Building Father-Daughter Connections Through Presence and Support

Descripción

Are you a dad striving to forge a deeper, lasting relationship with your daughter? The latest episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast is a must-listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], this heartfelt conversation with guest Craig Parks [https://www.linkedin.com/in/craig-parks-6038756/] spills over with practical wisdom, real-life stories, and a focus on the small moments that truly matter in father-daughter relationships. A central theme in this episode is the extraordinary power of being present. Craig Parks reflects on the transition from seeking only "big moments" to cherishing the everyday interactions—whether it's sharing a chat during the drive to school, game nights, or the simple rituals at bedtime. These small but consistent acts of presence, he argues, lay the foundation for trust and connection that daughters carry into adulthood. As the episode unfolds, the conversation shifts to the challenges and joys of raising daughters through their tween years. Craig Parks emphasizes the importance of balancing guidance with allowing independence. He shares, with refreshing honesty, the natural struggles of parenting—highlighting the need for self-reflection, giving space for children to assert themselves, and not taking it personally when daughters begin to assert their own identities. Another powerful takeaway is the value of supporting your child's passions and dreams. Craig Parks's support for his daughter's love of music and theater—showing up for rehearsals, being her biggest cheerleader, and even creating a "Daddy Daughter Duo"—serves as a model for embracing who your child truly is, not who you expect them to be. The podcast doesn't shy away from the tough stuff either. Craig Parks candidly shares a parenting mistake, underlining the importance of apologizing and repairing relationships. This humility and willingness to grow set the tone for authentic connection. Rounding out the episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis and Craig Parks discuss actionable tips, from fostering safe communication to managing your own well-being as a dad. Ready for more heartfelt advice and stories that inspire? Tune in to this episode of "Dad and Daughter Connection." You'll come away equipped and encouraged, with fresh ideas to nurture the most important relationship in your—and your daughter's—life. Listen now and start building those everyday moments that last a lifetime! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey [https://bit.ly/daddaughtersurvey] to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter [https://bit.ly/ddcneweletter] to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DrChristopherLewis], Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadanddaughterconnections], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/dadofdivas], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], X [https://www.x.com/dadofdivas]. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, working toward building those strong relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is so important that you show up, because every day that you show up shows your daughters that you care, shows your daughters that you're in it to be able to be the dad that they want and that you want to be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:18]: And that's why this podcast is here. It is here to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, to provide you some perspective and allow for you to learn from some other people that have gone through different experiences that can give you some different perspective that can help you to be the dad that you want to be. Today, we've got a great guest. Craig Parks is with us. And Craig is someone I've known for a few years. He's a past guest on my other podcast, Dads With Daughters, that I did for many years. And I asked him to come back to talk about where we are today, because the last time we chatted was about. About five years ago, I think. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:56]: And things are definitely different. Kids are older, and life is different in many different ways. So I'm excited to be able to talk to him, especially about his relationship with his daughter, and to be able to share him with you. Craig, thanks so much for being here today. Craig Parks [00:02:09]: It's an honor. Thank you, Christopher. I appreciate it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]: Well, I really appreciate you being here today and for sharing this journey that you've been on with your daughter. And I know she's in those tween years, so we'll be. We'll. We'll talk a little bit about that, too. But one of the things that I love talking about first is that each of us as a dad, really want to create those moments, those moments that Our kids will remember. And I guess for you, as you think about your relationship with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special? Craig Parks [00:02:39]: For me, we often will think about kind of the really big moments, and certainly those are going to happen. But to be honest with you, my focus is less on the big moments and understanding that most of parenthood is actually made up of the everyday small moments and really trying to be present for those. Right. Whether it's like when I'm driving her to school every day, am I present, am I with her, are we sharing something in the evening when we're hanging out, am I on my phone, or am I like, really with her? You know, are we playing games, are we talking, are we. And if she's going through any kind of struggle, like at bedtime, when she opens up a little bit more, am I listening in a way that will make her want to continue to. To open up and see me as a trusted source of support? So there's some just amazing moments of watching her on stage, she's in musical theater, or just playing Rummy Cube with her often, or she's also a musician. And so for me, like, what's really special is when she sits down at the piano and we're starting to put together a little thing called the Daddy Daughter Duo. And our dream is to go out and gig together. Craig Parks [00:03:40]: So anytime we play any music and harmonize together, those moments are so incredible. But I don't look towards, like, the big moments I want to soak in because I just know how fast it goes. I know that in a matter of six years can be out of the house. And it's like I just want to make the most of the tiny moments each bedtime that she still wants me there every time she gives me a hug and wants to hug me. And as you mentioned, she's in her tween years now, so I don't want to make it sound like it's all roses either, because she is in her individuation process, which is a natural process. Right. So there are some really hard moments to too, where she's very defiant and she's bumping up against those boundaries and that's her job as well. So that's really kind of what's in my heart around that. Craig Parks [00:04:22]: I mean, it's a good question. And I know that we will look back and I, you know, when I look back on her 11 years already, I mean, the pandemic was actually a really huge one, honestly. And that's where we created part two, Party Central. We did a weekly interactive show together to kind of get us through the pandemic and help others get through the pandemic. And we created this amazing interactive family variety show for people. So that's a memory that's like, wow, that's really huge. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:46]: Now, with your daughter getting into those tween years, there is a point in time where your daughter goes from the daughter that is still holding your hand and wants you there and has those stars in their eyes as they're looking at you and being its dad. Now, they still say it's dad, but they're looking at that independence, and they want that independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's becoming? Craig Parks [00:05:11]: Such a great, great question. And, you know, I think when we listen to podcasts or it's easy to think of, like, oh, there's an expert on. And they have it all together. And, you know, and I just want to be really honest. I think that, first of all, it is a great question. It's an important question. And I think it's important for us parents to remember that. That we're never going to be perfect. Craig Parks [00:05:31]: And so that balance between fostering her independence and when she was like, oh, I want my daddy, but there's that part of her that's like, you are embarrassing me. You are gross, and get away from me. For me, I just do my best to, one, not take it personally when things get really, really hard. And two, to actually understand development, I think, is really important for us dads as well to know what is actually natural. Like, for them to start breaking away is actually natural. And if we're hoping that they're going to be continue to look at us like, oh, Daddy, you want to hold our hands when they're 15 and 16 and 17, that's actually not inv their best interests. I'll share this with you. I was nervous, and I think when we spoke many years ago on the podcast, I shared this, too. Craig Parks [00:06:12]: I was actually quite scared to have a daughter. As somebody who's worked with children of all ages for over three decades, and it wasn't because I was afraid I was going to love my daughter. It was because I think my knowledge of what. What girls and women go through, it's like, wow, that's tough. And. And so when I found out I was having a daughter, it's like, okay, I want to do everything I can to help my daughter own every bit of her power. And. And so I created a mantra for her even when she was in utero. Craig Parks [00:06:39]: And her mantra is, I am powerful and creative. And it is something I just. She is. I just shared with her almost every single day of her life. And what's great is she's actually really internalized it. And yet the irony is that when she owns that power and that creativity and uses it, quote, unquote, against me, I have to take a step back, not take it personally, and realize, okay, she actually is asserting her independence. And. And I want her to be. Craig Parks [00:07:03]: I want her to be strong, and I don't want her to just follow the crowd. I don't want her if even in her dating life, if she's feeling a little bit weird internally, I want her to trust her intuition. I want her to trust and feel confident. Say, this doesn't feel right. So I'm not looking for a daughter who's just going to obey me and be completely obedient. No, I want. I want a daughter who's going to be able to question me when she feels like something is not fair or just or right. I want to foster that in her so that I know that when she's out in the world, she has the confidence to do that and know that that's. Craig Parks [00:07:35]: That's actually a good thing, that that's a really wonderful thing to do. So there's tension in that. Right? Because of course, who doesn't want the sweet, loving daughter, right, that's just going to want to hug us all the time. But I think it's important to know that that's actually not in their best interest, that it's. That they do need to break away. They need to actually go up against the boundaries. And it's our job as parents to one continually question, are these boundaries still developmentally appropriate and are they fair? And if they are, it's our job to, even against their resistance, to hold firm and be okay with them hating us in that moment because they're going to say some things that if we could take personally, but I think our job is to not take personally and stay calm, as calm as we can, and loving and. And have some grace for ourselves as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:19]: You know, a little bit earlier you talked about that your daughter's into musical theater, that you can tell that she has some true pass, that you're wanting to do some gigs with her and to try to get out into the world to showcase what you both have together. And those go into the passions and the dreams that our kids have. And as fathers, we do whatever we can to be able to support those. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams? Craig Parks [00:08:44]: Well, I think a lot of it is just like taking her to all the rehearsals, picking her up, and also being there, just being present. My dad was such a hard working dad, just trying to support the family. He missed a lot of my childhood. I think a lot of what I do and what I chose to do as a profession, working with kids, and certainly as a dad, I think was largely driven by a lot of that pain of like wishing that my dad had been kind of more present. I understand. I mean, he, it wasn't for a bad reason. He was working his tail off trying to support the family. Right. Craig Parks [00:09:14]: But I knew I wanted to design a different kind of life for myself as a dad. And so I think the way we support our kids and our daughters is by understanding who they are. So like, my daughter is really into music and musical theater and she never got that into sports and that's fine. So it's like trying to understand, like, what are their true gifts, what are their true passions and trying to let them become who they actually are rather than mold them into who we want to be. I mean, look, I wish I was out gigging last year with her already because she could do that. But I also don't want to be the, the parents, be like, no, we're going to practice this way and have it be some. I want it to be joyful and connecting. So for me it's just being present. Craig Parks [00:09:50]: When she has rehearsals, I work it out with, with my wife so that who's going to drive her, who's going to pick her up? And she sees that dad is often the one doing those things. Every performance I'm there. On the very rare occasions where I can't make something, I see she's bummed about it. And for me as a kid, it was just the norm. So the fact that I know my kid is disappointed and can show that to me is actually another beautiful thing that reflects the, the connection that we have, that she can actually express her sadness and disappointment and I can too. But just being there, being present, seeing what they're into, seeing what they're passionate about and supporting it, I think is one of the best ways that we can really support our daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:26]: The other thing that I think a lot of us as dads want to do is be able to show our kids that we believe