When the Love Is Gone: Black Men, Family Trauma, & Mental Health EP 3
On this episode of the IZ That Right? podcast, Harv and BP are joined by special guest Chef Paul for a raw, funny, and deeply honest conversation about what it means to survive as a black man in America—and actually start healing.
Paul shares his origin story, from growing up in East Orange, New Jersey to being uprooted overnight to rural West Virginia after violence, drugs, and a killing in his building pushed his mother to get the family out. He talks about culture shock, missing the diversity of home, and how his mom’s struggles with addiction still weigh on his mental, even as he recognizes she moved out of love and fear for his life.
Harv opens up about spiraling in his past, numbing himself with bad choices, and how finally finding the right therapist—like finding the right barber—literally saved his life and helped him become the man he is at 36. He breaks down why having a therapist who understands culture and language matters, and how therapy gave him tools for self‑regulation, not just a place to vent. BP adds his own journey, from being taught that any emotion is “weakness” to realizing that black men are carrying a silent pandemic of pain, abandonment, and unprocessed grief. They get into how pride, survival mode, and stigma keep brothers from getting help, even as they watch friends and family “crash out” or disappear under the weight of what they’re holding in.
Balancing heavy topics with humor and real‑life stories, the trio also talks about cooking as therapy—how Chef Paul’s campfire‑style, hearty meals and Harv’s Jamaican family recipes turn struggle food into soul food, and why their moms’ unmeasured “a pinch of this, a splash of that” cooking deserves to be captured in a recipe book. They swap stories about hustling, bachelor life, rail‑yard grind, chaotic campaign work in cities like Philly and Chicago, and how Paul’s calm energy and people skills often make him the peacemaker in volatile situations.
The episode closes on family, fatherhood, and legacy: learning to accept parents for who they are instead of who we wanted them to be, appreciating the hustle and work ethic passed down, and making those hard conversations with loved ones while they’re still here.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to be the strong one all the time, grew up on “survive first, process later,” or you’re just a fan of good food and good stories, this conversation is a reminder that it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to ask for help, and it’s more than okay to laugh while you heal.
