Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey

Taboos

In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks openly about two of the largest taboos in society: sex and death. Specifically, she discusses sex and sexuality in palliative and hospice care for people facing the end of their lives. These two subjects individually are ones we as a society struggle to address, so we tend to ignore or avoid the subject of terminally ill people who may still want sex in their lives. Why do we do this? How can professionals begin talking about sex and sexuality with their patients? How can patients or family advocate for openness about this subject for themselves or a loved one? Melanie has insight to help answer all those questions. One of the first things Melanie explores is physicians' reluctance to clearly communicate to families about when a person is terminally ill. There can often be confusion about how long a loved one has left to live due to a lack of clarity about the situation. This is a death taboo that must be unpacked. Melanie then examines how the issue of sex or sexual expression for terminally ill or hospice patients is avoided. Many healthcare professionals simply are not taught how to discuss it, so the subject is simply not brought up. Melanie shares practical advice on how to have a conversation about intimacy respectfully and how patients, family, or friends can assist by bringing up the subject directly with healthcare workers. These taboos need to be tackled and broken down because people at the end of life are no different than people in the middle of life in terms of needs, desires, and their right to express sexuality. There may be complications due to illness or mobility, but having solutions to these challenges is something the healthcare profession needs to understand. Resources discussed in this episode: * Sex and the Senior: The Health Professional’s Role [https://umbsswcpe.ce21.com/item/s25301-sex-senior-health-professionals-role-132199] - University of Maryland — Contact Melanie Ramey:  * Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie [https://www.instagram.com/sexuallyspeakingwithmelanie/] * Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572528337220] * Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.linkedin.com/company/sexually-speaking-with-melanie-ramey] — Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ —

Myths, Sexually Speaking

In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey continues to explore her topic from the last episode about the sexuality of people with disabilities or chronic illnesses. In addition to other struggles, they often cope with several pervasive myths regarding their sexuality. Melanie names the myths and dismantles them by sharing the truth about the sexual health and lives of those with disabilities. The myths cause misunderstanding and harm to the community because they rob those with disabilities or chronic pain of their innate rights and their truth as sexual beings. Melanie addresses the myths that people living with disabilities or chronic illness are not sexual, that they are not desirable, that people who live in institutions shouldn’t have sex, that people living with disabilities don’t get sexually assaulted, and that they shouldn’t get married or have children. Each of these myths is false and robs people of their natural existence as human sexual beings. Melanie debunks each myth thoroughly and explains the need for better sex education tailored to those living with disabilities or chronic illnesses, and better education for health workers and the parents of disabled children. This is a key episode that challenges false assumptions many of us may consciously or unconsciously carry.  Resources discussed in this episode: * “Our Sexuality, Our Health: A Disabled Advocate’s Guide to Relationships, Romance, Sexuality and Sexual Health” [https://odpc.ucsf.edu/advocacy/sexuality-sexual-health/our-sexuality-our-health-a-disabled-advocates-guide-to] by Melissa Crisp-Cooper * “Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness” [https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability-Disabilities/dp/1573443042] by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette — Contact Melanie Ramey:  * Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie [https://www.instagram.com/sexuallyspeakingwithmelanie/] * Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572528337220] * Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.linkedin.com/company/sexually-speaking-with-melanie-ramey] — Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ —

The Disabled are Able to Have Sex

In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses the need for legislation, education, and understanding regarding the sexual health needs of people with disabilities. Only very recently in our history have we had legislation protecting the human rights of those with physical or cognitive disabilities. As recently as the 70s, disabled persons were simply institutionalized and forgotten about. Melanie unpacks the history of how the disabled have been treated and highlights how much more education and support is required to understand the sexual needs of those with disabilities.  One poignant story that Melanie relates is that of a woman who had been institutionalized immediately after giving birth to her son, on the advice of a doctor. It was only after the son was in his forties that the state hospital where she lived was about to discharge her into his care. The stigma about mental health was so great that he had not told his wife and children about his mother for fear of judgement. Melanie assisted in helping the family find a suitable care home for the mother and the family integrated her into their lives, but the most shocking discovery was the reason for the mother’s institutionalization: post-partum depression. The truth is that persons with disabilities, be they physical or cognitive, think about and desire sex the same as any other human being. However, persons with disabilities are more likely to be assaulted and their accounts rejected by the police due to difficulties in prosecution. Melanie’s frank discussion on all aspects of sexual health and assault of persons with disabilities highlights the need for better legislation, education, and support from society. Resources discussed in this episode: * Episode 2: Don’t Get Sex Education from Aristotle [https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/dont-get-sex-education-from-aristotle/id1796024034?i=1000697352431] * Watson Institute: “Sexual Education for Children with Disabilities” [https://www.thewatsoninstitute.org/sexual-education-children-disabilities/] by Dr. Rachel Schwartz * NPR: “The Sexual Assault Epidemic No One Talks About” [https://www.npr.org/2018/01/08/570224090/the-sexual-assault-epidemic-no-one-talks-about] by Joseph Shapiro — Contact Melanie Ramey:  * Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie [https://www.instagram.com/sexuallyspeakingwithmelanie/] * Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572528337220] * Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.linkedin.com/company/sexually-speaking-with-melanie-ramey] — Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ —

You Are Never Too Old for Sex, Part 2

In Part 2 of the ‘You Are Never Too Old for Sex’ episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey discusses the need for adult children, caregivers, and assisted living facility staff to understand the sexual and privacy rights of older adults. Melanie shares statistics on how many people remain sexually active past the age of 60 and explains the difficulties facing these adults when they enter care facilities ill-equipped to understand and accommodate their sexual activity and needs.  Older adults have sex wherever they live, just as anyone younger may do, which includes their homes, assisted living facilities, or nursing homes. There is a stigma against older adults engaging in sexual activities, so Melanie shares studies, books, and resources that shed light on the need for privacy and dignity regarding the sexual needs of older adults. Their sexual expression is often labelled as sexually inappropriate behavior due to poor staff training and understanding. The truth about education on the needs of older adults in regards to sexual expression is highlighted and explained by Melanie, and it’s a subject we will all face because aging is one thing we all share. Resources discussed in this episode: * “The New Love and Sex After 60” [https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0345442113?tag=prhca-20] by Robert Butler, MD and Myrna Lewis, PhD * “Sexuality and Long-Term Care” [https://www.amazon.com/Sexuality-Long-Term-PAPERBACK-Gayle-Ph-D/dp/B015GPNFXM] by Gayle Doll, MS, PhD * Video: Freedom of Sexual Expression: Dementia and Resident Rights in Long-Term Care Facilities [https://terranova.org/film-catalog/freedom-of-sexual-expression-dementia-and-resident-rights-in-long-term-care-facilities/] — Contact Melanie Ramey:  * Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie [https://www.instagram.com/sexuallyspeakingwithmelanie/] * Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572528337220] * Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.linkedin.com/company/sexually-speaking-with-melanie-ramey] — Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ —

You Are Never Too Old for Sex, Part 1

In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses the societal myth that there is an age limit on sex. Simply put, we are never too old for sex. If we are above ground, we are sexual beings. It is a societal construct that leads us to believe we can’t have sex as we age. In reality, it is just as valid to enjoy sexual relations in elderhood as in any other age. Melanie discusses the challenges in finding healthcare providers to talk frankly about sex past 60, the differences in our bodies when we’re older, and how to practice safe sex at any age.  Dr. Louise Aronson, a geriatrician at the University of California in San Francisco, wrote a book called “Elderhood” which says that we need to view the third part of our lives with the same concern and curiosity that we view the other two-thirds. Life should be considered a trio: childhood, adulthood, and elderhood. Melanie states that sex should not be compared to sex we had in our youth, but that the important thing is to feel safe, satisfied, and content with whatever sexual experience we are having. This episode challenges negative perceptions around aging bodies and senior sexual experiences by examining all the ways in which we remain sexual beings throughout our lives. Resources discussed in this episode: * “Elderhood” [https://louisearonson.com/books/elderhood/] by Louise Aronson — Contact Melanie Ramey:  * Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie [https://www.instagram.com/sexuallyspeakingwithmelanie/] * Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572528337220] * Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey [https://www.linkedin.com/company/sexually-speaking-with-melanie-ramey] — Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ —