Not Your Therapist

5 Things Your Parents Taught You That Secretly Fuel Anxiety

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2397314/fan_mail/new] Why are you SO good at reading the room? Why does conflict feel like an actual threat to your body? Why do you feel guilty resting, overthink every interaction, and act like everyone else’s emotional support animal? Yeah… your childhood might have something to do with that. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down how growing up around emotionally immature, emotionally unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe adults can wire your nervous system for anxiety, hypervigilance, people pleasing, conflict avoidance, and chronic stress. We’re talking about: * Hypervigilance & trauma responses * Parentification & emotional monitoring * The fawn response * Why emotionally invalidating parents create anxious adults * Functional anxiety & productivity addiction * Why rest can actually feel unsafe * The psychology behind people pleasing and overexplaining * Childhood trauma, nervous system dysregulation, and emotional survival strategies If you’ve ever: * felt responsible for everyone’s emotions * panicked after conflict * replayed conversations in your head for 3 business days * struggled to relax without feeling guilty * attracted emotionally unavailable people * or felt like you had to “earn” love by being useful… this episode is going to call you out a little bit. But lovingly. This is your reminder that these patterns are not personality flaws — they’re adaptations your nervous system developed to survive emotionally unsafe environments. And healing means learning that you can have needs, disappoint people, rest, take up space, and still be safe. Subscribe to Not Your Therapist for therapist-backed conversations about anxiety, trauma, dysfunctional family systems, relationships, emotional regulation, attachment styles, and becoming a healthier human without the clinical robot energy. And if this episode made you feel personally attacked in the best way possible… leave a 5-star review. It feeds my abandonment wounds. 🖤 This podcast is meant to feel like a conversation — not a lecture. ✨ Share this episode ✨ DM me your biggest takeaway ✨ Follow along on IG: @the_spicyshrink [https://www.instagram.com/the_spicyshrink/] 👇 Want less anxiety and better boundaries? Grab my free Boundary Setting Scripts Guide [https://kayla-reilly-wxinj7.subscribepage.io/]

The Mother Wound: 5 Ways to Deal With the Mom Stuff You’re Still Carrying

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2397314/fan_mail/new] Mother’s Day can bring up a lot more than brunch plans and flower deliveries. For many people, it brings up grief, guilt, resentment, anxiety, and the complicated reality of loving your mom while still carrying pain from the relationship. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, Kayla Reilly breaks down the mother wound: what it is, how it shows up in adulthood, and why your mom’s voice may still be living rent-free in your head. We’re talking about emotionally unavailable mothers, critical moms, enmeshed relationships, emotional parentification, people-pleasing, boundaries, self-worth, and the grief of not getting the mothering you needed. You’ll learn 5 ways to start dealing with the mom stuff you’re still carrying, including how to recognize your inherited inner critic, grieve what you didn’t get, set healthier boundaries, and begin reparenting yourself without pretending the past didn’t hurt. Because “she did her best” and “it still hurt me” can both be true. 🖤 This podcast is meant to feel like a conversation — not a lecture. ✨ Share this episode ✨ DM me your biggest takeaway ✨ Follow along on IG: @the_spicyshrink [https://www.instagram.com/the_spicyshrink/] 👇 Want less anxiety and better boundaries? Grab my free Boundary Setting Scripts Guide [https://kayla-reilly-wxinj7.subscribepage.io/]

Why Friendships Feel Harder in Your 30s (And No One Talks About It)

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2397314/fan_mail/new] Friendships in your 20s felt easy. Friendships in your 30s?  They can feel confusing, inconsistent… and if we’re being honest, a little harder than you expected. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, Kayla is breaking down why adult friendships shift — and why you might find yourself overthinking texts, questioning the vibe after a hangout, or wondering if you’re slowly drifting from people you care about. Because it’s not just you. We’re talking about: *  Why friendships require more effort in your 30s (and why that’s normal)  *  How life changes — kids, work, mental load — impact connection *  The reason you might be overthinking interactions or reading into silence *  What’s actually happening when friendships start to feel different  *  The truth about outgrowing certain relationships *  How to adjust your expectations so friendships feel easier (and less stressful)  If you’ve ever left a hangout thinking, “Wait… was that weird?” or stared at your phone wondering why someone hasn’t texted back — this episode will make you feel seen. Because friendships aren’t broken. They’re just evolving. 🖤 This podcast is meant to feel like a conversation — not a lecture. ✨ Share this episode ✨ DM me your biggest takeaway ✨ Follow along on IG: @the_spicyshrink [https://www.instagram.com/the_spicyshrink/] 👇 Want less anxiety and better boundaries? Grab my free Boundary Setting Scripts Guide [https://kayla-reilly-wxinj7.subscribepage.io/]

Resentment in Marriage: The Slow Build That’s Hurting Your Relationship

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2397314/fan_mail/new] Resentment in marriage doesn’t usually come from one big moment. It builds slowly… quietly… and often without you even realizing it. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, we’re talking about how resentment actually forms in relationships — and why so many couples find themselves feeling irritated, disconnected, and emotionally distant without fully understanding why. Because more often than not, it’s not about the dishes, the laundry, or the little things you’re arguing about. It’s about the pattern underneath. We’ll cover: *  How resentment builds over time (not overnight)  *  The connection between overfunctioning and feeling unsupported *  Why doing “more and more” can actually create distance in your marriage  *  The role of unspoken expectations and unmet needs *  How resentment grows when you consistently override your own needs  *  What to start doing instead if you want to feel more connected  If you’ve ever found yourself snapping at your partner and thinking, “Why am I so irritated all the time?” — this episode will help you understand what’s really going on. Because resentment isn’t about one moment. It’s about what’s been building all along. 🖤 This podcast is meant to feel like a conversation — not a lecture. ✨ Share this episode ✨ DM me your biggest takeaway ✨ Follow along on IG: @the_spicyshrink [https://www.instagram.com/the_spicyshrink/] 👇 Want less anxiety and better boundaries? Grab my free Boundary Setting Scripts Guide [https://kayla-reilly-wxinj7.subscribepage.io/]

Narcissism 101: What It Actually Is (And What It Isn’t)

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2397314/fan_mail/new] Everyone is a narcissist these days… at least according to the internet. But what does narcissism actually mean? And more importantly — how do you know if you’re dealing with it in real life? In this episode of Not Your Therapist, we’re breaking down narcissism in a way that’s clear, grounded, and actually useful. Kayla starts with the original story of Narcissus and Echo — a myth that surprisingly mirrors modern relationship dynamics — before unpacking what narcissism looks like today, what’s happening underneath the surface, and why the term gets thrown around so loosely. We’ll cover: *  What narcissism actually is (and why it exists on a spectrum)  *  The difference between narcissistic traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) *  What’s happening under the surface — including insecurity, shame, and emotional avoidance *  The different types of narcissism (grandiose, vulnerable, and communal)  *  What narcissism is not (and why labeling everything as narcissism can be misleading)  *  A better question to ask instead of “Are they a narcissist?”  If you’ve ever questioned a relationship, felt unseen, or wondered if you’re dealing with narcissistic behavior, this episode will help you make sense of it — without jumping to labels. Because at the end of the day:  You don’t need a diagnosis to decide something isn’t healthy for you. 🖤 This podcast is meant to feel like a conversation — not a lecture. ✨ Share this episode ✨ DM me your biggest takeaway ✨ Follow along on IG: @the_spicyshrink [https://www.instagram.com/the_spicyshrink/] 👇 Want less anxiety and better boundaries? Grab my free Boundary Setting Scripts Guide [https://kayla-reilly-wxinj7.subscribepage.io/]