How a Man Can Be Successful and Still Have a Personal Life That's Falling Apart

How a Man Can Be Successful and Still Have a Personal Life That's Falling Apart

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes open discussion of suicide and self-harm. If you're in a hard place right now, it's completely okay to skip this one and come back when you're ready, or pick a different episode. If you do listen, go gentle with yourself and take breaks if you need them. "Tom" came into the Healthy Men-tality program looking, from the outside, like a man who had it all figured out. Successful career, two decades of marriage, the kind of life that checks every box. Underneath it, his marriage was falling apart, he was living out of a suitcase in a different country every couple of months, and he was running on a survival pattern he'd built as a kid. Be the strong one. Protect everyone. Never let it show. A few weeks into the program, the weight of all of it caught up with him and he hit his lowest point. What happened after is a big part of why he's on this episode. Not because everything is fixed now, the separation conversations are still happening, but because of how differently he's able to move through it. Inside this conversation, we get into: * How men get conditioned to be "the strong one" and what it quietly costs them * Why living in survival mode and gripping for control keeps you disconnected from your own life * The line running from childhood trauma to attachment styles to the patterns you keep repeating as an adult * What detachment actually means, and why it doesn't mean you've stopped caring * Breaking generational cycles instead of handing them down to your kids * Forgiving yourself without using shame to do it * What shifts when you stop walking on eggshells and start regulating your nervous system Healing is a long game. You catch the pattern, name what's happening in your body, and choose something different than what you were handed. JOIN MY FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

"I Thought Providing Was Love"

Most men don't lose their relationship overnight. It happens slowly. Long work hours. Emotional avoidance. Constant stress. Feeling like roommates instead of partners. One person asking for connection while the other thinks, "I'm doing all of this for us… why isn't it enough?" In this episode, Marcus opens up about the collapse of his six-year relationship, discovering his partner was emotionally involved with someone else, and the spiral of shame, grief, panic, and self-blame that followed. But this conversation goes deeper than cheating or heartbreak. We unpack how childhood trauma, nervous system survival responses, overworking, emotional shutdown, conflict avoidance, and people-pleasing quietly shape adult relationships… especially for men who were never taught emotional regulation in the first place. Inside this episode: * Why overworking is often emotional avoidance in disguise * The difference between guilt and shame * Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses in relationships * Why some people move on quickly after relationships end * How childhood abandonment wounds show up in adult intimacy * Why many men outsource their self-worth to being chosen * What emotional safety actually looks like in a relationship * The hidden cost of living in survival mode for years * How nervous system work and breathwork help process grief and emotional overwhelm This one is raw. Honest. Messy. Human. And if you've ever thought: "I know better… but I still keep reacting the same way." You'll probably see yourself somewhere in this conversation. If you're ready to stop living in survival mode and learn how to lead yourself differently in relationships, you can learn more about Healthy Men-tality here: JOIN MY FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

The "Good Guy" Trap That Quietly Destroys Relationships

What happens when a man spends years trying to earn love by abandoning himself? In this episode, I sit down with Healthy Men-tality member Carlos for an honest conversation about nervous system regulation, shame, people-pleasing, emotional burnout, marriage struggles, and learning how to stop losing yourself inside relationships. Carlos shares what led him to the program after his wife hit a breaking point in their marriage, including isolation, depression, emotional shutdown, loss of identity, and feeling completely overwhelmed after moving his family internationally. Together, we unpack: * Why people-pleasing eventually creates resentment * The hidden relationship between shame and self-abandonment * What emotional leadership actually looks like * Why nervous system regulation changes parenting * The difference between guilt and shame * How men lose themselves trying to "earn" love * Why so many men struggle to advocate for their needs * The danger of stopping the work once things start feeling good One of the biggest themes throughout this episode: You cannot create emotional safety while abandoning yourself. There's also a powerful section around the "good guy" identity and how many men quietly judge themselves so harshly internally that they become trapped in performance, approval-seeking, and fear of disappointing others. And honestly… if you're a dad, the parenting conversation alone is worth listening to. Carlos shares how nervous system work changed the way he responds to chaos with his kids.. moving from overwhelm and snapping into playfulness, patience, and connection. If you're trying to rebuild yourself, your confidence, your emotional stability, or your relationship, this episode will hit home. If you wanna know more about the Healthy Men-tality Program, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

