CAAT Tales (the podcast)

Only Mergers in the Building - S1 E4 "The Framework that Doesn't Exist"

Given the news release claims both boards have approved an “integration framework,” the trio sets out to find the document—only to discover that no one, including the deans allegedly aligning to it, has ever seen it. Their search leads through conspiracy bushes, Minecraft‑hosted PDFs, and a director building strategic‑plan domino towers in a windowless office. As missing reports, ignored legislation, and pre‑due‑diligence layoffs pile up, the investigators uncover a troubling pattern: the only thing more elusive than the framework is the consultation that was supposed to come with it. A CAAT Tales (the podcast) Production - because if we couldn't find something the laugh about ... well ... Local 417 would also like to recognize the following: Music: Theme - Alex_besss-Your-Case-Is-Closed-433524 Hall Pass – Riverside Haunt Couture – Riverside The Happy Pup Strut - Riverside Darkened Treeline - Riverside Evidence Room – Riverside Sound Effects: TV Static and Glitch and Power On Real Audio Sound Effects by DudeAwesome -- https://freesound.org/s/790279/ [https://freesound.org/s/790279/] -- License: Attribution 4.0 Button – soundreality-button-202966 Door open – freesound_community-door-open-and-close-with-a-creak 102380 Dominoes being placed – freesound_community-domino-stone-on-the-table-87997 Drop papers - freesound_community-drop-stack-of-paper-whoomp-47048 Dominoes falling - freesound_community-dominoes-falling-47488 Page flipping – freesound_community-papers-flapping-intense-79998 Marker sound – lesiakower-highlighter-on-paper-highlighting-385295 LEGAL DISCLAIMER & NOTICE of PARODY: This program is a creative production of CAAT Tales. It is a work of dramatic satire, parody, and opinion-based commentary. All characters—including Taylor, Alex, and Miles—are fictionalized personas. The events, dialogue, and scenarios depicted have been dramatized using artistic license for educational, comedic, and illustrative purposes. While the podcast discusses public matters of institutional governance, academic planning, and labor relations, the statements made by the characters should not be taken as literal statements of absolute fact, nor do they represent the official legal positions of any individual, local union, or parent organization. This content is protected under the principles of freedom of expression, fair comment on matters of public interest, and academic/union expression.

Only Mergers in the Building - S1 E3 "The Spreadsheet Oracle"

When due diligence vanishes and programs quietly disappear, the trio turns to the only force still producing answers: a mysterious Spreadsheet Oracle who claims Excel itself has foretold the merger’s fate. As chicken‑noodle prophecies collide with shifting timelines, ghosted programs, and a witness convinced seagulls are running surveillance for the College Employer Council, the investigators follow a trail of missing minutes, cold rooms, and silent campuses to uncover the one question no one seems able to answer—who, exactly, is doing the diligence? A CAAT Tales (the podcast) Production - because if we couldn't find something the laugh about ... well ... Special thanks to the following: Music: Sonican-magical-dramedy-orchestral-sneaky-spell-357667 u_vnt8a8vcp6 https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/ [https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/]  Sonican-sneaky-spell-magical-orchestral-loop-372884 Theme - Alex_besss-Your-Case-Is-Closed-433524 Hall Pass – Riverside Ocean Blue - Riverside Haunt Couture - Riverside Sonican-magical-dramedy-orchestral-sneaky-spell-357667 u_vnt8a8vcp6 https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/ [https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/] Sonican-sneaky-spell-magical-orchestral-loop-372884     Sound Effects: Key press – dragon-studio-single-key-press-393908 Typing – freesound_community-keyboard-typing 36490 Error - freesound_community-error-96492 Whoosh – soundreality-whoosh-large-sub-384631 Marker sound – lesiakower-highlighter-on-paper-highlighting-385295 Knock – freesound_community-knock-knock-knock-40474 Louder knock - freesound_community-knocking-on-window-99754 Zoom – racehlribeiro71-zoom-connecting-to-meeting-504404 Rustling bushes – freesound_community-057988_rustling-bushes-88885 Clock – reddog0607-clock-ticking-365218 Chair – freesound_community-chair-squeak-100546 Coffee cup - freesound_community-putting-a-cup-on-a-table-and-stirring-in-it-999831 LEGAL DISCLAIMER & NOTICE of PARODY: This program is a creative production of CAAT Tales. It is a work of dramatic satire, parody, and opinion-based commentary. All characters—including Taylor, Alex, and Miles—are fictionalized personas. The events, dialogue, and scenarios depicted have been dramatized using artistic license for educational, comedic, and illustrative purposes. While the podcast discusses public matters of institutional governance, academic planning, and labor relations, the statements made by the characters should not be taken as literal statements of absolute fact, nor do they represent the official legal positions of any individual, local union, or parent organization. This content is protected under the principles of freedom of expression, fair comment on matters of public interest, and academic/union expression.

