Good Life Project

The Caregiving Conversation Everyone Postpones Until It's Too Late.

Here is something most people never see coming: the hardest part of caring for an aging parent is not the logistics. It is the grief. The grief for who your parent used to be, for the life you thought you would be living by now, and for the version of yourself that is quietly disappearing inside a role you never planned to fill. Couple that with being there for kids, even adult kids, and it can feel like a lot. Candace Dellacona is a New York City estate attorney known as "a family's lawyer," advising families, athletes, and entertainers on estate planning, asset protection, and the full arc of what it takes to navigate a family through its most vulnerable seasons. Not just the logistics, but also the many, more nuanced shifts in identity, relationships, and responsibilities. She is also a member of the sandwich generation herself, which is what led her to launch The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide podcast [https://pod.link/1687970739]. She brings both the legal expertise and the lived experience to this conversation. What you will explore in this conversation: * Why the sandwich generation is far broader than you think, and why it applies to you even if your parents are healthy right now, or your kids are grown * The four shifts that happen inside you during a caregiving season, identity, ownership, grief, and loneliness, and why we almost never talk about them * Why the conversations about aging, death, and documents are almost always saved for the worst possible moment, and how to have them earlier in a way that actually feels like love * The three-person team that can change everything, and what each one actually does * The unexpected beauty that enters the equation in a caregiving season, the reconciliation, the closeness, the chance to usher someone you love through If you have a parent who is still healthy and you have never had a real conversation about what happens if that changes, this one is for you. You can find Candace at: Website [https://www.sandwichgenerationlaw.com/] | The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide Podcast [https://pod.link/1687970739] | LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/candacedellacona/] | Episode Transcript [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/sandwich-generation-caregiving-midlife-candace-dellacona] Next week, I am sitting down with Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who has spent years studying something that is reshaping American families in ways most of us have not fully reckoned with: family estrangement. Why it is rising, what is actually driving it, and what to do if you are on either side of it. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts so you do not miss it. Check out our offerings & partners:  * Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel [https://jonathanfields.substack.com/about] * Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

When You Can't Stop Thinking About Something, Here's What To Do. | Donna Jackson Nakazawa

There is something your brain is spinning right now, that you may never have been given a name for or a way out of. The thought you keep replaying. The conversation you keep recasting. The reel that loads up again and again without resolution, making you feel worse each time and no closer to clarity. That is rumination. And according to the neuroscience, it is the single greatest pre-diagnostic factor for depression and anxiety we have identified, and we are all doing it more than we ever have. Donna Jackson Nakazawa is an award-winning science writer whose work sits at the intersection of neurobiology, emotion, and mental health. Her new book, Mind Drama [https://amzn.to/4e9aLuP], is the most rigorous and humane investigation of rumination yet written: what it is, why your brain does it, what it is actually trying to tell you, and how to use a specific neurobiologically grounded framework to loosen its grip. In this conversation, you will explore: * Why rumination is a survival response gone rogue, and why knowing that changes how you relate to your own spinning thoughts * What a brain scan of Donna's own ruminating mind revealed, and what those red swirls in the default mode network actually mean for your daily life * Why midlife may be the season when old ruminative patterns return with the most force, and what that signal is asking you to hear * The research showing that women ruminate at significantly higher rates than men, why this is, and what the neuroscience says about the acting-in pattern and its link to depression * The MIST framework: a four-step neurobiological practice for naming the mental movies, emotions, and somatic sensations underneath your rumination so the brain can actually let go * Why rumination is never random, always circling the question of whether you matter to the people who matter most to you If you have ever told yourself to stop thinking about something and found you could not, this conversation is for you. You can find Donna at: Healing Together Substack [https://donnajacksonnakazawa.substack.com/] | Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/donnajacksonnakazawa] | Episode Transcript [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/rumination-default-mode-network-thought-spiraling-donna-jackson-nakazawa] Next week, we are sitting down with Candace Dellacona, a trust and estates attorney who is also personally in this season, to talk about the caregiving years, and what it costs you when you are pulled in every direction at once, not just logistically but in terms of who you are and who you thought you would be by now. If you are caring for an aging parent, a younger dependent, or both at the same time, this one was made for you. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts, so you do not miss any upcoming episodes. Check out our offerings & partners:  * Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel [https://jonathanfields.substack.com/about] * Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Why More Choices Make You Less Happy | David Epstein

