Do As We Say, Not As They Did

What Do Men Do When Women Don't "Need" Them?

Does a woman earning more than a man in a relationship make you feel some type of way? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley jump right into The Guardian's article, "Single women are buying more houses. The men they are dating are not responding well," and talk about what happens when women are no longer forced into needing men for financial security, and why some men are responding to that reality very, very badly. Along the way, Harris and Liz explore the ways in which men are really struggling right now (and why women aren't the problem), how capitalism makes everything worse, and what it would actually take to become the kind of man who can celebrate his partner's success as he would his own. Stay tuned for: * A much-needed deconstruction of the Man Box™ * How Fight Club predicted the manosphere * Why you're not competing with other daters; you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl * A deep dive into the 1988 Tom Cruise movie, Cocktail It doesn't matter whether you're buying a house, dating someone who owns one, or just happy you got the rent paid last month; we've got the research, the psychological insight, obscure movie references, and the relationship advice you need. And when you're done listening, check out this article on the Man Box and how to deconstruct harmful or limiting beliefs on masculinity: https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box [https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box] Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome and introductions 00:47 - The Guardian: "Single women are buying more houses" 01:49 - Do men actually want independent women? 05:45 - How Fight Club prophesied the manosphere 07:28 - Why social change is always met with backlash 10:43 - The conservative shift of Gen Z men 14:47 - Are men falling behind, or are women just finally allowed to catch up? 16:28 - Capitalism is the problem 19:27 - Privilege and the ability to handle setbacks 23:49 - The divide between what men think women want vs what they actually want 24:41 - Bay Area real estate 29:22 - The lie of "I love independent women" 30:40 - Are your circumstances unattractive or your attitude toward your circumstances 37:25 - What is the modern paradigm of straight relationships? 39:28 - If being treated like a woman feels bad, what does that say? 41:12 - Research on breanwinner anxiety and men's stress 44:42 - Men do have problems they need to solve 47:42 - The "Man Box" 51:00 - The unending concern of men getting less "manly" 55:02 - The 4B movement 57:51 - Online dating sucks now 01:00:45 - Being wanted vs being needed 01:02:33 - Tradwives and sacrificing autonomy 01:05:37 - The power dynamic of moving into someone's established space 01:08:54 - It's okay to live separately 01:13:55 - You're not competing with other men, you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl 01:14:40 - Read more, go to therapy 01:15:23 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod]

How Misogyny Ruins Relationships

We have a question for you: Do you actually want a partner, or are you just looking for someone to call your girlfriend? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell share two Reddit stories that reveal just how much the manosphere has poisoned modern dating, and the actual work it takes to build and maintain healthy, happy relationships. First up is a man who leaves his wife of 20 years for a 20-something, only to realize that putting zero work and effort into a relationship will only ever result in failure. Then, Dr. Liz and Harris tackle an absurd ultimatum: a boyfriend demands that his girlfriend laser all her body hair to "prove she'll sacrifice for the relationship." They're sure you can guess how much he's willing to sacrifice for her… Highlights of the episode: * The male loneliness narrative * Why Harris considers himself more of a badger than a bear * Some mutual venting about how much shaving sucks The bottom line is that healthy relationships take effort. And if you don't have good intentions, trust, and mutual respect, your relationship troubles will be sure to follow you. Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the show 00:40 - Weather, capitalism, and Bay Area rent 04:00 - First Reddit story: "My ex-wife predicted my future" 06:00 - Leaving a long marriage for a younger partner 09:00 - Why relationships stagnate 12:20 - Relationship maintenance and emotional labor 16:30 - Small acts of care to keep relationships strong 19:30 - Midlife crises and aging anxiety 24:20 - Why large age-gap relationships can struggle 27:00 - Dating dynamics in poly and kink communities 29:30 - The "no communication for a week" dating problem 31:00 - Accountability and the consequences of cheating 34:30 - Divorce, grief, and relief 35:30 - Do men still learn romance from culture? 37:00 - The manosphere, misogyny, and the male loneliness narrative 40:40 - Why male friendships and emotional vulnerability matter 44:20 - Second Reddit story: "Laser remove your body hair, or I'm out" 47:00 - Why ultimatums are a huge red flag 50:30 - Complicated feelings around body hair 58:40 - The breakup and escape plan 01:02:30 - Meltdowns and harassment 01:07:00 - Sacrifice vs equity in relationships 01:09:00 - Why couples need regular relationship check-ins 01:11:00 - Relationship skills everyone should learn 01:12:40 - Men: learn to cook to improve your dating life 01:13:45 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris 01:14:50 - Closing thoughts #drnerdlove #drlizpowell #doaswesaypod #datingpodcast #relationshippodcast #datingredflags #reddit #redditstories #redditreadings #redditrelationshipadvice #redditstorytime #misogny Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