Only Mergers in The Building - S1 E2 "The Building Where it Happened"

When the trio investigates the deserted administrative floor where the merger was supposedly born, they uncover a Bermuda Triangle of missing managers, a dean who speaks exclusively in corporate fog, and a binder so large it may be sentient. As faculty whisper through empty hallways and timelines contradict themselves, one truth emerges with suspicious clarity: the presidency of the new college was decided long before the “planning” ever began. A CAAT Tales (the podcast) Production - because if we couldn't find something the laugh about ... well ... Special thanks to the following: Music: Delicates - Riverside Theme - Alex_besss-Your-Case-Is-Closed-433524 Darkened Treeline - Riverside Evidence Room – Riverside Hall Pass – Riverside Sonican-sneaky-spell-magical-orchestral-loop-372884 trueCrime-underscore-high - Riverside Sonican-magical-dramedy-orchestral-sneaky-spell-357667 u_vnt8a8vcp6 https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/ [https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/]   Sound Effects: Elevator Door – freesound_community-elevator-ding-door-opens-noisy- Footsteps - freesound_community-footsteps-in-a-hallway-47842 Drill – magiaz-drill-337556 Open map – freesound_community-unfold-a-map-46452 Marker sound – lesiakower-highlighter-on-paper-highlighting-385295 Footsteps – freesound_community-indoor-footsteps-6385 Door open – freesound_community-door-open-and-close-with-a-creak 102380 Electronic door – freesound_community-electronic-door-opening-102496 LEGAL DISCLAIMER & NOTICE of PARODY: This program is a creative production of CAAT Tales. It is a work of dramatic satire, parody, and opinion-based commentary. All characters—including Taylor, Alex, and Miles—are fictionalized personas. The events, dialogue, and scenarios depicted have been dramatized using artistic license for educational, comedic, and illustrative purposes. While the podcast discusses public matters of institutional governance, academic planning, and labor relations, the statements made by the characters should not be taken as literal statements of absolute fact, nor do they represent the official legal positions of any individual, local union, or parent organization. This content is protected under the principles of freedom of expression, fair comment on matters of public interest, and academic/union expression.

Only Mergers In The Building - S1 E1 "A Merger Most Foul"