Most of us believe more options equals better outcomes. Research says no. In much of life, the opposite is true, and the gap between what we believe and what the data shows is one of the more quietly consequential misconceptions shaping how we live right now. David Epstein is the author of Range and the new book Inside the Box [https://amzn.to/4vA2OGt], both New York Times bestsellers. He spent years studying human performance and creativity, and this conversation picks up where Range left off. If Range was about why broad exploration matters early in life, Inside the Box is about what you actually do once you have all that range. The answer turns out to be counterintuitive: you box yourself in. In this conversation, you'll discover: * Why people with more options to watch are consistently more bored than people with fewer, and what that reveals about how your brain actually works  * The difference between satisficing and maximizing, and why maximizers make worse decisions, feel more regret, and are less happy with their lives despite spending more time and energy on every choice  * How Keith Jarrett recorded the best-selling solo jazz piano album of all time on a broken, out-of-tune instrument he almost refused to play, and what that says about where creative breakthroughs actually come from  * The paired constraints process used by Monet, Dr. Seuss, and Isabel Allende, and how you can use the same structure to unstick your own creative projects  * Why our attention switches tasks every 45 seconds on average now, down from every three minutes 25 years ago, and what it's actually costing us in terms of stress, creativity, and the simple experience of loving our work This is a conversation for anyone who has ever felt scattered across too many possibilities, half-committed to too many things, and quietly wondered if the constraint they've been avoiding might be exactly the thing they need. You can find David at: Website [https://davidepstein.com/] | Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/davidepstein] | Range Widely Substack [https://davidepstein.substack.com/] | Episode Transcript [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/constraints-satisficing-optionality-david-epstein] Next week, we're sitting down with Donna Jackson Nakazawa to talk about why rumination feels so productive even when it's actively working against you, and what the neuroscience actually says about how to loosen its grip. She has a framework for this that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since we recorded. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts, so you don't miss it. Check out our offerings & partners:  * Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel [https://jonathanfields.substack.com/about] * Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

The Toll of Generalized Resentment (and What to Do About It)

There is a feeling many people in midlife carry that does not have a name, a clear cause, or anyone to blame.  It shows up when you have been the dependable one long enough that dependable starts to feel like a cage. Or when you have handled everything capably and walked away feeling hollowed rather than proud. Or when you have given more than you have received for so long that the imbalance stopped feeling like generosity and started feeling like the terms of your life. In this solo episode, Jonathan Fields examines what he calls diffuse resentment, a specific, accumulated form of feeling that is distinct from the anger or grievance most people recognize as resentment. It does not have an address. It does not require a villain. And because it feels illegitimate, because the voice in your head says you made these choices, you have so much to be grateful for, it tends to go unexamined, parked, managed, and silently expensive. In this solo episode, Jonathan draws on his own experience, research from psychologists Jennifer Lerner, Laura Carstensen, James Pennebaker, and Nick Epley, and thousands of conversations over 14 years of doing this work, to offer a way of looking at this feeling directly. In this episode, you will explore: * The five territories where diffuse resentment most reliably lives, the calcified role, the invisible labor ledger, the deferred self, relational drift, and the unlived path * Why midlife is specifically when this feeling tends to become unavoidable, and why it often intensifies precisely when things are going well * What the research on emotional suppression actually shows about the cost of carrying unexamined feelings * Two movements (not steps) for beginning to look at this honestly, and why the first must come before the second is possible * What becomes available on the other side: accuracy, energy, and a different quality of closeness in the relationships that matter most If you have been explaining away a feeling you cannot quite name, this episode is for you. Episode Transcript [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/resentment-midlife-suppression-jonathan-fields] Next week, we're sitting down with David Epstein to talk about something that runs against just about everything the self-help world has told you about freedom and options: why the constraints, limits, and boundaries you have been trying to escape are often the very conditions that make creativity, focus, and satisfaction actually possible. It is a genuinely counterintuitive conversation, and it is the kind that stays with you. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss it. Check out our offerings & partners:  * Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel [https://jonathanfields.substack.com/about] * Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

You Spent Years Acting Normal Inside a Life That Never Fit | Sari Botton

Gotta love a good midlife reinvention story, and today we’ve got a great one! Sari Botton built her career editing some of the most celebrated voices in American literary nonfiction.  Then, in her mid-50s, she watched doors close in her face, turned down for jobs she was overqualified for, told by interviewers in their 30s that she had "done enough."  Out of that experience, she launched Oldster Magazine on Substack, a publication dedicated to aging honestly, at every age. It became a global phenomenon, and led to a book deal. She turned 60 and called it the best moment of her career. In this conversation, Jonathan and Sari explore: * Why the most painful thing about midlife is not getting older but realizing how long you spent performing a version of yourself that never quite fit * What it costs to live at the intersection of "should" and "whatever," and what becomes possible when you stop * The Gen X inheritance: latchkey-kid freedom, zero parenting bandwidth, and a generation that had to figure out what normal even meant * Why the best memoir illuminates the mundane, and why women claiming that territory is a quietly radical act * What it means to be "found-ish": knowing the truest part of yourself while staying open to how life keeps changing you Sari arrived at the conversation we are having right now by surviving the wrong relationships, the wrong careers, and a deep reluctance to let herself want what she actually wanted. If any of that sounds familiar, this conversation is for you. You can find Sari at: Website [https://www.saribotton.com/] | Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/saribotton/] | Oldster Substack [https://oldster.substack.com/] | Episode Transcript [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/late-bloomer-midlife-identity-sari-botton] Next week, I am doing a solo episode on something I have been sitting with for a long time: the hidden resentment you are probably carrying right now, and why it might be one of the most honest things about you. If you think you are not carrying any, that is especially worth your time. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts so you do not miss it. Check out our offerings & partners:  * Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel [https://jonathanfields.substack.com/about] * Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes [https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.