In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast

The Hidden Reason You’re Struggling to Orgasm With Your Partner

Difficulty orgasming isn’t always about you. At least, not in the way you might think. In this minisode of In Bed with Science, I’m talking about one of the less discussed reasons orgasm can become harder with a partner: when your orgasm starts to feel like proof that they’re good at sex. Orgasms aren’t gifts. And when your partner’s care, effort or disappointment becomes part of the experience, pleasure can quickly turn into pressure. In this episode, we explore: * Why “giving” someone an orgasm can be an unhelpful way to think about sex * How a partner’s investment in your orgasm can make it harder to relax * Why pressure and self-monitoring can get in the way of pleasure * What to do when orgasm has become the goal of sex Your orgasm isn’t a performance review of your partner’s skills. And it isn’t the only proof that sex was good. Interested in my services? Check them out here [https://leighnoren.com/all-services] Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here [https://leighnoren.com/apply]. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link [https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form]

AI Vs. Therapy for Low Libido: I Put It To The Test

AI is being turned to as a replacement for therapy. As a sex therapist who specialises in low libido, I wanted to know - can it actually help with something as nuanced as low sex drive in a marriage? So I put it to the test. I pretended to be a typical client of mine - a woman in a long-term relationship, struggling with low desire and shame around her turn-ons - and turned to both a trained mental health bot and ChatGPT to see what they got right, what they got wrong, and what most people would never notice was missing. We look at what the research says about AI's accuracy in sexual & mental health, why feeling understood isn't necessarily the same as actually being understood, and where AI genuinely helps versus where it might make things like low libido and relationship issues worse. In this episode, we explore: * What the research reveals about how AI chatbots actually perform on sexual health and therapy scenarios * The results of my own experiment pretending to be a client struggling with low sex drive and shame around what turns her on * How AI tends to over-validate, skip the questions a sex therapist would ask, and offer solutions before it knows you * How AI can sneakily reinforce the very patterns that create low desire and sexual problems in marriage in the first place * When AI is a useful thought partner for relationship and sex issues, and when it falls short of what real therapy does 02:44 - My Bias as a Therapist (Let's Be Honest) 06:13 - What the Research Says: AI Chatbot Studies 08:20 - The Experiment: Testing an AI Therapy Bot 11:46 - Test 1 – The Mental Health Bot 13:24 - Test 2 – ChatGPT 20:04 - What ChatGPT Got Wrong 22:03 - Why AI Can't Replace the Therapeutic Relationship 25:54 - AI vs. Self-Help Books: Is It the Same? 31:24 - Final Takeaway: When AI Helps & When It Falls Short Today's studies: Evaluation of Artificial Intelligence Chatbots for Providing Sexual Health Information: A Consensus Study Using Real-World Clinical Queries [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40375254/] Published in BMC Public Health in 2025. A Comparison of Responses from Human Therapists and LLM-Based Chatbots [https://mental.jmir.org/2025/1/e69709] Published in JMIR Mental Health in 2025. The Ability of AI Therapy Bots to Set Limits With Distressed Adolescents [https://mental.jmir.org/2025/1/e78414] Published in JMIR Mental Health in 2025. Interested in my services? Check them out here [https://leighnoren.com/all-services] Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here [https://leighnoren.com/apply]. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link [https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form]

‘Men Will Have Sex With Anything’? A Sex Therapist Breaks Down the Harmful Myth

We've all heard it before: "Men always want sex". They’re simple and always raring to go. As a sex therapist specialising in low libido and mismatched desire, I know the toll these kinds of myths can take on the individual and the relationship at large. In this minisode, I break down one of the most common myths about male sexuality — and how it contributes to low desire, performance pressure, and shame. Interested in my services? Check them out here [https://leighnoren.com/all-services] Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here [https://leighnoren.com/apply]. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link [https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form]

