The PNW Dog Mom

I Have Been Reborn

For those familiar with my story [https://thepnwdogmom.com/the-story], you might surmise a little bit of the baggage I’ve been carrying with me my whole life. I’ll be sparing you the details lest I burden you with the emotional weight, and focusing on my experience + what led me there. Just prior to leaving for Arizona, where this healing retreat [https://starfound.org/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22272525720&gbraid=0AAAAABPWu53xkoOeiYmiYWZMOpjfVTFnN&gclid=Cj0KCQjw2MbPBhCSARIsAP3jP9zh-FdVJ4afOKVjEsnSIU3LNRFrEKVXtYr1tZNqeUKtGcqgaiQ2McwaAmJPEALw_wcB] was held, I felt like I had a metaphorical ticking time bomb inside me, just waiting to detonate. Despite my best efforts to “self help” my way into a balanced mental state, I was continually facing despair due to my earnest desire to “be the change” I wished to see in the world - and not having those efforts reciprocated in some of my closest personal relationships. This combined with my hyper empathetic instincts and betrayal towards myself to avoid “hurting feelings” kind of led to the perfect storm of mental, emotional, and ultimately physical instability. One thing that surprised me the most when I was finally isolated from the world in the desert, no phone, no internet, no distractions from the work we were doing - was reviewing one of my journals I had brought with me, hoping for some clarity by reading words from my past. I thought that what had led me to S.T.A.R. was recent developments in my life - inauthentic relationships due to my noble efforts of being a positive influence (spoiler alert, this well meaning idea backfired miserably), instinctual habits or obligations I felt chained to. Despite my VERY strong convictions about telling my loved ones to live life on THEIR terms, abandoning any feelings of obligation & guilt shown by others for “stepping out of line”, so to speak - it turns out I haven’t been following my own advice. I came to S.T.A.R. feeling trapped in a prison made of my own decisions, with no escape due to the fear I held of letting other people down. Just earlier this month of April, I was experiencing panic attacks due to anxiety, inability to contain my emotions & a lot of hopelessness considering “healing” has been my number one priority for the past year. I thought it was all due to the decline of empathy & common sense in the U.S. brought out by this god-forsaken government, but it turns out the root cause came from a much, MUCH deeper place - one that all the self help books, YouTube videos & trauma healing modalities would have unfortunately never unpacked for me. As I mentioned, I brought along a journal that I’ve been jotting down entries in since 2019. Upon reviewing my words, I was surprised to read how unstable my mental state has actually been, all throughout the last almost DECADE. Another piece of the puzzle was my intentional skipping of processing my late husband Alex’s sudden death in 2017. After learning via lecture at the beginning of our week at STAR how deeply trauma affects you mentally & physically, things were starting to click fast. No wonder fatigue has been an issue I’ve dealt with my whole life. No wonder I don’t have memories of my early childhood. No wonder I feel the need to please others in order to receive love. No wonder betraying myself in order to build a community has caused such a disruption in my emotional state. No wonder despite living my dream life (as so stated in my journal!!), I was still not “happy.” Footnote: two things can be true. I have been very happy, and I have been very sad, angry, and empty. For many, many, many years now. Honestly, the lecture part of STAR was eye opening enough to where I thought I was able to review my life & piece together why I was feeling like such an emotional hot mess. But something you may not know, and may not even KNOW you don’t know, is how much MORE there is to processing, understanding, and overcoming your trauma. Coming to peace with it. Letting it go. It doesn’t happen in the brain. It happens in the body, and in the heart. And for some people, like myself, we’ve either been raised to avoid any expression of emotion, or “negative emotion” (ex: anger, sadness) and therefore it truly took an exhausting amount of inner & outer work with my classmates, my facilitators, and myself to unblock the emotional dam I built & fortified over 34 years in order to survive. Breaking down the barrier within my body to express emotions in the company of strangers of sadness and anger was something SO FOREIGN to me that I was a little nervous at first whether I’d even be able to do - despite my desperate desire to do so, after learning that there was a way out of my emotional prison. This is where I want to give all the kudos & gratitude towards the STAR program, my fellow STARmates, & the incredible facilitators who helped to unlock within me what I desperately needed. I won’t spoil the details of the work done inside the program, because going in to it a bit blind yet wholly receptive & open minded is what I’d recommend to anyone considering it. When you know details, you have the time to talk yourself out of it, or THINK your way out of it…and I’ve now learned that the magic happens when you stop thinking, and just do the work. Like jumping into a cold body of water, I came into this experience knowing it was not going to be pleasant, and I was going to need a LOT of encouragement & support. But I’m so glad I did. “Lose your mind…and come to your senses.” The STAR program, created by baddie diva forever hallowed be her name - Barbara [https://pocketsanctuary.wordpress.com/staff-bios/barbara-findeisens-bio/#:~:text=Barbara%20Reid%20Findeisen%2C%20BA%2C%20MA%2C%20PhD%20honorarium&text=She%20was%20a%20founding%20member,Director%20of%20the%20STAR%20Process.] - is the result of decades of research done on how our thoughts, behaviors, actions, everything - is consciously and subconsciously affected by EVERYTHING we experience since conception, birth, upbringing by our parents / caregivers. An excerpt from the STAR website here, describing the work we were led through during the process: “Along the path to your true self, you will be gently guided through cognitive exercises, integrative breathwork, emotional release work, journaling, guided imagery, intensive writing assignments, and more, all designed to reveal patterns that may directly or indirectly affect how you live today.” After attending the program and working through these exercises myself, I smile as I continue to write, because that single sentence does technically sum up what we all did together over 8 days, but it’s impossible to convey the profound enlightenment, clarity, and peace that came from my work at STAR. How do you put into words the feeling of finally understanding WHO you are, why you do the things you do (especially when those things HURT you), receiving validation for the pain