Touring History

Touring History 8-5-25

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 5TH SCRIPT COLD OPEN LANE: Welcome to Touring History, I'm Lane— DAVE: And I'm Dave, and today we're exploring August 5th, a date that really shows history's range – from incredible achievements to absolute tragedy. LANE: Yeah, we've got Neil Armstrong being born on this day in 1930, literally the first human to walk on the moon, and then we've got Marilyn Monroe found dead in 1962 at just 36 years old. DAVE: Plus the first transatlantic telegraph cable was completed on this date in 1858, basically creating the first instant communication between Europe and America. Talk about shrinking the world. LANE: And on a lighter note, it's National Underwear Day, because apparently even August 5th needs some levity after all that heavy history. DAVE: From the sublime to the ridiculous. Speaking of personal moments, let's hear from one of our listeners. LISTENER VOICE MEMO SEZSO (as Coach Brock): [friendly, slightly nostalgic coach voice] Hey Lane and Dave, this is Coach Brock! So you guys mentioned that photo history trick a few episodes back – where you check your phone's photo library by entering specific dates to see what happened that day in past years. Well, I tried it and man, it's become my new morning routine! I punch in the date and just see what memories pop up. August 1st brought up this amazing kayaking trip I took in Marina del Rey with one of my former high school students who graduated in 2019. Kid wanted to show me around the water since I'm definitely not a "water guy" – more of a land-based coach, you know? But we saw sea lions, seals, even some stingrays! It was incredible. Such a fun memory I'd completely forgotten about until that photo showed up on my phone. Now I start every day with a little time travel. Thanks for the tip, guys – you've made this old coach a little more nostalgic! LANE: Coach Brock sounds like he's got the right idea! There's something beautiful about rediscovering those random moments. DAVE: Plus I love that he admitted he's not a water guy but still went kayaking. That's good coaching – stepping outside your comfort zone. CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS LANE: Speaking of stepping outside comfort zones, let's talk about today's birthday legends. Born August 5th, 1930, Neil Armstrong – the first human being to set foot on the moon in 1969. DAVE: "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Though apparently he wanted to say "one small step for A man" but the transmission cut out the "a." Still iconic. LANE: Also born today in 1850, Guy de Maupassant, the French writer who basically perfected the short story. If you've ever read "The Necklace," that's his masterpiece about vanity and irony. DAVE: And Patrick Ewing was born on this day in 1963 – the basketball legend who dominated the NBA in the '90s, primarily with the New York Knicks. Seven feet tall and absolutely unstoppable. LANE: Three guys who were literally the best in the world at what they did. Armstrong conquered space, Maupassant conquered literature, and Ewing conquered the paint. SALACIOUS DAVE SEGMENT DAVE: Time for some salacious history, and today we're talking about something that happened exactly on August 5th, 1962 – the death of Marilyn Monroe, which sparked one of the most enduring scandals in American history. LANE: Oh boy, here we go. I assume this involves the Kennedys somehow? DAVE: You assume correctly! Monroe was found dead in her Brentwood home on the morning of August 5th, 1962, after a barbiturate overdose. Officially ruled a probable suicide, but here's where it gets juicy – she had been having affairs with both President John F. Kennedy AND his brother, Attorney General Robert Kennedy. LANE: Both brothers? That's... messy. DAVE: Extremely messy. Just three months before her death, Monroe had sung that famous sultry "Happy Birthday Mr. President" to JFK at Madison Square Garden, which basically confirmed the affair rumors to the entire world. But according to recent documentaries and investigations, Robert Kennedy was actually at Monroe's house the day she died, and they had a massive fight. LANE: What were they fighting about? DAVE: Monroe was reportedly threatening to go public about her relationships with both Kennedy brothers, potentially revealing state secrets she'd learned through their pillow talk during the Cold War. Some theories suggest she was silenced to protect national security, though others point to organized crime connections through Frank Sinatra. LANE: So her death potentially changed the entire trajectory of the Kennedy presidency? DAVE: Absolutely. If she had gone public, it could have brought down JFK's administration, changed the 1964 election, altered civil rights progress, Vietnam War