Empty Nest Full Banter

Why You Shouldn’t Give 1-Star for Your Own Bad Luck 🌟🚫

This week at the kitchen table, Jo and Stu are back doing what they do best: talking absolute nonsense and somehow making it make sense. We kick things off by tackling the eternal misery that is January (apparently it’s the 45th… still), complete with Gerald making a return to represent the trudge. There’s also a serious(ish) discussion about glasses, maturity, and whether wearing specs is the only thing keeping things vaguely responsible. Then things spiral—as they do—into another round of reviewing reviews. From baffling condom reviews that raise more questions than answers, to a bedside table apparently made with paper drawers (paper drawers?!), Jo brings her “creative facts” and Stu tries, valiantly, to ground us in reality. Elsewhere, we debate what people even call a sat nav these days, get distracted by TV chat, and generally prove once again that leaving us unsupervised at the kitchen table is never a good idea. If you enjoy husband and wife banter, British podcasts, empty nest life, relatable couples chat, and conversations that go wildly off track but somehow still make sense, you’re in the right place. 🎙️ New episodes every Friday 👍 Like, subscribe, and drop a comment — especially if you’ve ever left (or read) a completely ridiculous 1* review 🪑 Pull up a chair and join us at the kitchen table TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Coming up 00:42 Intro 01:19 Unfair and Hysterical 1* Reviews 11:42 Jo's in trouble for abusing cables 13:19 We have our first troll 13:48 Sebastian update 14:11 Jo disagrees with the Satnav 17:53 Bed problems 19:46 Traitors review 23:25 What we thought of Hijack (spoiler we loved it!) 25:27 We watch some very funny video clips 📺 Subscribe for new episodes! 📲 Follow us on socials Instagram instagram.com/emptynestfullbanter Facebook facebook.com/emptynestfullbanter #EmptyNestFullBanter #EmptyNest #Podcast #comedypodcast #BritishHumur #OneStarReviews

Sugar Rehab, Sharp Knives, and the ”Pillock” Pivot

Welcome back to the kitchen table! This week, Jo and Stu are navigating the highs and lows of the empty nest—mostly involving high sugar intakes and low-hanging cheese plants. In this episode: Plant ER: Meet Sebastian, our magnificent 6-foot cheese plant who has sadly caught "the thrips" (or "thrips," depending on who you ask). We’re doing some serious "thrip rubbing" to save him, but if you have any tips to keep Sebastian from going limp and yellow, please drop them in the comments!. The Sweary Soften: Jo has officially announced she’s retiring her favourite insult for something more "gentle" she used in her youth. Out with the old, in with "Pillock"— though the transition hasn't been entirely F-bomb free. Sugar Rehab: Jo comes clean about her rampant sugar addiction. From "therapy chocolate" during trips to Manchester to the "edgy" reality of a chocolate detox while wielding a kitchen knife, things are getting a bit sharp in the kitchen. Yoga Tears: Why does a session of "downward dogging" with Yoga with Kassandra leave Jo in floods of tears? Birthday Banter: It’s Stu’s birthday this Sunday! While the nest won't be empty for long as the kids return for a family dinner, the real mystery is the "inappropriate" gift list Stu suggested. Empty Nest. Full Banter. Zero Filter. New episodes every Friday! Pull up a chair, hit subscribe, and join the chaos. 🪑✨ Are you over 50 and find yourself making "the noise" every time you bend down to pick something up? Let us know your theories on why it’s essential for gripping things!. 📺 Subscribe for new episodes! 📲 Follow us on socials Instagram instagram.com/emptynestfullbanter Facebook facebook.com/emptynestfullbanter #EmptyNestFullBanter #EmptyNest #Podcast #yogaforlife #RelatableParenting

Is Mr. Tickle a Criminal? 👮‍♂️🚫

Listen, we’ve all had a rough January, but Stu and Jo are currently navigating a post-Christmas hangover that involves burnt house plants, "moist" traitors, and a deep-dive into the criminal record of the Mr. Men. Jo’s still trying to figure out if a "meme" is a virus or an idea, while Stu is busy dodging nasal drips during "number ones". It’s 17 minutes of two people who have been married for 24 years finally realising they might be the "wrong uns." Empty Nest. Full Banter. Zero Filter. Hit subscribe now to join the chaos. TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Intro 01:42 The "Double Busy" Incident: Stu’s nasal drip meets gravity. 02:37 Bedding Inferno: Why they’ve been sleeping in separate rooms and burning the evidence. 04:16 January Vibes: A horticultural tragedy involving a metaphorical flamethrower. 05:38 NHS Reality Check: Mum Expected a brass band 06:59 The "Moist" Traitor: Why Steven’s sweatiness is a total giveaway. 07:34 Mr. Tickle’s Cancellation: Rebranding a "wrong un" for 2026. 08:50 Mr. Bump’s Scam: Investigating the impossible accidents of a fictional circle. 09:28 Mr. Daydream & Revisited: What about the school fines. 11:20 Unhinged 1 star review 11:47 Translation Fails 14:45 The AI Dog Dance: Jo's delighted by dancing dogs. 📺 Subscribe for new episodes! 📲 Follow us on socials Instagram instagram.com/emptynestfullbanter Facebook facebook.com/emptynestfullbanter #emptynestfullbanter #podcastshow #comedy

