From Child Loss to Leadership: A Testament of Faith
It’s hard to imagine a gift coming to a mother through the tragedy of child loss. But when her son, Aksel James died at 6 and a half months my special guest, Alexandra Smith received a powerful and profound activation of faith from him.
In our deeply moving conversation Alexandra shares, for the first time publicly, what she lived through following her son’s birth injury and subsequent terminal diagnosis.
She shares the stories of the 2 “pits” she lived through - first facing immense pressure on her own during the initial days in the hospital and then 6 and a half months later immediately following Aksel’s death.
Alexandra shares her story of hard won resilience through her return to God and Jesus that enabled her to emerge from those pits and alchemize her grief to found The Living Scroll School, a faith-centered community that supports over 200 women in deepening their relationship with God and walking boldly in their purpose.
00:37 Meet Alexandra Smith
04:28 Easter Timing and Testimony
06:03 Hospital Diagnosis and Faith
11:34 Second Pit and Loss of Identity
17:08 One in Four Child Loss
21:11 Between Heaven and Earth
23:59 Jesus Vision and Trinity
26:20 What are our Gifts of Holy Spirit?
30:01 Message to Grieving Mothers
32:09 How to Honor Your Grief
34:27 How to Support Loss Mothers
37:04 Everyday Devotion Matters
39:20 Love After Child Loss
41:49 Easter Reflections on Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene
47:47 Women Obedience and Power
50:30 Living Scroll School
58:09 Alexandra’s Closing Prayer for Listeners
Alexandra’s Website: www.thelivingscrollschool.com [http://www.thelivingscrollschool.com]
Special Offer for Crone Codes listeners:
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Use: https://www.thelivingscrollschool.com/sight [https://www.thelivingscrollschool.com/sight] and include my name Joan from the Crone Codes in the “where did you hear of us” on your application.
Living Scroll School Free Membership Access here: https://www.thelivingscrollschool.com/lss [https://www.thelivingscrollschool.com/lss]
Transcript
Joan: Welcome back to the Crone Codes. I’m Joan Advent the resident, crone, the creator and the host. And I am deeply honored and delighted to invite Alexandra Smith to be with us today. Welcome, Alexandra.
Alexandra: Thank you for having me. I feel so honored to, I’m not a crone yet, but I get to sit in your corner for today.
Joan: Yes.
Well, the way I see it, we really gather the codes of crone hood throughout the whole arc of our journey, and there are many profound codes that you do carry and embody already, which is why I wanted to invite you to be with us today. Yeah. And before I share, the wisdom, the beauty, the, the essence of Alexandra through her bio, I just.
I just want to say, dear listener, that, I’ve spent the day preparing for this interview and I know that this will be a powerful and profound experience. And my intent is to, um, be here fully and with an open and undefended heart. And I invite you, dear listener, to do the same. So I wanna share as we do, the essence of who Alexandra is through her bio, and wanna invite you to just receive as you listen, the codes of what she’s bringing and, who she is.
So I invite you to close your eyes. And to just let these words wash over you. Let these truths wash over you.
So Alexandra Smith is a women’s mentor and she specializes in faith building and spiritual identity. She guides women to remember who they are as daughters of God, while awakening their God-given missions into thriving movements in the world.
With over 10 years of experience, Alexandra has supported thousands of women in coming home to God and rediscovering who they are, and what they are called to do. She currently leads the Living Scroll School, which is a faith centered community that supports over 200 women in deepening in their relationship with God and walking boldly in their purpose.
Welcome.
Alexandra: Thank you. It sounds so special to hear that read back.
Joan: Yes. Well, I think it’s really important that we have those moments where reflections are offered. The, the essence of who we are, and in particular, like how far we have come. And I, I know just knowing some of your story how far you have traveled.
Alexandra: Thank you.
Joan: To be living this mission at this time. Yeah. So this episode is coming out just a few days after Easter, and it’s not quite that time yet. We’re, uh, we’re in the season leading up to that. But it felt particularly important to have you come and join us at this time, in part because of the power of your testimony, the power of your story, and in particular your story, with your son, Aksel. Aksel James.
And so I really wanna just invite you to just dive in to whatever extent you want to start. Share your story with us.
Alexandra: Yeah, yeah. Thank you. It’s, I’m a big advocate for our stories being used by God, that there’s no coincidence, there’s no mistake that we walk through the fires that we walk through.
And my whole mission is, is really centered around my testimony because if I could be a living example of God’s great work, then I’ve, I’ve done enough. And a prayer that I hold close to my heart is God, if I can only see your feet. Then I’ve seen everything that I need to see.
