What If People Find Out? with James Barr & Kalvin Ryder

Chloe Caldwell on Fertility, Queerness & Blowing Up Her Life

She's a writer, essayist and author of a cult classic whose work has appeared everywhere from the New York Times to Vogue. This week on What If People Find Out, James Barr and Kalvin Ryder close out the first series of the podcast with Chloe Caldwell. Best known for her seminal book Women — a raw, intimate account of her first queer relationship — Chloe has spent her career writing her life in real time, on the page, before she fully understands it herself. Her new book Trying began as an honest account of navigating infertility and the fertility industrial complex. But midway through writing it, her life blew up entirely... She discovered her husband had been lying to her for years, walked away from her marriage, her apartment, her stepchild and the dog — and kept writing anyway. In this candid and beautifully wide-ranging conversation, Chloe opens up about the years she spent performing heteronormativity - and how a decade of repressing her queerness and chasing a pregnancy she thought she was supposed to want led her to the same place so many women find themselves: believing she was the problem. James, Kalvin and Chloe explore the pressure society places on women to make motherhood their identity, the shame spiral of unexplained infertility, and the liberating chaos of having your life explode in exactly the right direction. Chloe also reflects on PMDD, the low bar set for men in relationships, and why — for her — not getting pregnant turned out to be the greatest protection of all. This is also a series finale, and James and Kalvin take a moment to reflect on everything this first has taught them... Don't forget to subscribe and catch new episodes of What If People Find Out! Follow What If People Find Out Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/whatifpeoplefindout] TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@whatifpeoplefindout] X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@wipfopodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://x.com/wipfopodcast] YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfPeopleFindOut] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

James & Kalvin on Authenticity, Secrecy & the WIPFO Hotline

On this episode of What If People Find Out, there's no guest — just James Barr and Kalvin Ryder settling in for a lighter, laugh-out-loud episode. Fresh from his run at Soho Theatre and a trip to Australia with his one-man show, James is back in the studio — and we're wasting no time diving into what's been on their minds. Inspired by their recent conversation with Lady Diana Whitmore, James & Kalvin explore one of the most quietly radical ideas from that episode: the notion that authenticity isn't about sharing everything, but about knowing the difference between secrecy and privacy. From there, they turn the lens on themselves — James reckoning with his perfectionist inner voice that pushes him relentlessly forward, and Kalvin recognising the same voice doing the opposite in him, keeping him out of rooms he deserves to be in. But the real joy of this episode is the hotline. Listeners have been sliding into the DMs, and James and Kalvin are finally ready to open them up. There's Julietta from Liverpool, who has been giving her friends psychic readings based entirely on their Instagram profiles. There's the anonymous ex who unplugged her boyfriend's freezer during a breakup — and then quietly plugged it back in. And there's Bernadetta, hiding from her seven-year-old in the pantry before the school run. Don't forget to subscribe and catch new episodes of What If People Find Out every Monday! Follow What If People Find Out Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/whatifpeoplefindout] TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@whatifpeoplefindout] X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@wipfopodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://x.com/wipfopodcast] YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfPeopleFindOut] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Jaymi Hensley on Losing The Love of His Life, Navigating Grief & Union J

He's a singer, performer and one of the first openly gay artists in a mainstream UK boy band. This week on What If People Find Out, Kalvin Ryder is joined by his dear friend and former artist Jaymi Hensley. As one quarter of the boy band Union J, Jaymi rose to fame on The X Factor, helping the band build a devoted fanbase, land multiple Top 10 singles and sell out arenas. But behind the hits and the stage lights was a love story that had been quietly running for years — a relationship with Olly, the man Jaymi describes simply as the greatest achievement of his life. Together, Jaymi and Olly navigated overnight fame, financial highs and lows, a proposal in Rome, and the plans for a wedding that was just six weeks away when Olly died suddenly and unexpectedly. In this deeply intimate conversation, Jaymi opens up about falling in love at first sight and the brutal reality of losing a partner whose death made the front pages before Jaymi had even had time to breathe. He speaks with honesty about the chaos of public grief, dealing with intrusive journalists and why he chose to hold the funeral on what was meant to be their wedding day. It's heartbreaking, joyful and completely unfiltered — a conversation about what it means to love someone without reservation, and how you carry on when they're gone. Don't forget to subscribe and catch new episodes of What If People Find Out every Monday! Follow What If People Find Out Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/whatifpeoplefindout] TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@whatifpeoplefindout] X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@wipfopodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://x.com/wipfopodcast] YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfPeopleFindOut] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Susie Green on Trans Rights, Mermaids & Fighting For Trans Youth

