Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes? You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again. In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good. 💥 Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication breakdowns, or emotional overwhelm, this episode will help you: * Spot the signs of a trauma loop * Understand how your subconscious is running the show * Use clarity as your North Star to shift patterns * Explore tools that regulate, reconnect, and reset your emotional responses * Learn why support accelerates healing—and how to find the right kind Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire. Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication. What you’ll learn: → How to understand your silence survival pattern → The exact steps to prep for hard conversations → Why blurting is not the same as honesty → The “truth sandwich” that isn’t manipulative → How to handle defensiveness and emotional shutdowns → What to say when it all goes sideways (and why repair = magic) You deserve relationships where the truth can live—and still be loved. 👇 Grab the free guide: Let’s Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/conversations] [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/conversations] Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life. We’re talking about: * How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60s * Why pleasure is your birthright (and what to do if that feels impossible right now) * Why communication matters more than rules — and what healthy sex agreements can actually look like * How trauma, disconnection, and shame keep people stuck in unsatisfying sex lives * Xanet’s year-long throuple experience (including a very helpful metamour 👀) * How to figure out what you want in non-monogamy, even if it’s not what your partner wants * What to do when pleasure feels really far away If you’ve ever felt broken, stuck, or too late for good sex and real intimacy — this one is gonna hit. There’s so much wisdom here for midlife lovers, non-monogamous folks, and anyone healing their relationship to pleasure. 🔗 Links + Resources: Get Xanet’s free gift: 10 Ways to Reignite Your Relationship [https://passionateintimacyretreats.com/] Book a private retreat with Xanet: passionateintimacyretreats.com [https://passionateintimacyretreats.com] Follow us on Patreon for bonus content like “Just the Tip”: patreon.com/notmonogamous [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 🎧 Listen now and let yourself feel what’s possible. Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Retreat in Spain - Learn more and apply at multiamory.com/retreat [https://www.multiamory.com/retreat] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen? In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional, values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships. 💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen. 💛 Collaboration = connection, clarity, and care. What You’ll Learn: ✔️ Why Assumptions Create Emotional Landmines And how to avoid them with clear, compassionate communication. ✔️ The Difference Between True Collaboration & Self-Sacrifice Spoiler: Giving up what matters to you isn’t love—it’s burnout waiting to happen. ✔️ 5 Practical Steps to Create Solid Agreements From identifying shared values to scheduling regular check-ins that actually work. ✔️ How Cultural Conditioning Shapes Our Agreements Learn to spot and dismantle the “martyr mindset” many of us were raised with. ✔️ Real Stories, Real Struggles, Real Solutions Hear personal and client experiences where agreement-making went wrong—and how they turned it around. Whether you're just opening your relationship or years into non-monogamy… This episode will give you tools to stop guessing, start asking, and co-create a love that honors everyone involved. Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else?  In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard.  🎙️We talk about: * Why affirmations fail when your body’s in panic mode * How comparison is actually a survival response * Patriarchal conditioning + why it fuels competition * What real self-love looks like when you feel triggered * How to support your nervous system when jealousy hits >  “Self-love isn’t about perfection. It’s about staying with yourself when things feel messy.”  💜 Want to go deeper? Join Beyond Compare—my 4-week group coaching program for non-monogamous women who are ready to stop spiraling and start feeling safe, confident, and grounded. 🕓 Starts May 28 | Early bird ends soon 👉 https://www.elleciapaine.com/compare [https://www.elleciapaine.com/compare] Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237