Polyamory Won't Fix Your Relationship, but It Sure Will Expose It

What happens when people open a relationship without unpacking everything monogamy taught them first? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell sit down with Kristen VanKlootwyk, psychotherapist and co-creator of The Non Monogamy Card Game, to talk about the communication that doesn't always happen in poly relationships…but really should. Then, they discuss two struggling Redditors: one man who's struggling to find dates when his wife isn't, and a woman who said yes to opening a relationship to make her husband happy, but now she's miserable. Highlights of the episode: * How you can improve your relationship communication with The Non-Monogamy Card Game * Healthy communication in poly relationships will help you gain a Jedi-like sense of self-awareness * Why polyamory isn't just about balancing multiple relationships, but also your self-care and personal needs * Old people are getting busy, and that's GREAT 😉 * A loving reminder of what boundaries are, and why it's your job to enforce them Polyamorous or monogamous, communication, emotional processing, and boundary setting are all necessary skills to build relationships that work for everyone involved. So open up your notes app and get ready for all the resources, gentle reminders, and nerdy metaphors you need to create relationships that truly bring you joy. Who is Kristen VanKlootwyk, and what is The Non Monogamy Card Game? Kristen VanKlootwyk is a psychotherapist who, along with their good friend Ayala, set out to create a resource to help friends and clients ask the right questions and engage with their partners to build strong poly relationships. After developing 150 foundational and developmental questions, they released The Non Monogamy Card Game as a versatile resource to help guide and facilitate meaningful conversations. Time Stamps 00:00 - Introducing Dr. Liz, Harris, and Kristen 01:25 - Addressing the hate comments 03:57 - What is The Non Monogamy Card Game? 06:50 - Expectations of polyamory vs the reality 08:15 - Jealousy vs compersion and emotional processing 12:10 - Late-stage capitalism and changing relationship structures 13:38 - Neurodivergence and geek culture in non-traditional relationships 16:56 - Scheduling and emotional labor in polyamory 18:55 - The most important relationship questions people forget to ask 24:00 - The importance of communication in any relationship structure 26:51 - Cultural conditioning around monogamy 29:03 - Ageism, fatphobia, and stereotypes in poly communities 33:35 - Insecurity in opening relationships 39:14 - Reddit story #1: a man struggles to find dates when his wife doesn't 41:54 - Why women are hesitant to date men 45:12 - Connect with people in the non-monogamy community 47:20 - How to bring up that you're poly in a conversation 54:01 - Why do you want to try polyamory? 01:00:51 - Slow dating might help build better connections 01:06:11 - What is being poly about? 01:09:58 - Reddit story #2: my husband is poly, but I don't think I am 01:16:31 - Love has nothing to do with compatibility 01:19:04 - Attachment wounds, boundaries, and acceptance 01:26:00 - It's okay to grow apart 01:29:40 - How willing are you to accept reality? 01:51:44 - What is a boundary? 01:57:36 - Where to find The Non Monogamy Card Game 01:58:37 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

