Deviance by Dax - The BDSM Awareness Podcast

Deviance 003: What are the differences between kinky & non-kinky relationships?

In this episode, Dax takes a look at the differences between kink & non-kinky relationships - the sort of things that newcomers wouldn't know about, and leads to questions like "Is it normal for a Dom to tell me to do X?" Spoiler - there are no differences...

Deviance 002: Virginity and BDSM?

Dax takes a look at another common question- is it a good idea for your first sexual experience to be during a BDSM scene?

Deviance 001: Can a D fix your ADHD?

Deviance is BACK! We're kicking off a new and improved Deviance by Dax podcast with a look at a very common question: Can getting a Dom help you manage things like ADHD?

Deviance Podcast – Episode 003

What should a Dom or sub expect, and more on safewords. Hello, and welcome to Deviance, the BDSM Awareness Podcast. I’m Dax, and in this podisode, we’re going to look at a few questions that pop up repeatedly. Specifically, these are common questions I get from people who are new to BDSM: What kind of behaviour should I expect from a new Dom or sub, and what should I do if I don’t like it? And following on from that, we’ll also talk a bit more about Safewords. First a disclaimer: There are no central rules for BDSM, there’s no one way to rule them all, no rules handed down to us on sacred paddles of stone. Everyone is free to kink their own way, what you do or don’t want to do, and how you do it, is entirely your business and no-one else’s. However, whilst there aren’t any specific rules as such, there *is* a difference between BDSM and abuse. Indeed, in my view, there’s an easy way to tell if someone is abusing you: if you think you’re being abused, then you are. We’ll come back to that; for now the important thing is that these podcasts are my opinions on BDSM, they’re what I consider to be best practice and how I conduct myself, and are generally in line with how many others in the BDSM community behave too. So, just because I say something on here, it doesn’t mean that you have to do things the same way – just be responsible. So without further ado, and making sure this podcast is at least two meters away from you at all times, let’s crack on. Now, I’m recording this in May 2020, which is in the midst of the worldwide Coronavirus pandemic. Due to the lockdown policies in place around the world, a lot of people are choosing to get their kink fix online, and for some of those newcomers it’s their first experience. Meeting people online isn’t quite as straightforward as meeting in real life – it’s incredibly easy to present yourself as something you’re not, and this is especially true in the world of kink. Add to that the fact that you basically have to pick things up as you go along, and it can be very confusing for newcomers. So, because of all that, I’m often asked things like “Is it normal for a sub to have to send explicit photos/videos to a Dom” or “Is it normal for a Dom to have access to a sub’s email/DMs/chat” or “My Dom says I have to fuck myself with my hairbrush until it hurts, I don’t like it, what should I do?” In particular, there is a common trend of supposed Doms telling subs that no-one will want them if they complain or refuse to do what they’re told, and other stuff like that. I also get questions from people who are new to being a Dominant, and they’ve met someone who claims to be a sub, but never does what they’re told, constantly breaks rules, or just generally doesn’t play along, which frustrates the Dom. You get the idea; questions from people who aren’t sure if their experience is what they should expect. Well, the short answer is – you never need to do anything you don’t actually want to do; you can always refuse. Think about that for a moment; you never need to do anything that you don’t want to do. The long answer involves some explanation, so here we go. You might be thinking “Hang on, I thought the whole point was for Doms to tell subs what to do?” and we will come back to that, but we need to start from the basics: BDSM, kink, even just plain ol’ vanilla sex, is supposed to be FUN. Nobody is making you do this; you’re choosing to engage in kinky shenanigans because it sounds like fun, it sounds like something you’d enjoy. Now, that enjoyment might take the form of what some might consider to be pain and suffering, for example my wife absolutely does not like pain, but many of the submissives I play with love a good spanking or having their nipples clamped. Yes, it’s pain, but to them, it’s a good pain. And that’s the difference; you should only be doing things you want to do. So if someone tries to get you to do something you don’t want to do, then don’t. If you’re already in a scene, playing, sexting, whatever you call it – if you’re already doing that, then use your safeword and either end the scene, or move on to something else. The best way to handle a new dynamic between people – whether it’s Dom/sub, Caregiver/little one, Sadist/masochist or whatever, is to discuss each other’s likes and dislikes first. We call this “Negotiation” or “Negotiating the