Mm-hmm.
And, and my story is really a testament to that.
In 2023, my son passed away at six and a half months old just before he turned seven months. And he sustained a brain injury at birth when he was born. That was a terminal diagnosis and led me to where I am today.
And so where I wanna start with my testimony is in the hospital with my son. At that point in time in my life, I wanna preface that God was not ministering to me the way He is today. I didn’t have that relationship. I, I thought I had a pretty solid relationship with God. But then when you’re put into the pit, you get tested and, and that was a really big ultimate test for me. And so to preface that God was not someone I called on at that point in time in my life.
But I found myself in this room. It was three days after my son Aksel was born. We were rushed to the hospital, transferred over the ocean by helicopter, and landed at this brutal pit, uh, in, in Surrey, BC. And the next three days were just a blur. But I found myself in this room filled with 20 doctors, and I was just by myself because my fiance at the time was just trying to get over to the mainland because you have to book a ferry, all these things. So I was in the pit by myself without my son because he was down the hallway that I couldn’t be with him just yet. And these doctors sat me down and they told me the diagnosis.
And it was 20 doctors just telling me all these things of he’ll. One, he has terminal diagnosis, so we don’t know how long he’s gonna live, but he’s never going to roll. He’s never gonna crawl, he’s never gonna be able to feed on his own. He’s gonna have respiratory problems. He’s gonna have, um, quadriplegic, cerebral palsy.
So essentially no control over his hands or legs. He has trunk abnormalities, meaning he can’t hold himself up properly. All these things. And then they showed me the pictures of the MRI that they did, that showed that every part of his brain was damaged. And then I just remember them saying, can you repeat back what we just told you?
And I tried everything in my power to try to put things together, and all of a sudden the Holy Spirit descended over me and the only words that I could say was, you don’t know what my God can do. And these doctors were just dumbfounded. They looked at me like I was a lunatic. And they essentially said, okay, you know, like you can leave now if you’re not gonna take this seriously we can’t do much about it.
Which then proceeded into a CPS case of if I’m a unfit mother, due to my faith. I found myself in the pit, I wasn’t just fighting for my son’s life. And when I say fighting, I mean it. I had to yell at doctors that were trying to take him off life support. I had to fight nurses. I was by myself a lot of the time.
And not only that, but I then had to fight for the custody of my child where they were trying to prove that I was not fit to care for him. Those days, now looking back on it, it was honestly one of the greatest gifts my son could have given me because I found God in that moment and I didn’t know who He was.
I, I had no idea any of these, these forces that I thought were God or I thought could be my Creator, but just weren’t. And it wasn’t until I was put into that hellscape, into that pit that I became a daughter again.
And what was so beautiful is after we left the hospital and we were brought to a hospice, we left the hospice, we got home Aksel started doing all these things that the doctors said he would never do. And it was, it was just a testimony to what I said in that room of, you have no idea what my God can do. And in the end, he was having a very hard time. It was very hard for everyone. And, and he did leave this earth with a huge impact.
Mm-hmm. And then started the second pit that I was put into. Mm-hmm. And if, and I don’t want anyone to imagine this, but if for a moment, if you can imagine how your child is, your everything, and, and I wasn’t just a mother. I was a 24 7 nurse. I was 24 7, doctor. 24 7 caretaker. 24 7 wife. 24 7 mother. I had to be so much more than just a mom, which that’s all I wanted to be.
But then when all that ends in a day. And it’s all taken away from you. Who am I? Because everything that I thought I was, was gone. Hence the second pit of hell that I had to walk through. And this is why I do identity work today. Mm-hmm. Of who are you? Everything stripped away just as a daughter of God.
And in my grief, I had to remember that it was the first pit of the hospital and the hospice and fighting CPS that I discovered the power and the authority that God truly has over all of us. In the most glorious way. It’s not in an imprisonment way. And then the second pit was now this testimony of who I am as a daughter and, and discovering that and how I managed to get through that was pouring all the love that I wanted to pour into my son, into my work, into my clients, into my offerings, and, and so it, it was a command from God. It was, my son passed away in November, 2023, and it was June of 2024. I went back to work. How many months is that? Six or something?
It, it was not planned and it was not forced in any way, but it was a call from God that if you don’t do something with this testimony, if you, if you don’t share this story of how you got out of these pits, your son died for nothing, then. It was just this remembrance of our stories hold so much more power than what we could ever imagine.
And that’s where my work restarted at. Yeah.
Joan: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. So that’s just been a little over two years ago.
Alexandra: Yeah. Aksel would be three in May.
Joan: Wow.
Yeah.
And I’m assuming that when you were pregnant, you were having a normal pregnancy and you were just anticipating being a mom. Like there were no red flags or no concerns, or,
Alexandra: Yeah, it was an easy pregnancy. No red flags, no concerns. Everything was great. It was the final minutes of labor that threw us into that pit. Yeah.
Joan: Wow. You are not the first mother that I have sat with who has lost a child, and I just wanna acknowledge that. Mm-hmm. Because, um not, not everyone faces that, but in the, in the journey to Crone Hood, some of us do. I mean, some of us face the journey of motherhood and some of us face the journey of losing a child.
Yeah.
And to use that experience and, or I don’t even know if that’s the right word. It’s, um, to honor that experience and not have it be in vain or not have it be a beginning of the end, you know, to use it as we’ll, say ultimately like a resurrection moment, um, is a very powerful code.
And it, you know, it is a code that you fought for that you stepped into, I, I know that God, or I understand that God came to you and began to work through you, but it, but it was you also putting in like an equal measure, or to whatever extent we can do equal measure of showing up and putting one foot in front of the other or being, you know, being willing or saying yes to what was being asked of you.
Alexandra: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, do you know the statistic for child loss?
Joan: No.
Alexandra: It’s so one in four women will either experience a miscarriage, an infant loss, or a child loss in their life. That’s one in four. That means we place four women in a room. One, one of them is gonna have a story regarding the, the loss of a child, whether it was in womb, on earth, in adulthood.
Yes.
And it’s, it’s such a taboo topic that a lot of people don’t wanna talk about, but when it’s one in four, we need to bring conversation to it. And not only that, but if I’m, if I’m the one in the four, I need to be able to represent my testimony. I was raised by parents that they said, if you do anything, make sure it’s purposeful and that was my son. My son was my whole purpose. And so when that purpose changed, and I think a lot of women, whether you’ve lost a child or, or a loved one of any kind, when you lose that person, you’re all of a sudden living for them as well. And, and so I thought, well, if my son can’t live, I gotta live for him and I’m not going to live a mediocre, quiet life.
You know, you get to know their personality. So well, just in six and a half months, like he was the goofiest, silliest, like such a humor. But he was also the one that if we were out on a walk or, or walking through the market or anything, like he was stopping people dead in their tracks. Like he was such a magnet. Like he was center stage all the time. Every like hospital visit or appointment, like the whole room would light up. And, and he’s going through the hardest time of his life and he’s giggling and, and he’s smiling. Like he’s just the goofiest little guy that I’ve ever met. And so when he left this earth, I was like, okay, I need to, I need to be that, I need to, I need to light up the rooms.
I, I need to bring purpose and passion and, and presence to these spaces because he can’t do that anymore. I need to do it for him.
Mm-hmm.
And our testimonies really do that in our missions. Mm-hmm.
When, when we step into that identity of what it means to be a daughter, you are that, that presence that moves those mountains for people.
Joan: Hmm.
Yeah. So that is, it’s quite an invitation to, to step into that essence of daughter.
Alexandra: Mm-hmm. Absolutely.
Joan: And it, it seems that, , it has taken you deeper and deeper and deeper into what I would, I use the word devotion, but to your devotion. Uh, to your, just your, yes to being a presence and a, a force
mm-hmm.
For that.
Thank you. Yes.
Yeah. Thank you.
And as I understand it, because I have heard, parts of your story previously that, that in many ways you just described the ways that your son was, that was a presence, was a force in, in body when he was here. But that, as I understand it, you also had a sense of connection and just sense of that even bigger essence of who he was once he died.
Is is that true?
Alexandra: Yeah. Yeah. It’s so, I, I was trained to know the biology of children. I, I’ve worked with children for years and
Mm-hmm
knowing the spiritual biology was something so important, so. In my motherhood, I understood that my son would share a nervous system with me for the first seven years of his life.
Mm-hmm.
And I think any mom who’s ever lost a child, no matter what stage, when that child dies and leaves this earth, you go there to, and the best way I can describe this, and I think a lot of people shy away from the mysticism of death, but the best way I describe this is I have one foot in heaven or one piece of my heart in heaven at all times.