Series Premiere — “A Merger Most Foul” When a sudden, secretive college merger throws two colleges into chaos, three faculty sleuths launch a satirical, true-crime-style podcast to find out who is pulling the strings. First up: the trio chases a rapidly shifting paper trail, interviews a witness who learned of the merger on TikTok, and uses a vintage union Ouija board to summon the phantom spirit of "Due Diligence." A CAAT Tales (the podcast) Production - because if we couldn't find something the laugh about ... well ... Season 1 – Episode 1: “A Merger Most Foul” Music: Sonican-magical-dramedy-orchestral-sneaky-spell-357667 u_vnt8a8vcp6 https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/ [https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/] Theme - Alex_besss-Your-Case-Is-Closed-433524 Openmindaudio-crime-drama-intro-dust-on-the-evidence-shelf-part-2-preview-492685 Darkened Treeline - Riverside   Sound Effects: Page flipping – freesound_community-papers-fllapping-intense-79998 Record scratch – Alexis_gaming_cam-vinyl-stop-34938 Message ding – universfield-system-notification-199277 Explosion – lordsonny_two-debris-break-3-457508 Pages – freesound_community-paper-66648 Door open – freesound_community-door-open-and-close-with-a-creak 102380 Footsteps – freesound_community-indoor-footsteps-6385 Magic 8 ball – freesound_community-water-bottle-shake-33734 Possessed speaker – ElevenLabs_2026-06-01T22_35_39_Eva-Futuristic LEGAL DISCLAIMER & NOTICE of PARODY: This program is a creative production of CAAT Tales. It is a work of dramatic satire, parody, and opinion-based commentary. All characters—including Taylor, Alex, and Miles—are fictionalized personas. The events, dialogue, and scenarios depicted have been dramatized using artistic license for educational, comedic, and illustrative purposes. While the podcast discusses public matters of institutional governance, academic planning, and labor relations, the statements made by the characters should not be taken as literal statements of absolute fact, nor do they represent the official legal positions of any individual, local union, or parent organization. This content is protected under the principles of freedom of expression, fair comment on matters of public interest, and academic/union expression.

Ep 26: CAAT Tales: OMITB S1E1 -"A Merger Most Foul" and Much More

Episode 26 — Leaning Into Summer This month, CAAT Tales is doing something new. We’re launching Only Mergers in the Building, a five‑part parody series inspired by the drama and uncertainty across our sector. Yes, it’s fictional. Yes, it’s satire. And yes… it hits close to home. In today’s episode: * 🎭 Parody Premiere: Only Mergers in the Building — Episode One: "A Merger Most Foul" * 🏛️ Christina Decarie: Reflections on her final AGM and more than a decade of leadership * 🐾 Dale Gartshore: Updates from the first solo divisional meeting for part‑time and sessional faculty * 🔥 Fireside Chat: Details on the June 10th session New parody episodes drop every Wednesday in June. Stay with us — and let’s step into this summer series together. LEGAL DISCLAIMER & NOTICE of PARODY: This program is a creative production of CAAT Tales. It is a work of dramatic satire, parody, and opinion-based commentary. All characters—including Taylor, Alex, and Miles—are fictionalized personas. The events, dialogue, and scenarios depicted have been dramatized using artistic license for educational, comedic, and illustrative purposes. While the podcast discusses public matters of institutional governance, academic planning, and labor relations, the statements made by the characters should not be taken as literal statements of absolute fact, nor do they represent the official legal positions of any individual, local union, or parent organization. This content is protected under the principles of freedom of expression, fair comment on matters of public interest, and academic/union expression. Thank you to the following for your Royalty-free sound effects mostly via Pixabay: Only Mergers In The Building - Season 1 – Episode 1: “A Merger Most Foul” Music: Sonican-magical-dramedy-orchestral-sneaky-spell-357667 u_vnt8a8vcp6 https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/ [https://pixabay.com/users/sonican-38947841/] Theme - Alex_besss-Your-Case-Is-Closed-433524 Openmindaudio-crime-drama-intro-dust-on-the-evidence-shelf-part-2-preview-492685 Darkened Treeline - Riverside   Sound Effects: Page flipping – freesound_community-papers-fllapping-intense-79998 Record scratch – Alexis_gaming_cam-vinyl-stop-34938 Message ding – universfield-system-notification-199277 Explosion – lordsonny_two-debris-break-3-457508 Pages – freesound_community-paper-66648 Door open – freesound_community-door-open-and-close-with-a-creak 102380 Footsteps – freesound_community-indoor-footsteps-6385 Magic 8 ball – freesound_community-water-bottle-shake-33734 Possessed speaker – ElevenLabs_2026-06-01T22_35_39_Eva-Futuristic CAAT Tales (the podcast) theme: Dario_Benedetti_Sunburst_instrumental YouTube Code for Music clearance: NPXY0YQVYZIJHMOW