What an Avoidant Man Actually Wants" on the main Pulling Threads feed (dropping next week). 👉 Ready to work on this 1:1? Book a discovery call at https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] — — — — — — — — — — If every woman you've ever dated has told you she's confused, hurt, or in tears and you didn't have an answer for her — this episode is for you. Leslie names the central confusion of dating with an avoidant attachment style: you want to be the center of her universe AND you need her to have her own life. Until somebody names it, it stays a contradiction. Once it has language, something can quietly shift. In this episode: • The paradox you've been living inside (and why men's content space treats it as a contradiction) • Where dismissive avoidant attachment actually comes from — the two signals your nervous system got before you had any choices • What your nervous system has been scanning every woman for, without your permission • Why the woman who wants you the most is the one you can never quite want back • The 90-second engulfment alarm — and how to catch it before it makes the call for you • How to communicate your need for space without disappearing • The conversation that begins to repair what you couldn't name before • Chosen vs. needed — the reframe that changes the entire dating landscape This episode is part of Pulling Threads' For The Boys playlist — a series geared specifically toward men navigating attachment, dating, and personal growth. — — — — — — — — — — 🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADS Pulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores divorce recovery, attachment, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living. 🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE • Website: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] • 1:1 coaching discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com [https://theloomlife.com] • Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life [https://instagram.com/the.loom.life] • TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews [https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews] 📬 GOT A TOPIC? Drop it in the comments — Leslie is opening up topic requests from men specifically. What do you want her to talk about next?