Ep. 12 “Why Am I Like This?” — Understanding Your Hidden Stress Response
EPISODE SUMMARY:
Ever find yourself asking, "Why am I like this?"—especially when old habits creep in, despite your best efforts to change? This episode dives into the hidden patterns driving your behavior, especially in moments of stress.
In this lively and relatable conversation, the hosts break down the four core nervous system stress responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—and how they manifest in everyday life, from procrastination and perfectionism to people-pleasing and overworking. You’ll learn how these instinctive reactions influence everything from your personal goals to your relationships and leadership at work.
This isn’t about fixing who you are—it’s about understanding how you respond to stress so you can pause, regulate, and make more aligned choices. The hosts also introduce a powerful new tool: the free APT (Adaptive Personality Type) quiz to help you identify your stress response and learn practical, personalized tools to regulate it.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:
* Why common behaviors like procrastination or overcommitting are actually stress responses
* The difference between reacting and responding to stress—and why that matters
* How stress patterns show up in business, relationships, parenting, and personal growth
* The four main stress responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and their deeper subtypes
* How awareness of your "adaptive type" can transform your habits and relationships
* Why emotional resilience might just be the key to a truly successful life
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
* You’re not broken—your patterns are protective responses wired for safety.
* Each stress type requires different tools; growth isn’t one-size-fits-all.
* The pause between a trigger and your reaction is where real change begins.
* Emotional regulation is one of the most underrated skills for personal and professional success.
RESOURCES & LINKS:
* Take the Free APT Quiz: https://sonderalife.com/sonderalife.com [https://sonderalife.com/apt-quiz/?utm_medium=podcast&utm_source=show_notes&utm_campaign=sonderamembership&utm_content=5_20_2025]
* Join the Podcast Facebook Community here [https://www.facebook.com/groups/pursuitofhappywell].
* Learn more about Sondera Coaching and Tools: sonderalife.com [https://sonderalife.com/]
00:00 – Cold Open: Why do I keep doing things I don’t want to do? The relatable start to the episode.
00:27 – Welcome & Vibes: The hosts set the tone for a “short, sweet, and punchy” episode—and yes, Oreos and treadmills are back again.
01:30 – Personal Habits We Can't Break: Real-life confessions about staying up too late and tinkering with tasks—what avoidance really looks like.
03:00 – The Real Topic: Understanding why we repeat patterns that don’t serve us—and how short-term relief keeps us stuck long-term.
04:45 – When Plans Meet Reality: How stress derails habit-building and why our big goals often collapse under pressure.
05:45 – The Frustrated Question: Why we should shift from “Why am I like this?” to curious self-inquiry.
06:30 – What Is a Stress Response? Redefining stress—not just deadlines, but anything that feels like strain on the nervous system.
08:00 – The Four Stress Types Overview: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—what they look like and why your body reacts this way.
09:45 – Can We Eliminate Stress Entirely? Why healthy stress matters and how resilience is built through managing it—not avoiding it.
12:00 – The Muscle Metaphor: How your mental health and emotional capacity atrophy without regular, healthy “strain.”
13:30 – Real-World Examples of Stress Types: From productivity spirals to perfection paralysis, how each stress type plays out day-to-day.
17:00 – Fawn Response Deep Dive: Why some people sacrifice their needs to maintain harmony—and how it derails personal growth.
19:15 – Why Awareness is the First Step: Your stress type isn’t your personality—it’s your default mode when your nervous system is activated.
21:30 – Marriage & Business Impacts: How stress responses affect connection, delegation, leadership, and communication.
25:00 – Regulating vs. Reacting: You can’t change your knee-jerk stress response—but you can pause, regulate, and choose differently.
27:30 – Why Self-Help Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All: The same productivity tools won’t work for everyone—your stress type needs specific strategies.
29:00 – The APT Quiz Breakdown: How the 10 Adaptive Personality Types were built and how to find yours with the free quiz.
31:30 – What ‘Sondera’ Really Means: Why the company name reflects both self-awareness and collective empathy.
33:30 – From Donut Ladies to Car Dealers: Why stress regulation isn’t just personal—it changes how you show up in the world.
36:45 – Breakthrough Moments from Real People: Powerful insights from couples and individuals on how their stress responses shape their relationships.
39:30 – Happywell Homework: Take the free APT quiz and reflect on who you are when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT).
41:30 – One Tiny Action Step: Three-second belly breaths—how a small pause can change your entire pattern.
43:00 – Final Thoughts & Call to Action: Take the quiz at sonderalife.com [https://sonderalife.com] and share your type in the Facebook community.
