Unwritten Potential

Why Fixing People Backfires

⚡ Most habit advice tells you what to add. I help you subtract first, so your habits actually survive real life. Join 2,000+ burned-out humans learning evidence-based behaviour change without toxic wellness, hustle culture, or self-help BS. I’m Noemie Mooney, ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, and creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™. Subscribe for weekly tools that help you do less, better. ---- The urge to fix, solve, and advise before someone has even finished talking has a name: the righting reflex. In this episode, certified health coach Noemie Mooney explains William Miller and Stephen Rollnick’s work on motivational interviewing, why well-meaning advice often creates resistance, and why high achievers often turn the righting reflex inward. Because sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is not fix. It is to listen. In this episode * What the righting reflex is, and why the urge to help can make change less likely * What motivational interviewing is, and why it has become such an important evidence-based coaching approach * Why unsolicited advice often backfires * Miller and Rollnick’s “dancing vs wrestling” metaphor for coaching, guiding, and behaviour change * Why high achievers often struggle with self-compassion * How the simple shift from “but” to “and” can change your relationship with difficulty * A practical experiment to try this week in your relationships, and with yourself Timestamps 00:00 Intro02:00 Welcome and first Substack Live prep04:00 When corporate problem-solving backfires05:30 The righting reflex explained08:00 How we do it to ourselves09:30 The “but” vs “and” reframe11:00 Your experiment for the week Mentioned in this episode * The righting reflex: Miller and Rollnick’s concept from motivational interviewing, describing the urge to fix, correct, or solve before fully listening * Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change (3rd ed.) * The “but” vs “and” reframe: A coaching tool drawn from acceptance-based frameworks and positive psychology coaching * Interoception episode: Last week’s episode on listening to your body [🎧 listen here] Your experiment for this week Next time someone you care about tells you about something hard, try this: No solutions for the first five minutes. Instead, ask three questions: * What does that feel like? * What’s the hardest part? * What do you think you need? Notice the urge to fix. That’s the righting reflex. Advanced version: try the same three questions on yourself. Favourite line The space between someone sharing a problem and you offering a solution is the most important space in any relationship. Including the one you have with yourself. Reflection question What’s the last thing you tried to fix that actually just needed to be heard? Noemie x --- Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, podcast host and the creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™ [https://unwritten.coach/makespace], a science-backed framework for sustainable habits and mental health. She writes on Substack about burnout, habit formation, and evidence-based behaviour change psychology for people who want practical tools without the self-help BS. Every week I help 2000+ burned-out humans build sustainable habits for real, messy life. No toxic wellness. No hustle culture. No BS. ⚡️Let's goooo! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.unwrittenpotential.com [https://www.unwrittenpotential.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

⚡️ My First Live: Spring Healthy Habits + Q&A

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.unwrittenpotential.com [https://www.unwrittenpotential.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Why You Can't Tell If You're Hungry, Tired, or Anxious

‘Listen to your body’ is the most repeated and least useful phrase in wellness. In this episode, certified health coach Noemie Mooney explains interoception, the science of reading your own body signals, why type A overachievers get it wrong, and the 60-second check-in that rebuilds the skill. What does ‘listen to your body’ actually mean? Nobody tells you. The skill has a name: interoception. It’s how your body communicates through sensations, and a study in Biological Psychology found it breaks down into three things: * how well you detect signals, * how good you think you are at it * and the gap between those two In this episode, I’m sharing how I ignored every signal my body was sending in a hotel gym in Panama City, what a researcher at the University of Washington found after 20 years of studying this skill, and the 60-second check-in that rebuilds the connection. In this episode: * What is interoception? The science of reading your body’s internal signals that ‘listen to your body’ never taught you * Why do type A people ignore body signals? The confidence-accuracy gap in interoception research * How do fitness trackers affect body awareness? When external data replaces internal signals * Can stress make you unable to read your body? How chronic stress scrambles hunger, fatigue, and anxiety signals * What is the 60-second body check-in? The pre-workout pause that rebuilds interoceptive accuracy * Why do people get injured every spring? The annual cycle of overcommitment and burnout Timestamps: * [00:00] “Listen to your body.” Four words. Zero instructions * [02:00] Welcome + why this episode is late (and why that’s the point) * [04:00] The Panama City gym: arriving flat and training anyway * [05:30] What interoception actually is and why nobody taught you * [07:00] The three components: detection, confidence, and the gap * [08:30] How trackers and apps replaced your internal signals * [09:30] Stress scrambles everything: the University of Washington research * [10:30] The spring trap: why people burn out by May every year * [11:30] Your experiment: the 60-second check-in * [12:30] MAKE SPACE Method live cohort + Substack live event Your experiment for this week: Before your next workout, pause for 60 seconds. Ask: how does my body feel right now? Not what the plan says. What is my body actually telling me? You don’t skip the workout. You just notice what’s there before you start. The noticing is the practice. “The body doesn’t shout. It’s more like a very patient colleague you keep putting on mute.” What signal has your body been sending that you keep overriding? Noemie x Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, podcast host and the creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™, a science-backed framework for sustainable habits and mental health. She writes on Substack about burnout, habit formation, and evidence-based behaviour change psychology for people who want practical tools without the self-help BS. Every week I help 2000+ burned-out humans build sustainable habits for real, messy life. No toxic wellness. No hustle culture. No BS. ⚡️Let's goooo! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.unwrittenpotential.com [https://www.unwrittenpotential.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Sleep Anxiety: The Counterintuitive Fix That Works

The 8-hour sleep rule is a myth, catching up on weekends doesn't work, and the technique that actually helped is counterintuitive: try to stay awake. In this episode, certified health coach Noemie Mooney shares how 3 weeks of teaching across timezones wrecked her sleep, and the evidence-based tools that rebuilt it. Does the 8-hour sleep rule actually matter? Not as much as you think. A 2023 study tracking tens of thousands of people found that sleep regularity is a stronger predictor of mortality than sleep duration. In this episode, I'm sharing how 3 weeks of teaching across timezones wrecked my sleep routine, and the evidence-based techniques that rebuilt it. I'll walk you through why catching up on weekends doesn't work, why the desperate effort to fall asleep is the thing keeping you awake, and paradoxical intention: Viktor Frankl's counterintuitive technique where trying to stay awake actually helps you fall asleep. In this episode: * What is paradoxical intention for insomnia? The Viktor Frankl technique where trying to stay awake helps you fall asleep * Does sleep regularity matter more than sleep duration? What a 2023 wearable data study tracking tens of thousands of people found * Can you catch up on sleep at the weekend? Why consistency beats compensation every time * What is sleep performance anxiety? Why monitoring yourself in bed sends alertness spikes through your nervous system * How to rebuild a sleep routine after disruption using Rooted Routines (implementation intentions) * The Stuff You Should Know sleep hack: why listening to a podcast at minimum volume works when trying to sleep doesn’t Timestamps: * [00:00] The 1am brain: “If I fall asleep right now, I’ll get five hours and forty-three minutes” * [01:57] Welcome + teaching Singapore from Panama City * [04:07] What happens when your sleep schedule is disrupted * [04:28] The 8-hour lie: why regularity matters more than duration * [05:25] The catching-up myth: why sleeping in on Sunday makes Monday worse * [06:14] Paradoxical intention: Viktor Frankl’s counterintuitive sleep technique * [07:25] Why it works: sleep performance anxiety and the nervous system * [08:33] The Stuff You Should Know sleep hack * [09:01] Your experiment: one Rooted Routine for tonight * [10:14] The 7-Day Sleep Reset workbook Mentioned in this episode: * Paradoxical intention: Viktor Frankl’s clinical technique for insomnia, where the instruction is to try to stay awake rather than force sleep * Sleep regularity study, 2023: sleep regularity is a stronger predictor of mortality than sleep duration (wearable data, tens of thousands of participants) * SMART Goals episode: the Rooted Routines format for attaching new habits to existing ones [🎧 listen here [https://www.unwrittenpotential.com/p/smart-goals-dont-work-a-guy-at-a]] 7-Day Sleep Reset workbook [https://unwritten.podia.com/sleep]: seven days of structured sleep tools, worksheets, and evidence-based techniques. $17 USD. YES, IMPROVE MY SLEEP! https://unwritten.podia.com/sleep [https://unwritten.podia.com/sleep] Your experiment for this week: Pick one Rooted Routine. Choose something you already do every evening and attach one small sleep-friendly action to it. After I brush my teeth, I’ll put my phone in the other room. After I get into bed, I’ll do five slow breaths. One anchor, hold it for a week. “The thing keeping you awake isn’t the noise or the temperature. It’s the desperate effort to sleep.” What’s your 1am brain’s favourite lie? Noemie x Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, podcast host and the creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™ [https://unwrittenpotential.substack.com], a science-backed framework for sustainable habits and mental health. She writes on Substack about burnout, habit formation, and evidence-based behaviour change psychology for people who want practical tools without the self-help BS. Every week I help 2000+ burned-out humans build sustainable habits for real, messy life. No toxic wellness. No hustle culture. No BS. ⚡️Let's goooo! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.unwrittenpotential.com [https://www.unwrittenpotential.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Why Everything Feels So Hard (It's Not Just You)