decisions – all because of a love triangle that got out of control. Her death remains one of the most consequential "what-ifs" in American history. INNOVATION LANE SEGMENT LANE: Well, speaking of changing the world, let's talk about a much more positive historical moment that happened on August 5th! DAVE: Please tell me someone invented something that didn't involve political cover-ups or organized crime. LANE: Actually, yes! On August 5th, 1858, the first transatlantic telegraph cable was completed, allowing instant communication between Europe and North America for the first time in human history. Before this, news took weeks to cross the ocean by ship. DAVE: That's actually huge! Imagine being the first person to send a message across the Atlantic in real-time. What did they say? LANE: The first official message was from Queen Victoria to President James Buchanan – it took 16 hours to transmit and said "Glory to God in the highest; on earth, peace and goodwill toward men." Very diplomatic. DAVE: Sixteen hours seems slow by today's standards, but considering it previously took two weeks by ship, that's revolutionary. LANE: And also on August 5th, 1914, the world's first electric traffic light was installed in Cleveland, Ohio – featuring just red and green lights at the intersection of Euclid Avenue and East 105th Street. Before this, intersections were basically just chaos. DAVE: I've been to Cleveland. Some might argue they still are. LANE: Hey, give Cleveland credit! They literally invented organized traffic. That's civilization right there. AD BREAK DAVE: Speaking of things that have stood the test of time, let's talk about our sponsor, Carhartt. LANE: For over 135 years, Carhartt has been the go-to brand for hardworking Americans who need clothing that can handle anything. Founded in 1889 by Hamilton Carhartt in Detroit, Michigan, they started with a simple promise: "Honest value for an honest dollar." DAVE: What I love about Carhartt is their consistency. The legendary Carhartt Chore Coat has been virtually unchanged since 1917 – because when you build something right the first time, you don't need to keep fixing it. LANE: During both World Wars, Carhartt stepped up to clothe the people defending America – producing uniforms for the military, coveralls for soldiers, jungle suits for Marines, and workwear for the women who entered factories on the home front. DAVE: And when they introduced the Active Jac in 1975 – that heavy-duty hooded jacket – it became their top-selling item and remains so today. During the construction of the Alaska Pipeline, Carhartt proved their gear could handle the most extreme conditions on Earth. LANE: Carhartt is still family-owned by the descendants of Hamilton Carhartt, still based in Dearborn, Michigan, and still committed to making workwear for the people who build America. DAVE: Whether you're an astronaut like Neil Armstrong, a coach like our listener Brock, or just someone who needs clothes that work as hard as you do, Carhartt has been "True to This" for over a century. Check them out at carhartt.com. DEEP THOUGHTS BY LANE & DAVE LANE: You know what strikes me about August 5th? It's a day that shows how individual moments can echo through history in completely unexpected ways. Armstrong's first steps on the moon inspired generations, Monroe's death changed politics, and a simple telegraph cable connected the world. DAVE: That's really profound, Lane. I was going to say something about how it's also National Underwear Day, but yours is better. LANE: Though honestly, your point about everyday things being important isn't wrong. Traffic lights, telegraph cables, underwear – civilization is built on things we take for granted. DAVE: Plus, Coach Brock's photo trick shows how our personal history matters too. Those kayaking memories with his former student are just as historically significant to him as Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. LANE: Exactly! History isn't just the big moments – it's also Coach Brock overcoming his fear of water to spend time with a kid he helped raise. SIGN OFF DAVE: That's our show for August 5th! If today taught us anything, it's that every day is full of history – both the kind that makes it into textbooks and the kind that makes it into our photo libraries. LANE: So take Coach Brock's advice and check your photos from this date in previous years. You might rediscover some history worth remembering. DAVE: Don't forget to like and subscribe, and send us your voice memos at touringhistory@whatever. Tell us about your own historical moments – whether they involve moon landings or Marina del Rey! LANE: Until next time, remember: history is just life being lived, one day at a time. DAVE: I'm Dave— LANE: I'm Lane— BOTH: And we'll see you next time on Touring History!

