Finding your bearings when everything changes
If listenng is easier I’ve also shared a recording of this post above
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This morning, after writing my morning pages — I’m 15 days into The Artist’s Way and loving it — I received a message from someone who’s been listening to my podcast.
I say “podcast”; it’s the audio I share on Substack for anyone who, like me, prefers to listen rather than read.
My intention with writing my book and sharing these reflections is simple — if it helps even one person each day, that’s perfect.
Whilst I’m writing about grief, this message stayed with me because, although they’re not navigating the loss of someone through death, they are still facing loss.
Their long-term relationship has come to an end.
And that is still the loss of a future you had imagined for yourself.
Of course loss comes in many forms.
Sometimes it’s losing a precious loved one.Sometimes it’s the future you had pictured.A life you thought you were building.
And then it’s no longer there and you’re wondering who you are let alone what next?
Whether that change came from your own decision or arrived through circumstances outside your control, you’re still left facing an uncertain future.
You’re there, meeting a version of yourself that may feel unfamiliar.
Finding your bearings in a world that looks different.
For me, I keep coming back to perspective.
Do you see it as hopeless?Do you see it as potential?Or do you meet it one day at a time?
From my experience, it can move between all three.
It depends where you are in your acceptance of what’s happened.
There is grief here.There is loss.There is pain.
And when we allow ourselves to feel, the body expresses what words cannot.
Often, it begins with the tears.
If you feel them rise, let them come.Rather than bracing or holding them back, allow them to flow.
And if those tears could speak… what would they say?
I remember being asked that question by my grief counsellor, and it stopped me.
And boy, did my tears flow.
Now, when those moments come, I find it helpful to ask the same question.
What are these tears trying to express?What is asking to be felt, forgiven, or let go of?
And alongside that, there can be a next step.
For me, in those early months after losing my husband, there was a pull to say yes.
I’m not sure where it came from, but I’m glad it did. I think if I hadn’t, I might have withdrawn completely — avoiding the looks, the uncomfortable conversations, even if much of that was in my own mind.
So I committed to six months of saying yes.
Well… to most things.
To small things.Invitations. Moments. Opportunities to be somewhere different.
By saying yes, I removed the friction of choice. It was already decided.
And something began to open from there.
I didn’t have the full picture.
Do we ever?
But step by step, something new begins to form.
And with it, a sense of hope.
All my love,Heather ♡
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