dynamic”. This is when you’ll tell each other what you enjoy, what you want to do, how you want the other person to behave, and what things you are not willing to do. You may have heard of things like kink lists or limits, this is where they come in. Your limits are the things you don’t want to do. Many people have hard and soft limits; hard limits are how we describe the things we absolutely will not do, soft limits are things we might be open to trying at some point, but we would want to discuss it first. It’s important to remember that limits can, and most likely will, change over time. You shouldn’t feel pressured to accept something you’re not happy with; that will just lead to resentment and it won’t be fun. By all means compromise on something; if you don’t really like, say, your feet being tickled, but it’s not something you hate, then you might say “ok, maybe that can be a punishment if I’m really bad”. You should never have a punishment be something that’s a limit, but if it’s something you just don’t like, it could be a strong deterrent. Heck, perhaps you don’t even want punishments to be part of the dynamic – that’s fine too. Anyway, the aim of this negotiation is to get to a point where all parties (there could be more than two) know what the other(s) want, what is expected, and what is out of bounds. Start out this way and it greatly reduces the risk of confusion or unhappiness. Now, having said all that, let’s get back to the original question – what’s normal? As you might have guessed by now, there is no “normal”. Each dynamic is unique to the people in that dynamic. Sure, there are certain clichés which crop up repeatedly – such as sending photos, or memorising the various “submissive positions”, or being punished for getting something wrong, but again, there is no central definition of “a good submissive will always do this, this and that”. You should start any new dynamic with a conversation about what you each expect from the other; that way you’ll minimise the risk of misunderstandings or expectations. Everything is optional. If you’re negotiating with someone and they don’t agree with what you want, then there are plenty of others out there. Ok, so onto our next topic: Safewords. In podisode 2, I briefly discussed Safewords, and I had a few follow up questions, so let’s dive in. To recap: Safewords are how we can   communicate clearly during a scene, and indicate that we want to stop, have a brief pause, or that everything is OK and it’s fine to carry on. Why do we need some special system? Well, quite often in BDSM scenes, a sub might want to pretend they’re resisting when actually they’re not; you know the sort of thing – “Oh no, daddy, it’s so big, no, don’t put it in there daddy, no, no, noooooohhhhh yes yes yes daddy”, that kinda thing. If a scene stopped every time someone said No in BDSM, you’d never get anything done, and it totally ruins the mood. Personally, I use the traffic light system – green means “carry on”, amber or yellow means “hang on a moment”, which usually means someone needs to adjust something, or get their breath back or whatever, and red means “stop right now”. It’s a pretty straightforward system – red is the universal colour for stop, likewise green always means go, and the one in the middle is somewhere in between. The reason why that system is popular is because having a safeword like “pineapple” or “circumnavigation” could make it difficult to remember in the heat of the moment – red and green are pretty much ingrained in our minds by now for the reasons I just mentioned. It’s also a good idea to have hand symbols in case the person can’t speak for… whatever reason. Thumbs up generally means everything is ok, a flat palm or tapping repeatedly is a good symbol for stop, and a wavy palm can mean “hold up, somethings not quite right”. The basic idea is that you can say or show one of those indicators at any time, but it’s often a good idea – especially if you’re playing with someone new or doing something new – for the top to check in periodically with the bottom and ask them directly. Relying purely on safewords is not a replacement for the Dom keeping an eye on the condition of their sub, nor must a sub wait to be asked before they use their safeword. Now, the colour system is popular, but it’s by no means mandatory. You can do whatever works for you – some people like to keep it simple and instead of Red, they’ll simply use No or Stop – that’s valid too; it’s not my preference for the reasons I described earlier, but again, there are no fixed rules. The key is to discuss safeword usage up front so there’s no confusion. I always incorporate the safeword confirmation into the beginning of every scene, as part of the “collaring” section, but you do whatever feels right for you. Some people don’t use safewords – and again, that’s entirely their choice. If you have a well-established dynamic with someone, you may know them intimately, and perhaps safewords aren’t necessary, and that’s fine. The only time it becomes a problem is if you get one person saying they don’t “allow” safewords, and the other person saying