The "Nice Guy" Pattern That Pushes Love Away

Most men were never taught how to stay present when emotions get big. So when conflict happens in a relationship… they either shut down, try to fix it, disappear emotionally, or explode. Then comes the shame spiral. "I'm failing." "I'm broken." "I can't do this right." In this episode, Dave Lishansky and I unpack what's actually happening underneath those reactions, and why so many "nice guys" are really just men stuck in nervous system survival patterns. We talk about emotional safety, boundaries, self-abandonment, attachment dynamics, men's groups, breathwork, and why relationships eventually force us to confront the parts of ourselves we've spent years avoiding. Inside this episode: * Why many men go silent during conflict * What emotional safety actually means * The hidden cost of people-pleasing and self-abandonment * Why slowing down changes everything during hard conversations * The difference between healthy masculine leadership and performance * Why relationships become mirrors for our unresolved wounds * How community and men's work help men regulate and heal * What happens when one partner grows… and the other refuses to One of my favorite moments in this conversation was Dave talking about armor… how so many men walk through life emotionally armored because it never felt safe not to. And how relationships eventually ask you to put some of that armor down if you want real intimacy. If you're a man trying to rebuild trust, regulate your emotions, communicate better, or stop repeating the same relationship cycles… this episode is for you. This is the work we do inside the Healthy Men-tality Program: real tools, real support, real change. If you wanna know more, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ Learn more about Dave's work here: https://www.davelishansky.com/podcast [https://www.davelishansky.com/podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

"Why Now?" Why Did It Take Losing Me for You to Change?

Some women spend years trying to explain the same pain. Different wording. Different tone. Different timing. Eventually the tears stop. The conversations get shorter. The resentment gets quieter. And then one day she says she's done. That's usually when panic finally kicks in. In this episode, Tara breaks down one of the hardest questions men face once they start healing after separation or divorce: "Why did it take losing me for you to finally change?" And honestly? Most men answer that question from shame instead of truth. Because underneath the defensiveness… underneath the shutdown… underneath the "I never meant to hurt you" response… there's usually a nervous system that has spent decades learning how to survive, protect, avoid failure, avoid rejection, avoid feeling "not enough." So when a partner brings pain to the relationship, many men don't actually hear: "Please understand me." They hear: "You're failing." "You're broken." "You're not enough." "You're losing her." That's the moment survival mode takes over. This episode gets into the real mechanics underneath relationship breakdown: how shame blocks empathy, why emotional safety matters more than winning the argument, why validation is NOT the same thing as agreeing, …. and how unresolved childhood conditioning quietly shapes adult relationships. This episode also explains why so many couples stay stuck cycling the exact same conflict for years even while both people genuinely love each other. Because love isn't the issue most of the time. Dysregulation is. Inside this episode: * Why defensiveness is usually a protection strategy * The nervous system reason couples repeat the same fights * Why women emotionally detach long before they physically leave * What men misunderstand about validation * How shame and low self-worth distort communication * Why "fixing it" often pushes your partner further away * The difference between emotional understanding vs emotional management * What repair actually sounds like in real conversations * Why change often doesn't happen until rock bottom There's also a really important conversation around grief in relationships. Not just grief after divorce. Grief inside the relationship. The grief of feeling unseen. The grief of carrying the emotional load alone. The grief of becoming a version of yourself you never wanted to be just to survive the relationship dynamic. And if you're the partner finally waking up to your patterns after things have already fallen apart… this episode will probably help you understand why your partner's resentment feels so intense right now. Not so you can defend yourself better. So you can stop defending long enough to actually hear her. If this episode hit for you and you're ready to stop repeating the same patterns, you can learn more about the Healthy Men-tality program in the links below. It's for men who are tired of white-knuckling relationships, shutting down emotionally, reacting from survival mode, or losing themselves trying to hold everything together. You don't need more surface-level communication tips. You need the skills, tools, and nervous system work to actually become emotionally safe for yourself and the people you love. If you wanna know more about the Healthy Men-tality Program, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] * Listen to more episodes of the Unblock Your BS podcast: http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast [http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast] * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.