Touring History 8-4-25

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 4TH SCRIPT COLD OPEN LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than arguing with strangers on the internet. I'm Lane. DAVE: And I'm Dave, still amazed that people used to have to actually go to a store to buy music. Like, you had to physically travel somewhere just to own a single song. LANE: Today we're exploring August 4th, a date that's brought us wartime declarations, technological breakthroughs, and some absolutely jaw-dropping examples of how a French queen's scandalous affairs literally helped cause a revolution. DAVE: Speaking of August 4th, we got a voice memo from a listener. Sezso, what do you have for us? CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS LANE: Let's celebrate some August 4th birthdays! We've got Barack Obama, who somehow made being president look both incredibly difficult and surprisingly cool at the same time. DAVE: Also born today: Louis Armstrong, who basically invented jazz charisma and proved that a gravelly voice and a trumpet could make you one of the most beloved entertainers ever. And Billy Bob Thornton, who... exists in movies sometimes. LANE: Can't forget Percy Bysshe Shelley, born August 4th, 1792. Romantic poet who wrote beautiful poetry about nature and revolution while living a spectacularly scandalous personal life. DAVE: Speaking of scandals, didn't Shelley run away with a 16-year-old when he was married to someone else? Romantic poets really lived up to their reputations. SALACIOUS DAVE SEGMENT DAVE: Scandal time! August 4th, 1789, the French National Assembly abolished feudalism during the French Revolution. But one of the major catalysts for this revolution was the scandalous affair between Queen Marie Antoinette and Swedish diplomat Count Axel von Fersen. LANE: Oh no, more royal affair drama that changes world history? DAVE: Marie Antoinette and Count Fersen had a passionate affair that lasted over a decade. He was incredibly handsome, she was lonely and neglected by Louis XVI, and their relationship was the worst-kept secret in Versailles. LANE: So the Queen of France was having a very public affair with a foreign diplomat? That seems... politically unwise. DAVE: The really scandalous part? Fersen helped plan the royal family's failed escape attempt in 1791. He literally risked international incidents and his own life to help his lover flee France. Their love letters survived and are incredibly passionate - Marie Antoinette wrote "I love you madly and can never stop loving you." LANE: So this wasn't just an affair - it was full-blown romantic obsession with international implications? DAVE: Exactly! The French people saw Marie Antoinette's affair as proof that the monarchy was corrupt, foreign-influenced, and immoral. Political pamphlets portrayed her as "l'Autrichienne" - the Austrian whore - and her relationship with Fersen became propaganda against the entire royal system. LANE: So one queen's love affair helped justify overthrowing the monarchy? DAVE: Her scandalous relationship fed into revolutionary propaganda so effectively that it contributed to both her execution and the end of absolute monarchy in France. One love affair helped reshape European political systems and inspired democratic revolutions worldwide. INNOVATION LANE SEGMENT LANE: Innovation time! August 4th, 1914, Britain declared war on Germany, officially starting World War I. But the innovation here was how this war completely transformed warfare technology. DAVE: That's a pretty grim kind of innovation, Lane. LANE: WWI introduced machine guns, poison gas, tanks, aircraft, and modern communication systems. It was the first industrial war where technology determined outcomes more than traditional tactics. Basically, it invented modern warfare. DAVE: So the innovation was "new and more efficient ways to be terrible to each other on an unprecedented scale"? That's... depressing but accurate. LANE: Also August 4th, 1977, President Carter established the Department of Energy, creating a unified approach to energy policy that led to innovations in renewable energy, nuclear power, and energy efficiency that we still use today. DAVE: From oil crises to solar panels - sometimes bureaucratic innovation actually works! Though it only took us another 40+ years to start taking climate change seriously. AD BREAK LANE: Let's talk about The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills, where they've been perfecting culinary excellence since 