Hidden Brain

No one will deny that marriage is hard. In fact, there’s evidence it’s getting even harder. This week on the show, we revisit a favorite episode about the history of marriage and how it has evolved over time. We talk with historian Stephanie Coontz and psychologist Eli Finkel [https://www.kellogg.northwestern.edu/faculty/directory/finkel_eli/], and explore ways we can improve our love lives — including by asking less of our partners. Then, on Your Questions Answered, psychologist Jonathan Adler [https://www.olin.edu/bios/jonathan-m-adler] answers your questions about the science of storytelling. If you have follow-up questions or thoughts about these ideas, and you’d be willing to share them with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Then, email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. Use the subject line “marriage.” That email address again is ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. The Hidden Brain tour is continuing, with our next stop just a few weeks away! Join us in Los Angeles on November 22, and stay tuned for more dates coming in 2026. For more info and tickets, head to hiddenbrain.org/tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/].  Episode illustration by Getty Images for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When things go wrong in our relationships, we often try to change the way our partners behave. But usually, trying to fix a person only makes things worse. Last week, we talked to psychologist James Cordova [https://www.clarku.edu/faculty/profiles/james-cordova/] about why this tendency can be so damaging, and what to do instead. This week, we explore another difficult but effective way to strengthen our relationships. Then, on Your Questions Answered, we bring back researcher Victor Strecher [https://sph.umich.edu/faculty-profiles/strecher-victor.html], who studies purpose. Vic spoke with us in June about the death of his daughter, and how it changed his own outlook on purpose. That conversation, which was called "You 2.0: What Is Your Life For? [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-what-is-your-life-for/]" had a powerful impact on many listeners. We'll hear Vic's responses to their thoughts and questions.  What have you learned about changing your partner in the course of your relationship? Have you come up with ways to accept your partner's flaws? If you have questions or comments for James Cordova, and you'd be willing to share with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a short voice memo on your phone and email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Use the subject line "acceptance." Thanks!  The Hidden Brain tour is continuing, with our next stops just a few days away! Join us in Baltimore on October 11 or Washington, D.C. on October 12 to see Shankar live on stage. We'll also be in Los Angeles on November 22, and more dates in 2026 are coming soon. For more info and tickets, head to hiddenbrain.org/tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/].  Episode illustration by Paris Bilal [https://unsplash.com/@parisbilal/illustrations] for Unsplash+.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Many love stories end when the characters are still in the heady, euphoric early stages of a relationship. But what comes after that intoxicating first phase of love is over? Today, we kick off a new series on the challenges specific to long-term relationships. We'll talk with psychologist James Cordova [https://www.clarku.edu/faculty/profiles/james-cordova/] about some of the common difficulties many couples face. We'll also look at a solution that scientific research suggests might actually work. Then, we'll bring you the latest installment of our segment Your Questions Answered. Researcher Jon Jachimowicz [https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/profile.aspx?facId=1175257] returns to respond to listeners' thoughts about the pursuit of passions.  If you’d like to see Hidden Brain live and hear some of Shankar's key takeaways from the first decade of the show, we have stops coming up on our tour! We’ll be in Baltimore on October 11th, Washington, D.C. on October 12th, and Los Angeles on November 22nd. Plus, we’ll have more stops for 2026 to announce soon. For more info and tickets, go to hiddenbrain.org/tour. And if you enjoyed today's episode with James Cordova, check out our Hidden Brain+ conversation with him about relationship check-ups. James explains why an annual relationship assessment can help couples to spot issues before they become major problems. Plus, he shares some of the questions he asks couples during these sessions. If you're not yet a Hidden Brain+ subscriber, Apple Podcasts is offering an extended 30-day free trial for all listeners who give it a try in the month of September. To claim your free trial, find Hidden Brain in the Apple Podcasts app and click the "Try Free" button, or go to apple.co/hiddenbrain [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750].  This week's episode art is by Chloe for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The idea of being driven by a calling goes back centuries. It was the language used to describe religious people who were called to the priesthood. Today, millions of people in secular professions yearn to be similarly galvanized by their work. This week, researcher Jennifer Tosti-Kharas [https://www.babson.edu/about/our-leaders-and-scholars/faculty-and-academic-divisions/faculty-profiles/jennifer-tosti-kharas.php] explores the immense power — and the downsides — of finding a job that gives you purpose. Do you have follow-up questions or stories that you’d like to share with Jennifer Tosti-Kharas? Have you found a calling that gets you up in the morning each day? Are you a skeptic of callings, or do you have questions about how to make your work more meaningful? If you’d be willing to share your questions, stories and comments with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. Use the subject line “calling.” If you love Hidden Brain, please consider joining our podcast subscription, Hidden Brain+. All through the month of September, listeners who subscribe to Hidden Brain+ on Apple Podcasts will have access to an extended 30-day free trial. To access that trial, find Hidden Brain on Apple Podcasts and click the “Try Free” button. Or go to apple.co/hiddenbrain [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750].  And there are still tickets available for our upcoming live shows! We'll be in Baltimore on October 11, Washington, D.C. on October 12, and Los Angeles on November 22. More info and tickets are at hiddenbrain.org/tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/]. Episode illustration by Evelina Mitev for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's not easy for most of us to receive negative feedback. Even when the person delivering that feedback is constructive and reasonable, we often feel the urge to defend ourselves. This week, we look at the psychology of defensiveness with neuroscientist Emily Falk. [https://www.asc.upenn.edu/people/faculty/emily-falk-phd] We'll explore what causes so many of us to resist constructive criticism, and how we can get better at giving and receiving such feedback. Then, in the latest installment of our ongoing series "Your Questions Answered," psychologist Ciara Greene [https://people.ucd.ie/ciara.greene] returns to the show to answer your questions about memory and forgetfulness. If you have follow-up questions or thoughts for Emily Falk after listening to today’s conversation, and you’d be willing to share with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. Use the subject line “mental barriers.” Thanks!  Our next stops on the Hidden Brain tour are coming up! Join us in Baltimore on October 11, Washington, D.C. on October 12, or Los Angeles on November 22. And stay tuned for more cities to be added for 2026. For more info and tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour.  [https://hiddenbrain.org/tour] Episode illustration by Getty Images for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.