Thought Of The Week

NOSTALGIA IS NICE, BUT...

 This week, I want to talk about how nostalgia is really nice from time to time, but how you also need to look forwards and not backwards most of the time. Honestly, I love a good memory just as much as anyone else. For example, there are moments from years ago that I will revisit in a heartbeat, like a holiday, a conversation, or even an ordinary day that somehow turned into something precious, especially memories from when I was young. That nostalgic pull is very real, and it really matters. However, I've noticed is how easy it is sometimes to let those warm feelings trap you and become a place where you live, rather than one that you only allow yourself to visit occasionally. If you get stuck in nostalgia, you can stop planning, or reaching for new things, because the past you know feels safer than the future that hasn't been written yet. The good news, if you actually think about it, is that everything you remember was actually something you hadn't done yet at that time. That moment then was still ahead of you once. So, if you think about it more, today is therefore full of things that you'll one day look back on with exactly the same warmth. Here are some examples: - Every time someone faces a difficult decision, they think back to a previous time where things felt easier. However, someone points out that they are comparing their worst day now, to their best day then and are therefore being unrealistic. - A footballer, spends many evenings reminiscing and watching old football highlights from their youth or playing days. However, after their playing days are well over, someone invites them to coach local youth players. They almost say no, but don't, and it then becomes the best chapter of their life. - A retired teacher keeps saying that their best days were in the classroom, but that is now gone. However, someone encourages them to start volunteering at a reading group in another school. Within just a few weeks, parents there are already talking about how good the previous teacher is and asking the school if they'd ask them to do more reading with their child. However, nostalgia isn't an enemy. Research shows that it genuinely lifts our mood, steadies our sense of who we are, and can give us confidence when we need it most. The trick, though, is letting nostalgia stay as a visitor, not a resident. So, this week, remember that a rear-view mirror is in a car for a reason. But as the driver, you only need to glance at it once in a while to check things. Then you need to keep your eyes on the road ahead of you, because the best is possibly still coming. And remember that, whilst nostalgia is nice from time to time, you must look forward and not backwards most of the time!

FOCUS MORE ON SOLUTIONS, NOT PROBLEMS...

This week, I want to talk to you about why you should focus more on solutions rather than problems, and how doing this can quietly transform the way you get through your days more easily. It's so easy to get pulled into the orbit of a problem, isn't it? You turn it over in your mind, you pick it apart, and you lie awake at night thinking about it. But honestly, although there's nothing wrong with you if that's exactly what you do, you must realise that the more attention you give a problem, the more space it takes up in your mind. However, when you deliberately ask yourself something like, "Right, what can I actually do here?" you find that the problem shrinks a little in your mind. It doesn't go away completely, but you then direct your energy somewhere else, which is more useful. That one question is really one of the most practical things that you can do in situations like this. This isn’t me telling you that you should always be cheerful, or pretend everything's fine. It's about noticing when you've spent too long looking at a problem and the things that have gone, or that can go wrong, and instead, choosing to purposefully only look at what comes next. That's all it is. There's no magic involved. Here are some examples: - You have young children, and you find that one morning your car won't run on the school run. You just take a breath, text the school to say that you're running late, then knock on your neighbour's door. In 15 stressful minutes, you've sorted it all out, and nobody's day is ruined because of it. - Or you're at work and you find that a colleague has made a mistake that's now landed on your plate. Instead of going back and forth blaming, or discussing whose fault it is, you just sit down together, work out how to fix it and work out how to prevent it from happening again, and then move on. Not only do you correct things in this way, but your working relationship also stays solid. - Or you've overspent and your bank account is making you anxious. But instead of avoiding the problem, you just write down three things that you can cut or trim in your spending that week. That list then makes it feel to you like this is something that you can handle. It's worth saying though that sometimes people genuinely need to sit with a problem, or something difficult, before they're ready to move forward with it. Brushing straight past the emotional impact of something can occasionally mean that you actually miss what the problem was really telling you. So, this week, try to notice moments when you may be dwelling on a problem for too long, and then gently ask yourself what is one small thing you could do practically, instead of just worrying about it. You may be surprised how quickly things start to shift in your mind when you remember you need to focus more on solutions, rather than on problems!

