Love, Dating and Chaos

Are We All Playing by the Same Rules?

Content warning: This episode is for adults (18+) only. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the chaos that is dating — the frustrations, the patterns, the disappointments, the occasional glimmers of hope — and how many of us, especially in the straight dating world, seem to be stuck in this endless loop of confusion. So it got me wondering: Are these struggles — the ghosting, the miscommunication, the emotional unavailability — just part of the straight dating experience? Or is this something that crosses the board, no matter who you love or how you identify? Is it possible that dating is actually easier — or at least different — in the queer community? Or is it just a whole different set of challenges? I didn’t want to make assumptions. So, I did what any curious, slightly frustrated person would do: I called up a few of my queer friends — people I trust, who live and love honestly — and I asked them some questions. I have MANY questions. Let’s get into it. Podcast page on Jacaranda FM [https://www.jacarandafm.com/jacpod/love-dating-and-chaos-philicity-reeken/]

What is our Problem? (with Danny Painter)

*Content warning* In this episode, we cover topics including sex, mental health, grief, cannibalism, and a whole lot more. So if you're listening around little ears—or you’re not in the mood for some very real, very raw conversation—maybe hit pause and come back when the time’s right. This episode is for adults (18+) only. Now, onto the good stuff. In this episode, I’m joined by one of my favourite humans on the planet: Danny Painter. Danny is someone who gets me. She understands the chaos, the heartbreak, the healing, and everything in between, because she’s been on her own journey too. She shows up with honesty, vulnerability, and zero filter in the best way. She’s raw. She’s real. She’s warm. She’s wildly talented. And above all, she’s just an authentically great human being. It’s truly my greatest pleasure to sit down with my friend, my peer, and someone I deeply admire—Danny Painter. Podcast page on Jacaranda FM [https://www.jacarandafm.com/jacpod/love-dating-and-chaos-philicity-reeken/]

What Makes a Strong Marriage? (with Gerda de Sousa)

You know, I’m always talking about dating and how messy it is, and love — and how messy that is too. But really, there’s also a silver lining. And that, of course, is marriage. Someone I really look up to — who’s done really well at this marriage thing — is Jacaranda FM colleague, Gerda de Sousa. I want to figure out: how does she do it? It’s been many years, they’re still very much in love, they’ve got a kid… I just want to know how. Because sometimes, you’ve got to learn from the people who are in the trenches. (Not that marriage is a trench. Anyway, moving on.) In this episode: 00:00 Welcome to Love, Dating and Chaos 00:22 Introducing Gerda de Sousa 00:47 The tweezer trick 01:24 Marriage tricks and solutions 02:31 Tony's hidden vacuum cleaner 03:45 Marriage realities and reflections 03:55 Philicity's marriage story 05:10 The amicable divorce 05:59 The challenges of marriage and parenthood 07:44 The importance of familiarity in marriage 10:59 The beginning of Philicity and Tony's relationship 14:58 The wedding and family dynamics 20:09 Philicity's reflections on motherhood 21:40 The impact of parenthood on relationships 23:33 Philicity's personal growth and dating advice 25:52 Navigating love and loneliness 27:42 Challenges of modern parenting 29:49 Marriage: the good, the bad, and the funny 36:55 Finding the right partner 45:10 The importance of financial discussions 46:33 Final thoughts and gratitude Podcast page on Jacaranda FM [https://www.jacarandafm.com/jacpod/love-dating-and-chaos-philicity-reeken/]

What Do My Daughters Think?

This week, I thought to myself—there are a few people who really know me. And then there are two young women who know me the wellest (yes, I know that’s not a word… but we’re going with it). I’m talking about my daughters, Simone and Zhara, 22 and 20. Becoming a mom to them shaped who I am as a person. So I thought, why not sit down with them and pick their brains about something a little personal: me—and specifically, me dating. We talk about my dating life, my experiences, and yes, even my marriage. (If you didn’t know, I was married. We’ve been divorced for a long time now.) I figured it would be fine—because they love me. And also, they kind of have to be nice to me… I’m their mom. We can only hope. Podcast page on Jacaranda FM [https://www.jacarandafm.com/jacpod/love-dating-and-chaos-philicity-reeken/]

How Do Some People Have the Audacity?

This week’s episode is all about audacity. The audacity to speak your truth. The audacity to go after what your heart really wants—even if it’s messy, complicated, or unexpected. Joining me is Shantelle Engelbrecht, who does exactly that. She’s the force behind Coloured Girls Rock, an incredible Facebook community that’s grown into something massive. It’s a space for the coloured community—men, women, kids—to share, support, and sometimes spill the wildest stories you’ve ever heard. We talk about being bold, honest, and unafraid to want more. Because honestly, why deny what your heart wants? Why pretend you’re fine when you’re not? Sometimes, if you’re lucky—and just a little bit brave—you might even change your mind. Let’s see where this one takes us. In this episode: 00:00 Introduction to Love, Dating and Chaos 00:08 The audacity to speak your truth 01:09 Challenges in dating within the Coloured community 02:59 Personal dating experiences and preferences 06:28 The five slot dating system 08:52 Hilarious and horrifying dating stories 17:04 Swimming dates and makeup 17:30 Tinder adventures in Cape Town 18:09 Dealing with online criticism 19:42 A memorable Tinder date 23:35 Dating preferences and red flags 27:07 Green flags and dating standards 29:06 Final thoughts on dating 31:22 Conclusion and podcast wrap-up Podcast page on Jacaranda FM [https://www.jacarandafm.com/jacpod/love-dating-and-chaos-philicity-reeken/]