Your Friend, The Therapist

Narcissism, Gaslighting, and High-Control Groups

Narcissism, Gaslighting, and High-Control Groups Alisa Stamps is a therapist who helps adult children of narcissists, cult abuse and religious trauma survivors, and those struggling with disordered eating and body image overcome their emotional and relational trauma so that they can discover their true authentic selves. She is the author of The Gaslighting Recovery Journal--Prompts and Practices for Healing from Emotional Abuse and host of the podcast, You're Not the Crazy One!. You can find all the information about Alisa’s book and podcast and information about how to work with her on her website, https://www.alisastamps.com/ [https://www.alisastamps.com/]. You can also follow along on Instagram at @alisastamps.therapist.  [https://www.instagram.com/alisastamps.therapist/] Summary In this conversation, Alisa Stamps discusses her personal background and upbringing in a conservative Jewish synagogue. Alisa also explores her fascination with high control groups and cults, particularly in relation to narcissistic family systems. She explains the concept of gaslighting and its use in manipulation and control. Alisa highlights the impact of moral and religious gaslighting and the “never enough” mentality. She discusses the roots of narcissistic behavior and the projection of self-hatred onto others. Finally, Alisa shares her journey from being a music teacher to becoming a therapist and the inspiration behind her podcast, You're Not the Crazy One!. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod [https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendthetherapistpod/]. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/ [https://www.alisastamps.com/] You can listen to the show on Substack [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/], Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/0kXByhhCd0cv7efP0uu3Z3?si=9f4945251ff44edb] & Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-friend-the-therapist/id1703304602]. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

The Way You Feel Is More Important Than The Way You Look

The Way You Feel Is More Important Than The Way You Look Libby is an artist who was in the Presbyterian Church in America until she was 38. Libby describes herself as a nature-loving Atheopaganist, neuro-spicy queer dryad with misophonia. Libby is a parent to three kids and lover of French fries. You can follow Libby on Instagram at @libby_newell.  [https://www.instagram.com/libby_newell/] In this conversation, Kari interviews artist Libby Newell about her relationship to high control religion and the role of art in her deconstruction journey. They discuss the impact of Calvinism, the shift in Libby's relationship to the land, and the importance of body acceptance and reclamation. They also explore how art has been a tool for processing and communication, as well as a source of joy and healing. The conversation highlights the messages and challenges faced in high control religion, the discovery of queerness and neurodivergence, and the importance of validating personal experiences. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod [https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendthetherapistpod/]. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/ [https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendthetherapistpod/] You can listen to the show on Substack [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/], Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/0kXByhhCd0cv7efP0uu3Z3?si=9f4945251ff44edb] & Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-friend-the-therapist/id1703304602]. This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. [https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=URUHW5ZQS3UQW] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapy

Moriah Conant (she/they) is a psychologist-in-training who specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community, especially in the areas of trauma, identity development, and identity integration. She utilizes a relational psychodynamic approach to therapy, along with feminist psychology and LGBTQIA+ affirming psychology. They are particularly passionate about helping people heal from religious trauma. You can follow Moriah on Instagram at @mconantpsychology.  [https://www.instagram.com/mconantpsychology/] In this conversation, Moriah and Kari discuss their personal experiences with high control religion and Moriah’s research on identity development for gender and sexual orientation. They highlight the lack of training for mental health providers in working with queer populations and the unintentional harm caused by ignorance. Moriah emphasizes the importance of integrating spirituality into therapy and the challenges faced specifically by bisexual individuals. They also discuss the relational psychodynamic approach and the significance of feminist psychology and a systems perspective. Moriah shares the importance of self-care and finding queer joy in their work. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod [https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendthetherapistpod/]. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/ [https://www.instagram.com/mconantpsychology/] You can listen to the show on Substack [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/], Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/0kXByhhCd0cv7efP0uu3Z3?si=9f4945251ff44edb] & Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-friend-the-therapist/id1703304602]. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

An Ice Age Dildo That’s Older Than Jesus: The Sex Ed You Didn’t Get In Purity Culture