And one foot or one piece of my heart on earth and the, the windows open. And I don’t know how to describe that better spiritually, but. It’s, it doesn’t take much for me to just be where my son is. To be here. And, and it feels like you’re just walking in between worlds for a very long time. And it’s taken a very long time for me to remember that I’m here on Earth, I’m not in heaven.
I don’t wanna be in heaven just yet. God willing.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but to be sharing a nervous system and to be sharing that spiritual connection with your child who’s no longer here, you really do have that open psyche. You have that open doorway into those heavenly realms that, for me, I didn’t have. Really before my son, I was definitely gifted in different ways.
Like my mom says, you don’t just lick it off a rock. We are gifted in many ways, but it was my son who really initiated me into the true like, gifts of God’s Holy Spirit. And it, it was just like having a part of me in heaven at all times.
Joan: Hmm. And can you tell us what those gifts of the Holy Spirit are, as your experience of them?
Alexandra: Yeah, absolutely.
I feel like we need to start at the night my son passed. This might be edgy for a few people, but I always believed in Jesus. I saw Jesus as a man who embodied the Christ.
Mm-hmm.
So Christ and Jesus were separate in my mind for a really long time.
Hmm.
And when I look back to my son’s death, the very first thing that I saw when he passed was Jesus holding him.
And the only command that I heard in that was, you won’t be able to get through this alone. I need you to lean on me. And it was just this call from the pit of, I need you to follow me. And it was, and then I ran away from that for a year. I’m not gonna pretend, it just like radically changed my life and everything was different.
I ran away from that call. I taught and shared about God separate from Christ. I taught and shared about God separate from Jesus. And then it got to a point where I just couldn’t do that anymore because I was denying what my son showed me through his death. Was that their one? They’re Trinity, they’re not separate.
And it was in that discovery of honoring that vision of what I saw. And what’s so interesting is in the moment of us discovering that Aksel had left, ‘cause it was like in the middle of the night, I just woke up to do his like 3:00 AM or 2:00 AM feed. Um, and he was gone. And the very first thing that my fiancé and I did was we just yelled and screamed to Jesus.
Just this wave just comes over you, that when you’re in the pit, your identity knows who to call on. And that was where we found ourself was in the pit of despair, of hell, of death, of grief, depression, PTSD. All those things. And somehow spirit knew who to call on.
Hmm.
And it was, well then the sanctification process begins when you’re called by God.
You just get thrown into the sanctification process. And this is where our gifts come to life. And the best way I could describe, we all have so many different gifts that the Holy Spirit gives us. And, and when I say Holy Spirit, I mean the connection of our spirit to God’s spirit is through the Holy Spirit.
So it’s, it’s an unending connection. It’s not something outside of you that you need to do X, Y, Z to possess. It is this unending, undying. Unrelenting connection, our spirit to God’s spirit. And the Holy Spirit is where God streams our gifts into us. Because they’re gifts, they’re not birthrights.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
And I teach a lot about birth rights, but these are gifts. And anything with a gift, you can return it, you can denounce it, you can, if you’re not using it well, when we think of like a child, you know, they’re hitting their sibling with the gift that you just gave them, you’re gonna take it away.
You’re not gonna let them continue to misuse their gift. That’s like our gifts. And so God really streams our gifts into our spirit through the Holy Spirit. And for me, the way that looks like is, is using my voice of sharing my testimony. Sharing Aksel’s story. ‘Cause he’s not here to do that himself. Uh, writing.
Some people would call that like content creation or email marketing. But for me it’s the gifts of the Holy Spirit that I get to write, I get to share, I get to teach, I get to talk, I get to pray. So the gift of the voice is a really big part of what I’ve received from God in this. And, and the gifts of a platform.
We all, you can look at all your different gifts, but all through this, this grief journey, God keeps giving me platforms to speak on. Like you inviting me to this podcast that is a gift from God that you’re allowing me to have this platform to share. Um, and, and my son being like the celebrity. My one friend, my one friend calls him the celebrity ‘cause I guess the way, I guess the way that she sees like him was that he’s now, he’s like famous. That just like everyone knows about him. And the story behind that is I was walking in a farmer’s market and this lady came up to me, she was like, oh my gosh, are you Aksel’s mom? And, and we all start kind of giggling because of course my son is like known like, I don’t know who this woman is, but she she heard my son’s story through someone else who knew my son, all these things.
So we call him the little celebrity. And he’s had articles written in the biggest papers around the world, like The Guardian on him there. There’s this gift of platform is something that I can’t deny is that God will deliver us the stages to speak on.
Um, and yeah, those are just my main gifts right now, the way that I can describe moving through grief and, and allowing God’s gifts to bless our life.