in them, that we value them. And I guess for you as a dad, what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel both valued and heard? Craig Parks [00:10:42]: We talked about kind of the small moments of each day. I think it happens in the tiniest of moments. Each. Each moment when she's speaking, don't be looking at your phone. And I'm guilty of that. And so. But in terms of my intention, that's what I want to make sure is when she's speaking, presence, am I present? Am I actually hearing and understanding what she is saying, and am I asking questions that she could tell I'm really thinking about what she's saying and can I do it without judgment? And that's tricky for us parents, too, because of course, we're going to have our judgments about things. But. Craig Parks [00:11:11]: And then the other thing is. And this could be hard for us parents, too, is letting them fail, letting them make mistakes, let them learn from those mistakes, giving them space to be able to fail, to not rescue them and. But let them know, like, we're here, we see you, and we believe in you. This is something I was actually conscious of from really day one, especially with a daughter. I did not want a daughter to learn that she was just helpless. I wanted her to know I believed in her. So I guess a little kid, you know, she. She'd fall off the play equipment or she. Craig Parks [00:11:40]: She'd scrape her knee or whatever. And. And I wasn't just, like, running to her like, are you okay? You know, I was like, get on up. You got this. You know, just letting her know, like, I'm here. I see you. I believe in you. You can get up. Craig Parks [00:11:50]: You got it. And obviously, if she was really, really her, I. Obviously, I'd be nurturing and take care of her, but, you know, just let her know, like, whatever it is, like, we can learn from them and we can grow. And so to not get upset if they fail, if they, you know, they don't do something, they don't do a chore, it's like, okay, well, you're not going to get this until it's done. But with no anger in the voice of, like, cool. This is the way it is. I think the more us parents can understand our boundaries and understand how to set up kind of natural consequences, it's easier for us to not lose our cool. And especially as dads, it could be really scary for kids when us dads can lose our cool and lose our temper. Craig Parks [00:12:25]: Our. I think our biggest job is really to just work on our own presence and our own being so that our kids just feel safe. Around us to be whatever they need to be. And I know that's a high bar, but for me, that's what I'm really Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:37]: conscious of as a dad now. None of us as dads are perfect. We all make mistakes, and we have to live with those mistakes and learn from those mistakes. What's a mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn from it regarding fostering a positive communication with your daughter? Craig Parks [00:12:55]: So there's one memory that. And this happened a lot of years ago. You know, I don't know how old she was. It was. She was maybe 5 or 6 years old, and it was, like, three days in a row. She kept spilling water in the backseat of the car. And there was one day where, really I lost it. And I grabbed whatever I could. Craig Parks [00:13:14]: It turned out to be her artwork. And I used it to, like, dry up the back seat. And Christopher. I felt like such garbage. I felt so bad. Like, I took her creation, I took her art, and in anger, right up the seat, and she was crying. She was really upset. And later that night, you know, when I got calm at bedtime, I really debriefed the whole thing and took full responsibility. Craig Parks [00:13:37]: And I apologized. And I think it's important for our kids to hear us apologize when we make mistakes, if we want them to be able to do that, too, make repairs. And I asked her, too. I told her. I was like, there was no part of that that was right for me to do, and that I felt terrible. And I apologize. And I. And I asked her, I'm like, and I really hope that you'll forgive me. Craig Parks [00:13:55]: And, you know, and she said that she did. And the reason I bring this up is because she still, to this day, will bring that up to give me a hard time. She's like, dad, you took my art. And, you know, and the fact that, like, that that's the one that she goes to after all these years, that she doesn't have, like, 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 of those terrible memories to go to, to me, is, like, a really beautiful thing. It shows that I've done a pretty good job of staying pretty calm and peaceful and connected and loving. It doesn't mean that I haven't had moments where I haven't had to apologize to her in all these years. I don't. I don't want to set that up. Craig Parks [00:14:30]: But what that showed me is that one certainly repairing, repairing, repairing when there is a disconnect, when we have not been our best, repairing that moment revisiting that moment, letting them know that we've thought about it and that we were not proud of our moments when we're. When we're not at our best and to let them see a vulnerable side of us, that we're actually thoughtful, we're reflective, that we care about the relationship. That, I think is one of the biggest, biggest lessons that no matter what goes down, because we will never be perfect, we shouldn't be perfect. We'll never, you know, and so when we have those moments, repair, repair, repair. And if we could do that, we keep our relationship strong and we keep that trust. When they see that we've reflected and we've owned where we have not been our best. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:17]: Now, one of the things that I know that you've done in the past and that you're working on right now is you started a site called parentingharmony.com and I guess I want to go back to the beginning of this and bring me back to the inception of the idea. And what made you decide that you wanted to venture into this space and start this journey? And what needs were you trying to fill? Craig Parks [00:15:44]: So I'm in San Diego, California, and I've started two summer camps, and I ran summer camps for about 30 years, and I've worked with kids of all ages. And I'm also a professional musician. So I've done music with a lot of children, done parents, and taught classes, and there's a lot of things I've done with kids and then having my own. I ended up writing a lot of music, and I wrote a lot of music just in the natural flow of being with my kids. Kids. And I ended up recording an album of music that I wrote with my kids that ended up. And. And when I first released, I thought, oh, I kind of want to be the next Raffy, you know, and, like, just be out there doing this kids album. Craig Parks [00:16:19]: But the more I thought about it, and as I was trying to get it out there, I realized, wait a minute. These songs are not just kid songs. These are actually parenting moments. So it was songs like Dancing on Daddy's Shoulders, where I would actually have my daughter up on my shoulders, and we would sing this song and dance together every day. When she was young, during bath time, I wrote a song for bath time. I wrote a lullaby for my son. I have all these songs that were parenting experiences. And then I thought, wait a minute. Craig Parks [00:16:45]: Okay. I have these songs that turn everyday moments into actually positive, beautiful memories. And I've also taught so many people how to work with kids. And I actually want to share all of this wisdom so that parents one can be present one they're not going to look back at their child childhood in regret. Like, oh my God, I missed it in the blink of an eye because I didn't make the most out of bedtime. The things that happen every day, that's most of parenting. Because Christopher, you asked about the big moments, right? And we can take our kids to Disneyland and that will be a memorable moment. But most of parenting isn't that. Craig Parks [00:17:19]: Most of parenting is the wake them up, make sure they're fed, make sure that they're bathed, make sure that they go to bed at a reasonable hour. All these things that we have to do every day. And so what for me it was like, oh, I feel like I've kind of really have something to show parents of how to make the most of the mundane and make up connecting fun. So I created the parenting A to E philosophy. And A stands for our affect, right? I've talked about presence, I talked about being common and our affect in our body and in our voice will create the E the effectiveness of the kind of relationship we want. And so, and this is what I taught all the people I trained to work with kids is how do we use our body and how do we use our voice to create connection in a way that's memorable. And so my parenting aide course teaches parents how to use their body, their voice. It has the 14 songs for that and then there's 10 games as well that they can do to use the affect that are just really fun, really connecting, that are screen free. Craig Parks [00:18:15]: And then there's bonus material like bedtime rituals and bathtime rituals. So this is to help parents and amazing like and they've told me like it has made such a difference and things that they just don't think about because maybe they've never worked with kids, right? Something as simple as lower your body and get down on their eye level. Can you imagine being, you know, if everybody in your world was 10 foot 6 inches and you walked out the door and Everybody was like 2ft taller than you, like how intimidating that world would be. And we forget that that's the world that our little children are in every day of their lives. And so the simple act of lowering our our bodies and getting eye level creates trust safety. So those are the powerful kind of techniques that I teach in my parenting A to E course. And then the songs are easy, they're for non musicians that are very, very simple melodies but are super fun and connecting and when you do these as a ritual every day for bedtime, the lullaby or washing hands or bath time or whatever it is, our children will look back on their childhood and they'll remember, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. Craig Parks [00:19:13]: I remember we used to sing this song when dad would wake me up. It was the wake up song. So there's all these different things, and music is one of the most powerful ways to create memories. So I just wanted to share all these things that I had learned and done and created so that there's more love, more joy and connection that parents have access to. And that for the parents who've used this course, that's what they've done. And then I also created out of the Parks Party Central show, every episode had activities that parents could do with their kids. And so I look back on our episodes and I created the Parks Party Central parent child activity book. And it's 25 screen free activities that parents can do with their kids that are silly. Craig Parks [00:19:48]: They're really fun. And so I have different ways and offerings that parents can take advantage of if they really want to have more fun, more connection, and more joy. That's what parenting harmony is all about. And you can find these@parentingharmony.com now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:00]: We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Craig Parks [00:20:07]: Let's do it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Craig Parks [00:20:12]: Joyful. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Craig Parks [00:20:17]: Take care of your own well, being first so that you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]: It's the old adage of the airlines and putting your mask on before you help your child. Craig Parks [00:20:27]: We're stressed and we're hungry and we're just a ball of nerves all the time. Like, we just. We can't be our best. So I meditate every single day. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Craig Parks [00:20:38]: Playing music. Oh, and I'm going to throw in a bonus one. We are really into Rummy Cube right now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]: It's a fun game. Craig Parks [00:20:44]: Yeah, it's great. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Craig Parks [00:20:49]: Take on the mindset of owning your power to create no matter the circumstances. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:55]: And what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Craig Parks [00:20:58]: My heart and capacity to love is much bigger than I even realized. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters. Craig Parks [00:21:11]: The most important thing, I think, is being there, is being present as much as possible. And I know that we have to work right and we have to do different things, but as much as possible, when we are able to be there, be there with an open mind, an open heart, and with curiosity and with love being the foundation of it all. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:30]: Well, Craig, I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate you being back and sharing your journey with your daughter. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go? Craig Parks [00:21:39]: They can go to parentingharmony.com and they can write to me at Craig Parks parentingharmony.com and I also want to. If anybody's made it this far and they're actually interested, I want to offer this to your listeners. If you write to me and you want the parenting Harmony, the parenting ate digital course, I will take $200 off the course. That's way more than 50%. So just write to me and say that you heard me on this podcast and I will get you. I'll get you that discount. Because if that's something you want, I also guarantee that if you do this course, you will have more laughter, you will have more joy, and you will have more confidence in your parenting. And. Craig Parks [00:22:15]: And ultimately what I want is that for you, more love, more joy, more connection, because that is what will ripple out into a more peaceful world for all of our kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:23]: Well, Craig, thank you. Thank you not only for that wonderful gift for us, but also for sharing your story today. And I truly wish you all the best. Craig Parks [00:22:32]: Thank you, Chris, for always a pleasure to be with you. Musical Outro Performer [00:22:35]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:23:05]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can.