they want to have the ability to use a safeword to stop the scene – that’s when you need to think carefully about whether that’s someone you want to play with. If a Dom, for example, says they don’t allow their sub to use safewords, that’s basically removing the sub’s ability to withdraw consent – and then that raises a question of how can you give consent if you can’t withdraw it if you need to. Even saying “safewords are allowed except during  a punishment” is bad practice – again, you can’t force someone to consent. So, whilst safewords aren’t mandatory in every BDSM relationship, they are a damn good idea, and if you want to use safewords, or not use safewords, that is your choice – but don’t force that choice on someone else, or accept it being forced on you. Remember – BDSM is meant to be enjoyable to you, in whatever form that may take. If something is spoiling your enjoyment, change it. Before I sign off, I’d like to shamelessly promote my OnlyFans. Yes, that’s right, I’ve only gone and set up an OnlyFans account. It’s completely optional; I’ll still be making the podcast and providing help, advice and tips on Twitter, but OnlyFans lets me do a little bit extra. Signing up makes you a member of #TeamDax and gives you behind-the-scenes access to my life as a Dom, including tutorials, audios, guided masturbations and more. I also explain how to run your own scenes, give you ideas and scripts that you can use or adapt for your own sessions, and explain the thinking that goes into something like an Inspection, so you or your partner can try it for yourselves. And, one we’re allowed out of lockdown, there’ll be exclusive videos and tutorials featuring myself and some lovely assistants. It’s only $5 a month, or take advantage of the discount offers to join for even less. Go to Onlyfans.com / sirdax to join up! And with that, it’s time to end! I’m Sir Dax, and You can follow me on the Twitters @TheSirDax, email questions, comments or suggestions to podcast@sirdax.co.uk, and you can visit my online store at deviancebydax.com. Join Team Dax at OnlyFans.com/sirdax Thank you for listening, don’t forget to Like, Subscribe, and serve.

Deviance Podcast – Episode 002

The safety podisode Transcript Hello, and welcome to Deviance, the BDSM Awareness Podcast. I’m Dax, and in this podisode, we’re going to look at one of the most important aspects of BDSM – Safety. So please, return your tray tables to their upright and locked positions, locate your nearest emergency exit, ensure the person next to you is securely strapped in, and adopt the position… Safety is another big subject, so before I get into specific online and offline safety, I’d suggest that your initial priority should be to get some background info in BDSM and kinky stuff in general. That way, you’ll have a basic idea of what is and isn’t safe or normal, and should stand a chance of realising when someone is talking rubbish. Ignore Fifty Shades of Grey; whilst  those films and books bear a passing resemblance to BDSM, they’re full of unsafe practices. Instead, start with sites like Kink Academy, LovingBDSM.net and Kinkly There’s also some good articles on the lovense blog, and of course I publish articles on my DeviancebyDax store. It’s also worth a look at Fetlife and Reddit, however those sites are much harder to use when it comes to information you can trust; any pinned threads are usually OK but do take copious quantities of salt with you. I particularly recommend Kink Academy, they have plenty of free videos but you do need a subscription to access everything. I’ll put some links in the description, so do check those out. Alright, let’s take a look at online safety first. The internet is a great way to learn more about BDSM and indeed sex in general, especially if you’re a little on the shy side, and don’t feel up to going to a munch, exhibition, festival or some other kinky event. There are loads of resources, and pretty much every social network has groups of kinksters chatting about everything you can think of. However, this also means that for every decent, upstanding member you’ll come across (I’m sure Freud would have something to say about coming across an upstanding member) ANYWAY for every decent person online, there are, roughly, a bazillion creeps, jerks, and abusers. Honestly, it’s a bazillion. I checked it with science. So how do you stay safe? First things first; get used to the term NSFW. This means “Not safe for work”, and whenever you see that term it means stuff which would probably get you fired if your employer found you looking at it while you were working. I strongly suggest creating new accounts on social media or any websites which are just for NSFW activities; the Twitter app on your mobile phone can switch between different accounts quite easily. Don’t use your real name, photos or any other information which could identify you. There are some very… Odd people out there, and it’s not unknown for people to find they’re being stalked (this goes equally for all genders). Sadly there is still something of a taboo around sex, so you might also want to minimise the risk of family, friends