The Grown & Liberated Love Club™

How Do You Know If You Are Loving (aka Accountable)? Ep. 23

"Spend so much time trying to be right that I was dead wrong." India.Arie said it. Today's episode unpacks it. Accountability is the only true love, and most of us have been doing it wrong. We're breaking down what it is, what it's not, why you can't demand it from someone else, and the 10 questions that will tell you if YOU are bringing it to your dating life. Plus Dr. Jennifer Freyd's DARVO research and a whole lot of mirror work.  Research Citations:  Freyd, J.J. (1997, ongoing). DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) framework. University of Oregon. dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/darvo.html Rhodewalt, F. & Morf, C.C. (1995, 1998). Narcissism and self-regulation research. Multiple publications including Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.  Malkin, C. Rethinking Narcissism. HarperWave (2015). On the emotional hot potato dynamic in narcissistic personality.  General literature on narcissistic personality disorder, blame externalization, and accountability deficits across DSM-5 and Cambridge Journal of Personality literature.  Song Featured:  "Wings of Forgiveness" by India.Arie (Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship, Motown Records, 2006). Written by India.Arie Simpson, Phillip White, Jared Gosselin, and Eric Jackson.  Past Episodes Referenced:  Episode 22: "10 Cringy Behaviors That Are Sabotaging Your Love Life" - the companion episode that set up today's accountability deep dive.  Links:  Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club:  candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love  Hack the Dating Apps ($27): https://candiceharperloveclub.com/hack-the-dating-apps2  Hashtags: #accountabilityislove #darvo #grownandliberatedlove #divineequalmatch #wingsofforgiveness #indiaarie #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #blackwomeninlove #blacklove #lovecoach #podcast

10 Cringy Love Life Killers Ep. 22

Sis. Let's talk about the cringy stuff you're doing in your love life that you don't even know you're doing. Like auto-promoting one date into a whole relationship in your head before he even knows he's in it. Or shapeshifting yourself into something "wifeable" instead of just being a whole woman. Or driving past his apartment at midnight because you can NAME your attachment style, but you can't seem to stop living it. This week we're going there. Ten behaviors that are quietly ruining your dating life, AND ten behaviors that will have you in love and happy with your divine equal match. Ten to release. Ten to embrace. One India Arie song at the end to anchor the whole thing. If you've been wondering why your love life keeps looking the same no matter how much you "do the work," this is the episode for you. Sometimes the work isn't another book. Sometimes the work is admitting which cringy behavior you're still defending, and choosing different from this moment forward.Song Featured:  "I Choose" by India.Arie feat. Bonnie Raitt (Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship, Motown, 2006). Written by India.Arie Simpson.  Past Episodes Referenced:  Episode 17: "Where the Hell Is My Husband?" - on specificity  Episode 18: "Knowing Better, Still Doing It Anyway" - on the insight-implementation gap Episode 21: "Your Vagina's Voice" - on body wisdom  Links:  Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club:  candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love  Hack the Dating Apps http://candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-th-apps2 Apple Podcasts:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grown-liberated-love-club/id1866935967 Hashtags: #20things #datingsabotages #grownandliberatedlove #divineequalmatch #ichoose #indiaarie #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #blackwomeninlove #blacklove #lovecoach #podcast Theme Arrangement: Wes Kilgore

The Wise Voice of Your Vagina Ep. 21

She's been talking to you. The question is whether you've been listening. This week on The Grown & Liberated Love Club... the wise voice of your vagina. What she sounds like, when she's lyin', when she's telling the truth, and the four ways she's been trying to flag you down... medically, emotionally, spiritually, and that fourth one is going to wake you up. Find out what your vagina sounds like.  Inside the episode: the science of the heart-vagina connection (your vagus nerve has receipts), the work of Dr. Donna Oriowo and Dr. Regina Davis Moss on Black women's pleasure and sexuality, why she literally cannot be "used up," and why her sacred utilization has to be an expression of YOUR consent AND desire... not just one or the other. Plus a "Gurl, What Chu Going Through?" segment featuring songs by Black women that honor HER voice and HER pleasure with no man in the audience. New episodes every Saturday at 6pm EST Episode Notes:  Research Citations:  Dr. Donna Oriowo, PhD, LICSW, CST. Founder, AnnodRight. Author of Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease: Exploring Sexuality Through Colorism and Texturism (2020) and Drink Water and Mind Your Business (2024).  Davis Moss, R. (Ed.) (2023). Black Women's Reproductive Health and Sexuality: A Holistic Public Health Approach. APHA Press.  Faustin, Y. et al. Chapter in Black Women's Reproductive Health and Sexuality (2023). Byllye Avery, Founder, Black Women's Health Imperative.  General autonomic nervous system / pelvic-vagal innervation references: standard anatomy.  Song Featured:  "Honey" by Erykah Badu (New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh, Universal Motown, 2010). Written and produced by Erykah Badu.  Honorable Mentions (discussed in segment):  "Pussy" by Lady Saw (now Marion Hall) - foundational dancehall sovereignty lineage "Feeling Myself" by Nicki Minaj feat. Beyonc (2014)  "Q.U.E.E.N." by Janelle Mone feat. Erykah Badu (2013)  Links:  Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club:  candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love  Hack the Dating Apps candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 Dr. Donna Oriowo's work: donnaoriowo.com  Black Women's Health Imperative: bwhi.org  Hashtags: #yourvaginasvoice #blackwomenssexuality #pleasureisbirthright #grownandliberatedlove #divineequalmatch #drdonnaoriowo #erykahbadu #honey #blackwomenwellness #lovecoach #relationshipcoach #podcast

Should You Take Him Back? Ep. 20

If you've ever wondered if you should go back after you've been rejected or cheated on... Tune in for this episode and find out the 5 steps that will give you the most definitive clarity you've ever had. Listen in and tap into your own answers with confidence. Links: Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club: candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love Hack the Dating Apps ($27): https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 Hashtags: #shoulditakehimback #infidelityrecovery #grownandliberatedlove #divineequalmatch #patternsinlove #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #blackwomeninlove #blacklove #lovecoach #podcast Research Citations: Marin, R.A., Christensen, A., & Atkins, D.C. (2014). "Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: Relationship outcomes over 5 years following therapy." Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 3, 1-12. uri, M., et al. (2025). "Romantic jealousy and subjective ambivalence in close relationships." Emotion, American Psychological Association. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 2012 reconciliation outcomes survey. Gordon, K.C., Baucom, D.H., & Snyder, D.K. (2004). "An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs." Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. Musical Arrangement by Wes Kilgore

Is Healthy Black Marriage A Thing? Ep. 19

Y'all know Black Americans were MORE married than white folks for 70 years until the 1960s? Yeah. Me either, until I went looking. This week we're talking about what actually happened to Black marriage, why the gender war is engagement-farmed erasure, what healthy Black partnership actually looks like (it's NOT submission), and why "Spend My Life With You" by Tamia and Eric Benet is the assignment for the week.  Links:  The Grown & Liberated Love Club Application - https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love Hack the Dating Apps -  https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 Them Music Arranged by Wes Kilgore EPISODE NOTES Research Citations: U.S. Census Bureau, 2023 American Community Survey (released September 2024). Marriage statistics by race/ethnicity. U.S. Census Bureau, "Marriage Prevalence for Black Adults Varies by State" (2022). National Center for Family & Marriage Research, "Marriage: More than a Century of Change, 1900-2022" (Bowling Green State University, 2024). Raley, R.K., Sweeney, M.M., & Wondra, D. "The Growing Racial and Ethnic Divide in U.S. Marriage Patterns." Future of Children, 25(2), 89-109. UCLA, 2015. Harknett, K. & McLanahan, S. "Racial and Ethnic Differences in Marriage After the Birth of a Child." American Sociological Review (multiple years). hooks, b. "All About Love: New Visions" (William Morrow, 1999). hooks, b. "We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity" (Routledge, 2004). hooks, b. "Salvation: Black People and Love" (Atria, 2001).