1967. DAVE: They're still celebrating the return of Bava Brothers, and honestly, if you haven't tried authentic Calabrian charcuterie, you're basically eating the knockoff version of Italian tradition. LANE: Bava Brothers brings four generations of family mastery to every slice. Their sopressata uses heritage pork with Calabrese paprika, fennel seeds, and red pepper - aged for a month and pressed for two weeks using techniques that have been refined since their great-grandfather's time in Calabria. DAVE: Their 'Nduja Calabrese spread is basically spicy, spreadable perfection that'll make you question every other condiment in your kitchen. Add it to anything and suddenly you're eating like Italian nobility. LANE: Visit cheesestore.com or their Beverly Hills location. With over 600 imported cheese varieties plus Bava Brothers' triumphant return, your taste buds are about to experience what authentic Italian flavor actually means. DAVE: The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills: Where every bite is an education and every meal becomes memorable. DEEP THOUGHTS BY LANE & DAVE LANE: Deep thoughts time. Dave, what's August 4th telling us about human nature? DAVE: August 4th shows that humans are basically passion-driven creatures who accidentally create massive systemic changes while pursuing immediate emotional needs. Royal affairs topple governments, wars drive technological innovation, energy crises create new industries. LANE: My deep thought is that August 4th proves that personal scandals often become public revolutions. Whether it's Marie Antoinette's affair fueling revolutionary propaganda or wars driving innovation, individual choices reshape entire civilizations. DAVE: So your deep thought is "personal drama creates political change"? LANE: Exactly. Your deep thought is "humans stumble into progress while being completely distracted by their feelings." DAVE: And somehow our emotional chaos actually advances society! It's like we're constantly building the future while being completely preoccupied with our immediate desires and problems. LANE: That might be the most optimistic way to describe human civilization - accidental progress through emotional drama. SIGN OFF LANE: That's August 4th - proving that humans will accidentally revolutionize everything while being completely focused on their personal passions and immediate concerns. DAVE: Thanks for touring history with us! Like, subscribe, and send us your voice memos about meaningful dates. LANE: Until next time, remember: history is just humans creating world-changing consequences while trying to handle their personal drama and emotional needs. DAVE: This has been Touring History. I'm Dave. LANE: I'm Lane. BOTH: See you in the past!

Touring History 8-3-25

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 3RD SCRIPT COLD OPEN LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more interesting than whatever your algorithm thinks you want to watch next. I'm Lane. DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to understand how people survived before GPS. Like, they just had to know where they were going before they left the house? Wild concept. LANE: Today we're exploring August 3rd, a date that's brought us labor victories, aviation milestones, and some absolutely mind-blowing examples of how papal sex scandals can literally split Christianity in half. DAVE: But first, birthdays - who do we have today, Lane? CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS LANE: Let's celebrate some August 3rd birthdays! We've got Martin Sheen, who somehow made being a fictional president more believable than most actual presidents we've had. DAVE: Also born today: Tony Bennett, who proved that crooning never goes out of style and somehow made jazz cool for every generation. And Martha Stewart, who turned perfectionist homemaking into a multimedia empire. LANE: Can't forget Rupert Brooke, born August 3rd, 1887. Poet who wrote some of the most beautiful and tragically naive poetry about World War I before dying in the war at age 27. DAVE: His poem "The Soldier" with "there's some corner of a foreign field that is forever England" hits different when you know he died on a hospital ship heading to Gallipoli. SALACIOUS DAVE SEGMENT DAVE: Scandal time! August 3rd, 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Spain on his first voyage. But here's the scandalous part - he was funded partly because of one of history's most notorious papal sex scandals involving Pope