Supporting Passions: A Father-Daughter Story of Trust, Creativity, and Growth

Building Lasting Bonds: Lessons from "Dad and Daughter Connection" with Drew and Eva Bennett On the latest episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis brings listeners an inspiring and heartfelt conversation with Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. This episode dives deep into the journey of father-daughter relationships, the importance of celebrating individuality, and how simple acts of connection can shape a daughter's confidence and independence. One of the standout themes is the power of acceptance and encouragement. From a young age, Eva shares how Drew Bennett always made her feel seen, heard, and valued – whether through supporting her interests in comics and pop culture, or giving her the freedom to express herself creatively. Eva Bennett highlights moments where her dad invested wholeheartedly in her passions, from discussing favorite characters to spending weekends at comic conventions. These shared experiences became more than hobbies; they were opportunities to bond, laugh, and build trust. Cosplay, in particular, played a unique role in strengthening their connection. Eva Bennett describes their adventures crafting costumes for conventions, often designing duo costumes (like Lord of the Rings' Eowyn and Theoden or Spider-Verse's Peter B. and Mayday Parker). Drew Bennett shows up not just as her dad, but as a supportive partner in creativity – accompanying her to events, holding props, and celebrating her success. But this episode isn't just about shared interests – it's also about giving children the independence to grow. Drew Bennett reflects on the balance of guidance and freedom, stressing the value of supporting his daughter's choices and letting her explore her own path. Eva Bennett expresses gratitude for this sense of trust, which helped her feel safe sharing challenges and seeking advice. As Eva prepares to leave for college, both reflect on how their relationship will evolve. They promise to keep in touch through quick texts, TikToks, and special traditions like convention weekends, showing that even as life changes, strong roots make lasting bonds. In their closing advice, Dr. Christopher Lewis, Drew Bennett, and Eva Bennett urge other parents to "meet your kids where they're at." Even if you don't fully understand their passions, dive in, listen, and show that you care. If you're a dad (or a parent) hoping to nurture a close, meaningful relationship with your daughter (or child), this episode is packed with authentic stories, practical wisdom, and the reassurance that showing up – whatever form it takes – truly matters. Listen to this powerful episode of "Dad and Daughter Connection" and discover how small moments can forge lifelong connections. Subscribe today and join the journey toward building stronger family bonds! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect and work with each other, to be able to work, go on a journey together. Because all of us as fathers are on a journey as we're trying to build that relationship with our daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]: And that's why this show exists every week. I love being able to have you here to listen, to, learn, to be able to show up. Because by showing up, not only are you doing this for yourself, but you're doing it for the relationship between you and your daughter. And that's why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences, and I always love it when I have the opportunity to be able to have a father and a daughter on the show, because I know it. It doesn't always happen, but today I do. And today I'm introducing to you Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. And I've known Eva since she was very young, virtually. I've known Drew for many years as well, and Drew's been a guest on other podcasts that I've had, but we've never had Drew and Eva on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]: And I'm really excited to be able to have them both on to talk about the journey that they've been on, and I'm looking forward to introducing them to you. Drew, Eva, thanks so much for being here today. Drew Bennett [00:01:58]: Oh, thanks for having us. Eva Bennett [00:01:59]: Thank you for having me. Drew Bennett [00:02:00]: It's my pleasure. I love being able to have dads and daughters on, and I guess I'm going to be asking both of you some questions because I want to get a better sense of your relationship. And I'm going to start with you, Eva. What's one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter? Eva Bennett [00:02:20]: I think that's something that, honestly, my dad has always been really, really good at is, like, making sure that I feel seen and heard, and especially in terms of, like, what I'm interested in at the time, because I definitely got a nerdy streak from my dad. So when I was growing up, he had all of these things like Transformers and Marvel and stuff that he was really into, and he would share with me on, like, a child appropriate level. And then when I got older and started to have my own interests and stuff, he was always really good about making sure that I had space to talk about that and to talk about what I care about and feel like I was able to share that stuff. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:58]: I guess I want to flip that a little bit, because, you know, you just heard Eva talk about that you supported her passion in the things that were most important to her. How did you support Eva in pursuing her passions and her dreams? Drew Bennett [00:03:12]: Well, like, Eva was talking about some of the shows and things that she likes, and really, it was just like, giving her the space to explore certain things that, you know, I did certainly try to influence some of the loves of different nerdy genres, specifically Transformers. I am a huge fan of that and have a huge collection. You know, one of the things, it's like, I really want to share my collection of toys with the kids and. And they really didn't care too much about the toys. But early on, we watched some of the shows together, and Eva found characters that spoke to her, and we would talk about the characters and what those characters like, and any chance I got to expose Eva to different characters that would. Would speak that I thought would speak to her, I would. So I found Avatar the Last Airbender. And I was like, all right, with both kids, we're gonna. Drew Bennett [00:04:08]: We're gonna sit down and watch this, because this is a fantastic show. And we watched one episode, and they're like, eh, it was good. And then I don't know when it was, like, months later, Eva finds it on Netflix and watches all the seasons. I was like, what? I like, there was things like, I want to spend this time. I want to have these things that we can talk about. So there are a lot of different. I think a lot of it started with pop culture stuff that we could connect with. And so every year, I would bring Eva to Free Comic Book Day, which I collect comics. Drew Bennett [00:04:39]: We love comics. And when Eva was real little, I'd be at Free Comic Book Day with a little Power Ranger Princess with me. And then Eve would start to find her own way of expressing in costumes, which is something that has grown into something that's even more of a passion for Eva is. Is costuming, which I'm sure we'll talk about later, especially with college and stuff. But those things kind of came about from the influences of different genres of entertainment that we connected with together. I always wanted to, like, when a new show would come out. Way back when, when I was doing stuff with. With Netflix, they had shows like she Ra Came out and Kipo and Voltron. Drew Bennett [00:05:27]: And so we would watch these things together, and there would always be different characters that we could discuss a connection with that, you know, maybe Eva had a connection to a specific character, and I had different connections to different characters, but we could always find those sort of things to talk about together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:45]: Now, speaking of costuming, I know that one of the things that you've bonded on over the years is cosplay, and some of that came down to the costumes that Eva, that you created and that you got your dad involved with as well. Why don't you both talk a little bit about that and those connections that you built through that? Eva Bennett [00:06:03]: Yeah, so I've always kind of been interested in dressing up as a kid. I remember we used to have. This was like a knight's cape, so the back had fabric that looked like chainmail, and it was all silver at the top. And there's a photo of me when I was little in, like, a purple T shirt and leggings and that cape and, like, Thor's helmet with my foam sword that I had as a kid, and I still have it. So I've always been interested in dressing up and mashing together whatever pieces I could find in the costume bin with kind of no rhyme or reason to it. And as I've gotten older, I've gotten into some sewing and a lot of fiber arts and a good way for me to put that to use and kind of have, like, a clear goal in mind when I make stuff is to make costumes. So I've gone into making a lot of costumes, and dad took us to a convention, I think, in, like, 2019. And I wasn't sewing at the time, but I put together costumes for all of the days that we were there. Eva Bennett [00:07:03]: And then Covid happened. And then a couple years after, I think in maybe 2022, we ended up going back to that same convention. And by then, I had picked up with making and putting together costumes again. And then I think two years ago now, I talked dad into doing a, like, a duo costume with me. And it was a father daughter costume, actually. He went as Peter B. Parker from the Spider Verse movies and I did like a teenage Mayday design. So we did that together and that was really fun. Eva Bennett [00:07:36]: And I'm still in the planning phase of this right now, but I'm working on another father daughter costume for us right now, which is Eowyn and King Theoden from the Lord of the Rings. So not exactly father daughter, but close enough. And my dad was awesome enough to let me do that, and he's going to let me put him in a big crazy costume that I make. Drew Bennett [00:07:56]: It's funny because, like, the costumes that I've had, I go as Bobby Singer from Supernatural, which all I have to do is slap a hat on my head and I've got the grumpy old man look and the beard and I've got this, you know, dirty ball cap that I can be Bobby Singer. And I've done that the past two years with Comic Con. We go to it's Granite State Comic Con in New Hampshire. And that's become the thing that Eva and I do together. We went as a whole family. I think it was 2018, where the kids kind of participated in the kids costuming side. And then Eva and I went a few times where Eva was in costume and I was the support system of holding all her stuff. Eva Bennett [00:08:39]: And you're really the best for doing that. Drew Bennett [00:08:42]: So I do that. But then, oh, you know what? I could do this character. And that was kind of been a bit of a hit because people love Supernatural and I do look like Bobby Singer when I put the costume on. But when we went as Peter B. Parker and Mayday Parker, that was a lot of fun because again, you know, all I had to do is put on schlubby clothes. I did a mixture of the two movies into and across the spider verse. And so where the first one he had the sweatpants and the two different shoes, and then the next one he had the pink robe. So I kind of mixed those two together walking around as Peter B. Drew Bennett [00:09:18]: Park with like a. With a Spider man shirt. Eva had a really cool costume that went along with it. And so, yeah, so when Eva's done working on these ones from Lord of the Rings, which is another genre that when Eva gets into something, she gets fully into it. How many times you've watched the special editions of Lord of the Rings? More than I have ever had. Three times at this point. Eva Bennett [00:09:41]: And the Hobbit since the beginning of the year, which is when I watched it for the first time. The beginning of the year, we're only on round two. Drew Bennett[00:09:48]: We're in April, like, I've had these movies. I've been waiting to watch them on a big screen, and then we got the big screen, and I never watched them, and then I'm like, oh, wait for the kids to watch them. Then I was at Eva's suggestion to watch Lord of the Rings, so we watched Lord of the Rings and since has watched Lord of the Rings and then gotten so far into it, so. And it's awesome to watch the progress that Eva's made, not only within cosplay community and in conventions, but then she's also turned that love of costuming into a position at school. So been the costume lead for the school's theater program for the past two years, and. And that's going to be a focus towards college. So it's really interesting how the progress has been made. And I am always just in awe that Eva will come downstairs and say, hey, mom, can I borrow crochet needle? And, like, two hours later, she'll come down with, like, this whole thing that you made, like, oh, yeah, I taught myself on YouTube, and, like, now I can crochet. Drew Bennett [00:10:50]: And. And then not just. Just get into it more and more and more to perfect those skills. There's so many, like, skills that Eva has just developed on her own that it's just, like, fascinating to me how. How amazing she can do them. I'm like, I. I can't do any Eva Bennett [00:11:08]: of that at all. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]: So. You know, Drew, one of the things that I'm hearing from you is, I mean, you really have tried to guide Eva over her lifetime in many different ways. She may have taken your advice and may not have. We know that as fathers. But I. One of the things that comes to mind that I wanted to ask you was, as Eva has grown up, how did you balance guiding Eva while also giving her the ability and the independence to become the person that she is becoming? Drew Bennett [00:11:41]: I think never really had to say, you have to do things this way, or, like, it's always just been the freedom to explore what Eve's wanted to do. I feel that we kind of give the leeway of just like, hey, you want to try this? Try this. You want. The only times I've ever, ever pushed on anything was, you got to watch this. Check this out. But I know that if you push Eva, she digs in her heels and, like, no, not going to do it. But then occasionally she'll go find something like that on her own, and it's like, oh, I discovered that I've been trying to get you to show, like, Like, I've been wanting to watch this or do this. Okay. Drew Bennett [00:12:17]: I know it's like, it's going to be in her own time, and if it's something that speaks to her, it's going to be full in 100%. So it's really just been discovering what those things are. And then I always try to. If there's something that Eve is into, I'd like to, like, read it or watch it. Some things. There are some things that I just. I never really got into that didn't speak to me, but it spoke to you. And I understand how that was, how much you enjoyed that. Drew Bennett [00:12:43]: There was a lot of, like, Minecraft smp. Eva Bennett [00:12:46]: Yes. All the Minecraft stuff that I've enjoyed. Drew Bennett [00:12:49]: Yeah. So, like, what. These kind of came about during the pandemic where people made these videos. It was just something that Eva liked, and it kind of influenced the different cosplays that she created early on. And Eva would try to explain the storylines and, like, oh, that's. That's really, really, really cool. It's not something that I would be into, but I can appreciate it. And I would try to say, oh, check out this. Drew Bennett [00:13:17]: Or it would always just kind of give her the freedom to just explore certain things that were of interest and then try to find what was mutually of of interest to the two of us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]: And, Eva, how has the relationship with your dad influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today? Eva Bennett [00:13:39]: I think dad has talked about giving me a lot of freedom to explore what I'm interested in, look at what I'm interested in, and I think that's been really important in how in my life, like, I've never felt like I was gonna get laughed at, or I never thought that my parents were gonna think it was weird that I was into this thing or, like, so having that kind of relationship definitely made it easier for when I was having a problem or if I wasn't happy about something, I felt like I could go talk to my parents. Like, I didn't feel like I had to hide anything, really, because they've always given me the space to do what I want to do and have the mutual understanding of, we are giving you this freedom because we trust you, and that's helped build trust in return. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:21]: It definitely makes sense. And, Drew, what's one way that you consistently are showing Eva that she can always count on you? Drew Bennett [00:14:30]: I try to be at anything that I can be to support. So if there are shows, if there's something I know Eva likes, try to get tickets to it or go to different things, but just, I mean, I'm always around. One of the things is I have a weird work schedule. So I think after the first. First year that Eva was born, I was still traveling and I hated it because I never was around. So I switched my whole way of working to work overnights on weekends so that I would be home all week. So we don't do a lot of weekend stuff, but during the week, I'm always there. We try to have, you know, as a whole family, we try to sit down and have dinner every night, and we all talk about, you know, what went on during the day. Drew Bennett [00:15:14]: Might be the same repetitive questions, but we do, you know, get into talking and we know what. What everyone's into and what they're doing and how the school days went. And I always found that that was important to be there and home in that way for those meals and, yeah, I think just being around, I guess. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:32]: Eva, can you share a favorite memory with me that you and your dad shared that made you feel really connected with him? Eva Bennett [00:15:40]: I mean, going back to what we've been talking about before, but, like, the conventions that we do, it's like a two hour drive to get there. So I. We get up early, and I'm up at 8 already getting bags packed, getting hair done, makeup done. I'm doing all this stuff. And then we get in the car and I'm like, so hyped up. And then we're in the car for two hours. And you would think that it would get awkward, but it's really nice because then dad and I get to chat and he gets to tell me about the book series that he was reading. What was the. Drew Bennett [00:16:09]: Yeah, it was a Silvers. Yeah. Book series by a guy named Shane Silvers who wrote about this character named Nate Temple. And it was. This whole guy wrote like 34 books starting in like 2015 or something like that. Eva Bennett [00:16:22]: So it's like a crazy expansive universe. There's a ton of books, and you've read them in like, every order that you can because there's like multiple series and they overlap in different places. And I've tried so hard to follow them. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I don't know what happened in that book series. There was so much happening. Drew Bennett [00:16:40]: Well, it's funny because it's the same thing when you try to tell me about the SMPs, and I'm like, okay, so this one is this, and there's that, and, oh, okay. But I can recognize Eva's passion for and love for this thing, whereas she can recognize it in me for what I love and why I love it, but is not gonna remember all the details about it and that I don't think it really matters what the details of those are. It's how she feels, talking about it and how it makes her feel and how it's influenced the friendship she's made. And we go to a convention, and she is cosplaying this character, Technoblade. The first time we went to the convention, first time we did it was not at Granite State. It was at WickedCon. But we're walking around and there's these people. They're like, hey, Technoblade and Eva less lit up. Drew Bennett [00:17:29]: And I still didn't quite understand the whole Technoblade thing and how important it was, but I know how it made Eva feel, and I saw how it made Eva feel, and that was what was the most important. Eva Bennett [00:17:40]: But I really love our drives to conventions because they're two hours, so we both get a lot of time to talk, and we also get a lot of time to, like, just sit in the quiet if we want to, especially on the way home. We kind of. By the end of the weekend, we're kind of done. We don't really want to be around people anymore, so we, you know, sit and we don't talk to each other for two hours. And that's great that we're able to do that and not, like, feel awkward. And we're not, like, you know, fighting by the end of the weekend. Because as much fun as conventions are, they can also be really stressful because you're in a place with a lot of people and you're dressed up and you're probably not super comfortable in what you're wearing, but you're wearing it because you love it. And. Eva Bennett [00:18:16]: And, like, you're hot and gross, and there's people everywhere, and you're kind of done. But, like, we have such a good relationship that we can get to the end of those two days and be on the drive home. And the drive home feels like this massive, huge, like, endeavor. And we're sitting in the car and we're together, and we're not talking to each other, but we're sitting there and we're. It's. It's nice to be able to sit in the quiet with somebody and not feel like you have to fill the space. Like, you can if you want to, but you don't have to, and that's going to be okay, too. So all of that to say, I think one of my favorite memories is just doing that convention with you, like, drive up, drive back included. Eva Bennett [00:18:56]: Even if the drive back doesn't seem as fun in the moment. Drew Bennett [00:19:00]: Well, it's funny. I've noticed that at the end of a school day, if you had a particularly tough school day, I pick Eva up from school most of the time that I might ask a question or two at the beginning of the drive, but then the rest of it is in quiet because I know you need time to just process the day and relax without so many questions. And I'm very much the same way. It's like I'm home by myself all day, and then I don't hear a lot of things. I don't talk a lot throughout the day. And sometimes I do want to talk a little bit, but sometimes I'm just like, all right, there's too much activity coming at me. And I know that you kind of do the same thing or feel the same way sometimes with that. And I try to be like, okay, we could just be comfortable in the quiet. Drew Bennett [00:19:44]: And we know it's not that anybody's feeling any feelings of, like, resentment or anything. It's just that we know we need some quiet time. That's all. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:52]: You know, I can tell this bond that you have is a very strong one. We touched on it just a second ago. But, Eva, you've got some big changes coming, right? You're heading to college, going to be taking that passion for costuming on to your dream school. And I guess I want to talk about that a little bit, because your relationship's going to change a bit, and you're not going to have that person to talk to all the time. Right? Neither of you will. So talk to me about either the conversations you've already had or how that makes you feel in regards to this change that's coming. Eva Bennett [00:20:25]: I mean, it's definitely going to be a big change, but I'm not going to be too far from home. So I can. If I'm really missing being at home and missing being near mom and dad, I can come home. I'm not allowed home within the first two months, but according to Mom. Drew Bennett [00:20:40]: Okay, I was going to say I didn't. I didn't say that. Eva Bennett [00:20:42]: According to Mom, I'm not allowed back in the first few months, but after that, if I. If I feel like I need to come home and I need to be with you guys, I can do that, and that's okay. And I am also. I know that if I need you guys When I'm not able to be back home, I can call you guys for whatever, and I might need a little bit of a push reminder to give you guys updates on what I'm doing. And that's just because I really am terrible at talking to other people and keeping them updated on stuff. So that might be a little bit of a struggle. Just because I have a bad memory when it comes to, like, you know, sharing my projects and giving update pictures. Because I just go and I do stuff and I don't. Eva Bennett [00:21:22]: I'm normally not sharing it with anybody, so I kind of. I forget that there are other people who, like, want to see that. So I think that's going to be a little bit difficult. But I know that, like, if I need something or if I just want to talk to you guys, I can call, I can text. I think it'll be fine. I will miss you guys, though. I'll miss being, like, in the same house. Drew Bennett [00:21:40]: Yeah, it's definitely something that is not going to hit me until it hits me and thinking about it. We've already made our plans for September to go to the convention again, so we have that to look forward to. I'll come up to school, pick Eva up for the weekend, and we'll go to the. To the convention. We've got that. But, like, other ways, too, that we kind of communicate in our own little ways is that we'll, like, send each other different tiktoks of things that we love. So, like, there's a guy who does, like, what is it, the mandolin or the liar who will takes, like, 80s songs or other songs and does, like, medieval covers. Yeah, medieval covers of, like, 80s hair bands and stuff like that. Drew Bennett [00:22:22]: Because since you drive to school with me, you're going to get the 80s hair band playlist and also metal and stuff like that. It was just funny because when Eva and I were in Krav Maga, when we were taking that, our sensei would always play these different songs that are always on our playlist. He'd quiz the teens and be like, who. Who sings this? So. And Eva would always know it because it was in the car, because this is the stuff that I listened to, which is fun. But then we find something like that we know that particularly speaks to our interests. We'll send a quick little TikTok that we might have found back and forth and that, you know, to me it's just another way of saying, like, I see you and I see what you love. And this made me think of you. Drew Bennett [00:23:03]: That's How I send those things along in, you know, just like, another way. So if we don't talk all the time, okay. I want to see everything that's going on. But I know Evie's got to have this room to grow and make these new connections and these new friendships. But I know that there's always, like, space for her mom and dad. But we're not going to be overbearing in that way. We're going to miss her, certainly. But to wanting to be at every point of thing, we want to be there for the big stuff, and I mean, also for the little stuff, to be supportive, but we don't have to be there every minute holding hands kind of thing. Drew Bennett [00:23:38]: So I think what I've seen Eva in the past few years, specifically growing up and becoming more independent with stuff, has been amazing. So Eva started her first job last year where she does a teaching assistant for a summer science school. And seeing Eva meet a whole group of kids that became great friends, I was like, I'm not worried about Eva making friends in college because I think no matter where Eva goes, gonna find her people. And I think that's great. It's very. They find deep friendships, so that's a good thing I see happening. And so, yes, I'm going to miss Eva big time, and I don't want to know what's going on. And I think on our end, we have to maybe prompt. Drew Bennett [00:24:23]: Hey, what are you working on this week? Or, you know, things like that, but not too much, you know, I mean, I don't want to be like, constantly, hey, give me an update, give me an update. But once in a while, what's going on? Or once in a while, I was thinking of this. Are you into this? Have you heard about this? That sort of thing. Just finding the ways that we could continue to connect across being away. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:43]: Now, I always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection. 6 and usually it's just a dad on. But now that I have both of you, I'm going to ask you both the questions. So, Eva, what's one word that describes your relationship with your dad? Eva Bennett [00:24:55]: Like, the first word that came to mind was silly. Because I feel like we like. Of course we're able to have really important talks and we're able to talk about stuff like that, but we're also able to be silly and talk about stuff that doesn't feel as important but kind of it still is. That was the first word that came to mind. Drew Bennett [00:25:14]: I can see that too, because I know that, like, when you were little, we'd play certain music, and I do silly dances, and you're only the person who sees the silly dances. And I can be silly. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:27]: And what word would you say, Drew? Drew Bennett [00:25:30]: I would say independent. That Eve has always been independent, fights for what she believes in, and is just very, very strong in that. In the. In the independence. So what. You asked what it describes our relationship, didn't you? Eva Bennett [00:25:47]: Yep. Drew Bennett [00:25:47]: Not what describes Eva. Is that a question for later? I'm sorry, Did I just totally mess that up? That is how I think of Eva. But, like, our relationship, I want to say, like, the word is fandom, that we appreciate the fandoms that we enjoy, and we can appreciate each other's. So I think that's helped us bond is the different things that we love together and separately and how we can talk about them together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:12]: And, Eva, what's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? Eva Bennett [00:26:17]: I feel like just the message of be yourself and you'll find your people, because that's something I've always been very worried about, and that's something that you seem to have no worries about for me on my behalf. So I think that's. That's a big piece of advice that I have gotten a lot, if not. If I haven't internalized it entirely yet. But it's something that I have gotten and has always been a very important message to me from my dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:40]: What about for you, Drew? What's the best piece of dad advice you ever received? Drew Bennett [00:26:44]: I think from my dad, I used to work with him cleaning up, and he was a contractor, and on the job sites, I would do a lot of the cleaning. And that has helped me in different jobs over the years. It's like, if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean. I know that's mostly in the restaurant business, which I kind of picked up a second job to do that. And that has always just been my. There's always something that you can do to help, to be. To be useful, and that's always something that he may have. Might never have said, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean. Drew Bennett [00:27:13]: But that's like how I've internalized that, is that if you're there, you're there to help, to work, and to do what you can. And that's what I've taken with anything that I've ever done is like, you know, you're there. You do what you can while you're there sort of thing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:27]: Now, this is a question that we've been talking a lot about. And it may be the same answer, but you can have a different answer. So I'm just going to say that. So, Eva, what's one activity you and your dad love doing together? Eva Bennett [00:27:38]: I mean, saying going to a convention feels like cheating, because that's what we've talked about this whole time. But that's definitely my favorite thing. That's our thing that we do, just the two of us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:48]: Drew, do you want to give a different answer? Drew Bennett [00:27:49]: I mean, that is definitely something that I love doing, but I also just like nerding out over something that we both enjoy. So talking about it in such depth, because one of the things Eva will do is that after reading something, like a lot of books. So we both really loved the Percy Jackson series. And it was funny because that was the series that I was like, you gotta read this. I know you're gonna love it. And he's like, nah, now I like this other thing. No, no, no, no. And then Eva's cousins was reading it, and they decided to swap and say, okay, you read this, I'll read this. Drew Bennett [00:28:24]: And then Percy Jackson became the more interesting thing than the other. Oh, no. Oh, okay. Eva Bennett [00:28:30]: Sorry. I'm gonna cut in for a second. When we swapped, I still didn't like it until you got tickets to see the musical. Drew Bennett [00:28:35]: That's right. Eva Bennett [00:28:36]: You made me come and see the musical, and that's when I started to love it, and I loved it so much that I got a T shirt when I was there, and that's still in my closet somewhere. Drew Bennett [00:28:44]: Yeah. Eva Bennett [00:28:44]: So sorry. I just had to get the timeline right. Right. Drew Bennett [00:28:46]: And then there. So. And then there. There's. And we can always find something to talk about there in that. So with the different characters and stuff like that. So bonding over, like, our love of reading. Both big readers. Drew Bennett [00:28:58]: Right now, I'm more audio because I just don't have the time, and I love audiobooks so much. I may also. I will read a book, but I just love so many of the different ways that people do the narration of audiobooks. It's amazing. So I love that. But it's also absorbing what's going on in the books and being able to talk about the books. And we have this really beautiful bookstore in our area called Unlikely Story that's actually owned by the author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Jeff Kinney. You haven't run into him? No, he's there all the time. Drew Bennett [00:29:27]: But I've never met him and never run into him. Drew Bennett [00:29:29]: But he has such a wonderful bookstore, and that we love going there for books and just bonding over books, I think is something that. And if Eva's reading something that just really, really into, it might not be the genre that I'm into, but I'll give it a try. And one of the books she really loves, I read it, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting. So discovering new things together is fairly important too. Eva Bennett [00:29:52]: My answer kind of felt like I was cheating. The father daughter dance for school. We've always done that together. That's something that we really enjoy doing together, and that kind of feels like a cliche. Cause, like, every. Pretty much every dad and daughter does that, because that's, like, the thing specifically for them. Drew Bennett [00:30:08]: But, yeah, I mean, not every school has it, but it has been something that has been important part of our lives, because we even have our little things that we do at the father daughter dance. Like, we take the selfie with the dessert, or we'll dress alike with. To match. Drew Bennett [00:30:24]: Done that the past, you know, years. And that's something that I really, really love. Yeah. Drew Bennett [00:30:28]: And every time we go to get the picture, people are like, wow, how you guys? Because it's just, like, I want to support in one way that shows that we're there together and having a good time. And it's not just, all right, all the girls go off and dance together, and all the dads sit at the table. There's some of that. I don't dance so much, but I'll dance enough. But. But we do. That has been a good one. And this. Drew Bennett [00:30:49]: This was our last one this year, so that was kind of tough. Eva Bennett [00:30:52]: It was a good one. Drew Bennett [00:30:53]: It was a good one. It was a good one. Yeah. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:56]: Now, Drew, the next two questions are for you. Drew Bennett [00:30:58]: Okay. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:59]: If you could give Eva one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Drew Bennett [00:31:03]: Pursue happiness. What it is that makes you happy. It might be hard, but that is going to be the thing that's going to be the most important as you go through life. So do that thing that makes you happy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:14]: And what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Drew Bennett [00:31:18]: I know early on, I did not have very much patience, especially with more Eva's brother. But I've developed much more of that in a way that, like, there's so much that doesn't matter as far as, like, the things that I got stressed out about that just didn't matter. But the things that do matter are the things that stick. So I try to give the kids Just the freedom to do that which they want to do, because I know that they're smart kids. They're. They're good and kind kids. That is probably one of the most important things, is that they're good and kind. They think about other people and just not a lot of that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:54]: So, Eva, in closing today, and Drew, you'll have a chance at this, too. What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Eva Bennett [00:32:04]: Try to connect with them about things that they love, like meet them where they're at. And I know dad has talked about that a lot, but I think that that's a really important part of why we have such good relationship, because he's talked about trying and reading books and stuff that I love, because there was a book that I like four times last that I loved so much, and you read it. You borrowed my copy, and you read it, and you didn't love it. It wasn't really your thing. You didn't entirely get it, but you knew that I loved it, so you still gave it that try. And I think it's things like that that are why we are able to have such a good relationship. Try and meet your kids where they're at. Even if you don't totally get it, give it a shot, because it might give you an opportunity or, like, a window into understanding them better. Drew Bennett [00:32:45]: You definitely meet them where they are and you find something that the two of you can enj. It might be something that you didn't know or you were adverse to doing. Like, maybe your daughter loves cooking, so you experiment with cooking together. Or they love photography or they love I'm not a sports guy. Maybe they love sports, but, like, wherever they're into, be into it enough that you can talk about it and show that you're making an effort into what they like. That's a good way to just start the ball rolling is be there where your child is at. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:25]: Well, Drew, Eva, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And, Eva, I wish you the best as you go forward into the next step of your journey into college and beyond. And, Drew, thank you for sharing this special bond that you have together, and I wish you both the best. Eva & Drew Bennett [00:33:44]: Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:44]: Thank you. That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad, dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming, passing? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen? Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world you now Be the best dad you can Musical Performer [00:35:47]: be Musical Performer [00:35:50]: Be the best dad you can.