Joan: Hmm. So if you could speak to the women who may be listening who have lost a child, whether recently, or, or in the long distance past, that are still feeling kind of stuck partly in that pit, uh, because we know sometimes that can happen. Is there anything in particular that, that you would share?
Alexandra: Yeah, it’s, well, my biggest thing is, I kind of already mentioned it a little bit, but it’s, it’s, don’t let them die in vain.
It, it’s, and I wanna say that with love, because it’s so much easier to stay in the pit. I wanna honor that it’s easier to let the grief consume you. It’s easier to let the depression happen. It’s easier to let the PTSD control your life and your movements and what you do every day. It’s easier to live in fear. But there’s this conviction that comes when you remember the one in four that out of four women, God chose you to be the one to bear this.
And it’s not out of punishment. It’s not out of you did something wrong and you deserve to bear this. It’s out of reverence. And I used to hate this saying so much. My mom used to say it all the time, is God will only give you what you can handle. I used to hate it because I was like, God gave me a really awful deck of cards, You know. That I don’t love it. But my son taught me very quickly that this isn’t out of punishment. You’re not, you’re not someone who deserves to bear this.
Mm-hmm.
But you’ve been chosen to bear this.
Hmm.
And I would really just encourage anyone moving through loss of any kind to bear it with honor, because God wants to do something in your life through that grief.
I don’t know what it is. And sometimes we don’t know what it is for decades, and then we, we enter the mission, the assignment. But to wear it with honor because out of the four women, you were the chosen one. And it’s not an egoic thing because we, anyone would agree with me. We don’t want to be the chosen one.
No.
But we’re with that, we’re invited to now step into something greater. And the other piece of advice I would also give is, is find a power verse in your pit to really find a prayer, a piece of scripture. For me, it’s scripture. But to really find a, something that roots you in that power.
Joan: Yes.
And what’s also coming to mind that that is, brilliant and helpful and to the three of the four
Mm-hmm.
You are embodying our worst fear.
Absolutely.
And so what do you say to the three in terms of
Yeah.
how to be with a beloved sister who might be in grief or loss. You know, how, how, how, ‘cause this it is, it’s like the, the, there is no worse loss.
Alexandra: Yeah. Yeah, it’s people fear, people fear death in general.
Mm-hmm.
And, and with that, when you’re called to witness a mother in grief, you’re also being given an assignment that is very great. And I’ve lived through what it felt like for many people to abandon me in that, because people with death, the, the fear underneath death is, is people fear God.
Hmm
Because when you, when you are a mother who has lost their whole life due to child loss, you are also, it says that God is closest to the brokenhearted.
And Christ says this all the time, is I’m closest to the brokenhearted. You, you become this vessel that is now closest to God that is triggering for so many people. That is upsetting. That is a mirror that we don’t wanna look in. That is a reflection that we don’t wanna have. All these things. So I understand with pure compassion why people choose to leave.
It’s the easier route. And, and I’ve done it, even post grief. I found myself leaning out of spaces that God was calling me into regarding that one in four. And they’re such humbling moments because just like the one is the chosen one, the three are equally chosen and loved. And I wish I could interview my best friend right now on how she, on how she did it.
‘cause I don’t know how she did it. I don’t know how she supported me so well other than just leaning on God and knowing that it is devotion again. So the three you are being called to devote, to supporting mothers, to supporting women, to supporting God’s plan. And one of the questions I get all the time, well what, what does that look like?
And I can’t tell you exactly what it looks like, but. The everyday just becomes so hard and, and to know. I think especially, I think a lot of women who listen here are pretty gifted and spiritual in many ways. So we think of like the big things of, well, like how can I do a grand gesture? How can I do something big for these women?
How can I be in the highest embodiment of devotion in this grief? God builds movements from subtleties and, and small assignments. So when it comes to devotion, whether you’re the one, whether you’re the three, it’s the everyday devotion that counts the most. That’s what adds to the incredible long-term success of a mother surviving it or a mother building a platform on it, or a mother.
Uh, I see. I connect with loss moms all around the world. There’s mothers changing the whole medical system through their grief.
Mm-hmm.
There’s women doing powerful, life changing, world altering things through their grief. And behind that one are the three supporting them to get there. But it’s the every day of cook her meals, bring her flowers, change her sheets, do her laundry.
I remember my sister flew in and she spent a whole week just cleaning my house and just doing everything she possibly could that I didn’t have energy for. I had friends that were dropping off like full cakes of just like, you need a cake right now. Eat it. All these things.