🎄 1-STAR REVIEWS: The Buckingham Palace Toilet Crisis & Rod Stewart’s Hair Rage! | Christmas Comedy

Jo challenges Anthony Joshua to a £210 MILLION boxing match (with a ring "a couple of miles wide"), we discover the most OUTRAGEOUS 1-star reviews on the internet, and debate whether AI will force plumbers to become mobile waxers named Dave! 🥊 🎯 IN THIS EPISODE: 🥊 Jo vs. Anthony Joshua: The Fight of the Century £210 million boxing match challenge (officially undefeated record!) Training footage that will terrify... absolutely no one Ring specifications: "a couple of miles wide" Eddie Hearn, your phone should be ringing! ⭐ RIDICULOUS 1-STAR REVIEWS: 🚽 Buckingham Palace Toilet Scandal "Only go with a strong bladder" - the royal bathroom crisis Orange juice + cups of tea = disaster waiting to happen Should they rip out the throne room for urinals? The rose bush conspiracy theory revealed 🎸 Rod Stewart's "Cheesy Bull*cks" Christmas Album Husband's jealous rant about Rod's hair (he's in his 80s!) "She thinks he's the bees knees - about time he had a decent haircut" Couples therapy urgently needed The bullock/bollocks spelling debate 😎 Sunglasses Review Mystery "There was a big time on my face" - WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! Could be 5-stars in other circumstances... Translation failures that create pure comedy gold 🃏 The Left-Handed Playing Cards Miracle "Finally cards for left handers!" (Wait, what?) How is this even possible? We need left-handers to explain this in the comments! 🕯️ The Candle review "Love this candle - didn't arrive" ⭐ Other reviews: "I have to repaint my walls!" Should've been 5-stars for NOT arriving 🏛️ THE BUDE TUNNEL: Britain's 8th Wonder of the World 1,582 reviews! 4.7 stars! No. 4 attraction in Bude! "A glorious curved corridor of wonders" "Don't be fooled - it's a PORTAL, a cultural experience!" "Forget the Eiffel Tower or Grand Canyon" - THIS is the real deal It's literally a plastic-covered walkway to Sainsbury's The haters: "15 seconds of walking time" (THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND MAJESTY) Britain's answer to the Sydney Opera House Bucket list pilgrimage destination 🤖 When AI Takes Our Jobs Dave the plumber becomes Dave the mobile waxer "What seems to be the trouble with your pipes, madam?" Industrial duct tape and big pliers for beauty treatments The jobs AI definitely CAN'T take 📅 Naming the Days Between Christmas & New Year Twixmas? Noel-tide Eve? Xmas Fest? Stu's revolutionary proposal: Twixmas Eve, Twixmas day, Boxing Twix The days that don't have names FINALLY get justice 🎬 Christmas Content Special Jo's bold red Christmas lip ("very kissable") The mistletoe camera incident Why we're all social media stars now Management team requirements (Off Menu podcast, watch out!) ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 0:00 - Christmas Intro & Twixmas Debate 2:41 - Boxing Day: Jo vs Anthony Joshua Challenge 5:03 - The Management Team Situation 6:01 - AI Takes Our Jobs: Dave the Waxer 7:32 - REVIEWS BEGIN: Buckingham Palace Toilet Crisis 9:01 - Rod Stewart's Hair Controversy 11:28 - "Big Time On My Face" Mystery 12:08 - Left-Handed Cards Phenomenon 13:21 - The Candle That Didn't Arrive 14:01 - THE BUDE TUNNEL LEGEND BEGINS 19:38 - Shuffling Papers Like the News 💬 BEST QUOTES: "There was a big time on my face" "Cheesy bollocks!" "A Monument to human ingenuity and perspex" "The 8th wonder of the world" "Some people got no class - they'd show them the Mona Lisa and say 'it's just a bad painting of a grumpy woman!'" 👫 ABOUT US: We're Stu & Jo - married 24 years and still finding reasons to laugh at the internet's most ridiculous reviews! Join us for weekly comedy, chaos, and questionable Christmas content. 📱 CONNECT: 💬 Left-handers: PLEASE explain those playing cards! 🥊 Anthony Joshua: Check your DMs 🏛️ Have you visited the Bude Tunnel? Share your life-changing experience! ⭐ Send us your favorite terrible reviews! #Podcast #BudeTunnel #Christmas #FunnyReviews #1StarReviews #BritishComedy #Twixmas #AnthonyJoshua #MarriedLife #CouplePodcast #ChristmasSpecial ⚠️ WARNING: Contains discussions of royal toilets, follicular jealousy, mysterious face-times, and plastic tunnel worship. May cause uncontrollable laughter and urgent desire to visit Sainsbury's Bude. 👍 LIKE if you've ever left a confusing review 💬 COMMENT your worst 1-star review experience 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for more review madness Thanks for watching! Now go visit the Bude Tunnel - it's only 15 seconds of your life! 🛒