or employers accidentally discovering just how much of that 17 inch long grape scented double ended dildo you can take (£33.99 from my store deviancebydax.com, 15% off your first order with code daxpod01, link in the description while stocks last). What? Daddy’s gotta pay the bills. Anyway, protect your identity, and stand your ground. Don’t let someone pressure you into revealing your face or your real name or location. No-one needs to know. Next, If you follow me on Twitter, @TheSirDax, you’ll know I’m a fan of calling out bad practices, fake accounts and dangerous behaviour when I see it. We call dodgy stuff like this “red flags”, and I’m going to tell you how to spot them, as well as how to keep yourself safe. Sadly, most of this is going to be aimed at women – men get abuse too, but to a much lesser extent. Having said that, I do have some things to say about FinDommes later on, so stick around for that. The most common type of fake you’ll come across is the e-Dom. Also known as TwittaDoms, InstaDoms, TumblrDoms – basically, guys who claim to be Dominants, who prey on women online in the hope of getting nudes and sexting, and often transitioning into mind games, gaslighting, blackmail and more. They’re guys who’ve seen some porn and think that BDSM is a legal way to abuse women, and that’s all they’re interested in. So, how can you spot predators like these? Common indicators are that they use pictures of businessmen in suits to indicate what they think a Dominant is, they may use terms like Alpha or Buck in their bio, and their posts will be full of responses to multiple women saying something like “DM me babe”. Another good sign that you’re dealing with one of these people is that they’ll slide straight into your DMs or inbox calling you all sorts of names and demanding that you obey them. This is particularly common if you are using a new account, or don’t have many friends, followers or whatever connections the platform uses. Predators like to pick on people they think are inexperienced and isolated, so they can attempt to influence them. If someone does approach you, check into their history – read their bio on the site, and look at what things they’ve posted or groups they belong to. If they post things like “I want a horny slut to be my cumdump and obey me without question and let share her with all my friends”, well, that suggests they’re probably not going to be a good starting point. It also suggests there may be some issues that are best left to someone else to deal with… Ideally, you’re looking for someone who matches your outlook. If you want a mummy or daddy Dom, then look for someone who appears to be caring, kind and nurturing – perhaps they answer other people’s questions, talk about activities they like to do with littles, and who their favourite pup in Paw Patrol is. If you’re interested in being tied up with rope, look for someone who also has an interest, and perhaps talks about their favourite ties, or classes they’re thinking about going to. Basically, look for someone who sounds like the sort of person you’d get on with. If you do start to talk to someone, other red flags will be them trying to stop you talking to other people – they want to make sure you only have contact with them, so they can control what you hear, and limit your access to support and advice that could threaten them. This may be in the form of demanding that you list them as your Dom or perhaps they want to have access to your DMs or inbox, and dictate that people must ask them first before they are allowed to talk to you (spoiler – they won’t be allowed to talk to you). Never give someone your passwords, by the way – someone asking for your password is one of the biggest red flags there is. They may claim they’re your Dom now and then try to punish you by not talking to you for days at a time, or giving you punishments that you don’t deserve or haven’t agreed to. These are classic gaslighting techniques, and e-Doms love gaslighting women. Remember, *you* get to choose who you talk to, *you* get to choose who you play with, no-one should try to force themselves on you, online or off. Remember, just because someone says they’re a Dom, doesn’t mean that they are; I’ve had women ask me whether its safe to do things that a guy online has told them to do – please don’t go cutting off circulation to your extremities or putting food into any hole that doesn’t have teeth, ok? Also watch out for people who simply post porn all the time, or explicit pictures with comments like “Yeah baby”, “You like it like that”, or “I want to do this to some needy little sub oh yes be a good girl for daddy”. It’s one thing if an established Dominant is posting their own content they’ve made, but when it’s someone simply stealing porn clips, that’s another matter entirely. There are some simple steps you can take to help protect yourself; don’t give out personal information, don’t send photos with your face or identifying tattoos, and don’t blindly follow instructions some stranger on the internet gives you. I mean, ok I’M a stranger on the internet, giving you instructions, but