And then when I amount my mission success today of what it means to be successful in my grief all I can see is all those women that were folding my laundry, cleaning my toilets, bringing me cakes, praying over me, writing cards, making art, all the things that really counted. Anytime I look back to those three, I just think of the everyday devotion that we, we usually don’t lean into ‘cause we think it’s not enough.
And I wanna say it is enough. Uh, it’s actually what you will remember the most.
Joan: Thank you. And I’m, I’m pulled in two directions because I, I do wanna talk with you about, Jesus and his mother, his mother Mary. But before we get into that, I, I am inclined to just ask. Just based on your experience and having a partner, you’re, you were walking through that with I, I know that that can be the end of a lot of partnerships and relationships, the loss of a child.
So is there anything that you wanna name regarding the partners of the chosen ones? ‘cause they have been chosen in their own way.
Alexandra: Absolutely. I, yeah, I, I always cry in reverence to the men that have to go through this because it’s so different from what the women go through as like the protector and the provider.
And the biggest thing that changed my life was, my best friend told me one day, you are gonna want to pour everything into Aksel God’s asking you to pour everything into your man. And when it comes to love in loss, it really is a choice. Because it’s hard and you, you really do need to make more effort in that devotion ‘cause you’re not gonna wanna do it. Or you’re gonna wanna be mad at each other or you’re, you know, you’re gonna wanna not talk about things.
People also grieve so differently. The way I grieve is very different to the way that my partner grieves and, in, in his fatherhood after loss. But I always share regarding union, it’s such, it’s a choice to love someone.
Mm-hmm.
And, and that choice is a devotional act in itself. And, and God says when, when you get married to become one.
So. That one, that one flesh and that one spirit. His grief is yours, his pain is yours. His hurts are yours. His habits that you might not agree with in, in his grief, they’re yours as well. And to, to not run from that ‘cause I think that’s a really easy thing to run from, but to lean into it.
Joan: Hmm. Yeah. Thank you.
So, as I said, in part when I reached out to you, just the inspiration that you were meant, your episode was meant to come out at this time of Easter. And just knowing what I know of Aksel’s story and your story and having a connection to Mother Mary and her being the one in four. just whether, just hearing your reflections about that, welcoming you to share your reflections or if that has felt like a source of support for you or anything you wanna share.
Alexandra: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m really excited for this Easter ‘cause it will be my first Easter that I’ve been baptized in Christ.
Mm-hmm.
So that is just all new territory for me. But what I wanna speak on this with, with Jesus and Mother Mary is there, there is always someone who comes before us. So before we walk through everything, before you walk through trial loss, before you walk through marriage, there’s always someone who has walked before you in that.
And I call them forerunners.
Mm-hmm.
So there’s someone who has prepared the way already. And when we look to the life of Jesus, John the Baptist, prepared the way for his ministry
Mm-hmm.
by baptizing Jesus. That was like the jumpstart of his ministry and, and his public ministry and his work on earth.
And then when we look to Mother Mary, she’s the forerunner of child loss because I can’t even imagine, what it would be like to love someone for 33 years and lose them. I wanna honor that’s different than loving someone for seven months and losing them. They’re. Not only that, but the weight of what she must have felt being the mother to the son of God.
Like that’s not it. Not just a casual task, but there’s something that is so devotional in the story of Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene.
Mm-hmm.
Regarding Jesus’ death, resurrection, and ascension is they did not leave his side. They devoted themselves, and this is how Mary Magdalene specifically became the first apostle is all the men.
They left when Jesus died. They were like, okay, so he wasn’t the son of God, like he was just lying. Oh, like he, he was a phony. They left. They go on their merry way. They’re probably grieving and very upset. But the women did not leave his side at all. And, and Mary Magdalene became the first apostle for that, her obedience.
And so when we talk about Mother, Mary, and Jesus and Easter, there is this thread of obedience in our devotion that is unmatched. It’s Mother Mary’s ability to be obedient to God. Like when you think about when Jesus was conceived, this was a no-no, she wasn’t married yet, like they were spitting on their names, but, and it, it was also a free willed choice of God’s.
God said, this is what I’m gonna do. Your thoughts?
She, she said yes, and she praises God for what he wants to do for her. And her yes, we were talking about like our yeses. It was Mother Mary’s obedience in her yes that brought God in the flesh to this earth to change us from where we were in this awful descension of, I don’t even wanna name the ungodly things that we were doing at that time. But we were devoting ourselves to false deities and false gods and false prophets.
