Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

103 - Distinguishing the Difference Between Worth, Attention, & Identity

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: * I’m a woman in ministry and I’ve noticed a pattern where I seek validation through flirting and attention from men, even when I don’t intend harm. I want to break this cycle and grow in healthier boundaries and identity. What kind of help, support, or practices would actually help me change these patterns in a lasting way? * I desire deep connection, but I also fear abandonment, which affects how I show up in relationships. How do fear of abandonment and attachment wounds shape relational behavior, and how can women begin to heal this? * I sometimes feel shame around my relational or sexual patterns and don’t know how to talk about it without feeling “broken.” How can women bring these struggles into the light in a way that leads to healing instead of shame? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. [unfiltered@puredesire.org]We can’t wait to hear from you! RESOURCES: The Fantasy Fallacy [https://www.christianbook.com/fantasy-fallacy-exposing-meaning-sexual-thoughts/shannon-ethridge/9780849964695/pd/964695?utm_source=google&kw=&mt=&dv=c&event=PPCSRC&p=1229875&utm_medium=cpc&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=72148932&gbraid=0AAAAAD_dTHZk_Hw8r5ffbuhoiggztusdA&gclid=CjwKCAjw8uTQBhAdEiwAVvtJytFSo7aoVdgPz32tUwyZDvIrEH-Z8OSld_NIcQur8NrOJW3hLUSA2hoC3nkQAvD_BwE] Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos [https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos]   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma [https://puredesire.org/podcast-7-keys] Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn [https://puredesire.org/podcast-5-steps] Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation [https://puredesire.org/podcast-free-consultation] Join A Pure Desire Online Group [https://puredesire.org/podcast-online-group]   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/PureDesirePDMI] Follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/puredesirepdmi] Follow us on X (Twitter) [https://twitter.com/puredesirepdmi] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

102 - What To Do When Recovery Stalls Out

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: * My husband and I have been together since childhood, married for 7 years, and six months ago I discovered his long-term porn addiction. It feels like a deep betrayal, and I’m struggling to heal and trust again. Even though he’s in recovery and doing the right things, I still feel stuck. How do I move forward when our story feels broken? * My husband’s mindset seems to be keeping him from engaging in recovery. He often becomes entitled and shifts blame onto me, and he sees boundaries as rejection. I know you’ve addressed similar dynamics before, but how can a spouse respond when these patterns are blocking accountability and making real healing difficult? * From an addict spouse: I’ve struggled with porn throughout my 14 year marriage and am now in recovery. As my wife and I enter formal disclosure, I’ll hear the impact of my betrayal, and I want to respond well without becoming defensive. How can I stay present, process her pain, and grow through this disclosure process in a way that supports her healing? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. [unfiltered@puredesire.org]We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos [https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos]   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma [https://puredesire.org/podcast-7-keys] Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn [https://puredesire.org/podcast-5-steps] Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation [https://puredesire.org/podcast-free-consultation] Join A Pure Desire Online Group [https://puredesire.org/podcast-online-group]   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/PureDesirePDMI] Follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/puredesirepdmi] Follow us on X (Twitter) [https://twitter.com/puredesirepdmi] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

101 - Dealing With Rage as a Betrayal Trauma Response

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - I’m walking through betrayal after discovering my boyfriend’s porn use and past behaviors, and what’s been most overwhelming isn’t just the pain, it’s the rage. At times, I feel completely overtaken by anger, even acting in ways that scare me and leave me feeling ashamed. It feels deeper than anger, like a full-body trauma response. Is this kind of rage normal in betrayal trauma, and what’s actually happening inside me? - As I navigate betrayal trauma, one of the hardest parts is how my partner responds. When I express pain or anger, he dismisses it or calls me “crazy,” which only intensifies everything I’m feeling. It makes me feel unseen and alone in the trauma. How can partners better understand and respond to betrayal trauma, especially intense emotions like rage, in a way that brings safety instead of more harm? - I’ve been learning that betrayal trauma affects the brain and body in real ways, but it doesn’t seem like this is widely understood, especially by those who caused the hurt. It feels like there’s a gap in recovery when it comes to helping men understand their partner’s trauma responses. How can we better educate betrayers on what’s happening neurologically and emotionally so they can respond with empathy and support healing? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!   Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos [https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos]   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma [https://puredesire.org/podcast-7-keys] Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn [https://puredesire.org/podcast-5-steps] Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation [https://puredesire.org/podcast-free-consultation] Join A Pure Desire Online Group [https://puredesire.org/podcast-online-group]   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/PureDesirePDMI] Follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/puredesirepdmi] Follow us on X (Twitter) [https://twitter.com/puredesirepdmi] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