She's a mother, activist and one of the most important voices in the fight for trans rights in the UK. On this episode of What If People Find Out, James Barr and Kalvin Ryder are joined by the remarkable Susie Green. When Susie's child Jackie told her at just four years old that she was a girl, Susie had no roadmap, no community and almost no information to draw on. What followed were years of choosing her daughter over the world's expectations — separating from her husband, standing in a clothes shop watching Jackie twirl in a dress for the first time, calling the police after another mother screamed obscenities at her and watching the bullying took its toll. Through it all, Susie never wavered. In this deeply moving conversation, Susie traces her journey from ordinary Yorkshire mum to CEO of Mermaids, one of the UK's leading charities for trans youth, and the public figure whose viral TED talk and whose story inspired the ITV drama Butterfly. She speaks honestly about the years she operated under a pseudonym to protect her family, the moment the press turned on her and the emotional toll of eventually walking away from the organisation she had given everything to build. James, Kalvin and Susie explore what unconditional parental love really looks like in practice and Susie opens up about co-founding her new organisation Anne Health, and why, even after nearly breaking, she is exactly where she needs to be. Don't forget to subscribe and catch new episodes of What If People Find Out every Monday! To learn more about Susie’s work, visit Anne Health: https://anne.health/ [https://anne.health/] Follow What If People Find Out Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/whatifpeoplefindout] TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@whatifpeoplefindout] X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@wipfopodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://x.com/wipfopodcast] YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfPeopleFindOut] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Andy Lee on Poverty, Homelessness & Finding His Community

On this episode of What If People Find Out, it's all about community, confidence and finding your calling as James Barr and Kalvin Ryder are joined by Andy Lee — OnlyFans star, documentary subject and author of the memoir Smelly Kid. Andy's story begins in the poverty-stricken flats of inner-city Dublin, where he was the eldest of six children raised by a young mother battling violent partners and a system that offered her almost nothing. When his mother died when he was twelve years old, the foundations of his world collapsed. What followed was years of upheaval — thirteen schools, homelessness at fifteen, nights spent sleeping in a car and in 24-hour internet cafés — before he eventually left Ireland behind and started again in the UK. In this raw conversation, Andy opens up about how financial desperation led him into the adult industry, how producers exploited his vulnerability, and the years he spent carrying the shame of a past he couldn't erase from the internet. He also shares the moment his carefully guarded secret was exposed to his boss — costing him the job he'd worked hardest for — and why, eventually, he decided to stop hiding and own his story completely. James, Kalvin and Andy explore what it means to find belonging somewhere you never expected and why Andy credits the gay community with quite literally saving his life. He speaks with honesty and warmth about sexuality, masculinity, shame and the freedom that comes from finally letting people see the full picture. Don't forget to subscribe and catch new episodes of What If People Find Out every Monday! Get Andy Lee’s autobiography Smelly Kid: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0FJGDJXCX [https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0FJGDJXCX] Follow Andy Lee on Instagram: @do_it_like_andy [https://www.instagram.com/do_it_like_andy] Follow What If People Find Out Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/whatifpeoplefindout] TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@whatifpeoplefindout] X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@wipfopodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://x.com/wipfopodcast] YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@whatifpeoplefindout⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfPeopleFindOut] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]