How the Manosphere Feeds the Ego, but Starves the Soul

Have you ever met someone with a punchable face…and even more punchable opinions? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell endure the pain of hearing from a man who claims celibacy taught him that he's "too smart to find love," and though he comes close, he never actually considers the problems might just be…him. Reading The Telegraph's article from the man himself, Mattha Busby, they break down his actual problems in finding love (spoiler alert: it's him), what might actually help him, and offer up new perspectives on what "intelligence," "cleverness," and "wit" actually entail. Highlights of the episode: * A men's group that makes you make vows with an axe?? * Dr. Liz and Harris' first pop culture crushes (kids today just don't understand) * Knowing who David Bowie is isn't a sign of intelligence If you're a smarty-pants and you want to get into other smarty-pants' pants, then this episode is for you! Dr. Liz and Harris share how to actually find folks whose interests align with yours, without being a major jerk in the process. Time Stamps 00:00 - Intro and Doc Holliday shout-out 01:20 - The article: "Celibacy Taught Me I'm Too Clever to Find Love" 03:00 - Red flags and a punchable face 05:50 - Education ≠ intelligence 10:45 - "My girlfriends were hot but dumb" 🤢 14:00 - Being witty vs being an asshole 17:30 - Treating women as interchangeable roles 20:00 - Finding a wife vs building a partnership 23:30 - The illusion of intellectual superiority 26:30 - Why people don't text back 29:00 - What are you actually offering in a relationship? 33:00 - Cleverness as a defense mechanism 36:00 - Performance vs real conversation 40:00 - Attraction is socially conditioned 54:00 - Curiosity vs judgment 1:00:00 - You're a soggy saltine 1:14:00 - Conclusion and where to find us Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

Why Every Body Benefits from Accessible Adult Toys w/ Step Tranovich

There have been a lot of advancements in the adult toy industry over the last ten years, so why are toys for men and AMAB folks still stuck in the dark ages? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by Step (they/them), founder of the gender-explosive adult toy company, Cute Little Fkers, to talk about affirming adult toys for queer folks, why toys for AMAB folks have so much room to grow, and how creating more accessible toys is a good thing for everyone. You don't want to miss: * How Cute Little Fkers changed Kickstarter (for the better)! * How toxic masculinity makes boring adult toys * A fun story on how their toys can be hidden in plain sight * How and where to consensually spank Step 😉 It doesn't matter what's in your pants, what size or shape of body you have, or how able-bodied you are; you deserve toys that feel good and affirm your experience and identity! If you're ready to kick boring toys, shame, and stigma to the curb, you'll love this episode. Who is Step? Step (they/them) founded Cute Little Fkers in 2019 to create cute, accessible adult toys for trans and queer folks. Today, they have a range of toys that are inclusive, body-friendly, and downright adorable to help folks of all genders, sexualities, and identities explore pleasure without shame, dysphoria, or rigid gender expectations. Time Stamps 00:00 - Intro & Welcome Step with Cute Little Fkers 01:35 - What is Cute Little Fkers 03:50 - Disability, career shifts, and building a queer sex toy company 04:40 - The first adult toy campaign on Kickstarter 09:26 - "Gender neutral" vs "gender explosive" 10:43 - 1st Reddit post: r/MTF 13:05 - Why AMAB toys are aesthetically nightmarish 15:00 - Masculinity, shame, and toys for men and AMAB folks 19:03 - Why trans-inclusive toy design matters 22:43 - Step's toy recommendations and toy design philosophy 28:16 - PSA: don't buy your toys from Wildflower 30:55 - Why AMAB-focused toys have fallen behind 32:52 - Furries are holding the internet together 35:00 - Why AMAB folks deserve more pleasure exploration 38:38 - Why men may struggle with receiving pleasure 44:17 - 2nd Reddit post: r/S**Toys 46:00 - Accessibility tools and adaptive toys 57:10 - Breaking the "design binary" in adult toys 01:00:04 - Surviving fascism through queer joy and pleasure 01:02:28 - Where to find Cute Little Fkers 01:05:48 - Where to Find Dr. Liz and Dr. Nerdlove Connect with Step and Cute Little Fkers: 🌐 Website: https://cutelittlefuckers.com/ [https://cutelittlefuckers.com/] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cutelittlefkers/ [https://www.instagram.com/cutelittlefkers/] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CuteLittleFkers/ [https://www.facebook.com/CuteLittleFkers/] Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]