Waking Up to Narcissism

What if the very strategies that saved you as a child are now sabotaging your adult relationships? In Part 2 of Tony's series on emotional immaturity, discover why your most persistent relationship struggles aren't character flaws—they're outdated survival software still running in the background of your life. Through the powerful ACT metaphor of "The Man in the Hole," you'll understand why working harder with familiar emotional tools only digs you deeper into relationship problems. When someone offers you a ladder out of your patterns, why do you keep trying to dig with it instead? This episode reveals how to recognize when it's time to put down the shovel of old coping strategies and climb toward something completely different. Meet the clients who've made this transformation: the chronic fixer who learned to ask "what do you need from me?" instead of immediately solving, the humor-deflector who shocked a room into silence by sharing something real, and the lifelong people-pleaser whose hands shook as she said "no" for the first time—and discovered her marriage actually got stronger. You'll explore Terry Real's revolutionary insight that childhood adaptations become adult roadblocks, learn the art of re-parenting yourself with compassion instead of criticism, and discover why emotional maturity isn't about never falling into old patterns—it's about recognizing when you're there and having new tools to respond. Whether you struggle with hypervigilance, perfectionism, control issues, or people-pleasing tendencies, this episode offers a shame-free framework for honoring your inner child's brilliant survival strategies while empowering your adult self to take the lead. Because growth isn't about eliminating your protective parts—it's about expanding your repertoire of responses and choosing consciously instead of reacting automatically. Ready to stop digging and start climbing? Your ladder awaits. 00:00 Introduction and Recap 01:23 The Story of Tyler 03:53 Tyler's Realization and Therapy 09:39 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Metaphor 15:46 Revisiting Emotional Immaturity 19:30 Reparenting Yourself 25:05 Examples of Reparenting in Action 29:00 Exploring Emotional Immaturity Traits 40:54 Recognizing and Validating Emotions 42:47 Dependence on External Validation 48:54 Taking Ownership and Accountability 51:49 Mind Reading and Communication 01:03:55 Hypervigilance and Emotional Containment 01:07:12 Perfectionism and Control 01:11:49 Integration and Emotional Maturity 01:15:57 Real-Life Examples of Emotional Growth 01:22:05 The Journey of Emotional Maturity

Are you constantly trying to please your mother but never feeling good enough? Do you take responsibility for her emotional well-being? If you've ever found yourself stuck in these patterns, this episode is essential listening — and men, don't skip this one! Host Tony Overbay discovered he might have a little "Good Daughter Syndrome" himself. In this illuminating conversation, psychotherapist Katherine Fabrizio https://daughtersrising.info/ shares her 35 years of experience working with daughters of difficult mothers, including her own journey breaking away from practicing therapy alongside her controlling mother. With refreshing candor and hard-earned wisdom, Katherine reveals: * The four psychological traps that keep "good daughters" stuck: the never good enough trap, the guilt trap, the self-doubt trap, and the mixed message trap * Why setting even small boundaries can provide crucial data about your relationship * How to break free without it being a "zero-sum game" where someone must lose * Why your mother's narcissistic defenses will protect her, even when you start setting boundaries * The paralyzing internal conflict of feeling selfish when you differentiate from mom * With multiple awards, including Gold Medalist for Parenting & Relationships from The Global Book Awards, Katherine's book "The Good Daughter Syndrome" offers hope to those caught in these destructive dynamics. Whether you identify as a "good daughter" or simply want to understand the complex mother-daughter relationship, this conversation provides actionable insights for reclaiming your sovereignty and building a life that truly belongs to you. "When you wake up and realize you've been ceding your sovereignty to somebody else... it's incredibly empowering." - Katherine Fabrizio 00:00 Introduction and Announcements 01:35 Emotional Immaturity Epidemic 03:32 The Good Daughter Syndrome 08:12 Interview with Catherine Fabrizio 11:03 Catherine's Personal Journey 17:37 Understanding Narcissistic Dynamics 26:40 Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic Mothers 27:35 The Never Good Enough Trap 28:40 The Guilt Trap 29:11 Navigating Divorce and Co-Parenting 33:54 The Self-Doubt Trap 38:59 The Mixed Message Trap 46:23 Empowerment and Differentiation 48:53 Conclusion and Resources

Ever wondered why your brilliant mind can solve complex problems at work but completely breaks down during relationship conflicts? That's because those emotional reactions that feel so instinctive aren't flaws—they're actually genius survival strategies that once kept you safe. In this transformative episode, we explore how black-and-white thinking, mind-reading expectations, and external validation seeking were perfect childhood adaptations that have now become relationship roadblocks. Through the groundbreaking insight that behaviors which perfectly served us in childhood often become the very patterns that sabotage our adult relationships, you'll finally understand why you keep falling into familiar emotional patterns despite your best intentions. This isn't just another episode about relationship struggles—it's a compassionate roadmap for emotional growth that honors both your wounded inner child and your emerging adult self. You'll discover how to recognize when you're in an emotional "hole" and why continuing to dig with familiar tools only takes you deeper. Most importantly, you'll learn how to pass the baton from your protective inner child to your capable adult self without shame or judgment. Whether you struggle with people-pleasing, emotional flooding, perfectionism, or control issues, this episode offers a strength-based approach to transform these patterns into mature responses that will revolutionize your relationships and bring a profound sense of internal peace. 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 00:23 Listener Email: Mark's Story 01:41 Understanding Emotional Immaturity 04:47 Exploring the Emotional Maturity Spectrum 08:47 Introducing the Emotional Architects Group 09:29 Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Emotional Immaturity 11:08 Dinner with Daniel: A Narcissistic Narrative 15:47 Stages of Emotional Maturity 26:18 Childhood Behaviors in Adult Bodies 32:45 Understanding Emotional Blueprints 33:07 Re-parenting with Compassion 33:32 Therapeutic Insights from Fiction 34:23 Frozen Moments and Adult Relationships 35:16 Childhood Adaptations in Adult Life 36:17 Exploring Childlike Behaviors in Adults 36:57 Navigating Emotional Development 41:34 Black or White Thinking 44:43 Magical Thinking in Relationships 47:46 Emotional Reasoning and Codependency 52:32 External Validation and Accountability 55:41 Mind Reading and Projection 01:01:32 Pattern Recognition and Familiarity 01:07:12 Path Toward Emotional Maturity 01:07:52 Conclusion and Next Steps

Have you ever found yourself wondering, How can someone possibly believe that? Or maybe you've questioned your own beliefs after bumping up against someone else's certainty? You're not alone. In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the complexities of perception, truth, and emotional maturity. He explores how individuals often encounter differing viewpoints—especially in today’s social media-driven world—and how those experiences can lead to frustration, confusion, and even self-doubt. Using concepts like Umwelt and the importance of distinguishing between objective facts and subjective experiences, Tony offers insight into how each person’s unique background and personal history shape the way they see and move through the world. Through personal stories and reflections, he emphasizes the power of curiosity, empathy, and openness in building real, meaningful connections. Tony also shares parts of his own professional and spiritual journey, including the impact of his faith crisis, and how discomfort can often become a catalyst for deep personal growth. He reflects on the therapist-client relationship, unpacking the balance between professional boundaries and genuine emotional connection. And as always, Tony encourages listeners to embrace curiosity, hold healthy boundaries, and continue showing up as their most authentic selves. 00:00 Introduction: The Frustration of Misunderstanding 02:11 Exploring the Concept of 'Truth' 03:08 Host Introduction and Social Media Presence 04:21 Personal Story: Spinal Surgery Experience 05:26 Diving into the Topic of 'Truth' and Perception 07:15 The German Concept of Umwelt 12:22 Faith Journeys and Personal Perceptions 14:41 Emotional Maturity and Sense of Self 27:53 Job Interviews and Authenticity 32:13 Case Study: Spiritual Expectations 35:42 Thriving Without Sleep 35:52 The Faith Crisis Hits 35:59 Understanding the Pendulum Swing 36:15 Unique Faith Journeys 37:06 Embracing Personal Growth 37:25 The Beauty of Diverse Faith Outcomes 37:48 Navigating Faith Deconstruction 38:42 The Reframe: Moving Forward 38:53 Faith in Yourself and God 39:06 Riding Without Training Wheels 39:31 Respecting Different Journeys 40:04 The Hero's Journey 40:21 Helping Others Through Faith Crisis 40:56 Developing a Strong Sense of Self 41:29 Working with Faith Leaders 42:03 Emotional Immaturity in Faith Communities 42:41 The Power of Parables 43:14 Unspoken Pressures in Religious Settings 43:44 The Hypothetical Couple: Jack and Jill 45:59 Humanistic Therapy Principles 47:46 Intermittent Reinforcement and Trauma Bonding 48:58 The Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation 50:57 Separating Observations from Judgments 56:25 The Therapist's Emotional Journey 58:06 The Paradox of Therapy 01:02:11 Navigating Discomfort in Relationships 01:04:20 Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement

Have you ever found yourself behaving in ways you never thought possible—slamming doors, raising your voice, or saying hurtful things—after months or years of emotional manipulation? In today's powerful episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," we explore the crucial distinction between true abuse and what's often mislabeled as "reactive abuse." Through compelling real-life scenarios and expert analysis, you'll discover why these reactions don't make you "just as bad" and how pathologically kind people often find themselves paired with emotionally immature partners in breakup-resistant relationships. What if the shame you feel about your reactions is actually keeping you trapped in harmful dynamics? Join us as we unpack how to recognize the difference between healthy kindness and self-erasure, identify patterns of emotional immaturity, and reclaim your narrative from those who benefit from your self-doubt. This episode offers not just understanding, but a transformative path forward for anyone who's ever looked in the mirror and wondered, "Have I become the very thing I feared?" 00:00 Introduction and Current Events 00:14 Emotional Immaturity in Everyday Life 03:07 Defining Emotional Maturity 04:46 The Persistence of Emotional Immaturity 07:28 Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Immaturity 09:38 A Real-Life Scenario: Sarah and Mike 13:58 Understanding Reactive Response 26:25 Pathological Kindness vs. Emotional Immaturity 35:42 Understanding Emotionally Immature Behaviors 36:22 The Human Magnet Syndrome 37:21 Codependency and Reactive Responses 38:51 Examples of Reactive Responses 46:10 The Cycle Leading to Reactive Responses 54:24 Differentiation and Balance 58:56 Reframing Reactive Responses 01:03:38 Conclusion and Final Thoughts If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com