Transforming Relationships by gudlife

018: The #1 Up and Down Struggle All Couples Experience

Whenever two or more people are interacting, there's a power flow between them – we just don't know what's happening.  While water is to fish, power is to people. It is the medium we swim in. But it's usually invisible to us. We don't really see it when someone powers up on you or you're made to feel small when someone's talking. Whether it’s in a parent-child relationship, in a work environment, or even between friends, there is a power flow that exists between two people. What's important is how we manage the flow of power between us – because sometimes, the flow of power gets messed up in the way we communicate. When you have respectful power flowing from one person to another, it brings influence. But when there is disrespectful power, it exerts control. When you are in a controlling kind of relationship, then you're not able to sustain a sense of closeness and safety between people. It’s all about mutual submission – and mutual love. Today, we are talking about power struggles, the #1 up and down struggle that all couples experience. We may not even be aware that we are in a power struggle because they are so ubiquitous in every negotiation we take on in our relationships.  In this episode, you will hear: * What is power? * 3 ways to balance the power flow * Useful scripts to help bring balance to the power flow in your relationship * The 7 benefits of balancing power in your relationship Subscribe and Review Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet.  We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transforming-relationships-by-gudlife/id1609474723]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: https://gudlife.com/ [https://gudlife.com/]  Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/] Let them know we sent you.

017: Can Couples Come Back After Years of Unhappiness?

In many relationships, there seems to be that inflection point where you decide to go forward together, or you decide to go forward separately. But can you come back from years of unhappiness?  Especially, when couples are getting to the empty nester stage, they are asking the question of whether they can come back from this long phase of unhappiness that they've had together. It's complex because there are a lot of things – kids, future grandkids, the house, money, friends, family members – that hold them together.  But those things are not enough to generate happiness. They have to be able to find that together, and the only way that's going to happen is through something called the mutuality factor. In other words, there has to be a mutual interest in trying to make it work. One person cannot do the work of two to make a marriage happy. It requires both.  In this episode, we will walk you through the five ways to cure years of unhappiness and effect change that you might want to see in your relationship.  In this episode, you will hear: * Shared humility and forgiveness * Dismantling of walls * Moving from disrespect to respect * Persistent effort on the part of the couple * Investment in good times together * A quick script for getting back on the right track Subscribe and Review Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet.  We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transforming-relationships-by-gudlife/id1609474723]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: https://gudlife.com/ [https://gudlife.com/]  Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/] Let them know we sent you.

016: How to Work Through Major Problems

Most of us are fairly good at working through minor problems, which are common in every relationship. But when we have those major conflicts, we often don't have the right kind of tools to communicate our way through them.  What a lot of couples end up doing is stockpiling their problems instead of resolving them. And so, when future conflicts arise, what comes out are reruns from those stockpiled problems. If couples are not good at being able to resolve these things, then they just have more arguments stockpiled. They don't know how to work through things and start to avoid certain topics. This leads to resentment and some emotional drifting.  Sometimes, too, people make major problems out of minor problems, and there are others who have major problems and they're minimizing them. So things could get pretty complicated.  In this episode, we discuss how you can work through these major problems. We particularly illustrate a sample scenario and some language you could use in the event you find yourself in similar situations. In this episode, you will hear: * Focusing on the problem, not the person * Keeping your emotions in check * Using the "I" terminology to express your thoughts and feelings * Giving mutual consideration to each other's input * Validation is the most powerful element of communication. * Collaborating to find a mutually satisfying resolution Subscribe and Review Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet.  We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transforming-relationships-by-gudlife/id1609474723]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: https://gudlife.com/ [https://gudlife.com/]  Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/] Let them know we sent you.

015: After the Affair: Can We Recover?

What if you found out that your partner was having an affair? Can you still rebuild the marriage? How do you navigate getting through or getting past an affair? There are some people that just cannot recover from that level of betrayal. It's just too much for them that they feel it's best to dissolve the relationship and move on from it. There are also couples who, while they may want to end the relationship, have many constraining factors that keep them in, whether it be their kids or a house and so many other factors.  If you find yourself in this position and you’re confused about staying or moving on, just know that there is hope – and there is help available. About 70% of couples who go through some form of affair or infidelity are able to recover and they stay married. And about 50% of those couples who did the work ended up having a healthier relationship than they did before the affair occurred.  In this episode, you will hear: * The impact of an affair on the marriage * The tendency to act quickly to minimize the damage * The impact of the affair on the injured partner * The impact of the affair on the involved partner * The 3-step recovery process * A quick script for the involved spouse Subscribe and Review Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet.  We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transforming-relationships-by-gudlife/id1609474723]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: https://gudlife.com/ [https://gudlife.com/]  Episode 014: Five Things to Consider Before You Enter an Affair https://www.donolund.com/trg014 [https://www.donolund.com/trg014] Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/] Let them know we sent you.

014: Five Things to Consider Before You Enter an Affair

There are a lot of variables that contribute to why people enter an affair, and one of the most common reasons is that couples are not investing in the marriage. However, if you’re at this point of your life where you feel miserable in your marriage, or for whatever reason, you no longer think your marriage is working, having an affair should at least be the last thing in your mind, or perhaps, never at all.  When the marriage gets neglected, couples can usually handle neglect for a short period of time. But when that neglect shifts into an emotional drift, the couple could experience some dissatisfaction on an emotional level, and on a romantic/sexual level. They're not spending time together and they're not going out on dates. They're not making love because they're too exhausted by the end of the day. Because they're busy talking about what's going on and what needs to be done, they get into more conflicts.  Then they start to pull away from each other and get into an emotional drift. And because they want to feel the connection they once had, they are at risk of finding that outside the marriage. In this episode, we discuss the five things to consider before you even think of having an affair. Finally, we’re offering a quick script for self-talk related to this topic.    In this episode, you will hear: * Why the adventure is not worth the risk * How the adventure turns into anxiety * Living in two dimensions and managing two sets of expectations * Compromising your core values * A safer approach to confront the problems in your marriage * Factors that contribute to an affair * Putting an end to the relationship * Two questions to ask yourself before you consider entering an affair   Subscribe and Review Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet.  We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: https://gudlife.com/  Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.