that’s not the point. Having said all that, there are plenty of decent people online – and I’ll help you find them in a future podisode. Another thing to look out for is something called “Game Theory” or “Red pill”, which is a reference to the blue pill / red pill scene in the Matrix. There is, sadly, a massive online community devoted to Game and Red Pill, which is basically guys teaching other guys how to manipulate women. It’s an extension of pick-up theory, which treats women as objects to claim, essentially. It’s full of things like “How to make sure she always thinks about you”, “Don’t let her make her own decisions”, “how to make her reliant on you” and so on. I strongly suggest reading up on it – you’d be surprised how often I’ve overheard guys using these techniques in a bar. Obviously guys who use these tricks think there’s nothing wrong with it, but I have to wonder why a normal, decent person needs to resort to tricks in the first place rather than just be themselves. Now, that was all about guys trying to manipulate women. There are also women who try to take advantage of men, and this usually comes across in the form of fake FinDommes, or Financial Dominatrixes. Now, FinDom is a well-known form of Domination; it’s usually between a wealthy person with a surplus of cash they don’t need, and they enjoy the experience of having control of that money taken away from them. They allow a Domme to tell them how to spend it – donating to charity, or buying a whole pub drinks, allowing the sub a treat, or of course buying the Dominant gifts and holidays. It is completely consensual and a responsible FinDomme will always ensure that the sub has enough money for their family and other commitments. The submissive gets the experience of the Domme having that control over them, the control that they’ve willingly given the Domme, and as with any other D/s dynamic it’s entirely consensual and within each other’s boundaries. As with anything in BDSM, there may be sexual elements, or there may not; the main point is that power exchange between a Dominant and submissive. That’s what FinDomme is like when it’s done properly. With the internet, however, we now have lots of young women claiming to be FinDommes, and simply calling men all sorts of degrading names and demanding money without any thought to the men they’re targeting, or indeed doing anything to earn it. A genuine Dominant will never start calling someone names without their permission, and they’ll never demand submission of any form – physical, mental, financial or otherwise – without first earning it. If you’re a guy who is interested in Financial Domination, seek out an experienced FinDomme who can explain how she operates and can demonstrate that she’s the dominant for you. If you don’t have much cash but really want to give it to someone, then subscribe to someone’s Snapchat or OnlyFans or buy yourself a porn subscription. At least you’ll know what to expect. By the way, I know this is all sounding rather negative towards online activity; the good news is that there is still a lot of fun and satisfaction to be had online. We’ll look at that in more detail another time, don’t you worry… So that’s the basics of online safety – now let’s look at how to stay safe in the real world. Thankfully, most of what I’m going to go over here applies just as much to normal dating as it does to BDSM; so if you know how to stay safe already, you’ll be fine. The difference here is that if you’re meeting someone with kinky stuff in mind, there can be an expectation of sexual activity right from the beginning. Unlike normal dating, where both people want to get to know each other and might be willing to take things slowly, if you’re meeting a prospective Dom, sub, or other play partner, it’s with BDSM as a focus, not necessarily a relationship. This means you need to take a little extra care not to get swept up in the moment. The easiest, and safest way to meet someone, especially if you’re new, is through your local munch. A munch is basically an organised meeting of like-minded people, who get together to hang out or have play sessions, workshops, and all sorts of related activities – basically, a church of kink, if you like. Just like a church, there’ll be kneeling, special neckware, people putting things in other people’s mouths, folk shouting out “Oh Jesus”, but absolutely no underage boys. You’ll often have a mix of regular members and newbies, so there’s a wide range of experience levels, and one of the many great things about this, is that dangerous people will usually be quickly spotted and removed. Anyway, meeting someone in person at a munch is a great way to get to know them, if they’re a regular then you’ll be able to ask other members if they’re ok, and if you’re both new, well you’ll be able to size each other up and potentially play in a safe environment. Of course, that’s a best case scenario, you might not have that option, in which case, it’s time to go old-school. So let’s talk about meeting someone safely for the first time. Again, these tips will apply to regular dating just as much as they do to kink, but