Alexander VI. LANE: Wait, how does papal corruption connect to Columbus discovering America? DAVE: Pope Alexander VI, also known as Rodrigo Borgia, was having a very public affair with Giulia Farnese, who was married to someone else. But Alexander was so obsessed with Giulia that he made her brother Alessandro a cardinal at age 25 just to keep her happy and close to Rome. LANE: So papal nepotism driven by sexual obsession? That seems on-brand for the Borgias. DAVE: But here's where it gets wild - Alessandro Farnese later became Pope Paul III, and to legitimize his scandalous rise to power, he needed to fund major Catholic expansion projects. That's partly why the church was so eager to support Columbus's voyages - they needed dramatic wins to distract from their sex scandals. LANE: So Columbus's voyage was essentially papal scandal PR management? DAVE: Alexander VI was so notorious for his affairs that he had multiple children with different mistresses while serving as Pope. His son Cesare Borgia became the inspiration for Machiavelli's "The Prince." The entire Borgia family's sexual scandals and political machinations literally shaped the Age of Exploration. LANE: So one Pope's inability to keep it in his papal robes helped launch European colonization of the Americas? DAVE: The Borgia sex scandals were so outrageous that they contributed to the Protestant Reformation. Martin Luther specifically cited papal sexual corruption as evidence that the Catholic Church needed reform. One family's scandalous affairs helped split Christianity and fund the conquest of two continents. INNOVATION LANE SEGMENT LANE: Innovation time! August 3rd, 1958, the USS Nautilus became the first submarine to reach the North Pole underwater, basically proving that humans could travel anywhere on Earth if they were sufficiently determined and claustrophobic. DAVE: Traveling under the Arctic ice in a nuclear submarine sounds like the ultimate "trust the engineering" moment. LANE: The Nautilus voyage revolutionized Arctic exploration and proved that nuclear submarines could operate in the most extreme conditions. It opened up entirely new possibilities for both scientific research and military strategy. DAVE: Plus it probably inspired every kid to want to be a submarine captain, at least until they learned about the months underwater with recycled air part. LANE: Also August 3rd, 1936, Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics, basically using athletic excellence to make Hitler's racial theories look stupid in front of the entire world. DAVE: That's less innovation and more "using superior performance to destroy racist propaganda." Though I guess making Nazis look foolish through excellence counts as social innovation. AD BREAK LANE: Let's talk about The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills, where they've been elevating taste buds since 1967. DAVE: They're still celebrating the return of Bava Brothers, and honestly, if you haven't tried authentic Calabrian charcuterie, you're basically eating the store-brand version of Italian tradition. LANE: Bava Brothers brings four generations of family expertise to every bite. Their sopressata uses heritage pork with Calabrese paprika, fennel seeds, and red pepper - aged for a month and pressed for two weeks using techniques that have been perfected since their great-grandfather's time in Italy. DAVE: Their 'Nduja Calabrese spread is basically spicy, spreadable perfection that'll make you question every condiment choice you've ever made. Add it to pizza, pasta, or just eat it with bread while contemplating your previous food mistakes. LANE: Visit cheesestore.com or their Beverly Hills location. With over 600 imported cheese varieties plus Bava Brothers' triumphant return, your palate is about to discover what authentic Italian flavor actually tastes like. DAVE: The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills: Where every purchase is an education and every bite is a masterclass. SIGN OFF LANE: That's August 3rd - proving that humans will accidentally reshape entire civilizations while being completely focused on their immediate personal interests. DAVE: Thanks for touring history with us! Like, subscribe, and send us your voice memos about meaningful dates. LANE: Until next time, remember: history is just humans creating massive consequences while trying to handle their personal desires and random circumstances. DAVE: This has been Touring History. I'm Dave. LANE: I'm Lane. BOTH: See you in the past!

