Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence. The guidelines Tina and Georgie offer in "The Way of Play" help make connecting through play easy, natural, and fun as well as richly effective for learning and bonding. As Tina explains, "The temptation can be to take over the play or be too instructive or didactic, to think we need to teach all kinds of lessons. But what's really powerful, as we follow our child's lead, is to be able to dive into their world." Janet and Tina do their own deep dive into all of these topics and more. Then they both respond to a letter from a parent struggling with her 4-year-old’s aggressive behaviors.   Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com [http://nobadkidscourse.com/]. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Is it ever okay to say no to our child's requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset? What if these requests are frequent, or even seem to evolve into a habit of unreasonable, seemingly over-the-top demands? In this episode Janet responds to two notes from parents who feel they may be in this predicament. One shares that her four-year-old "starts crying hysterically and won't calm down" if the parent doesn't acquiesce to her demands immediately. This parent understandably feels stressed. "It's getting to a ridiculous point, and the demands seem to be growing," she says. "It feels like I'm being held hostage."  The second mom shares that her two-year-old often cries when she leaves her side, even when her dad is there for her. She wonders if this is a sign her daughter is anxious and if there's something more or different the parents should be doing.  In both cases, these parents are hoping to help their kids feel more confident and secure, and Janet shares a perspective she believes will help them achieve these goals.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com [http://nobadkidscourse.com/]. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won't cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent's letter in this podcast are common ones: If our child is clearly distressed by an activity or outright rejecting it—even if they agreed to it to begin with—is it okay to let them stop? Will quitting set a negative precedent? What if we believe the activity is teaching important skills? Whose decision is it? Janet shares her perspective on the subject and offers guidelines for helping parents navigate this puzzling and often frustrating conundrum. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com [http://nobadkidscourse.com/]. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on "Unruffled" prompted a listener to write in to describe how she's struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son's behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has bravely started making changes. "I'm now convinced that spanking should never be an option," she writes. "I'm also seeing that all of these terrible parenting techniques are not working with my son. If anything, he has learned that it is acceptable to vent his frustrations by trying to hit me, kick me or scratch me." She desperately hopes she can heal her relationship with her son, who lately she noticed flinching in fear, but she worries, "Is it too late?" She also wonders how to get her husband on the same page. He tries to respect her choices but still believes that spanking can be effective. Lavinia and Janet offer their perspectives, suggestions, hope, and assurance that it's never too late for this parent or any parent to make positive, lasting changes in their relationships with their children.   Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com [http://nobadkidscourse.com/]. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. As parents, we might fear it could eventually lead to our child being alienated from his peers. Second are threats -- when our kids use ultimatums with peers, siblings, or us, like "If you don't do this, I'm going to... " (using their most challenging tone). Should they get away with this? How should we respond? Lastly, Janet covers actual warnings kids give us, like when they say, "I'm going to hit you," or "I'm about to hurt my sister." Shouldn't we be alarmed? Should we scold them and forbid them to say such things? Janet shares her advice on all of this and more in this week's episode!  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com [http://nobadkidscourse.com/]. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].