18 de may de 202635 min

Building Stronger Father-Daughter Bonds: Insights from John Francis

This week on the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/] sits down with John Francis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnnyfranchise/], founder of Father's Eve [https://fatherseve.com/] and proud dad of two daughters, for a heartfelt conversation on what it truly takes to connect with our daughters and nurture their growth into confident, independent women. Whether you're a first-time dad or a seasoned parent looking for fresh inspiration, this episode is packed with wisdom, real-life stories, and actionable advice that will resonate long after you listen. One of the central themes of this episode is vulnerability. John Francis recounts a powerful moment when he allowed his daughters to see him grieve and express emotion about the loss of his own father—a memory that not only brought the family closer but gave his daughters permission to be honest about their feelings as well. As Dr. Christopher Lewis highlights, modeling vulnerability to our daughters breaks down barriers, opens up deeper connections, and provides a living example that it's okay to be real and open as men. The show also explores the importance of intentional parenting. John Francis emphasizes being truly present, stepping away from the "helicopter" parenting style, and letting kids learn through natural consequences 05:27. By designing his work and life to allow for more time with his children, he's witnessed the value of being available and engaged throughout their childhood—something he encourages all dads to strive for. Perhaps most touching are the actionable ideas shared: from creating regular one-on-one time with each daughter, to writing handwritten letters at major milestones, John Francis offers practical ways to strengthen bonds during both the joyful and challenging times. He's candid about his own parenting mistakes, revealing how seeking family therapy and learning patience have helped him foster a healthier, happier home environment. Finally, don't miss the inspiring story behind Father's Eve—a growing movement that gives dads a special night to connect, share, and celebrate each other just before Father's Day. John Francis invites all fathers to get involved ("It's fun, it's free, it's everywhere!") and reminds us that being a great dad is about showing up, listening, and always striving to grow. If you're looking for encouragement or practical tips for your own fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection"—and start building the relationship your daughter will cherish for years to come. Listen now! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey [https://bit.ly/daddaughtersurvey] to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter [https://bit.ly/ddcneweletter] to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DrChristopherLewis], Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadanddaughterconnections], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/dadofdivas], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], X [https://www.x.com/dadofdivas]. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on these relationships, relationships that you want to build with your daughter. And it is a journey because each one of us is on a journey to be able to become the best dad that we want to be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: But on top of that, we have to put in the time, the effort to be able to build those solid relationships, because the relationship between a father and a daughter is a really important one, and you and I both know that. But we have to be present, we have to be in it to win it, and we have to be willing to learn and to grow to be able to become the dads that we want to be. And that's why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences to be able to have them share some of their own journey in being a dad to a daughter. And today we got another great guest. John Francis is with us, and John is the founder of Father's Eve, or we're going to be talking about Father's Eve, because Father's Eve is coming up here in not too long. And. But even more important, he is a father of two daughters, so we're going to be talking about his own relationship and experiences with his daughters, as well as what he's done with Father's Eve, and I'm really excited to have him here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]: Thanks so much for being here, John. John Francis [00:02:06]: Thank you. I appreciate it, Christopher. I'm glad to be here and be on your podcast. I love it. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: Well, I'm really excited to be able to have you here today, and I appreciate you being here. To be honest, John has been on podcasts with me for many years. We. I've had him on a couple of other podcasts along the way, so I always love being able to reconnect with John. And this time we're going to be talking about a few different things in regards to your relationship with your daughters. I guess the first. First question that I love to start these conversations with is, as you think about the relationship that you've had with your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with each of your daughters and what made it so special? John Francis [00:02:47]: Wow, that's a really good question. Hard to think about just one or the most. I'll think about something. I guess what's coming to my mind is they've seen me be vulnerable in a personal way, and I just remember the look on their face. I was having a memory about my dad. I lost my dad when I was 26, and I lost my brother just a few years later when I was 29, before I ever got married and well, before I ever had kids. And we were at home one day and I don't know what we were talking about. It might have been my dad's birthday or a holiday or something. John Francis [00:03:19]: And I was telling stories about my dad and how much I missed him and the sadness and the grief. And I can feel it now just thinking about it. I teared up and I was. Let it out, you know, just let it. I didn't stifle it. I just said, you know, I gotta let this out. And. And it was fine. John Francis [00:03:35]: It was natural and appropriate. And I think I've learned how to. That's living experience, let that happen. And. And they weren't little, but they were young. But they were old enough to see that, gee, that dad doesn't do that very often. And we talked about it kind of in the moment and then a little bit after, and I felt good about it because I think they realized that, oh, wow, it's okay, look, here's our dad. And we have typical kind of household environment here. John Francis [00:04:00]: But anyway, it was a moment where they saw me as regular, real human who has emotion and can express them. And it's not always just, rah, rah, let's go crazy. Was here's dad really dealing with grief over his father? And anyway, it was a meaningful moment. And I remember in the moment thinking, I'm gonna just do this and let it happen and talk about it because I want them to see it. So it was intentional, but I was intentionally natural. I don't know if that makes any sense. I didn't stifle it. I think a lot of guys, or a lot of maybe in the past I would have Said, well, you know what, we're going to talk about something else or move on or I wouldn't hold it. John Francis [00:04:35]: But I. Anyway, I feel like that was a meaningful moment and I. We all kind of grew together and an understanding that it's okay to be real and be emotional and express that, especially when you're together with your family. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:47]: It is really important because so many times men have a tendency to compartmentalize and we don't always share things. And I've said over and over again on this podcast the importance of being vulnerable and showing our daughters that men can be vulnerable and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones in that way. Because ultimately, as you found as well, you're going to find that that vulnerability opens you up and your daughters up to more connection and that becomes even more important in the end. John Francis [00:05:20]: Yeah, I agree 100%. I can think of a few other moments that we've had that were meaningful, but maybe not in the same sense. But I'm a lucky guy that I've been able to. I designed my lifestyle, frankly, to be able to work from home when my kids were little and when they were old enough to start paying attention, I was really able to be full present as a dad, engaged at their schools and involved in their lives. Not helicopter snowplow parents, but fully available and to the point where it was like, well, that's just normal. Doesn't everyone have mom and dad who kind of do this? And then when they were old enough to realize that, boy, that's not common. Not every mom and dad have this kind of availability, I'll call it. So it was intentional for me and I'm just so grateful because we've got that kind of connection and relationship and I think it was good for all of us. John Francis [00:06:09]: And I'm just grateful to be able to make the choice and. And conscious enough to make the choice, you know, because a lot of guys just aren't, aren't, aren't thinking about it that way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: You know, now every one of us as fathers want to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters to become who they're becoming. How did you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them the independence to grow into the people that they inevitably becoming? John Francis [00:06:43]: Well, that's another great question. I don't know that a lot of it was really conscious, but I think that what's coming through my mind is there were moments where I let them learn a lesson where I didn't just solve the problem or I didn't make Them see the problem. I let them just experience what I'll call natural consequences to different situations, good and bad, not to shield them or protect them from reality. And I think, honestly, my girls have learned to handle themselves and handle situations. They've got tremendous confidence and. And they are interesting. You know, they know who they are and what they want, and they're not afraid. And I think a lot of that confidence came from letting them just be who they are and solve their, whatever problems in life. John Francis [00:07:26]: I mean, not that I wasn't. I was there, but it was more or less an approach of just letting them experience life on their own terms. And they're very different. Of course. Every child is different. Even though they're siblings and they grew up in the same era, in the same house and, you know, at the same time, but they're both very different and different situations with each daughter. I can think of a few moments where it's like they get it, you know, you can see kind of the connection made or the light bulb goes off. And then I might talk about it the next day or a couple days later and say, you know, what happened there? Here's what I saw. John Francis [00:07:57]: And then let them recognize there was a lesson and they pick that up. One more opportunity to learn. We're all learning, and I'm still learning, that's for sure. But I think it was having the ability to just stay calm. That's something I learned too. For me as a dad, early on, patience was not a strength, it was a weakness. And someone pointed it out, a friend of mine and my wife, frankly. And I'm like, oh, man, you're right. John Francis [00:08:20]: I didn't see it. But once I had the feedback, I recognized, wow, I need to develop more patience. This is nuts. Why would I react the way I, you know, and so that became a practice and I got much better at it. And. And I think that made a huge impact in the environment and just the stress level, because I didn't want to be that. That angry or overreactive or snap temper kind of thing. That's not who I am. John Francis [00:08:42]: It's not who I want to be. And that's not the dad I want. Because I believe daughters, they grow up, and if you're dad, I mean, you become the example that they look for in their lives. And so I wanted to be the best version of myself to whatever degree I'm capable of. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]: I think that what you're saying is we have to be intentional about the things that we do, and we need to be able to Think about that as we're working with our daughters and, and some of it is intentional and it's conscious and some of it's intentional but unconscious as well. And I guess as you think about intentional things that you've done, what are some intentional ways you've worked? Strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times as they were growing up. And you know, because it's not always easy. John Francis [00:09:26]: No, nothing's easy, man. I know that something someone suggested to me two things that come to my mind. One is create some one on one time with each child separately. And so I would take them maybe on an overnight, on a short trip somewhere, or even to our family shares a lake home, which is fabulous. We go and do things just together, just the two of us, either one or the other, but not all of us at the same time. And that one on one time was very valuable. And getting them away from home, away from the family, away from their friends and just where they kind of have to have a conversation because you're together in the car. We didn't go anywhere. John Francis [00:10:03]: I mean it wasn't like a real big deal. But creating those one on one opportunities at different moments. And I've seen guys that do like an annual father daughter trip, which I think could be a really cool idea. I never got that far, but I think that's kind of a neat routine to build if you can. But for me it was having those one on one intentional, short, I would say departure from home. We weren't like an ordinary environment where you have all the usual distractions and I work from home. So that was primarily for me because if I'm home, that's where I'm going to be. That's one thing. John Francis [00:10:35]: The other thing someone recommended or I read somewhere, you know, I try to read and learn everywhere I go. And one of the other recommendations was write your daughter a letter at certain milestones in life and handwrite it, you know, not typed, but you might organize your thoughts and talk about what do you feel, how do you see them, what are you proud of, what do you hope for them, what are your dreams or whatever. I know it's not a novel, it's a few pages, but I've written them. My girls are older now, so the first milestone I figured that out was when they graduated high school because that's clearly a big milestone. So I wrote each daughter a letter just from me to them saying, you know, as you're graduating high school, I want to just share with you my thoughts about you and all the things you want to share. And so I put some thought into what to say and all the way back from the moment you were born, and some of the highlights or low lights or some of the lessons learned, and it's not a recap of their whole life or anything, but it's more about how I feel about them. And the idea is that there's something you can give to them that they can hold on to. And everybody knows in the, you know, years from now, when you're long gone, they might have that letter to go back and reflect and say, well, you know, I remember my dad this way because he was able to share with me these thoughts or these perspectives. John Francis [00:11:46]: So I've done that, and I intend to keep doing that at those milestone moments. And I just think I wish my dad wrote letters to all of us. I'm one of five kids, so he wrote letters to us before he died, but sadly, he knew he was dying. I mean, he had cancer for a long time. It was slow. So as he was fighting and fighting and fighting. And then finally, at the end, about the last three or four months, he started writing. And my mom, they were together, and she's like, what are you writing? And he says, I'm writing letters. John Francis [00:12:14]: You'll read them later. So he wrote a letter to the whole family, and then he wrote a letter to each of us. And that's quite a gift, so I'm grateful for that. And then, like I said, reading, the suggestion was, hey, hey, dad. You know, your daughter, she's only this age for a little while, and in the long life that she's got, how do you want her to remember you? You can create some of these milestones that could be real meaningful. So, anyway, that's something I've learned and I've tried to do, and it's certainly simple and costs almost nothing, but it takes some time and effort, and that's probably the hardest part, but it's so worth it. And then they read it, and then we talk about it if they want, but they've got it. And so I feel like that's. John Francis [00:12:53]: I can't give them everything, but I can give them that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]: Now, none of us as dads are perfect. We're fallible. You know, we are humans, and we do make mistakes. And for you, as you're thinking about your daughters and helping to raise your daughters, what's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it? About fostering a positive connection with your daughters? John Francis [00:13:16]: Which one? Yes. I gotta Think of one that's maybe relevant. I'm thinking about each girl. They're so different. So with my older daughter, probably a mistake that I made early on when she was probably early teens, preteen maybe, and things were going crazy. Her relationship with her mother, my lovely wife, they had some challenges, and they didn't see things the same way in a lot of ways. And my attitude was, I'm going to defend my wife first. So that's what I thought was the right thing to do. John Francis [00:13:47]: And so that's what I did. And it created a bit of a gap, I would say, with my daughter, because she recognized that, oh, okay, you're siding with mom every time. And so she responded her own way. And that, you know, I mean, that's the dynamic. Later, years later, our family. I insisted that we go together as a family to family counseling, family therapist. I said, we're happy, we're not miserable, but I know we can be more happy. And when I was a kid, my family went through some family therapy. John Francis [00:14:15]: One of my sisters, I have three sisters. One of my sisters went through chemical dependency, rehab treatment and pushed. Our whole family went through therapy because of that, and which was fantastic. It was sad for a lot of reasons, but it was really helpful for a lot of reasons because that therapy cleared up a lot of things that we were all unconscious to. So I had an appreciation for a good therapist. Years later, we went through some family therapy. Again, nothing really dramatic, but useful stuff. And some of this came out, and I started seeing how that really wasn't maybe the best option all the time. John Francis [00:14:46]: And so I learned a lesson from that. And we talked about it, and we talked through it and. And kind of resolved it. And it's like, well, okay, I can see why you did what you did, and I can see what you've learned. And it was me, her learning as much as I was learning, and same as my wife was learning. We're all in this room together, and so it's fascinating, I think, to just experience that. And we never had a bad relationship, but the relationship became much more clear and better after that because we all understood things just more clearly. And I think that's where a good therapist is really valuable. John Francis [00:15:21]: And I'm glad we did that. And I expect we'll do it again if we feel the need. Right? Because why wouldn't you, if you can live a happier, better, calm, more healthy environment and relationships that we all want that. So that's one thing I learned. I'm thinking about my other daughter with her, there are several. I can think of plenty of times where she was really mad at me, things I said or did that were not helpful. I think probably there I learned patience and understanding where her behavior was frustrating to me, and I might say something that was trying to provoke a response that really wasn't useful, wasn't healthy, and really just made her more mad. And then probably in that same therapy, kind of talk about those things and realize that, okay, that's not smart. John Francis [00:16:03]: That's not what I was trying to do, and that's not what I want to do going forward. So learning more patience and then being a little more tolerant, I guess, of letting her do what she needs to do, even if it's not what I think she should do or what I want her to do. But it's not risky or dangerous. So just support her and let her do her thing. So I think I've learned that. Again, my girls, they're not. Well, they're both adults, so they're not young ladies, but they got plenty of life ahead of them. And God willing, so do I. John Francis [00:16:31]: I'm sure we'll have more lessons along the way is what I'm trying to say. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]: It definitely happens throughout I their life and our life. We're going to have to kind of ebb and flow in that regard. Now, I mentioned that you are the founder of Father's Eve, and Father's Eve is coming up. And I guess, first and foremost, why don't you tell me a little bit about Father's Eve and why you chose to start this event for dads in conjunction with Father's Day. John Francis [00:16:57]: Well, thank you. Father's Eve, of course, is the day really, the night before Father's Day, we've got Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. And so I invented Father's Eve Eve because I love Father's Day. I love being a dad. It's the most important thing I'll ever do is raise some children. And so Father's Day is for the dads and families to celebrate, but Father's Eve is just for the dads. So we call it like a national Dad's Night Out. And this year it'll be June 20, 2026. John Francis [00:17:25]: Of course, it's Saturday because Father's Day Sunday. And honestly, it started as an accident of the calendar. When the Great Recession came through in 2009 and 10, we had an opportunity to move to a different house. So we did. And the house was nice, but the garage was terrible. So I had a new garage built at that House. And I wanted to show off my garage, basically to invite my buddies over and say, check out this garage, because it was pretty nice. And it turned out the only night available was that Saturday. John Francis [00:17:56]: And I didn't have really a lot of free time. It must have been a busy summer. And so I said, well, we'll just have a little get together in the garage and I'm going to call it Father's Eve. Because that's just kind of funny, right? It was sort of a joke. Well, a bunch of guys showed up and it turned out we had a great time, right? No children, no women, really nothing to it. Music was just a little too loud. It was perfect. I mean, it was just guys hanging out in a garage, kind of an inauguration or a christening of a new garage. John Francis [00:18:24]: And we had so much fun. We said, well, we got to do this again. And so we did it again and it had to be Father's Eve now. We said, well, that's. This worked out great, so let's do it again. So we did it the second year, but doubled, right? More guys showed up and more friends of mine. And just different people were coming together back in the same garage. And this time we added food and some games and we were a little more prepared and organized. John Francis [00:18:46]: Well, the third year we did Father's Eve, there were guys coming that I didn't know, which I thought was great. This means my buddies are bringing their buddies, more friends are bringing more friends because they're having so much fun. And it was still just all guys, very low key, no program, no speech, no nothing. Just show up and hang out and let's get together. And celebrating fatherhood is kind of the tagline. So someone challenged me to say, what are you going to do with this Father's Eve? Why don't you do some good? So the third year, I guess the fourth year, we outgrew the garage. We moved it to a bar and we made it a fundraiser for two charities. We split the money as a fundraiser and we raised $10,000 and got some publicity, got some media, had some friends, some. John Francis [00:19:26]: Some of my good, smart friends who were able to help me with the food and events. And we ran an auction. We got some media attention. We put in a cornhole tournament to have some fun with it. And it turned into something a little more I ever expected. And so the next year, that was 2015, was sort of the first official organized. We had a logo, we sold T shirts. We were having some fun with it. John Francis [00:19:49]: The next year, I went to the DAD 2.0 conference, which was sort of a media influencer thing, which I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought, well, see what we can do. And I met the guys from City Dad's group and I met the guys from the national At Home Dad Network