they bear repeating. First, and most important, ALWAYS MEET SOMEWHERE PUBLIC. If your potential date doesn’t agree, then find someone else. I’ve heard of dates come up with all sorts of excuses – I’m nervous around other people, I’m embarrassed, I don’t want to talk about this stuff in public, that sort of thing. It’s all just a tactic to get you alone, and that is never a good sign. They might be a bit more subtle, so watch out for things like ok, give me your address and I’ll pick you up, or let’s meet in this location where there won’t be other people, meeting in a car park, or maybe they’ll suggest meeting in a hotel bar – which is when you find out they’ve got a room at the hotel and they want to go straight there. All of these are ma-hoooosive red flags. They clearly show that the other person has no regard for your safety, and just doesn’t want to be seen in public with you – and you have to ask yourself why they don’t want any witnesses… Meeting in public, at least for the first few times, is the safest thing to do. If you always think of the worst case scenario, then you can’t go wrong. Meeting in a bar, coffee shop, restaurant etc means there will be security cameras, witnesses, and people who can help if things go wrong. Set up a safe call in advance – this is where you tell a friend that you’re meeting someone – they don’t need to know why – and that you’ll be in this location and you’ll text them or call them at a certain time. If you don’t call, they know something is up. Any reasonable person will be totally OK with you checking in with your friend during your date. Another option is to actually bring someone along – have them sit discretely nearby, so you can call on them if you need to. If that’s not possible, there are a couple of other options. Some bars and pubs, at least in the UK, operate the “Ask for Angela” scheme. The idea is that if you feel like you need help, you can go to the bar and “Ask for Angela”, which is a code that means “Help”. The staff will discretely talk to you and take whatever steps you need – calling a taxi, a friend, or perhaps asking the other person to leave. So if possible, arrange to meet somewhere that has this sort of policy (sometimes there will be signs in the restrooms telling you what to do). Again, if your potential date tries to change your mind about where to meet – find someone else. Also watch out for the last-minute change of plans – they’re hoping that you’re at the point where you’ve invested in the meeting, and if they change up the plan at the last moment, you won’t resist because otherwise it’s a waste of time. Stick to the plan. Remember that BDSM often relies on careful planning and consent – if they are that quick to change things up right from the beginning, does that bode well for the future? Ok, so let’s assume you’ve got your public meeting – if possible, get table service, or get the drinks yourself, so you can be sure that nothing is put in them. When I meet a potential submissive, I like to pay for the drinks but have the submissive go to the bar – that way she knows her drink is safe, and it also introduces the serving dynamic. Use the evening to see how you get on, and don’t be afraid of asking personal questions. In particular, ask about their experience, if any; how they handle safewords, and in particular, it’s always a good idea to ask about any mistakes they’ve made during a scene. We’ve all made mistakes at one point or another, and it’s how we handle them that’s a good indicator of trustworthiness. Also ask about their approach to aftercare; helping your partner recover after a scene is important, and their attitude towards aftercare can speak volumes. It’s also quite acceptable to ask if you can contact any of their previous play partners for a reference. I’d also suggest checking some id, such as a driving licence – I’m always happy to show mine. After that, if you felt comfortable, it’s up to you – I’d always recommend meeting in public a couple of times before meeting privately, but sometimes that’s not necessary. Just trust your instincts – if something seems off, figure that out first. When you do start to meet in private, follow the same safecall procedure as before. Keep your phone handy, and ideally, don’t agree to your arms being tied up until you are sure you’re OK. Also stand your ground – if you insist on condoms, or indeed no penetration, then don’t let them try to talk you out of it. If they do, end the meeting and have them leave if you feel unsafe. BDSM needs trust, and ignoring your limits is a bad sign. Same goes for ignoring a safeword – I’d suggest you do safeword during your first session, just so see how they handle it. Speaking of safewords, let’s go over how to use them. First, I’d definitely recommend avoiding someone who says “they don’t allow safewords”. Sure, if you’re in a well established 24/7 total power exchange slave type of arrangement, then you might agree to waive safewords because trust is already well established. But when playing with someone new, you should always insist on being allowed to use a safeword. Oh, also watch out for