The Graft Podcast

"Bankrupt at 25, and Nobody Knew": What Every Parent Needs to Know About the Gambling Crisis with Matt Cowell

Matt Cowell's relationship with gambling began with a Simpsons fruit machine in a hotel games room in Newquay, aged ten or eleven. He'd saved up fifty pounds from his paper round. By the end of the holiday, he had £2.56 left - and already knew he needed to hide it. What followed was twenty-five years. By eighteen he was thousands in debt through Fixed Odds Betting Terminals. By twenty-five, bankrupt with £68,000 of unsecured debt - every penny from gambling, nothing to show for it. He was suspended from his bank job for cycling money between accounts to fund his habit, and spent the weeks afterwards putting on his suit every morning, driving to the high street to gamble, so his family wouldn't know. But this episode isn't just Matt's story. Ben comes into it too - discovering mid-conversation that he'd staked nearly £21,000 on betting apps in twelve months. Technically up £900. No idea. That moment is the heart of why this conversation matters: gambling has become so frictionless, so invisible, that most people don't know where "casual" ends and "problem" begins - and the 16–24 generation are being targeted harder than anyone. 🎧 Listen as we discuss… (01:15) The Simpsons machine: where it started - and the shame that came with it  (07:18) FOBTs, debt at eighteen, and the logic that kept him going back  (14:37) "Just to play, just to play" - the core loop of addiction  (15:02) Bankrupt at 25: £68,000 with nothing to show  (17:24) The suit he wore every day to nowhere  (20:31) Ben's reveal: £21,000 staked in twelve months without knowing  (23:23) The invisible addiction: why no one sees it coming  (24:36) More betting shops in the UK than Tesco, Sainsbury's and Morrisons combined  (26:41) "One in every group is hiding it": the crisis targeting teenagers  (35:44) No clocks in casinos - the psychology of keeping you in  (39:35) Day one of 508: the panic attacks that finally broke the cycle  (42:13) Addicted to Growth: starting a recovery platform from a Tesco car park  (47:49) The "crack in the dam": how to help someone who won't admit they have a problem KEY TAKEAWAYS The Invisible Addiction: No smell, no visible change - you can do it from anywhere, at any time. That invisibility is precisely what makes it escalate, and why the people closest to a problem gambler are often the last to find out. Abstinence is not recovery: Matt spent almost four years not gambling and still relapsed. The shift came when he accepted - out loud, to everyone - that he is a compulsive gambler and life becomes unmanageable when he plays. That acceptance ends the wrestling. The crack in the dam: Accusations close the door. Matt's advice for anyone worried about a loved one: find a softer entry point, share content, ask a question. People accept help more readily when they feel like it was their decision to ask for it. GUEST  Matt Cowell - Recovering compulsive gambler and founder of Addicted to Growth (@addictedtogrowth).

"Screw You, Watch This": Taking Your Power Back From A Toxic Divorce with Sara Davison

