What Happens When Only One Partner Does the Work

What Happens When Only One Partner Does the Work

You've been doing the work. So why does she still have her guard up like nothing's changed? In this episode, Tara sits down with Coleman, one of the coaches inside Healthy Men-tality, and her own personal nervous system coach. Because he primarily supports women and Tara primarily supports men, the two of them get to see both sides of what happens inside a relationship when nervous systems start to heal. The heart of this conversation is what happens when one partner is doing the work and the other isn't there yet. When a man starts to regulate and grow, his partner's nervous system often still doesn't trust it, because her body is wired to respond to the old version of him. Coleman and Tara get into why that gap exists and what actually helps close it, plus the practical skills underneath all of it. Inside this episode, they get into: * What it really means when one partner does the nervous system work and the other isn't there yet * Why softness is a form of strength for men, not weakness * Parts work and shadow work explained simply, and how protective parts quietly run the show * The difference between co-regulation and codependency * How to set boundaries before conflict starts instead of in the middle of a trigger * Capacity, what it is, and why so many men are running on almost none * How your nervous system shapes what you perceive as reality * What shifts for a woman when her man finally has the capacity to hold space instead of jumping in to fix When both people build a relationship with their own nervous system, that's when the old cycles finally start to change. If you've got someone in your life who'd benefit from hearing this, share it with them. Connect with Coleman: * Find Coleman on TikTok and Instagram @coleheartedwellness * "Safe in My Body, Safe with Myself" program: https://stan.store/ColeHeartedWellness [https://stan.store/ColeHeartedWellness] JOIN MY FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

You Didn't Lose Your Marriage. You Lost Yourself First.

You thought you were loving your family. But what if you were slowly abandoning yourself? In today's episode, Tara reads a post from one of the men inside Healthy Men-tality, shared word-for-word, about what doing the work actually looks like in real time. The ups, the downs, and the slow peeling back of the patterns underneath his behavior. He writes about self-sacrificing his own needs for years, keeping the peace at any cost, and slowly becoming someone he didn't recognize. A man who did everything he thought a good husband and father was supposed to do, and lost himself in the process, until his wife saying she was done finally woke him up. From there, Tara unpacks what was happening beneath all of it and what it actually takes to come back to yourself. Inside this episode, we get into: * How self-abandonment hides behind being a good provider and protector * Why men slide into codependency and people-pleasing without realizing it * Covert contracts, doing things for your partner while quietly expecting something back * What it means to perform love instead of giving it freely * How emotional safety starts within you * The role nervous system regulation plays in healthy relationships * Why you can't give others a sense of safety and worth you haven't built in yourself first * The "healthy man blueprint," choosing who you want to be on purpose * How to keep your role and value as a man without losing yourself in the relationship This is the story of a man finding his way back to himself, and the kind of awareness that changes how you show up for everyone around you. If any of it sounded familiar, that's the work, and it's worth doing. JOIN MY FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

How a Man Can Be Successful and Still Have a Personal Life That's Falling Apart

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes open discussion of suicide and self-harm. If you're in a hard place right now, it's completely okay to skip this one and come back when you're ready, or pick a different episode. If you do listen, go gentle with yourself and take breaks if you need them. "Tom" came into the Healthy Men-tality program looking, from the outside, like a man who had it all figured out. Successful career, two decades of marriage, the kind of life that checks every box. Underneath it, his marriage was falling apart, he was living out of a suitcase in a different country every couple of months, and he was running on a survival pattern he'd built as a kid. Be the strong one. Protect everyone. Never let it show. A few weeks into the program, the weight of all of it caught up with him and he hit his lowest point. What happened after is a big part of why he's on this episode. Not because everything is fixed now, the separation conversations are still happening, but because of how differently he's able to move through it. Inside this conversation, we get into: * How men get conditioned to be "the strong one" and what it quietly costs them * Why living in survival mode and gripping for control keeps you disconnected from your own life * The line running from childhood trauma to attachment styles to the patterns you keep repeating as an adult * What detachment actually means, and why it doesn't mean you've stopped caring * Breaking generational cycles instead of handing them down to your kids * Forgiving yourself without using shame to do it * What shifts when you stop walking on eggshells and start regulating your nervous system Healing is a long game. You catch the pattern, name what's happening in your body, and choose something different than what you were handed. JOIN MY FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

"I Thought Providing Was Love"

Most men don't lose their relationship overnight. It happens slowly. Long work hours. Emotional avoidance. Constant stress. Feeling like roommates instead of partners. One person asking for connection while the other thinks, "I'm doing all of this for us… why isn't it enough?" In this episode, Marcus opens up about the collapse of his six-year relationship, discovering his partner was emotionally involved with someone else, and the spiral of shame, grief, panic, and self-blame that followed. But this conversation goes deeper than cheating or heartbreak. We unpack how childhood trauma, nervous system survival responses, overworking, emotional shutdown, conflict avoidance, and people-pleasing quietly shape adult relationships… especially for men who were never taught emotional regulation in the first place. Inside this episode: * Why overworking is often emotional avoidance in disguise * The difference between guilt and shame * Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses in relationships * Why some people move on quickly after relationships end * How childhood abandonment wounds show up in adult intimacy * Why many men outsource their self-worth to being chosen * What emotional safety actually looks like in a relationship * The hidden cost of living in survival mode for years * How nervous system work and breathwork help process grief and emotional overwhelm This one is raw. Honest. Messy. Human. And if you've ever thought: "I know better… but I still keep reacting the same way." You'll probably see yourself somewhere in this conversation. If you're ready to stop living in survival mode and learn how to lead yourself differently in relationships, you can learn more about Healthy Men-tality here: JOIN MY FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

The "Good Guy" Trap That Quietly Destroys Relationships

What happens when a man spends years trying to earn love by abandoning himself? In this episode, I sit down with Healthy Men-tality member Carlos for an honest conversation about nervous system regulation, shame, people-pleasing, emotional burnout, marriage struggles, and learning how to stop losing yourself inside relationships. Carlos shares what led him to the program after his wife hit a breaking point in their marriage, including isolation, depression, emotional shutdown, loss of identity, and feeling completely overwhelmed after moving his family internationally. Together, we unpack: * Why people-pleasing eventually creates resentment * The hidden relationship between shame and self-abandonment * What emotional leadership actually looks like * Why nervous system regulation changes parenting * The difference between guilt and shame * How men lose themselves trying to "earn" love * Why so many men struggle to advocate for their needs * The danger of stopping the work once things start feeling good One of the biggest themes throughout this episode: You cannot create emotional safety while abandoning yourself. There's also a powerful section around the "good guy" identity and how many men quietly judge themselves so harshly internally that they become trapped in performance, approval-seeking, and fear of disappointing others. And honestly… if you're a dad, the parenting conversation alone is worth listening to. Carlos shares how nervous system work changed the way he responds to chaos with his kids.. moving from overwhelm and snapping into playfulness, patience, and connection. If you're trying to rebuild yourself, your confidence, your emotional stability, or your relationship, this episode will hit home. If you wanna know more about the Healthy Men-tality Program, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.