Low Sex Drive in Women & Mindfulness, with Dr. Lori Brotto

Low desire in women is often treated as a hormonal problem or a relationship one. But what if the problem isn’t low libido persay, but rather a lost connection to your body? In this episode, I talk to psychologist and leading sex researcher Dr. Lori Brotto about the science of mindfulness and why it’s become one of the most effective psychological treatments for low desire and arousal in women. We discuss how mindfulness improves sexual wellbeing, why physical arousal and mental desire don’t always match, and why pills designed to “fix” low desire often fall short. We explore: * What mindfulness actually is — and why it’s often misunderstood * Why improving body awareness (interoception) can influence desire * The research behind mindfulness-based sex therapy * Why physical arousal and mental desire don’t always align * The limits of medications designed to treat low desire * The role of shame and self-criticism in sexual difficulties * Why relationship therapy alone often doesn’t resolve sexual problems * Where to start if you’re curious about using mindfulness to reconnect with desire 02:31 - How Dr. Lori Brotto Got Into Sex Research 05:29 - What Is Mindfulness, Really? 14:34 - How Mindfulness Works for Low Desire 18:11 - Arousal Non-Concordance (& Why It Matters?) 21:49 - The Problem with Pharmaceutical Solutions 24:59 - Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire 29:22 - Why Relationship Therapy Alone Often Isn't Enough 30:46 - The Mirror Exercise & Confronting Shame 33:18 - How Often Should You Practice Mindfulness? 37:06 - Mindfulness for Neurodivergent People 40:49 - What If You Hate Mindfulness? 42:28 - The Hope Effect & Reducing Distress 43:34 - Mindfulness Research On Men 46:26 - The Importance of Women's Sexual Health Research 48:57 - Closing Thoughts: Interoception, Self-Compassion & Why Sexual Health Matters Papers mentioned in this episode:  * Effects of Group Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy versus Supportive Sex Education on Sexual Concordance and Sexual Response Among Women with Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder [https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2024.2319695] * Mindfulness-Based Sex Therapy Improves Genital-Subjective Arousal Concordance in Women With Sexual Desire/Arousal Difficulties [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26919839/] * Group mindfulness-based therapy significantly improves sexual desire in women [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24814472/] * Homework adherence in mindfulness-based cognitive interventions for female sexual dysfunction: a scoping review [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/384040343_Homework_adherence_in_mindfulness-based_cognitive_interventions_for_female_sexual_dysfunction_a_scoping_review] Interested in my services? Check them out here [https://leighnoren.com/all-services] Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here [https://leighnoren.com/apply]. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link [https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form]

Why We Have Sex We Don't Want (& How To Approach it)

Sometimes low libido doesn’t look like avoiding sex. Sometimes it looks like having sex you didn’t really want in the first place. In this episode, I talk about something that’s far more common than most of us realise: saying yes to sex in a committed relationship even when you’re not really in the mood. It's about the kinds of moments where you agree because it feels easier than arguing, because you don’t want to disappoint your partner, or because you hope you’ll “get into it” once you start. We look at what the research says about why we do this, when it’s more neutral, and when it reduces desire and closeness further - or becomes harmful.  Toward the end, I share a simple reflection exercise to help you understand your own “yes” — and whether it’s something that it's helpful, or costing you something.  In this episode, we explore: * Why saying yes to unwanted sex is incredibly common in long-term relationships * The difference between saying yes because you want connection — and saying yes to avoid conflict or guilt * The subtle forms of pressure that don’t look like pressure * When and why sexual compliance can sometimes lead to positive outcomes, and why it more often leads to negative outcomes.  * A guided, free exercise [http://leighnoren.com/podcast-resources] to work out your own 'yes' 02:20 - What Is Sexual Compliance? 05:37 - Today's Research Paper: How Common Is Unwanted Sex? 07:03 - Why People Say Yes: Approach vs. Avoidance Motives 09:35 - It's About Power 11:29 - The Mental Load & Desire Connection 12:31 - The Two Types of Pressure: Explicit vs. Implicit 14:20 - Monogamy & the Unspoken Contract 16:21 - What Are the Consequences? 18:23 - My Sex-Therapist "Neutral at Worst" Stance & What it Means 19:36 - Avoidance Motives & Long-Term Harm 21:48 - Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire 22:29 - Free Exercise: Identifying Your Pattern 28:52 - Breaking the Cycle & Finding Support The study discussed in this episode is Sexual Compliance in Finnish Committed Relationships: Sexual Self-Control, Relationship Power, and Experienced Consequences [https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2246965] by Himanen & Gunst, published in The Journal of Sex Research. Interested in my services? Check them out here [https://leighnoren.com/all-services] Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here [https://leighnoren.com/apply]. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link [https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form]