you’ve carried deep in your core since childhood, the closure of finally knowing that it wasn’t your fault - and learning why & how to care for yourself & your inner child that is still within you - back in your “real” life? That’s a trick question. It’s not possible. One of the most impactful takeaways for me, that came from STAR, was about how emotions, feelings, connection, and imperfection are what make us human. They are impossible to convey via lecture, via conversation, via intellectual analysis. And that’s not a weakness. That is beautiful. In our modern times where computers are where society is driving reliance upon, occasions for authentic human connection are dwindling in favor of cheap dopamine hits compounding exponentially due to capitalism & (in my opinion) the insistance that we are sooo different from our indigenous ancestors…jumping into the deep end of the emotional & philosophical pool was the glass of water so many of our souls are thirsting for. Looking into others’ eyes, and therefore hearts, hearing their darkest fears & heartbreaks, hopes and dreams, witnessing their tears and screams and feeling our collective efforts to complete the assignments that would unveil who our innermost selves are - it was something I will never forget, in this lifetime or the next ones we will forever be experiencing. Attending the STAR program helped me to uncover my past traumas, & connect them to why I was engaging in behaviors that, however noble, were serving to poison myself from the inside out. “We are every age we have ever been.” I was guided and prompted to physiologically feel the searing, painful emotions and feelings those memories caused me, by reliving them and dissecting every part of them with the safest, kindest humans as my parachute. I was taught to recognize and release those physical emotions from my body, in order to keep them from taking over & driving the car that is my life - and to prevent them from being bottled up so deeply within me. You don’t want to do that. Trust me. They will find a way to come out some way….and it likely won’t be in a way that serves you. I was taught to recognize the different parts of my psyche, the good and bad. And how this is also the beauty of our humanity, and how we have the power within to acknowledge and refrain from affirming the harmful parts of us we all contain. And how we are not defined by them, no matter how it feels. We learned the importance of creativity, curiosity, wonder, and play. We practiced using our newfound skills in scenarios we’d likely experience when back in the “real” world, with our new friends to help us test out new phrases, actions, and choices aligned with the people we now want to be. We received encouragement & recognition for our sorrows & struggles that led us each to STAR, & found support from strangers that re-instilled in me some hope for humanity. I learned how being true to myself & doing what I need to feel loved & in alignment is no one else’s responsibility but my own, and how that’s actually a beautiful thing to fight for. I was guided through ways to let go of past & present injustices I’ve faced, to relinquish guilt or responsibility for the habits I’ve held as a means of emotional survival. We learned how everything we learned was just the beginning, albeit a foundation I wish every human on Earth could build for themselves. Now as I begin anew, truly feeling reborn & at peace with what I’ve learned & with motivation to move forward by protecting my inner child, I know there will still be many more challenges to face. There will be new scenarios & relationships to test me, and I’m going to have to truly practice communicating & enforcing my emotional boundaries without shame. My relationships with certain people will be changed forever, & they’ll never be able to understand why (unless they choose to go through STAR themselves!) - and that’s simply not my problem. Although it was for good reason, I’ve spent the last year emotionally investing in humans who don’t fill my heart the way that I need, and now I know that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. I now understand the full extent of the baggage I’ve been carrying with me, consciously and subconsciously, and by processing it and finally feeling it - I have released it from my heart. I now know how important it is to have relationships with people who understand me, make me feel safe, and allow me to express the full extent of who I am in order for me to flourish in this life. I know now to release judgements of others due to just how absolutely innate our behaviors & actions can be as a result of our past traumas. But I also know now that it’s not my responsibility to put myself in the receiving end of those who don’t know any better. I thought I knew this before, after dealing with the loss of my soulmate at such a young age in a traumatic way, but life is too short to harbor such pain and responsibility for others’ happiness. All we can do is focus on ourselves, and by understanding ourselves and the duty we have to our inner children, we can become a force of positive change in this world. A side effect of this realization is that I felt a slow digestion of understanding that it is not my duty to force others to realize the pain and suffering they are placing upon others due to their ignorance, biases, and ingrained harmful worldviews. Since my identity has grown to include the passion for activism and raising awareness for how severely the political environment of our country has been increasingly affecting me and my loved ones, I’ll admit that I’m currently uncertain how to proceed now knowing that such a large part of my identity is, ultimately, something I now know triggers me far more than I ever thought - and therefore is a harmful area for me to spend my precious time focusing on. This is a nuanced topic, and something that doesn’t require an answer or explanation past this at this time. But it is an interesting development as our country continues to fracture. Before attending STAR, I had been grappling with the question of whether my purpose in life was to help enlighten others & procure empathy in those who may not have been reached due to my very random assortment of life experiences, and therefore some authority to speak on certain topics that are relevant in the lens of “America Today”…but after STAR & experiencing the beauty of life when lived among others who “get it,” feel safe to be myself around, and are equally passionate about continually evolving into their authentic, mature, loving selves………I think I know what my answer is now. I’m still uncertain what the future holds, but now I have a compass I trust. I plan to invest even MORE time and energy into exploring who I am as an artist, spending more time on play, figuring out how to find humans who show love the way I long for, and who have a passion of their own for introspection, philosophy, and living life to the fullest. And now I know how to set boundaries along the way. To end this piece, I’ll spell it out for you in case it wasn’t yet clear - I cannot recommend attending the STAR healing retreat enough. It changed my life, and very well could be what saved my life moving forward. I’m not sure if the world will ever know the full extent of the darkness I’ve carried within, that I shared pieces of with my STARmates, but it has been heavy. If any of this information has resonated with you and your story, I encourage you to trust the process and attend a STAR retreat on your own. I’ve seen now the difference it makes to receive curated, 1 on 1 guided trauma support and processing compared to general self help books & methods - those are like trying to place a bandaid on an amputated limb. In order to introduce feeling back into your heart safely, to dissect, work backwards & determine the root of the pain - it takes a group of VERY special people, holding your hand through a very special & intense process that will take a LOT of work and introspection. And I can without a doubt, say that STAR is an incredible way to do it. ❤ Signing off until next time, angels. 🦋 E.S. ‍ Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work ✨ I would love if you joined me in this journey by subscribing to these broadcasts on this platform. The main distribution channel for My Work is via my website, on thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/]. You’ll find human apparel, dog hoodies, and fine art prints available for collection beginning February 14, 2026. To receive email updates about DBDM & other works, you can join my mailing list on my website, or via this link [https://pnw-dog-mom.kit.com/profile?_gl=1*1oynjlq*_gcl_au*MTQ3OTU5NjUzLjE3Njc4NDA3NjguNDIyMjYxOTg5LjE3Njc4NDA3NzAuMTc2Nzg0MDgxOA..]. If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to raise awareness of My Work. I encourage you to check out my work on the platforms below & subscribe to the channels that resonate most. ✨ Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] Pinterest [https://www.pinterest.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Your Introduction to DBDM

Hello, reader. It’s time for me to explain what this project is so you can see if it resonates with you ✨ and in hopes that if you’d like to add any of these apparel pieces to you (or your dog’s) collection, you can appreciate the love & meaning they were born from. My name is Elisa Marie, and I’ve worn many hats until now - but I started & am ending with the title of Artist [https://thepnwdogmom.com/the-blog/nz7i9pa1f0kj0i46pjkgn3wfj8jq1i]. As a lifelong & forever destined dog mom (I’ve never experienced the desire for bearing or raising human children), dogs have been one of the only constant sources of joy & meaning in my life. As a lifelong loner, the bonds I’ve had the privilege of forming with the best dogs in the world (don’t grab your pitchfork - the magic about dogs is that every single one of them is the best dog in the world. That’s what makes them so special.) have oftentimes been the only thing to get me through the unexpected & also universal heartbreaking seasons of life. There was my first deathbed dog, named Patch - who I’ve shared one story about before [https://thepnwdogmom.com/the-blog/we-brought-home-a-brittany-puppy-in-march-2025-my-life-will-never-be-the-same]. He was a Brittany that was my best friend, partner in crime, and guardian as a child, while my father was building his commercial beekeeping business & my mom, who had immigrated from Colombia to a new world & reality, was figuring out WTF was up with america & learning how to be a mother. Although not deathbed dogs, a formative part of my love for dogs includes my mom’s unexpectedly successful empire she built breeding & homing Bichon Frisé puppies. What started out as maybe an unorthodox way of making some money doing something that our home had the space & my mom had the time & patience for ended up resulted in many, many happy families & the excitement that puppies brings, for me & my sisters. Although I feel like communicating with dogs, appreciating their simplicity & joy has been innate - perhaps it’s the years spent in the born - 8 week stage of life for several puppy litters that have made my knowledge of the care and repetition required to properly care for dogs something ingrained in who I am. As a child, where my mom’s dogs were less of human companions, and now an income stream (don’t worry, she cared for those dogs & they lived a great life on my family’s multi acre property), and my father’s dogs throughout my childhood were hunting dogs and nothing more, the greatest yearning I ever felt was for a dog of my own. The first adult death bed dog that changed my life forever was named Vixen. I was in my last year at University, nervous & unsure what the future held with my degree in Apparel Design & my soon to be husband having recently enlisted into the Air National Guard in hopes of providing for our family & leveling up his already impressive automotive mechanic skills. One of my best friends at the time had decided to adopt a tiny deerhead Chihuahua mix from the shelter, but wasn’t exactly dog savvy - nor did her parents even remotely let her think the dog was allowed to come home with her after graduation. The first time I saw Vixen (named “Luca” back then, if i remember correctly) - I experienced love at first sight, but with a dog. Let me know if this has ever happened to you, because I experienced it again, with one of my current pups - Villain. I offered to babysit Vixen whenever my friend needed, and fell increasingly in love with the little tan spitfire with half folded ears and a curly Q tail that literally stopped strangers in their tracks when they landed their eyes upon her cuteness. I’m not just saying this, it was a recurring experience. When my friend let me know that the ultimatum from her parents had been given, and there was now an ad on craigslist for her puppy, but did I maybe want her? My heart was set ablaze now that I would be able to call that little angel my own. And the adventures we had over the two short years of Vixen’s life were ones I’ll cherish forever. I spent countless hours training Vixen on my parents’ property in the summer heat of 2014, taking her to the elementary & middle school fields I had trekked to from my house for years, growing up through each grade, now as an “adult” to proof her commands & carry out my current studies as a hobby dog trainer. She got to explore the most beautiful parts of the Oregon wilderness with my husband & I, as light on her feet as a fairy, scaling boulders on hiking trails with ease. She was my constant shadow & companion throughout the scary & unmapped season of life after graduation. During life as a newlywed, during my first attempt to launch a financially successful clothing brand, through the years I spent apart from my husband while he was in Air Force boot camp & tech school. She kept me company as I spent hours getting ready for my life changing position at the MAC counter inside of Nordstrom, and even back then - I was known as the girl with the dog. And then, one day, after we had played in the idyllic summer late afternoon, Vixen romping around in the grass of the sprawling yard outside my parents’ house - I drove down the road to put in my time at the gym as I did daily back when my husband & I were long distance - and when I came home, opened the front door & called her name - I learned she was gone. Having made her way down to the main road, she had been hit by a vehicle and unable to save, like my first deathbed dog, Patch, before her. At 23 years old, it was my first, true and embodied experience with the death of a being far before it was their time. And two years after her death, my husband, Alex Serrano, was killed in a vehicle collision, too. As you can see, there’s quite a literal meaning behind this project. As an artist, art is how I’m returning to my roots to honor things that mean most to me in life, and as a physical form of expression that I can share with others who “get it.” Beyond the literal homage in the name of “Death Bed Dog Moms,” the unexpected embraces from death in my life have also changed everything about the way I live, and my philosophies in regards to happiness & the meaning of life - at least, for myself. In that sense, the name & this project also represent a reminder to live like a dog until you die. Loving others who care for you with your whole being, unconditionally. Living simply, with gratitude for the blessings the world gives us. Appreciating & soaking up every moment spent outdoors. Living in the moment. Being absolutely and unequivocally unapologetic about who you are, and unafraid to set boundaries with those who you don’t respect your way of being. Honoring your physical, mental, and somatic physiological needs as a creature with a body to take care of. Taking baby steps to overcome your struggles, or to achieve your goals. Being thankful for something as small as a ball, or a stick. And most important of all - taking any chance you can get to play. This is just a handful of lessons I’ve learned from my dogs. I would loveeee to hear the lessons your dogs have taught you. So with that context being given, I hope you can get a sense of how much meaning these pieces hold, the way they honor my dogs and yours, and how I hope they can serve as a physical reminder when you wear them of how to live your life - Like a dog. 💖 I would hope it wouldn’t have to be said, but since I’m the one in charge here - I’ll say it anyways. I know there’s new clothing brands being made every day, people with a dream just like mine, and also empty money grabs made by savvy entrepreneurs who know how to calculate what clothing and designs might sell to consumers. This is not that. This is an art project born from love and pain, and it’s uncertain what the future holds for it. If enough people resonate with this project to keep it going, that would be so lovely. But if it’s a limited time project that can’t sustain itself forever, then that’s okay too. It’s an experiment, and I’m so grateful to anyone that has taken the time to listen, & to hop on this ride. Every piece has been made with intention - and as I’ve said before, quite selfishly. I’ve always viewed clothing as a form of expression, evident by the craaaaaazy styles I’ve sported over the decades and, of course, my decision to spend four years acquiring a degree learning about the history, construction, and business behind clothing. Getting to learn & help structure the ins & outs of our boutique style, wholesale operated silk screen printing production facility & service based business in Oregon was the last puzzle piece this project needed. I’ve had the opportunity to learn the ins & outs of different clothing pieces made for different garment decoration methods, I’ve gotten to see what sets pieces apart from the rest and also what shortcuts are made to deliver budget conscious options for those who aren’t looking to offer a premium piece of decorated clothing. This means these pieces set for sale by me, and made possible by my partner’s screen printing shop, Don’t Lose Hope Screen Print [http://dlhscreenprint.com], are pieces made by those who have the experience, discernment, and professional ability to provide what many brands wouldn’t be able to: * afford * receive the appropriate ROI on * even be able to offer at this small of scale I’ve been able to be as hands on as you can get in this process of bringing these pieces to fruition, while collaborating with other professionals to cover the areas I’m unable to carry out myself. Okay, now I’ll clarify who this brand is for….. Essentially, anyone who resonates with the visual aesthetic, and/or the deeper meaning behind the collective art project. Thanks to my marketing & psychology training, & natural taste, it’s been SO FUN using the “alt dog mom” niche as the simplified target market, because of course that’s who this brand is for when you take it at face value. Macabre graphics like skeletons & scythes, nods to the occult with pentagrams & moons - oooooof what alt girly doesn’t LOVE??? My personal twist is to also offer this vision in soft & neon PINK…because that’s also me. And maybe it’s more girls, too. We’ll find out! As an artist, contradictions make me happy. And my own life & the way I live is proof that you don’t have to be one dimensional, predictable, or fit into a box of assumptions that others may have about you. BUT, I want to explicitly state that as someone who is passionate about inclusivity, just because the project name is “Death Bed Dog Moms” doesn’t mean it’s only for women - I intentionally curated designs that would be gender neutral, without “dog mom” verbiage on every single piece because these pieces are so much more than a self identifying label to wear on the street. This clothing is for whomever wishes to wear it and embody the values and meaning I described prior. Men, non binary peeps and heck, children, to me that would be rad - anyone is welcome to wear my art. 💖 You don’t have to be a dog mom, identify as a woman, or even like dogs - if you dig the art, then you’re welcome to add these to your collection. As for this project & how it fits into the framework of my other work, it’s just one way I’m trying to uplift others & embed meaning into your daily life using art works to serve as visual reminders. This podcast, or these personal broadcasts, are another format I’m using to connect with people like you who love dogs, consider themselves to be deep thinkers & feelers, and don’t shy away from reflecting on life & our place within the universe. I’m working on structuring these broadcasts into series to help simplify things for those who ONLY want updates on DBDM releases & updates, etc because I knowwww there’s gonna be peeps who don’t care to hear allat from me, and that’s okay!! For those who are open to hearing further broadcasts from me, I will be continuing to document this experiment of building a brand for My Work - which will include the stories behind my art works, my reflections on dogs, grief, love, creativity, and current events - because that’s the life I live. As an artist, and not a content creator, I’m happy to say that my priority is my artworks, and not the content creation in order to promote it. This means that for better or worse, these broadcasts are mostly unpolished & raw as a form of documentation for my own heart, and to help filter out those who are only interested in being entertained by shallow & addictive “content.” Because although content can be an art form, it’s not the one that I’m called to spend my time on. Wherever this all will lead me….I wake up every day remembering I will die. And to honor this, I will follow where my heart and my intuition takes me. Peace & Love, E.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work ✨ I would love if you joined me in this journey by subscribing to these broadcasts on this platform. The main distribution channel for My Work is via my website, on thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com]. You’ll find human apparel, dog hoodies, and fine art prints available for collection beginning February 14, 2026. To receive email updates about DBDM & other works, you can join my mailing list on my website, or via this link [https://pnw-dog-mom.kit.com/profile?_gl=1*1oynjlq*_gcl_au*MTQ3OTU5NjUzLjE3Njc4NDA3NjguNDIyMjYxOTg5LjE3Njc4NDA3NzAuMTc2Nzg0MDgxOA..]. If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to raise awareness of My Work. I encourage you to check out my work on the platforms below & subscribe to the channels that resonate most. ✨ Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] Pinterest [https://www.pinterest.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

A Message From Beyond the Pit of Despair

For someone who’s never wanted children, I sure do think about my legacy a lot. I think it started when I reached the peak of small business ownership burnout in 2025, because a lot of small business owners will endure indescribable sacrifice in hopes of their children inheriting a successful business that will support them in the future. But as (it feels like) the rest of (white) American society is being forced to come to terms with current events & now being emotionally impacted by the pain being inflicted upon our collective society - it seems to be a topic I keep returning to as I spin my mental wheels, contemplating what I, a random dog mom in the PNW, can do that could leave a positive legacy for the next generations. Because the more I educate myself on the (intentional, let’s not forget this) racist undertones that are woven within the fabric of every single thing we encounter in our lives - part of my grieving process for the future I once imagined is also accepting that the battle against evil, racism, patriarchy, aka the current regime pulling the strings worldwide - is not a new battle. It’s just new to those who have either sought out or have had the dots connected for them. And it’s a battle that will continue on after I’m gone, I think. Because unprogramming centuries of racism, and combatting decades of imperialist & capitalistic propaganda doesn’t happen overnight. When I first began embodying my resistance - this was something I simply could not bear to accept. That things have been, are, and will continue to be SO WRONG, SO UNJUST, and my lay heart bleeding on the floor for those who have suffered, are suffering, and will suffer. For those experiencing this stage of your resistance, I have felt your despair. A little secret is that I still feel it, too. It will never go away. The way I’m surviving this war is to use it as motivation. To DO SOMETHING. Anything. I will now give you some tough love that helped shift my mindset last year. It’s not exactly comforting, but it’s a way to work through the pain. Let the suffering of others be what mobilizes you - not paralyze you. Now that the horrors (that have always happened to minorities) are being highlighted & in our faces daily - “staying informed” can easily become misconstrued as resistance. The thing is, subjecting your mental state to absorbing that information constantly is going to negatively affect your ability to fight & stay focused. And we need that from you. This is going to be a long game, not a sprint. As I’ve mentioned before, reducing my scrolling time by like 99% has massively improved my mental health. Right now that’s a frame of thought that others are shaming right now - and I get it. I used to think that way, too. But as with anything, your intention matters. If your reaction to the reality we are living in is to actively ignore the truths being publicized in order to selfishly soak up & coast along from whatever amount of privilege you have, then that’s cringe and yucky, dude. If your current habit is to soak up the evil occurring through your screen in order to “see it to believe it” per say, and to spread awareness, fact check claims, etc, well…that’s another way to process things. But the thing is, absorbing all of the violence and anger for no reason other than to feel the pain & be negatively affected, out of the guilt that looking away makes you an “ignorant person” - That’s frankly just not very helpful for me, for my loved ones, and for the others on the receiving end of the suffering. But I get it. I’ve been “not working” (in quotes because honey, I’ve been working my tail off. Just not in the capitalistic sense.) for almost a year now, and now that I’ve begun to dismantle the addiction ingrained in me to produce in order to prove my worth - I’ve experienced myself how unfair it is to ask anyone who’s in shackles to the system of capitalism to be able to dive in head first into activism & become a ⭐️shining example⭐️ of all the ways to fight against the soulless puppeteers pulling the strings in our world. At first, this made me skip & hop back into the pit of despair I have handy (it’s been there since I was a child, so it’s a familiar place, at least?) because I was all “okay, welp it’s gonna take allllll these people to make change, and they can’t! They’re all workin’ like dogs, slaves to the system - I don’t have the right to expect them to show up in the way experts say we need to do to overthrow the government.” And you know how easy it would be to just call that the end of it? Go on and live my little life & see how far I can get with my white privilege by proxy? Yeah, it would be easy for some, but NOT FOR ME……because I’ve got the blood of a fighter in me, I guess. Kind of annoying, actually!! (joke) But like life has forced me to practice before, acceptance is the last stage of grief, and it was the first stage of enlightenment & autonomy over my own life. Now that I’ve reached this stage of grief for the country I thought I knew, and as a result, the future I expected - I’m accepting the things I cannot change. With this comes an intentionally detached state of mind. And I’ve said, intention is everything. My intention by purposefully avoiding violent & cortisol heightening media is to use the bandwidth I’ve gained back to resist. Someone online shared a viewpoint, and I think it’s a more helpful & pointed one that could help direct those who are unsure of what to do. They said that right now, the people who are able to do the most will be the ones with the most privilege. Not everyone can afford the financial or mental toll it takes to resist in the common ways I see repeated often. But don’t let that discourage you, no matter what amount of privilege you do or don’t think you have. Let it empower you. I know it feels good for the ego to make grand displays of resistance, to imagine leading a charge upon the white house (too soon?), to envision winning the powerball prize & giving the winnings to the houseless population in your town… But it’s perhaps a bit more realistic to thing smaller. To think creatively. To think emotionally. Less immediate cause & effect. Because the effects of racism and the patriarchy (because all concentrated power leads back to these freakin’ roots) are such deep rooted, core programming and normalized ways of being that simply “having more money” or placing decision making power with “other” men won’t actually solve the problem(s) that result in these injustices. We kinda have to reprogram all of humanity……at least, the ones who don’t believe in equality for all. And that’s a tallllllllll order, I know. Wait, don’t jump back in your pit of despair just yet!! Because like we talked about, that doesn’t help. You’ve got to do what you can do, after taking an honest & zoomed out look at yourself and your life and your bandwidth. Shop small more often. Meet your neighbors. Strengthen existing connections with people in your life to where you have people you can ask for help if you REALLY needed it, and you know they would help you out. And you would do the same for them. Find ways to live outside the matrix that our lives have dropped us into. Those in power see us as consumers, nothing more - so an amazing form of resistance you might not even realize is doing absolutely ANYTHING that doesn’t involve buying something. Going on a walk? Resistance. Playing with your dog? Resistance. Reading a book, painting, dancing, giggling with friends on your living room floor - resistance. The first step of resistance I want you to reclaim is your own mind. Instead of spending your precious life on earth spent looking at life through a screen Begin seeking out real life experiences by yourself, in nature (my fav), or with like minded people to keep your spirits up and remember what it is we are fighting for. And it will take people like you and I, chipping away. Putting “safe place” hand made signs in front of your house? Resistance. Offering sliding scale pricing for your services if you’re self employed? Resistance. Giving art away to loved ones? Resistance. Making it clear to everyone you know what you stand for & not being afraid to show it? The biggest resistance of all. But the first step of the war is taking care of yourself, so that you can gather whatever energy and power you have to fight, in honor of those who came before you, and those who will come after. Because like I spoke about in my last piece, we are all one. Healing yourself will heal others around you. So it’s an act of discipline and resistance just to stay sane. So don’t feel shame by looking away from the graphic and spirit crushing truths being broadcast, if you don’t need them to confirm what you already know. Let the suffering inspire you to make small habits of resistance. And let those habits turn into a lifestyle. And let that lifestyle show others you meet that there’s actually a different way of being. As your bandwidth in each season of your life changes, adjust your ways and intensity of resistance accordingly. I’m learning it takes feeling, experiencing, embodying, witnessing - to change people’s minds, as opposed to facts & logic. Let your life be the example. Let your life be the spark. Well, now back to the first thought I had for this piece. As I’ve said before, I never really know where my mind will go once I start writing. But in regards to my legacy, and everything I’ve said in this piece, the heavily ironic thing that has come to mind for me is children. So much of who you are is formed by what you experience as a child. And so much of what your worldview becomes is formed by reading and the healthy or unhealthy forms of expression & way of being you are raised with. I already told you I’ve never wanted children of my own, but the idea of showing young children a different path than the one society lays for them (worker, consumer, passive follower) gives me some hope that it would carry on some positive butterfly effects after I leave this timeline. But I’m focusing on one step at a time. Now that some of my friends are having kids, I’m mentally preparing myself to learn how to offer support to them & their kiddos, spreading positive programming & ways of thinking to help offset what they’ll be absorbing, LOL 😈 Being an observer of motherhood at the age women usually experience it has been an unexpected lesson for me in learning how to be a villager when our society all but enforces self sustaining lifestyles upon us, in order to facilitate more sales to more consumers. I’ve gotten to see just a sliver of how much support it requires to be a good mother. So I will use my unique circumstance of being child free in order to use my energy towards resistance, womens’ & childrens’ empowerment, and trying to be the best example I can be to those in my world of what it looks like to live outside the matrix. Being born an outsider has given me a unique perspective. Somehow being unlike anyone else has become a gift in knowing how to survive without acceptance from the crowd. So, when it comes to my legacy…I just hope to leave one that’s as great as my late husband’s, Alex Serrano. One where everyone’s life I’ve touched, and hopefully people I’ve never even known I’ve impacted - are also inspired to live with gratitude, stand up for my beliefs, and become the best person they can be. What would you like your legacy to be? Peace & Love, E.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work. ✨ If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to help my mission of resistance through my art works ✨ I encourage you to check out my work on these platforms to see if maybe my other projects strike your fancy, too 💖 Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] Pinterest [https://www.pinterest.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

What is an artist of consciousness?

As I’ve grown more confident in my understanding of the world & of the way every single thing is connected - when I came across the term “artist of consciousness” (I’ll admit, I don’t recall where I came across this term, but it clearly resonated with me) It felt like the appropriate title for myself, and to encompass my work & vision. Let’s set the scene. Erase everything you thought you knew about the modern world, the concepts of “good” and “bad,” the expectations that have been placed upon you by society, family, religion, & the monetary definition of “success.” Science, physics, and philosophy have shown us that every action (or thought) has the power to affect reality. When you look back at your own life, I’ll bet you can draw the lines between the butterfly effect of a decision you made or action you took that changed your life forever - whether you expected it or not. Stay with me here - The last idea I want to share with you about the idea of “consciousness” is one that will really turn all you knew on it’s head, especially if you’ve been programmed with a traditional religion as your way to understand “life.” The thing is, we’re all little bits of the one consciousness. There isn’t really a man up in the sky, pulling the strings - punishing some people for doing “wrong” and bestowing others with salvation because they lived the “right” way. We are all the universe. The saints, the janitors, the convicts, the animals, the wind, the earth. And when you understand that we each hold the power to use our own mindset, and therefore actions, to influence the environment & interactions with others around you - you might realize that you have a lot more power to change the world than you might think. Have you ever received a random compliment from a stranger & it sparked something lovely in your heart? They were an artist of consciousness, influencing your state of mind & perhaps inspiring you to also spread some cheer by way of a compliment. Have you (like myself) been influenced by the atrocities happening currently (and that have been happening since the dawn of humanity…..but that’s a rabbit hole for another day.. but I’ll give you a hint - patriarchy!) and as a result fallen down into a pit of despair? Yeah, I know that’s putting it lightly. Unfortunately, even the billionaires & corrupt people in power are also artists of consciousness. I hope I’m getting my point across while trying to simplify these concepts as much as I can. The funny thing about language is that when you become more open minded about words, you begin to realize the importance about not taking things so literally. You might begin to understand that things written in the Bible, religious preachings - can also be taken as allegories, and metaphorical stories meant to bestow certain mindsets. Not facts. Not literal historical occurrences. So the moral of THIS story is - we are ALL artists of consciousness. We are all parts of a greater consciousness, we are all interacting with our world which is also parts of the same greater consciousness, and this cause & effect of everything happening simultaneously across our universe is this greater consciousness evolving. When Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage”, it’s the same concept. All of us are actors in this play, but unlike what your parents, your peers, your church, modern society, & your habits have ingrained in you - you have the ability to walk your own path. You can change what you’re doing and who you are any time. You can live your life on your terms. This doesn’t have to mean crazy examples that may be coming to mind. It can mean dressing a way that may be a little funky. It can mean listening to different music. It can mean smiling at strangers instead of ignoring them. It can mean not using social media, making friends with elderly, volunteering at a mutual aid organization, or boycotting a group that’s causing harm to others. It can mean choosing not to continue to be a part of the religion you were raised with, it can mean dyeing your hair crazy colors, it can mean marching to the beat of your own drum. By making small tweaks in the way you live - embracing things YOU like and that give YOU peace and joy - you will be living as an artist of consciousness, too. The art (your life) that you create is up to you. Your art will influence others whether you realize it or not. Your art will influence how you feel about yourself whether you believe it or not. Your art has power. The way you live has power. As someone who has grown up with many, many unconventional and non traditional experiences and mindsets programmed & deprogrammed out of me, and someone who has lived through the unexpected death of a spouse at a young age, and someone who spent all of 2025 trying to understand how the US is where it is now - being a self proclaimed artist of consciousness & sharing my explanation of it is how I am empowering myself to make change while still soaking up every bit of happiness and love I am lucky enough to experience - guilt free. Because terrible things ARE happening. And I’ll be vulnerable, because the world could use more of it - the hurt & sorrow that our corrupt government is inflicting upon myself & my loved ones drove me to a very unstable place that made me feel like there was only one way out. My unexpected response to this feeling of being cornered is to take my power back, and to zoom out to look at the whole picture. I may be just one particle of the collective consciousness, but the action I take could have the domino effect of spreading positive change. So I will take my privilege of having the ability to receive inspiration from source & produce my physical artworks in order to financially support myself to further distribute My Work. I do not take the ability for granted, whatsoever. The surface level explanation for My Work is creating “cool dog mom merch” and “pretty affirmation posters” - but if you read between the lines, My Work (and yours) is the way I do everything - the words I write, the way I dress, the way I interact with anyone I meet, the choices I make - all of these things combined create the fabric of the reality I live. It may not make the horrors stop. But I can die at peace, knowing I did what I could. To finish, I’ll share a message that came to my mind out of the ether: if all the world’s a stage then i’ll create a reality where i will be able to play the part that I want to play I am the alchemist Peace & Love, E.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work. ✨ If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to help my mission of resistance through my art works ✨ I encourage you to check out my work on these platforms to see if maybe my other projects strike your fancy, too 💖 Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

What is an artist of consciousness?

As I’ve grown more confident in my understanding of the world & of the way every single thing is connected - when I came across the term “artist of consciousness” (I’ll admit, I don’t recall where I came across this term, but it clearly resonated with me) It felt like the appropriate title for myself, and to encompass my work & vision. Let’s set the scene. Erase everything you thought you knew about the modern world, the concepts of “good” and “bad,” the expectations that have been placed upon you by society, family, religion, & the monetary definition of “success.” Science, physics, and philosophy have shown us that every action (or thought) has the power to affect reality. When you look back at your own life, I’ll bet you can draw the lines between the butterfly effect of a decision you made or action you took that changed your life forever - whether you expected it or not. Stay with me here - The last idea I want to share with you about the idea of “consciousness” is one that will really turn all you knew on it’s head, especially if you’ve been programmed with a traditional religion as your way to understand “life.” The thing is, we’re all little bits of the one consciousness. There isn’t really a man up in the sky, pulling the strings - punishing some people for doing “wrong” and bestowing others with salvation because they lived the “right” way. We are all the universe. The saints, the janitors, the convicts, the animals, the wind, the earth. And when you understand that we each hold the power to use our own mindset, and therefore actions, to influence the environment & interactions with others around you - you might realize that you have a lot more power to change the world than you might think. Have you ever received a random compliment from a stranger & it sparked something lovely in your heart? They were an artist of consciousness, influencing your state of mind & perhaps inspiring you to also spread some cheer by way of a compliment. Have you (like myself) been influenced by the atrocities happening currently (and that have been happening since the dawn of humanity…..but that’s a rabbit hole for another day.. but I’ll give you a hint - patriarchy!) and as a result fallen down into a pit of despair? Yeah, I know that’s putting it lightly. Unfortunately, even the billionaires & corrupt people in power are also artists of consciousness. I hope I’m getting my point across while trying to simplify these concepts as much as I can. The funny thing about language is that when you become more open minded about words, you begin to realize the importance about not taking things so literally. You might begin to understand that things written in the Bible, religious preachings - can also be taken as allegories, and metaphorical stories meant to bestow certain mindsets. Not facts. Not literal historical occurrences. So the moral of THIS story is - we are ALL artists of consciousness. We are all parts of a greater consciousness, we are all interacting with our world which is also parts of the same greater consciousness, and this cause & effect of everything happening simultaneously across our universe is this greater consciousness evolving. When Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage", it’s the same concept. All of us are actors in this play, but unlike what your parents, your peers, your church, modern society, & your habits have ingrained in you - you have the ability to walk your own path. You can change what you’re doing and who you are any time. You can live your life on your terms. This doesn’t have to mean crazy examples that may be coming to mind. It can mean dressing a way that may be a little funky. It can mean listening to different music. It can mean smiling at strangers instead of ignoring them. It can mean not using social media, making friends with elderly, volunteering at a mutual aid organization, or boycotting a group that’s causing harm to others. It can mean choosing not to continue to be a part of the religion you were raised with, it can mean dyeing your hair crazy colors, it can mean marching to the beat of your own drum. By making small tweaks in the way you live - embracing things YOU like and that give YOU peace and joy - you will be living as an artist of consciousness, too. The art (your life) that you create is up to you. Your art will influence others whether you realize it or not. Your art will influence how you feel about yourself whether you believe it or not. Your art has power. The way you live has power. As someone who has grown up with many, many unconventional and non traditional experiences and mindsets programmed & deprogrammed out of me, and someone who has lived through the unexpected death of a spouse at a young age, and someone who spent all of 2025 trying to understand how the US is where it is now - being a self proclaimed artist of consciousness & sharing my explanation of it is how I am empowering myself to make change while still soaking up every bit of happiness and love I am lucky enough to experience - guilt free. Because terrible things ARE happening. And I’ll be vulnerable, because the world could use more of it - the hurt & sorrow that our corrupt government is inflicting upon myself & my loved ones drove me to a very unstable place that made me feel like there was only one way out. My unexpected response to this feeling of being cornered is to take my power back, and to zoom out to look at the whole picture. I may be just one particle of the collective consciousness, but the action I take could have the domino effect of spreading positive change. So I will take my privilege of having the ability to receive inspiration from source & produce my physical artworks in order to financially support myself to further distribute My Work. I do not take the ability for granted, whatsoever. The surface level explanation for My Work is creating “cool dog mom merch” and “pretty affirmation posters” - but if you read between the lines, My Work (and yours) is the way I do everything - the words I write, the way I dress, the way I interact with anyone I meet, the choices I make - all of these things combined create the fabric of the reality I live. It may not make the horrors stop. But I can die at peace, knowing I did what I could. To finish, I’ll share a message that came to my mind out of the ether: if all the world’s a stage then i’ll create a reality where i will be able to play the part that I want to play I am the alchemist Peace & Love, E.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work. ✨ If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to help my mission of resistance through my art works ✨ I encourage you to check out my work on these platforms to see if maybe my other projects strike your fancy, too 💖 Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]