And we were doing things that you see coming to light today was exactly where we were 2000, over 2000 years ago. So, but Mother Mary’s Yes, was the perfect opportunity for God to work in her, to bring us from a descension to an ascension again.
Joan: Right. On behalf of all of humanity.
Alexandra: Absolutely. Yeah.
Joan: Yeah. So that’s quite a, a big yes.
And I was struck by, you describing Mary Magdalene and Mother Mary being there with the body, and I’m remembering that they were, you know, they were tending the body. They were anointing the body. And I, I think that there is something in particular about us as women and as mothers.
Mm-hmm.
Where, because we in many ways are the primary caregivers for the bodies
Yeah.
Of our children in those formative years. And there’s something, that feels very precious and meaningful about that, that they chose to do that. That we as women absolutely choose to do that are tasked with that, the blessing of that.
Alexandra: Yeah, there’s, there’s something so special about being a woman because our devotion is so different to men that it’s like, we are not the same.
I am, I am against all movements that try to make us the same as men. We are not. And, and with that, what’s so beautiful is God could have come in any form. God could have just snapped fingers and appeared for the whole world to then be instructed.
Mm-hmm.
But God chose to arrive and change the world through a womb because of her obedience and devotion.
And that is something that I find we, we brush over a lot of the times. Is God could have done anything to change this world from a descension to ascension, but chose to utilize a womb of all things to deliver that to this earth. And not only that, but chose the women to care for the body to be the first witnesses of the resurrection. And, and to become the first apostle, like the very first apostle was a woman like there.
I believe that men and women, we are elevated in different ways. And, and one of the ways that we are elevated as women is through our devotion and, and our obedience. It is a lot easier for women to obey God than it is for men. Men are a bit typically stubborn and hardheaded. Like, I don’t want another man ruling over me, whatever it is. They get territorial.
Joan: You’re not the boss of me.
Alexandra: Yeah. And of course, I mean, I’ve been like that as a woman as well, but, there’s this beautiful nature that we have in our devotion through our obedience.
Joan: Mm-hmm. So there’s so much more I would love to unpack with you. Yeah. And I just related to the ways that we’re wired, I know I, I wanna give you the opportunity to share about the work you do and
Just, it’s, this seems like the natural segue of your speaking about the ways that we’re wired as women and the gifts that we bring and when we are on a, a God led mission, what that can look like. So would you like to share about your school and your programs?
Alexandra: I would love that. Yeah. I, I am here to serve the women with those missions on fire.
We all have them. And, and speaking about our obedience and our devotion, God has bestowed assignments on us that are gonna change this world. Like the mothers I see changing the medical field, changing, um, the way that we tend to miscarriages, the way that we tend to death, and then becoming moms or becoming wives, building schools, writing books.
I get to see it all happen, which is a great part of my service is to see these women in those fields doing this assignment of God. But the one thing that is so important is that we’re not meant to walk the assignments alone. We’re not meant to try to make it all happen ourselves. And one of the biggest questions we have as women is, who am I and what am I here to do?
Hmm.
Those are the two biggest questions that we have. And those questions change every chapter of your life.
Mm-hmm.
That question, that answer to that question is different in your twenties than it is your forties. In your forties as it is your sixties. And this is what the Living Scroll school is. It’s to tend and hold and devote to these women of being successful in your mission.
But in order to be successful in our missions, we have to remember who gave us that mission in the first place, and it was our Creator. So, The school, the Living Scroll School, we partner with God in everything that we do. And there’s women from all different backgrounds and faith and teachings that come here because we remember that at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is when we die, are we gonna hear the words, “my good and faithful servant”? Or are we gonna hear the words, “turn from me for I do not know you”? And death, like losing my son that put everything in perspective.
And something I just wanna share for women as I speak about these offerings too, is that God didn’t say my good and faithful, CEO or my good and faithful mother, or my good and faithful astronaut, God says, my good and faithful servant, period.
The way that we are called to serve is in so many different capacities. You may be called to serve in marriage. You may be called to serve in children. You may be called to serve in spiritual based offerings. You may be called to serve as a world renowned chef or a bestselling author. But this school is here to build that relationship with your creator, to partner with your creator in your mission, and then to bring you along those thresholds with God at the center so that you can see the success that God has written in your mission.
And we do that through two different avenues, we have the membership at the school and there’s different tiers in the membership. We have a free membership that I’d love to invite all the women into. $0. We, we come together monthly and, and we kind of sprinkle in some webinars here and there. But there’s different tiers in the membership that just support the level, of support that you need. And then the other avenue is through my signature offer called Sight, which is a 17 week intimate journey. No more than 25 to 30 women where we walk through the thresholds that God has for us in our missions together, where we remember who we are as a daughter of God, where we remember how to pray. We remember how to purify our vessel. We, we learn how to heal the access points or the hurts, the hangups, the habits that are keeping us from that success and, and all the things in between. Um, and there’s, yeah, there’s just a lot of miracles that happen in that space that I can’t, I can’t even put words to. But it is, it’s an intimate path with God.
Joan: Hmm And you have a very generous offer for our listeners, a discounted offer for Sight. So all of those pieces I’ll put into the show notes as well as your social media, because you are, you’re active on Instagram.
Alexandra: Yes. Yeah. You can find that you on Instagram. Instagram mostly.
And then the free membership is, is where I’m able to do all the unfiltered videos, content, and things that the Metaverse doesn’t love.
Joan: Yeah. So to close I heard you say that the school, the Living Scroll School and Sight are not exclusive to women who are perhaps grounded in Christianity or grounded in a scriptural path. And I know sometimes because there have been wounds related to different words being used, so I want to give you the chance to reiterate or clarify that
Alexandra: I would love that.
Joan: all paths to God are welcome.
Alexandra: Yes, absolutely.
I always say as soon as I say Jesus, I’m usually automatically misrepresented in so many ways by the things that fallible humans have done in that name.
Yes.
And, and yeah, our school, our like faith disclaimer is that we are centered on God through Christ, but that doesn’t take away if you have any different views, beliefs, and versions. At the end of the day, we all go to, we all have to die. We all have to, we all have to go to the final destination. And we are all daughters of the most high. And, and this is our school. There’s so many different people that, that have different faith and belief and views, but they understand that I’m a daughter of God and in order to find the success that I have, that God has placed on my heart to find, I need to partner.
I, I need to, to place him at the center. So we welcome all faith, all background, all the things. The only, the only prerequisite is that this whole school is it’s for women only.
Yes.
Yeah. So you’re a woman. That’s your check.
Joan: Yeah. So one of the things that I have always appreciated about you, Alexandra, is the resonance and the power of your prayer.
Yeah. Thank you.
So I wanted to offer you, if you’re willing
Yeah.
An opportunity, a space to just share a prayer for our listeners.
Alexandra: I would love that. Yeah. Yeah. So if you’re able to, we can gently close the eyes, just taking a few breaths into the belly.
God, I pray. May you bestow a hedge of holy fire around every single listener, around every single woman that tunes into this episode today. That you can just hold her in your loving arms and your loving embrace that this hedge of holy fire is your protector. That anything that wants to get to these women have to go through you first God.
And in that God, I just pray that may you reveal yourself to these women. God may you show who you are as their Creator. And through that, I also pray, God, may you deliver them the gifts of your Holy Spirit to deliver them, the voice, the platform, the abilities, the masteries. Everything that you have awaiting them, God, may you bring those, bring them through these thresholds that you are calling them upon.
And God, I just pray that each and every woman today can know that they are never forgotten nor forsaken, that even if they walked through the pit of despair, grief, addiction, divorce, infidelity, et cetera, whatever pit you’ve placed us in, God, I pray that you deliver each woman the strength, the obedience, the devotion, to know that there is far more left in life than just sitting in that pit that you can help each and every one of these women out of whatever pit they find themselves in. That God, I just pray that you can descend your hand to their hand and lift them up.
Lift them out that you can minister to them, God that speak to their heart. Let yourself be known to each and every woman here, that you God, are the ultimate sovereign authority that you, God, are our protector, our healer, our provider, our nurturer, that you God, hold such paternal and maternal instincts, and that we can all today begin to receive those gifts, those blessings, those anointings, and through that God may you deliver us our assignments and so we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Joan: Amen. Okay, thank you. And thank you for being here with us today and sharing generously your testimony.
Yeah, thank you.
Your story.
Alexandra: Oh, that’s such a, it’s such a gift and, and it felt important that your podcast gets to be the first to hold that. So I really, really appreciate that.
Joan: Hmm. Thank you. I didn’t realize that. It’s my honor. Yeah.
So I also wanna thank you, our dear listeners for joining us today. So delighted to have you, and I wanna offer you the reminder. Whether you are making ripples in your life or big ass waves, that you are love and you are loved.
Mm-hmm.
Until next time.
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