Touring History 8-2-25

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 2ND SCRIPT COLD OPEN LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than your doom-scrolling habits. I'm Lane. DAVE: And I'm Dave, still processing that people used to have to memorize actual phone numbers. Like, you had to store ten digits in your brain just to call your friend about weekend plans. LANE: Today we're exploring August 2nd, a date that's brought us postal innovations, atomic discoveries, and some truly spectacular examples of how presidential affairs can literally change the course of American politics. DAVE: Yes, let's see who's jumping out of the birthday cake today! CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS LANE: Let's celebrate some August 2nd birthdays! We've got Peter O'Toole, who made playing Lawrence of Arabia look effortless while actually suffering through one of the most brutal film shoots in history. DAVE: Also born today: James Baldwin, whose writing about race, sexuality, and identity in America was decades ahead of its time and remains painfully relevant. And Myrna Loy, who basically defined sophisticated comedy in Hollywood's golden age. LANE: Can't forget Freddy Mercury, born August 2nd... wait, no, that's wrong. Let me check my notes... Actually, it's Sam Worthington, who somehow became a leading man despite having the charisma of unsalted crackers. DAVE: Harsh but fair. Though he did manage to get cast in both Avatar and Terminator, so maybe bland is the new black in Hollywood. SALACIOUS DAVE SEGMENT DAVE: Scandal time! August 2nd, 1923, President Warren G. Harding died suddenly in San Francisco, but the real scandal was the explosive revelation of his affair with Nan Britton that rocked American politics for decades. LANE: Oh boy, another presidential sex scandal. What makes this one special? DAVE: Harding had a secret affair with Nan Britton, who was 31 years younger than him and the daughter of his friend. But here's the kicker - she claimed he fathered her daughter, Elizabeth, and they conducted their affair in a White House coat closet! LANE: A coat closet? That's both scandalous and incredibly uncomfortable. DAVE: Nan wrote a tell-all book in 1927 called "The President's Daughter," which was the first book to explicitly detail a presidential affair. It was banned in many cities, but became a massive bestseller because America loves political sex scandals. LANE: So this was like the original political tell-all book? DAVE: Exactly! But the scandal got even juicier - Harding also had a 15-year affair with his best friend's wife, Carrie Phillips. The Republican Party actually paid Phillips hush money and sent her on an all-expenses-paid trip to Japan during the 1920 election to keep her quiet. LANE: So the Republican Party was literally paying to cover up presidential affairs a century ago? DAVE: The Nan Britton scandal destroyed Harding's historical reputation and led to DNA testing decades later that proved he was indeed the father of her daughter. One affair in a coat closet literally rewrote how we view presidential privacy and changed political campaign vetting forever. INNOVATION LANE SEGMENT LANE: Innovation time! August 2nd, 1939, Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt urging the development of atomic weapons, basically launching the Manhattan Project with his signature. DAVE: That's a pretty heavy kind of innovation, Lane. LANE: Einstein later called it "the one great mistake" of his life, but his letter led to the development of nuclear technology that changed everything - weapons, power generation, medicine, and space exploration. DAVE: So one scientist's letter accidentally created both the atomic bomb and nuclear medicine? That's the ultimate "be careful what you wish for" moment. LANE: Also August 2nd, 1858, the Government of India Act transferred power from the East India Company to the British Crown, basically innovating how empires could rebrand their colonialism as "official government policy." DAVE: That's less innovation and more "corporate colonialism gets a government makeover." Though I guess making exploitation more official counts as process improvement? LANE: The innovation was creating modern colonial administration that influenced how empires managed territories for the next century. Not good innovation, but definitely influential. AD BREAK LANE: Let's talk about The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills, where they've been perfecting the art of deliciousness since 1967. DAVE: They're still celebrating the return of Bava Brothers, and honestly, if you haven't experienced authentic Calabrian charcuterie, you're basically eating training wheels salami. LANE: Bava Brothers brings four generations of Italian family tradition to every slice. Their sopressata uses heritage pork with Calabrese paprika, fennel seeds, and red pepper - aged for a month and pressed for two weeks using techniques perfected in their great-grandfather's hometown. DAVE: Their 'Nduja Calabrese spread is basically spreadable joy with a spicy kick that'll make you question every