INTENTION OR ATTENTION…

This week, I want to talk to you about why the concepts of intention and attention are basically a dynamic duo if you want to actually get things done! Think about it. You know that your intention is when you decide to do something that really matters to you, but your attention is when you actually show up for it. However, I have noticed that most of us have plenty of good intentions, but it’s our attention that usually lets us down. For example, we are often distracted by a notification on our phone, or something like that, or our mind wanders, and suddenly, before we know it, the thing that we cared about this morning, or we were even just doing, is immediately forgotten. But the real magic happens when you can make these two concepts work together. You first set an intention, maybe to have a proper conversation with someone, or to actually enjoy your lunch, instead of eating at your desk, and then you give it your full and real attention. Not your half-attention. Not that type of intention that pretends like you're listening to someone, or focusing on something, but really doing something else. Full attention. Real attention. Without proper attention, your intentions are really just nice thoughts, as your attention will go wherever the loudest noise is. However, with real intention, your mind properly focuses on what you are doing. Here are some other examples: - You may tell yourself that you intend to start your day calmly, but if you’re constantly checking the newsfeed on your phone, while drinking your morning coffee, you will miss the whole point. It's then not the calm way you wanted it to be. You should try to properly taste your coffee, feel the warmth of the mug, and think about your day ahead. That’s where real intention meets real attention. - You might want to properly connect in a conversation with someone you care about, but if, when you're speaking with them, you’re actually thinking about your to-do list, or something else, they’ll usually notice and feel it. It is only when you actually look at them and listen to them properly that something shifts. - You can intend to relax and rest, but if you’re still mentally working and thinking about work, you won’t actually feel properly restored. It's only by putting in complete boundaries and genuinely switching off, that you can allow your mind to rest fully. However, sometimes life just gets in the way. You can intend all you want, but when you’re exhausted, or something urgent comes up, or you’re simply not feeling it that day, this may not work. Remember, this isn’t about being perfect, or forcing focus on yourself when you’re running on empty; it's about noticing when you can bring your intention and attention together and consciously doing that. So, this week, remember to notice the moments where your intention and attention can actually line up, and where you’re doing something because it matters, and you’re genuinely present for it. And remember, intention and attention work best when they’re working together!

TRYING IS BETTER THAN NOT TRYING AT ALL…

This week, I want to talk about why trying and losing is better than not trying at all. This is a very important principle to drill into children from an early age. As we used to say to our kids when they were growing up: “If you try something, you may fail or succeed, but if you don't even try, you will definitely fail!" If you try something, your dream stays intact so, even if you fall short, you can still tell yourself you nailed it. But the moment you do something and lose, that story goes, and that hurts; really hurts. It’s not the failure that stings; it's the exposure to other people, as you then let people see what you really wanted, revealed your hand, and showed something didn’t work out. You then think safe would have been better. It's no wonder we therefore often talk ourselves out of trying things for fear of failure and exposure like this. But that logic ultimately betrays us, as short-term sting of losing fades, but the long-term ache of knowing you never even tried lingers. Here are some examples: - A parent accepts a school or Local Authority decision they think is wrong, fearing the cost of losing against an insurmountable opponent, and particularly in the school situation, feeling that losing in front of other parents or staff feels too exposing. But, ultimately, it is their child who loses out. - Someone doesn’t apply for a promotion at work because they realise that their colleagues will know if they fail. Although that person tells themselves that they will go for the next opportunity, they don't. - A business idea sits in somebody's notebook for a few years because, after one rejected pitch, the owner realises that humiliation isn’t worth it; so their idea just dies quietly. However, you must realise that not every battle is worth fighting, so choose your battles and sit one out sometimes. It’s important to know, though, that you made a genuine, considered and wise choice, rather than just one made out of fear, dressed up as common sense. So, this week, remember that the sting of losing fades faster than you think. However, the quiet regret of never trying lingers on for years to come. Remember that trying is better than not trying at all!

SOME DAYS JUST GO OFF TRACK...

Today, I want to talk to you about how some days can just go off track without you doing anything to make them. You know the days I’m talking about, where you’ve planned everything, you know what needs doing, but then find that absolutely nothing goes the way it's meant to go. It’s really maddening, isn’t it? Sometimes, technology fails, or the weather changes, or your minute-by-minute schedule just collapses. That’s what happens when you plan as if nothing will ever go wrong. Remember, everything is alright until it isn’t! But here's the thing I’ve noticed: fighting what is happening when thongs are going wrong, just makes everything worse, and the more you try to wrestle the day back onto your schedule, the more wound up you just get. In fact, more difficulties usually arise, and you then end up using all the energy you have left, battling what else happens, instead of dealing with the original problem. Stop fighting and start adapting as, ironically, accepting that some days go off track actually then makes it easier for you. You’re not giving up; you’re just being realistic, as you then realise that you can just do what you can, write off what you can’t, and acknowledge that tomorrow is another day, where you can make a fresh start. Here are some examples: - You wake up fresh one morning with your whole day planned ahead of you, but then find that a family member needs you urgently, so everything else just stops. That’s not your day falling apart; that’s just life and what happens. - You've blocked out time in your day for focused work, but constant interruptions prevent you concentrating. By lunchtime, you’ve accomplished nothing you planned. Or you have meetings at work scheduled all day, but wake up feeling awful. You try pushing through, which just makes you feel worse. Sometimes, the only track you need is the one straight back to bed! - Your car, bus or train breaks down when you're already running late. You’re absolutely furious. But being angry at the machinery, or the people who run the services, doesn't help, does it? However, if your days are always going off track, look at your planning. Sometimes, it’s not life interfering with your plans, it’s that your plans don’t make room for life! So, today, remember when your day doesn’t unfold the way you wanted it to, you haven’t messed up. This is just what days do sometimes and some days will just go off track!