Soft Rebellion

Being in a Relationship With a Man Feels Disempowering. Yes, He’s Loving and Supportive But Still.

I think this is partly responsible for why I haven’t been active on social media platforms. There are experiences of disempowerment I’ve felt, which aren’t unique to this relationship. I used to think this was because of past relationship experiences that were less than ideal, and perhaps the fears and pain that they brought. But I am beginning to suspect that it might be the nature of heterosexual relationships in the context of today’s society. I realise now that even in a healthy relationship, I’ll probably always feel some level of disempowerment because of the broader societal context in which our relationship exists. I thought I could escape some of those because of my political and social awareness, but I realise now that my upbringing and conditioning is much stronger than I realised. And the broader societal norms have far more impact on a relationship dynamic than I care to admit. Still, I haven’t given up on love and the quest to find a relationship that feels equal and empowering. I don’t know if it’s possible. I hope it is.

How Church Made Me the Perfect Victim of Abuse: Age Gap Relationships, Blind Obedience and Desiring Marriage

I wish I had more time to delve deeper into this but I was taking my dog out for a walk so I had to rush. But this recording captures my thoughts about the role churches play in perpetuating women’s abuse. Obviously, this isn’t always applicable but is something I’ve observed growing up and even to this day. I also started thinking this way because I listened to a podcast about falling birth rates in some parts of the world because of women’s protest against men’s oppression and violent behaviours. South Korea being one example of this. But thinking about how church promote the idea to procreate, I could say with almost certainty that populations will never disappear completely because this is something we advocate. I think this is part of the reason red pill men and have returned to religion as a tool to control women’s bodies, while feeling a sense of superiority. Now, like I said, this isn’t always the case or applicable everywhere. But I do see enough exposure that I wish churches would speak on this and educate their congregants against the potential pitfalls of their religious preachings

I Bring Emotional Baggage and My Dog to the Table: The Discomfort of a New Relationship

I needed to talk to my friend first before I could post this episode. The fact that I recorded it a week ago, and today I had the most emotional day ever and guy showed me so much love and support is the reason why I’m gonna be a male(him)-centred pick me🤧. Sonqeni! The cliches about how he makes me wanna cook for him among other acts of service are sadly true. And this is hard to admit because I don’t like the idea of actually really liking and even loving a man. I am also very scared of embarrassment. I’ve experienced it too many times, especially when you start raving. But I also don’t want to live in fear that things might not workout or that this is not real or that it will end in tears. Whatever valid reasons I have to be fearful, I have also have an equal number of reasons to be excited, enjoy this and stay optimistic because I actually really want partnership. I think it makes me better, or at least pushes me to look after myself more and in turn, have a better quality of life.

What We Don’t Say About Rural Upbringing: Violence, Fear, Death and Survivors Guilt

This trip home really brought up a lot of childhood memories I had long forgotten about growing up in rural areas. Often, I think about my time there quite fondly. I romanticise it. But it occurred to me that I have been romanticising my experiences a lot, and it may have been in part, a survival tactic and the other part because the rural Eastern Cape is the only home I know. I’m sure there’s a few of us who have survived some experience or period in our lives. My intention for this episode is that we reflect on how far we’ve come and how much distance we’ve put between our current life and the one we lived before. To be proud of that even in the process of striving for more. And more importantly, to think about ways in which we can help those left behind to follow in our footsteps and survive.

The Cost of Love is Heartbreak: My Dog is Sick, Work Is Throwing Hands and I Think I Got Dumped?

I’m only posting this because my dog is fine. He hasn’t fully recovered yet but it’s the most positive improvement I’ve seen in 8 days. That has brought me so much relief. I really thought I’d lose him and I don’t know what I would have done. But the cost of love is getting your heart broken. Does this mean I would have been better off not loving at all or being haunted by memories of loving him when he was alive? I don’t know, and right, I’m so glad that I don’t have to find out.