Sara Davison is a five-time best-selling author and the UK’s leading divorce coach, but her expertise wasn’t born in a classroom - it was forged on her bathroom floor. Overnight, Sara’s life as she knew it was annihilated. She discovered her husband - her business partner and the father of her one-year-old son - was not only leaving her but was "madly in love" with a woman 12 years younger who was already pregnant. The trauma was compounded when the new couple moved into the same apartment development, forcing Sara to watch her "soulmate" move on in front of her eyes every day. In this raw and deeply practical conversation, Sara sits down with Ben to share the "Balmoral Beach" moment that changed everything. They discuss the physical pain of heartbreak, the "Functionally Friendly" toolkit for navigating toxic exes, and why divorce - if handled with conscious parenting - can actually be a valuable life lesson for children. This is an operating manual for anyone who has ever felt powerless and decided to say: "screw you, watch this." 🎧 Listen as we discuss… (01:55) How a personal betrayal created "The Divorce Coach" (02:49) The "Ugly Cry": Dealing with a life that changes in 24 hours (04:33) The "Elephant in the Room": Why friends don't know what to say (05:36) The Cockatoo Moment: Choosing to no longer be defined by pain (06:56) Using yourself as a "guinea pig" to build a recovery toolkit (09:15) Conscious Coping: Why we aren't taught resilience in school (12:50) The Fear of Never Being Loved Again: Addressing the #1 human need (14:14) The Loneliness Trap: Why being alone is better than being in the wrong relationship (16:15) Learning to trust yourself instead of searching for someone to trust (21:00) The "Waitress Test": Identifying red flags on a second date (31:35) Why high-performing men prefer coaching over traditional therapy (32:49) Controversial Parenting: Turning divorce into a toolkit for your children (46:25) Post-Separation Abuse: Navigating the "Casino" of the family court system (51:52) The "Functionally Friendly" Tool: How to attend events with a toxic ex KEY TAKEAWAYS "Functionally Friendly." You don't have to be a saint, but you must be a role model. Use visualization to "run the movie" of a successful interaction with an ex before you step into the room. Trust Yourself, Not Them. Recovery isn't about learning to trust other people again; it’s about rebuilding the internal trust that you can make better decisions for your own future. Loneliness is Relative. You will always feel lonelier being rejected by a partner in the same house than you will ever feel alone on your sofa. Intimacy is a human need, but a toxic connection is a debt you can't afford. The "Screw You" Leverage. Use the anger and the pain as fuel. When you hit the bottom, the most powerful decision you can make is to refuse to stay a victim and instead say, "Watch this." GUEST Sara Davison - Globally acclaimed Divorce Coach, best-selling author of Uncoupling and Screw You, Watch This, and founder of the International Divorce Coach Centre of Excellence.

This Is What Quitting Drinking Looks Like In Your 50s | GRAFT with Matt Wing

Matt Wing spent 32 years as a high-performing, "functional" drinker. To the outside world, he had it all—a successful career, a loving family, and a rigorous fitness regime. But inside, he was living in a state of "double stress," using alcohol to quiet the noise of undiagnosed ADHD while pushing his body to the brink of a stroke. In this raw conversation, Matt and Ben dismantle the myth of the "social drinker". They explore the physiological trap of the reward-based drink, the reality of "selfish drinking," and why sobriety in your 50s is the ultimate investment in your "health pension". Quitting alcohol takes courage - and a commitment to the messy, disciplined process of starting over. Listen as we discuss... (01:30) Chasing the reward vs. social drinking (03:30) Quieting the noise: Undiagnosed ADHD and a 30-year habit (06:30) The "Double Stress": Why training hard and drinking hard is lethal (11:00) The Hilton Sign: How one drink after eight months led back to square one (13:30) Building the "Health Pension": Why sobriety is an investment for your 60s (24:00) The Blueprint: Replacing the 4 PM ritual with non-negotiable habits (40:30) Identifying the "Why": Drinking to change how you feel KEY TAKEAWAYS Invest in your Health Pension: Sobriety in your 50s isn't about restriction; it's about putting work into a "pension pot" that allows you to be strong and present in your 60s. The "Double Stress" Trap: You cannot "balance the scales" by exercising to offset heavy drinking. This creates a catastrophic physical collision that drastically increases stroke risk. Play the Tape Forward: When the "4 PM voice" romanticizes a drink, visualize the 24-hour fallout instead of the 10-minute buzz Stop at the First Drink: If you lose control after the first glass, the only battle you need to win is not picking up the first one.

I Won Paralympic Gold - Then I Was Diagnosed With 3 Brain Tumours | Paralympian David Smith, MBE