other condiment choice you've ever made. Add it to anything and suddenly you're eating like Italian royalty. LANE: Visit cheesestore.com or their Beverly Hills location. With over 600 imported cheese varieties plus Bava Brothers' triumphant return, your taste buds are about to get a masterclass in what authentic flavor actually means. DAVE: The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills: Where every purchase is an upgrade and every bite is a revelation. DEEP THOUGHTS BY LANE & DAVE LANE: Deep thoughts time. Dave, what's August 2nd telling us about human nature? DAVE: August 2nd shows that humans are basically consequence-creating machines who never think through the long-term effects of their actions. Einstein signs a letter and creates nuclear weapons, Harding has affairs and changes presidential vetting forever. LANE: My deep thought is that August 2nd proves that private scandals often create public innovations. Whether it's presidential affairs leading to better campaign background checks or scientific letters creating new technologies, personal choices reshape entire systems. DAVE: So your deep thought is "scandal drives systemic change"? LANE: Exactly. Your deep thought is "humans are terrible at predicting consequences but excellent at creating them." DAVE: And somehow our inability to think things through actually advances civilization! It's like we're constantly accidentally building the future while trying to solve immediate problems. LANE: That might be the most optimistic way to describe human chaos I've ever heard. SIGN OFF LANE: That's August 2nd - proving that humans will accidentally revolutionize everything while being completely focused on their immediate desires and problems. DAVE: Thanks for touring history with us! Like, subscribe, and send us your voice memos about meaningful dates. 127-page scientific analyses of Star Trek episodes are exactly the kind of beautiful obsessive nerdiness that makes the world more interesting. LANE: Until next time, remember: history is just humans creating massive consequences while trying to handle their personal drama and immediate concerns. DAVE: This has been Touring History. I'm Dave. LANE: I'm Lane. BOTH: See you in the past!

Touring History 8-1-25

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 1ST SCRIPT COLD OPEN LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we dig through the past so you can sound smart at parties without actually reading textbooks. I'm Lane. DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to process that people used to have to physically develop film to see their photos. Like, you had to wait days to find out if you blinked during a family picture. LANE: Today we're exploring August 1st, a date that's brought us military victories, scientific breakthroughs, and some absolutely legendary examples of how royal mistresses can literally rewrite the rules of succession. DAVE: Speaking of August 1st, we got a voice memo from a listener. Sezso, what do you have for us? LISTENER VOICE MEMO SEZSO (as listener): Hello, My name is Derek, and I'm calling in to suggest replacing Lane, with me Derek, in the podcast. He obviously has no clue what he's doing, is clearly reading, and can't keep up with Dave. I, however, shall put David in his place. Heel Dave, sit, Good boy! I've attached my CV, and look forward to your consideration. The choice should be easy. Cheers! LANE: Hey, now wait a minute…am I being replaced? Sezso, you're supposed to be screening calls aren't you? Is it just me, or has the audience decided to mess with us? Was that an AI nerd voice? DAVE: …. CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS LANE: Let's celebrate some August 1st birthdays! We've got Yves Saint Laurent, who revolutionized fashion by making haute couture wearable and basically invented the modern woman's power suit. DAVE: Also born today: Herman Melville, who wrote "Moby Dick" and proved that you could make a 600-page book about hunting one really annoying whale into a literary masterpiece. And Coolio, who made academic gangster rap a thing with "Gangsta's Paradise." LANE: Can't forget Francis Scott Key, born August 1st, 1779. Lawyer and poet who wrote "The Star-Spangled Banner" after watching Fort McHenry get bombarded, basically turning a sleepless night into America's national anthem. DAVE: Though let's be honest, he wrote the most difficult song possible for people to sing at sporting events. Thanks for that, Francis. SALACIOUS DAVE SEGMENT DAVE: Scandal time! August 1st, 1714, Queen Anne of Great Britain died, ending the Stuart dynasty. But the real scandal? Her passionate, decades-long relationship with Sarah Churchill that basically controlled English politics for twenty years. LANE: Wait, are we talking about a royal lesbian affair in the 1700s? DAVE: Queen Anne and Sarah Churchill were inseparable from childhood. Sarah became Anne's lady-in-waiting, but their relationship was way more intimate than professional. Anne wrote Sarah letters calling her "Mrs. Freeman" while Anne signed as "Mrs. Morley" - basically secret girlfriend