1-Star Review Madness + Nightmare on Elm Street vs Miracle on 34th Street Mix-Up! 🎄😱

Jo confuses NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET with a wholesome Christmas film (perfect for babysitting, right?), and we dive into the most RIDICULOUS 1-star reviews on the internet. Plus: the dumbest inventions ever made, including a solar-powered bikini and ice cream that rotates itself! 🎯 IN THIS EPISODE: 🎬 Christmas Film DISASTERS Jo suggests "Nightmare on Elm Street" for festive family viewing "There's a lovely little girl in it... probably not for long" The Miracle on 34th Street vs. Freddy Krueger confusion Never let Jo choose the Christmas movies ⭐ HILARIOUS 1-Star Reviews: When Stupidity Meets Amazon 👁️ Eye drops review: "The instructions are only for RIGHT-HANDED people!" 🏋️ Dumbbells: "No instructions included" (2 people found this helpful!) 🧻 Toilet roll for Australian guests (they need QUALITY) 📝 Pritt Stick: "I'm left-handed and turned it the wrong way" 🪒 The "balding brush" keeper (in case they buy it again!) 💯 "1-star: Good quality, excellent product" - HUH?! 🎖️ Military Precision vs. Surgical Strikes Jo's Facts: "Surgical strikes only happen in operating theatres!" The most ridiculous debate we've ever had Welcome to "Jo's Facts" - where knowledge goes to die 🤦 The WORST Inventions Ever Made ☀️ Solar-Powered Bikini (charge your phone while tanning!) 👟 Metal Detecting Sandals (looks like house arrest) 🔫 Gun-Shaped Camera (with realistic gunshot sounds!) 🍦 Ice Cream Cone Rotator (because hands are SO last century) 🎅 Christmas Updates: 🥧 Mince Pie Counter: 12 → 6 (where did they go, Jo?) 🌊 Wreath vs. Storm Bram: THE REMATCH 🎄 Jo gets attacked by a neighbor's wreath (caught on Ring doorbell!) 🎁 Christmas card distribution goes hilariously wrong ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 0:00 - Nightmare on Elm Street Christmas Special 0:50 - Ridiculous Product Reviews Begin 4:03 - Surgical Strike Debate (Jo's Facts) 6:50 - The Dumbbells With No Instructions 8:48 - More Christmas Film Confusion 10:03 - WORST Inventions: Solar Bikini Edition 13:54 - Ice Cream Rotator & Science Gone Mad 15:00 - Mince Pie Investigation 16:00 - Wreath Attacks Jo (CCTV footage exists!) 17:00 - Like, Subscribe, Comment! 💬 BEST QUOTES: "There's a lovely little girl... probably not for long!" "Surgical strikes only happen in operating theatres" "I wasted a load one day before realizing the top was still on" "It went straight on my face like your phone does in the night!" 👫 ABOUT US: We're Stu & Jo - married 24 years and still trying to get through Christmas without incident. He's sensible. She confuses horror films with festive classics. We read stupid product reviews, and somehow Jo gets attacked by a Christmas wreath. Join us for weekly chaos! 📱 CONNECT WITH US: Ever left a ridiculous 1-star review? Witnessed a wreath attack? Confused by the difference between Nightmare on Elm Street and Miracle on 34th Street? COMMENT BELOW! Have you eaten all the mince pies? Us too. 🥧 #Podcast #Christmas #FunnyReviews #ProductReviews #Amazon #ChristmasMovies #NightmareOnElmStreet #BritishComedy #MarriedLife #CouplePodcast #ChristmasFails #1StarReviews #DumbInventions #ProductFails #HolidayChaos #FestiveFails #ChristmasHumor #AmazonReviews #WeirdProducts #PodcastComedy #UKPodcast #FunnyPodcast #ChristmasContent ⚠️ WARNING: Contains: Freddy Krueger babysitting scenarios, people who can't operate Pritt Sticks, Australian toilet paper standards, and a wreath with murderous intent. 👍 LIKE if you've ever left a ridiculous review 💬 COMMENT your worst product fail 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly pre-Christmas meltdowns Thanks for watching! Now go read some 1-star reviews for entertainment! ⭐ P.S. Our wreath is still alive (barely). The mince pies are not. 🎄🥧