100 - When Chemistry Feels Like Connection

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - I’m single, in a healthy community, and feel ready for a relationship, but I tend to quickly imagine men as “the one” before truly knowing them. I find myself dreaming about a future instead of seeing who they really are. Why is this so hard to stop, and how can I approach men with more clarity and grounded perspective? - I often confuse emotional intensity with true intimacy. How can I tell the difference between chemistry, attachment, and genuine relational safety? - I’ve noticed that porn use is often talked about as a “man’s issue,” but I know women also struggle with it. I’m curious why this perception exists and what might be missing in how we talk about it. Why do you think porn addiction is so often framed as a male problem, even though it clearly affects women too? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! RESOURCES: Register For The 2026 Summit Now! [https://puredesire.org/summit/2026] Crystal Renaud Day's Website [https://livingonpurposekc.com] Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos [https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos]   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma [https://puredesire.org/podcast-7-keys] Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn [https://puredesire.org/podcast-5-steps] Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation [https://puredesire.org/podcast-free-consultation] Join A Pure Desire Online Group [https://puredesire.org/podcast-online-group]   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/PureDesirePDMI] Follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/puredesirepdmi] Follow us on X (Twitter) [https://twitter.com/puredesirepdmi] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

099 - Understanding Sexual Fantasies and Unmet Needs

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: * I’ve found myself using sexual fantasy or porn-like material to cope with stress or loneliness. I’ve heard that these behaviors can be a sign of unmet needs rather than simply a sin issue. How do I figure out what need I’m trying to meet and what could a healthy coping strategy look like? * I keep having recurring fantasies, not always sexual, but often about self-attention that feel uncontrollable and unhealthy. Group work has helped me become more aware, but I want to understand the deeper roots of this pattern. Is there a way to fully overcome these intrusive fantasies and break free from this cycle for good? * My sexual struggles make me feel “less holy” or unfit for intimacy, love, or even God’s grace. This internal conflict has created tension between my desire for healing and my fear of judgment from others. How can I integrate spiritual healing with sexual healing? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org [unfiltered@puredesire.org]. We can’t wait to hear from you! RESOURCES: Cleaning Up The Mental Mess [https://www.amazon.com/Cleaning-Your-Mental-Mess-Scientifically/dp/0801093457/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=187232964918&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.-7YlxIppy1EWV8XYhhqdwjPyHXArZoh8aCp37uQ-HXKMcAtJAnqqhKvUDB04KrJvT3ArKKKrOq5UutJwPP-G7aKsJ3_uoDgkm4h6RwMUGNuhG44xYLXtIUu5tXMohHPs3Ef4uh2QDCejDXO41HRa8-pT_9xcVuyS1bDP_CSKm8bKkFBVE1m24MEunkLPlTdqFF-usi1ZV5SbN1LOKF49KBKr6gXFrpgmRNKpx16FmIQ.BPlsJlWIUD-c6rDf8Ias0_iPJqOojtDYfyKCnW2yVik&dib_tag=se&hvadid=779540767804&hvdev=c&hvexpln=0&hvlocphy=9194994&hvnetw=g&hvocijid=5671625815259824750--&hvqmt=e&hvrand=5671625815259824750&hvtargid=kwd-1058511493664&hydadcr=17810_13794552_2332234&keywords=cleaning+up+your+mental+mess&mcid=e37fe7760d903fa8b21170137f58b05a&qid=1777750359&sr=8-1] Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos [https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos]   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma [https://puredesire.org/podcast-7-keys] Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn [https://puredesire.org/podcast-5-steps] Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation [https://puredesire.org/podcast-free-consultation] Join A Pure Desire Online Group [https://puredesire.org/podcast-online-group]   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/PureDesirePDMI] Follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/puredesirepdmi] Follow us on X (Twitter) [https://twitter.com/puredesirepdmi] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.