network. And I'm like, where have you guys been my whole life I've been out here doing my thing all alone, on my own, figuring it out. And now I realize there's groups all around the country. Well, I had no idea. So started the City Dads chapter here in Minnesota, the Twin Cities Dads group, as an affiliate or whatever their thing was. And great guys, great, lot of fun. And so it kind of took off from there. John Francis [00:20:26]: We license it, I trademarked it and we license it for free. So Father's Eve is fun, it's free and it's, we say it's everywhere. So we kept doing it. Cities and volunteers pop up all over the country and host Father's Eve events at their, in their backyard and their, their local bar or restaurant or a church or school or a club or. We've done it all over the place and had quite a bit of fun with it. Some guys do fundraisers, guys have done golf tournaments. One guy did a poker tournament that seemed like a lot of fun. Some do fundraisers for local charities. John Francis [00:20:57]: We're not a charity, so we don't want the money. We want. If you're going to do it, raise the money and give it to someone else, someone who can do some good. Local nonprofit profit is usually what we recommend. Or for the At Home Dad Network is a good group. We collaborated with, really anybody, anyone who we thought was in alignment of let's help dads be better dads. I mean that's really the common denominator. Trying to help each other figure this out. John Francis [00:21:20]: So Father's Eve now, this year we'll probably have it in 30 or 40 cities around the country. We do a virtual toast. We learned something from COVID when, when that came around and, and it pushed us online. So we do an online zoom. And the fun part, Chris, you know this Father's Eve, we do a countdown toast at 8 o' clock. So people know on New Year's Eve you gotta wait till midnight to do the countdown. 10, 9, 8. The whole thing at midnight on Father's Eve, we back that up to 8 o'. John Francis [00:21:49]: Clock. Because I want to go home by 9:30. Man, I don't want to see midnight. It's Father's Day the next day. I want to be well rested. So we do a 8 o' clock countdown toast in East Coast, Central time, Mountain time and Pacific time, the four continental US Time zones. We go online and we get guys zooming in from all over the country, up and down the different time zones. It's really kind of fun. John Francis [00:22:12]: And they, they click, they connect. So it's like, you might be like, where I am in Minnesota, we're Central time. So we'll see guys from Minnesota, Chicago, Dallas, Kansas City, you know, up and down our time zone. But we of course start early for the east coast guys. We want to see them and all way from New York to Carolinas and Florida and whatever. Anyway, we do it four times online, so guys can join us anywhere and zoom in. And there's no fee, there's no credit card number, there's nothing. You just show up and if you want to say something, say something. John Francis [00:22:42]: If you don't, you don't. Nobody really minds it. The expectations are pretty low. It's. It's just show up and maybe you'll learn something, maybe you share something. You have some games and activities and anyway, it's loosely organized. I'll say a bunch of volunteers having a good time. My strategy, there's not a lot to it, but the goal is to have dads connect. John Francis [00:23:01]: And we say we connect, share and celebrate fatherhood. And I tell you what I've learned over the years is if I can help somebody, just be a little more intentional or a little more conscious of how important fatherhood is and being that dad, you know, being the father is biological. Being the dad is much more. So we focus on trying to do whatever we can to help each other be a better husband, be a better father, be a better partner. And we welcome every dad, all the dads, really anyone. We're very inclusive and there's really no agenda. We're not selling anything, we're not promoting anything. We're not saving anyone. John Francis [00:23:36]: We're not solving any problems. We're just there to get together and try to help each other and support each other. And what I'm learning now is really what I would say, alleviating isolation. I think a lot of guys, especially older guys, forget how to make friends and they don't get out in circulation. I'm a lucky guy. I've got friends. We go snowmobiling and fishing and work. And I get around the country and do my thing, but a lot of guys don't. John Francis [00:24:01]: And so this is a real easy open door. Come on out and celebrate Father's Eve. Whether it's in real life at a local event nearby, or whether you join us online and maybe you make connections somewhere or learn something about one of these groups or organizations that I didn't know about, but I sure wish I did when my kids were little. And there's always something new and interesting. And so it's just kind of that sort of a connection point, I guess, is really the goal. I'm trying to be that the, the common denominator for all the dads. You know, we can all celebrate Father's Eve and really have no agenda. But anyway, thanks for letting me bring it up. John Francis [00:24:36]: Obviously I can talk about this for hours, but we're glad to do it and it's been a lot of fun and we're still learning, we're still growing, but it is, it's been meaningful and I think it's a lot more room to improve always. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]: Now, if people are interested, they're hearing this, they're saying to themselves, hey, I'd like to have a get together in my area for, for dads like this. John Francis [00:24:56]: This. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:56]: Talk to me about what they would need to do to be able to do that, to get signed up and to be able to be a part of the fun. John Francis [00:25:02]: Well, Father's Eve is the website. There's no apostrophe, right? Because it's not possessive, it's. It's plural, right? It's for everybody. So some grammar teacher told me that. Where's the apostrophe? I'm like, well, I didn't trademark it with an apostrophe. So it's Father's Eve.com and we're on all the whatever socials. I don't know how to do tick tock, so I don't think we're there. But anyway, not hard to find. John Francis [00:25:24]: And there's five rules for Father's Eve. This is super easy. Number one, keep it clean. This is not a bachelor party. This is not a frat party. This is not let's go crazy, right? It's have a good time. I would say it's PG13, whatever, but keep it clean. That's rule number one. John Francis [00:25:39]: Number two, it's for the dads, and that means all the dad. It's not really a family event, although you can do it that way if you want. We're not rigid, really, but it's inclusive. So dads, divorced dads, single dads, granddads, gay dads, kids, trans dads. We'll welcome anybody, whoever. If you want to celebrate fathers, we want you to be with us. So number two is all the dads. Number three is you got to have something to do, some kind of an activity or engagement. John Francis [00:26:06]: A lot of guys just have a barbecue and sit around a table and just talk. That's fine. We do a bags tournament with the cornhole because I can hold a beer in one hand and throw the bags with the other hand. So that's pretty fun. Something to do. And so you gotta Anything, anything, Something interesting to do. That's number three. Number four is work together. John Francis [00:26:25]: We do a Facebook page for the hosts. We call them event hosts. There is a private page. I want to talk to you and share with you what I've learned and what. We have some tools and some simple stuff for guys who want to organize a little more and promote themselves a little bit, but work together. We want to know what you're doing, and we want to help you do it better and have better results. And then rule number five is don't screw it up. Don't be that guy that does something stupid and wrecks it for all of us. John Francis [00:26:50]: So none of this involves any. Any fee. It's really all just common sense. And we're trying to build a movement, we're trying to build a group. We've got social media, we've got an email, we send a newsletter. It's not complicated. The goal is to get this thing big enough that maybe someday we'll get a sponsor. Someone wants to be the official fill in the blank of Father's Eve. John Francis [00:27:11]: I could think of a lot of things. I'd like to be affiliated with a lot of organizations. And if we get big enough where it's attractive and we have enough. Enough activity or engagement, then there's some economic value that I think if we made any real money, we. All we would do is promote ourselves even more and have bigger events and even more fun and try to reach more people, which is really the goal. If we can reach more of the dads out there, and there's new dads, there's old dads, there's about to be dads, There's. We can learn from each other and share ideas. And that's really the goal. John Francis [00:27:43]: So Father's Eve is fun. It's free. It's everywhere. There. Hit the website, click the link. There's an agreement there. There's a trademark, a license agreement, but it's free. There's no fees, no nothing there. John Francis [00:27:54]: We. I guess we do sell a T shirt. If you want a T shirt or coffee mug, you can buy that. But we're not big on the merch, but someone said, why wouldn't you sell a coffee cup or whatever? So. But it's pretty simple, Chris. Part of the fun is I get to talk to these guys. I want to know who you are and what you're up to and what your plans are, and then I want to help you and see if I can make your event even more fun and more successful so I get to know these people. And over the years, I've made some great guys that are doing Father's Eve, and some guys have been doing it year after year after year. John Francis [00:28:22]: I think Chicago, I think they're on, like, I want to say, 10 plus years. I think they've been doing it. Some of the other cities around the country, it's same guys, same groups, and they have quite large events. It's fascinating to see what they're doing. And that's really what it's all about, is just keep it simple and have some fun. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]: Well, we always finish our interviews what I like to call our dad connections. Six. Six more questions. The devil. A little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready? John Francis [00:28:47]: I'll try. I'll do my best. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters? John Francis [00:28:53]: Loving. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? John Francis [00:28:57]: Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]: What's one activity that you and each of your daughters love doing together? John Francis [00:29:06]: We love being on the water, on the lake, at the cabin. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? John Francis [00:29:15]: Be very careful of who you choose as a life partner because it's 80% of your happiness or misery in life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? John Francis [00:29:28]: Life is so much more interesting as a parent. It's a whole new dimension of possibilities and growth and meaningful life. I love it. I can't imagine not being a dad. Dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:40]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? John Francis [00:29:48]: Learn how to be patient and really learn how to listen. Those things are easy to say, but they're really hard to do consistently. But I've tried and I've gotten better, and there's always room for more. But patience and what do they say? Active listening, really being present. There's no other way. I think that's the starter for any kind of meaningful relationship. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]: Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you for sharing about your own journey with your daughters as well as all the amazing things that you're doing with Father's Eve. I wish you all the best as you get ready for the next Father's Eve. And as always, I really appreciate your time and everything that you've shared today. I wish you the best. John Francis [00:30:30]: Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it very much. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:31:04]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

11 de may de 202632 min

Building Father-Daughter Connections Through Presence and Support

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