An Ice Age Dildo That’s Older Than Jesus: The Sex Ed You Didn’t Get In Purity Culture Erica Smith is an award winning sexuality educator and consultant with over 20 years of experience. Throughout her career, she has provided comprehensive sex education and advocacy to young women and LGBTQ+ youth in Philadelphia’s juvenile justice system, worked in abortion care, and supported HIV+ and transgender adolescents and their families. In 2019, she developed the Purity Culture Dropout™️ Program to help people learn all of the sex education that they missed growing up in purity culture- sex ed that is accurate, queer inclusive, trauma informed, compassionate, and comprehensive. She has since worked with hundreds of people to help them learn about healthy sexuality after high control religion. Erica lives in Philadelphia with her partner and house full of rescue animals. You can follow Erica on Instagram at @ericasmith.sex.ed [https://www.instagram.com/ericasmith.sex.ed/] or learn more about working with her on her website purityculturedropout.com [https://www.instagram.com/ericasmith.sex.ed/].  [https://www.ericasmitheac.com/] Summary In this conversation, Kari Fillian interviews Erica Smith, an award-winning sexuality educator and consultant, about her work with individuals who have experienced purity culture. Erica shares her personal background and her motivation for working with those who have been harmed by high control religion. They discuss the impact of purity culture on people's relationship to their bodies, sexuality, pleasure, and gender identity. Erica emphasizes the importance of defining one's own sexual values and challenges the harmful messages of purity culture. They also explore the history of sex and sexuality, including the history of sex toys and abortion. In this conversation, Erica emphasizes the importance of understanding the history of sex education and the cultural influences behind it. She discusses her current offerings, including individual sessions, private client work, and the purity culture dropout private community. Erica also shares the upcoming theme of her classes, which will focus on bodies. She explains how working with her one-on-one involves tackling specific topics and providing resources. Additionally, Erica discusses the value of her non-purity culture background in helping clients navigate their experiences.  The resources mentioned in this episode are: The book Shameless: A Sexual Reformation by Nadia Bolz-Weber Our Bible App [https://www.ourbibleapp.com/] Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod [https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendthetherapistpod/]. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/ [https://www.ourbibleapp.com/] You can listen to the show on Substack [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/], Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/0kXByhhCd0cv7efP0uu3Z3?si=9f4945251ff44edb] & Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-friend-the-therapist/id1703304602]. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Spiritual Identity Disruption

Spiritual Identity Disruption For over two decades, Rebekah Drumsta has held a global presence through devoting her efforts to various nonprofits and organizations.  Her background is diverse, including educational and mental health content development, international relations, and public speaking. Currently, Rebekah is the Interim Chief Executive Officer of NPE Friends Fellowship [https://www.npefellowship.org/], an international non-profit organization which assists individuals, and their families, who have received unexpected results from an at-home DNA test.  Rebekah is also a consultant, writer, and advocate at https://www.rebekahdrumsta.com/RebekahDrumsta.com [https://www.npefellowship.org/] with the mission of supporting survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma by providing resources to educate and equip not only  survivors, but the public as well. Sharing her own story to help others who have had similar life experiences is at the heart of Rebekah’s purpose. She is a board member with the Attachment and Trauma Network [https://www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/] and a former board member of The Vashti Initiative [https://www.vashtiinitiative.org/]. Rebekah’s hobbies include binge watching riveting shows, thrifting with her family, international travel, and dabbling in all things creative and artistic. Rebekah and her family reside in Texas.    Rebekah holds undergraduate and advanced degrees in: Urban Ministry and Family Crisis, Counseling, and Religious Education and is also a Certified Professional Life Coach. She has made appearances on and consulted with sources including BBC, NBC and ABC, and a variety of other platforms such as podcasts and film projects. Rebekah’s book, When Family Hurts: 30 Days to Finding Healing and Clarity, was released in December of 2021. She is a co-author of the research paper, Percentage of U.S. Adults Suffering from Religious Trauma: A Sociological Study, as well as an author in the 2023 collaborative book, Hope in the 2020s: Encouragement for our time. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod [https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendthetherapistpod/]. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/ [https://www.npefellowship.org/] You can listen to the show on Substack [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/], Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/0kXByhhCd0cv7efP0uu3Z3?si=9f4945251ff44edb] & Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-friend-the-therapist/id1703304602]. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com [https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]