The world is simultaneously on fire and deeply, profoundly ridiculous, and somehow you're supposed to just keep going. In this episode, certified health coach Noemie Mooney shares what collective burnout actually looks like, why looking away doesn't help either, and the 4 research-backed things that do. Does everything feel harder right now, or is it just you? It’s not just you. 14 minutes of negative news is enough to trigger catastrophising about your own life. In this episode, let’s get honest about collective exhaustion: the guilt of looking away, the gap between the scroll and the street, and the four evidence-based interventions that actually help. I’ll walk you through what the research says about subtraction, nervous system regulation, movement, and social connection, and why none of it has to be dramatic to make a difference. In this episode: * How does negative news affect your mental health? The 14-minute threshold that changes how you see your own life * Why does looking away from the news make you feel guilty? The overwhelm-disconnection gap * Are we really as divided as the internet says? What the 2026 Edelman Trust Barometer found vs what the street actually feels like * What is cyclic sighing? The Stanford-studied breathing technique that outperformed meditation * Subtractive solutions: why your brain defaults to adding more when removing is faster and more effective (Nature, 2021) * Does exercise really help depression? The BMJ’s 218-study analysis and what it found * Why social connection has the same survival effect as quitting smoking Timestamp: * [00:00] The world is on fire (and deeply ridiculous) * [02:07] Welcome + Lake Atitlán + why tuning out doesn’t help * [03:31] 14 minutes of negative news & why everything feels worse * [04:32] The scroll vs the street: are we really that divided? * [06:42] 4 evidence-based ways to cope * [09:53] Your experiment for this week Mentioned in this episode: * Johnston & Davey, British Journal of Psychology, 1997: 14 minutes of negative news triggers personal catastrophising * Reuters Institute Digital News Report, 2024: news avoidance at record high (39% globally) * 2026 Edelman Trust Barometer: 70% unwilling to trust someone with different values * Adams et al., Nature, 2021: people overlook subtractive solutions, especially when overwhelmed * Balban et al., Cell Reports Medicine, 2023: cyclic sighing outperformed meditation for mood (Stanford) * Noetel et al., BMJ, 2024: exercise and depression meta-analysis (218 studies), walking/yoga/strength comparable to medication * Holt-Lunstad et al., PLoS Medicine, 2010: social connection increases survival odds by 50% Your experiment for this week: Pick one of the 4 interventions: * Subtract something noisy. * Try five minutes of cyclic sighing. * Move for twenty minutes. * Or text someone and say “is it just me, or does everything feel a bit fucked?” One thing. This week. “Maybe the distrust lives in the scroll, not in the street.” What’s the one thing you’ve stopped doing that made everything feel a bit quieter? Noemie x Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, podcast host and the creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™ [https://unwrittenpotential.substack.com], a science-backed framework for sustainable habits and mental health. She writes on Substack about burnout, habit formation, and evidence-based behaviour change psychology for people who want practical tools without the self-help BS. Join 2000+ readers getting my free, 5-min newsletter to design a life that actually feels good in 2026 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.unwrittenpotential.com [https://www.unwrittenpotential.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]