nicknames. LANE: That's actually kind of sweet. Secret pet names across social classes. DAVE: Anne's letters to Sarah are incredibly passionate: "I hope I shall get a moment or two to be with my dear Mrs. Freeman, that I may have one dear embrace." And Sarah had unprecedented political influence - she basically ran the government through her relationship with the Queen. LANE: So England was essentially being ruled by royal girlfriend drama? DAVE: Exactly! But then Sarah fell in love with her cousin Abigail Masham, who also became Anne's favorite. The love triangle literally split the English court into factions. Anne eventually banished Sarah in 1711, and Sarah spent the rest of Anne's reign trying to get back into her good graces. LANE: So this wasn't just personal drama - it was actual government policy being decided by who the Queen was sleeping with? DAVE: When Anne died in 1714, it ended both the Stuart line and one of history's most politically influential lesbian relationships. Sarah's memoirs, published later, basically confirmed what everyone suspected about their "friendship." Their affair shaped English politics for decades. INNOVATION LANE SEGMENT LANE: Innovation time! August 1st, 1774, oxygen was discovered independently by Joseph Priestley in England. Basically, humans finally figured out what that invisible stuff was that kept us alive. DAVE: It only took us thousands of years to identify the thing we literally can't live without. That's peak human observational skills right there. LANE: Priestley called it "dephlogisticated air" because 18th-century scientists had the worst naming conventions ever. But discovering oxygen revolutionized chemistry, medicine, and our understanding of life itself. DAVE: Plus it led to understanding combustion, which improved everything from engines to cooking. Though I bet Priestley never imagined his discovery would eventually lead to oxygen bars in shopping malls. LANE: Also August 1st, 1981, MTV launched with "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles, which accidentally predicted its own future irrelevance while revolutionizing music culture. DAVE: MTV basically invented the concept that musicians had to be visually interesting, not just musically talented. Which explains a lot about the 1980s. AD BREAK LANE: Time to talk about The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills, where they've been elevating Los Angeles food culture since 1967. DAVE: They're still celebrating the return of Bava Brothers, and honestly, if you haven't tried authentic Calabrian sopressata, you're basically doing Italian charcuterie on amateur difficulty. LANE: Bava Brothers brings four generations of family tradition to every bite. Their sopressata uses heritage pork with Calabrese paprika, fennel seeds, and red pepper - aged for a month and pressed for two weeks using techniques that have been perfected since their great-grandfather's time in Calabria. DAVE: Their 'Nduja Calabrese spread is basically spicy, spreadable magic. Add it to eggs, pasta, or just eat it with bread while contemplating how every other condiment in your life has been a lie. LANE: Visit cheesestore.com or their Beverly Hills location. With over 600 imported cheese varieties plus Bava Brothers' triumphant return, your palate is about to discover what authentic Italian flavor actually tastes like. DAVE: The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills: Where every purchase is an education and every bite is a revelation. DEEP THOUGHTS BY LANE & DAVE LANE: Deep thoughts time. Dave, what's August 1st telling us about human nature? DAVE: August 1st shows that humans are basically discovery machines who accidentally stumble into understanding fundamental truths. We discover oxygen by accident, launch MTV without knowing it'll change music forever, and royal relationships shape entire governments. LANE: My deep thought is that August 1st proves that personal relationships often have massive public consequences. Whether it's Queen Anne's affair influencing English politics or MTV changing music culture, intimate connections reshape entire societies. DAVE: So your deep thought is "private relationships create public change"? LANE: Exactly. Your deep thought is "humans accidentally discover important things while trying to figure out other things." DAVE: And somehow our random personal drama and accidental discoveries build civilization! It's like we're constantly stumbling forward into progress while being distracted by our feelings. LANE: That's probably the most accurate description of human advancement ever. SIGN OFF LANE: That's August 1st - proving that humans will accidentally revolutionize everything while being completely distracted by their relationships. DAVE: Thanks for touring history with us! Like, subscribe, and send us your voice memos about meaningful dates. LANE: Until next time, remember: history is just humans discovering important things while being completely preoccupied with who they're sleeping with. DAVE: This has been Touring History. I'm Dave. LANE: I'm Lane. BOTH: See you in the past!