someone who says they allow safewords, except during punishments – that’s also worrying. Anyway, a popular way to use safewords is to have the traffic light system. You use Green to indicate everything is fine, amber (or orange) to indicate you need to pause for some reason, and red means stop immediately. Either party can use a safeword, so if the sub needs to adjust their bindings or the Dom’s hand is getting tired, saying “Amber” would be a good way to have a pause and adjust as necessary. I like to check in during a scene – I’ll ask my partner how they’re doing, and they’ll reply as appropriate. If the answer is green you can just carry on and not disrupt the flow. It’s up to you, you may prefer to just get on with it. Also have a visual cue you can use in case you can’t talk, for whatever reason. Holding up your hand, tapping your partners arm three times, something like that. Lastly, try to keep your first session short, maybe two hours including chatting before and aftercare. It’s easy to get swept up with a new partner, so you might find yourself ignoring things you might otherwise pick up on. Decompress with a relaxing bath or some wine afterwards, and decide if you want to see them again. Hopefully that’s given you some insight into staying safe, both online and off. I have deliberately focused on things that can go wrong; hopefully, that won’t be your experience, but it always pays to be prepared. Plan for the worst, and you won’t be caught out. Oh, and I should stress that everything I’ve covered here is a mix of common sense or my own advice – you are of course ree to do whatever you want; there’s no right or wrong way to kink, but do try to be responsible. Safety is a big subject, and if you’ve got any tips or tricks, send them in and I’ll share them in a future podisode. Next up is Sir’s Suggestions! Every podisode, I’m going to recommend something for you. Books, films, websites… For this podisode, I’m going to recommend a book – His Favourite Hucow by Sinistre Ange. It’s available on Kindle, Kindle Unlimited as well as in paperback, and is a sci-fi story set in a future where criminals are given a choice to serve out their sentence in service to particular fetishes. This story follows Margaret as she pays her debt to society by becoming a Hucow, which is a kink I had vaguely heard of, and entering a herd under the oversight of Leo, who takes quite a shine to his new acquisition. Expect lots of talk about sex, large breasts, milk, consensual slavery, sex, and bondage. Followed by more sex. I particularly liked the way the author managed to avoid any cheesy clichés – it was an enjoyable read, I actually cared about the characters, and the sex scenes didn’t make me cringe. There is a follow-up book, and scope for at least two more. Now, my chosen sex toy or kinky accessory which  you can buy on my online store. In this podisode, I’m going to recommend the Rocks Off Lust Linx Ball and Chain. This is a remote controlled kegel ball made of bodysafe silicone, with a discrete remote that looks like a lipstick. It’s not too large, but you’ll know it’s there even before you turn it on. And trust me, you’re gonna know when this is turned on! It has three vibration and 7 pulse settings, and is 100% waterproof. RRP is £54.99, but your Uncle Daxy is selling it for the low low price of  £36.99, on my store, deviancebydax.com. AND you can use code DaxPod01 for 15% off your entire first order -Yes, FIFTEEN PERCENT, 1 5 of your finest Britsh percentages. That’s valid until the end of November 2019, but can’t be combined with any other discounts. Moving on, it’s time for The News of the Screws, funny or interesting stories that I’ve seen in the news recently. Today I saw an article about a new product called the Testicuzzi, which, as you might be able to guess, is a mini jacuzzi for your gentlemen’s bits. Apparently the idea came from college students filling a plastic cup with water, dropping the lads in and having someone blow into the water with a straw. It looks kinda like a small jacuzzi, you dunk your plums in the basin, rest your dick on the small cushion, and a jet of water blows bubbles on your balls. Well, guess that means I can give the wife her foot spa back… Anyway, this does sound like an ideal gag gift for Christmas, so if your boss is always talking bollocks, get them one of these so at least it’ll be clean bollocks. Our last segment is Dax’s Deeds. Every podisode I’ll set you a little task; usually related to this week’s podisode. If you’re looking to meet someone, I’d like you to research safe venues you could meet at nearby, so you have a plan ready to go. Look into the “Ask for Angela” scheme, and see if your city or bars do anything similar. That way, if you do find someone you want to play with, you can suggest the meeting venue right away and do it on your terms. And with that, it’s time to end! I’m Sir Dax, and You can follow me on the Twitters @TheSirDax, email questions, comments or suggestions to podcast@sirdax.co.uk, and you can visit my online store at deviancebydax.com. Thank you for listening, don’t forget to Like, Subscribe, and serve.