David Smith MBE is a Paralympic Gold Medallist, former British athlete across multiple disciplines, and a man now living with brain and spinal tumours. From representing Great Britain across karate, sprinting, bobsleigh and rowing - to standing on top of the podium at London 2012 - David built his life on performance, discipline and identity. Then everything changed. Multiple brain tumours. Paralysis. Emergency surgery. Years spent in oncology wards. And yet - David doesn’t see cancer as the end of his story. He sees it as his greatest teacher. In this powerful and deeply philosophical conversation, David sits down with Ben to share what nearly dying taught him about identity, fear, presence, and what actually matters when everything else is stripped away. This isn’t about medals. It’s about meaning. It’s about learning how to live - fully. 🎧 Listen as we discuss…(00:00) Growing up in Scotland and building identity through sport(04:00) Ego, identity, and why athletes struggle after success(08:00) Paralysis and losing everything he thought defined him(10:00) Brain surgery and reliving his entire life(12:00) Why no medals appeared in his life flashback(16:00) Discovering the tumour and pushing through to Paralympic gold(20:00) London 2012, fame, and walking away from the spotlight(28:00) Life inside cancer wards and facing mortality(35:00) What NOT to say to someone with cancer(38:00) Toxic positivity vs real compassion(46:00) Fear, death, and mastering the inner voice(51:00) “Be where your feet are” - David’s philosophy(56:00) Writing his book and giving 100% to charity KEY TAKEAWAYS You are not your achievements. Identity built on performance alone will eventually fall apart. Life is made of moments, not milestones. When David nearly died, only people and experiences mattered - not medals. Fear is part of the process. You don’t remove it - you learn to sit with it. Don’t try to fix people. Listening and presence matter more than advice. Be where your feet are. Presence is the most powerful way to live. Health is everything. Most people don’t realise it until it’s gone. GUEST David Smith MBE [https://www.instagram.com/davidsmithmbe/] - Paralympic Gold Medallist (Rowing, London 2012), former British athlete across multiple sports, and speaker on resilience, mindset, and living with purpose. David is currently writing his book Be Where Your Feet Are, with all profits going to charity.

This Is What Starting Over Again Looks Like After Grief | GRAFT with Jane Openshaw

TRIGGER WARNING: talk of a physical attack that resulted in a death. On 4 April 2012, Jane Openshaw’s husband, Phil Sheriff, attended a corporate event in London. Hours later, he was fighting for his life after being attacked. Four days after that, he was gone. What followed was chaos, shock, the Old Bailey, a national campaign, a brutal appeal, and the daily reality of raising two children while navigating grief in its rawest form. In this powerful conversation, Jane sits down with Ben to share the truth of that week, the courtroom battle, the online abuse, the Bottle Stop campaign, antidepressants, parenting through trauma, and eventually — years later — finding love again with someone who understood loss the way she did. This is a story about survival, anger, resilience, rebuilding, and choosing to move forward, not “on.” 🎧 Listen as we discuss… (00:05) The night of the corporate event — and the first calls that didn’t feel right(00:06:30) Searching hospitals, calling colleagues, and piecing everything together alone(00:13:36) The final moments (00:16:10) Facing telling their children (00:19:06) The Old Bailey trial(00:25:11) The appeal, the crash afterwards, and the year she was “on her knees”(00:28:50) Parenting two kids with two entirely different grief responses(00:30:30) What actually helped with her grief(00:35:30) Online cruelty and the moments that cut deepest(00:38:15) Bottle Stop: the campaign to remove late-night glass in bars and clubs(00:44:19) Meeting someone new and learning to love again(00:48:42) Letting go of anger without ever letting go of Phil(00:51:06) Jane’s advice for anyone frozen at the kitchen table with no idea how to continue KEY TAKEAWAYS You don’t move on — you move forward. Grief leaves scars, not blank spaces. Shock carries you, but it drops you hard. The crash after the trial was the darkest point. Two kids, two griefs. Children don’t grieve the same way — and that’s okay. Campaigning can heal — and wound. Bottle Stop gave Jane purpose, but also backlash. Love doesn’t replace love. You can love the person you lost and love the person you meet. Take life an hour at a time. On the worst days, an hour is enough. GUEST Jane Openshaw - mother, campaigner, and founder of Bottle Stop, a grassroots movement calling for the removal of glass in late-night venues after her husband, Phil, was killed in an unprovoked attack with a broken bottle in 2012. Jane now speaks openly about grief, trauma, justice, and rebuilding life while keeping Phil’s memory alive.