That Wasn't The Plan

We Don't Move On. We Move With. ft. Lindsay Brockman

(Courtney's back, everyone. Let the drinks flow. Also — Courtney's tooth made a brief unscheduled disappearance. We kept it in. You're welcome.) This week, Emily and Courtney sit down with someone doing some of the most quietly essential work in grief support: Lindsay Brockman, licensed veterinary nurse, certified pet loss grief specialist, and founder of EverKin Pet Loss Support out of Richmond, Virginia. Lindsay has fifteen years across ER, end-of-life, and community animal medicine — and she's seen firsthand what happens when the humans in those exam rooms are left to navigate loss with nothing but a sympathy card and a parking validation. Her framework is built around disenfranchised grief — the grief the world doesn't quite know how to honor. The grief that gets "it was just a pet." Or "you'll get another one." Or the silence where a casserole should be. Lindsay's entire practice exists to say: no. All grief deserves support. But Lindsay brings more than professional expertise to this conversation. Earlier this year, her son Jack was stillborn at 38 weeks. And in one of the most honest, tender moments we've had on this show, she talks about how both losses — the ones she holds for clients, and the one she carries herself — share the same language. The same weight. The same need to be witnessed. What you'll hear in this one: * What disenfranchised grief actually means — and why pet loss is one of its biggest, most overlooked forms * What fifteen years in vet ER looks like from the inside — and why grief literacy training for veterinary teams matters so much * Compassion fatigue: what it actually is (and why it's not the same as burnout), and the org Not One More Vet fighting to support vet professionals * Courtney's story of losing Rooster during the pandemic — and arriving at a locked ER door at 2am, sobbing, saying "I'm coming" * "We don't move on. We move with." — what honoring grief actually looks like * What NOT to say to a grieving person — and what to say instead when you genuinely don't know what to say * Curly Sue — Lindsay's new rescue from Richmond Animal League, who weighs almost exactly what Jack weighed, and only wants to be held * Weighted Angels, a volunteer organization making weighted stuffed animals for parents who leave the hospital without their baby * Lady Chunk's live cameo (the cat had opinions and made them known) * Human names for animals: Alan, Susan, Patricia, Gary, Frank — we stand by all of it * And the grocery store pasta sauce incident, which is one of the best grief stories we've ever heard on this show Lindsay's tagline is a Ram Dass quote: "We are all just walking each other home." By the end of this episode, you'll understand exactly why. 📎 Find Lindsay & Resources Mentioned: * 🌿 EverKin Pet Loss Support: EverkinPetLoss.com [http://everkinpetloss.com] * 📲 Instagram: @EverkinPetLoss * 💙 Not One More Vet: nomv.org [http://nomv.org] * 🤍 Weighted Angels: https://www.weightedangels.com/ Lindsay's books reopen June 1st — if you or someone you love needs support, now's the time to reach out. 💌 Have a story about a plan that went sideways? We want to hear it. Reach out at thatwasnttheplanpod@gmail.com [thatwasnttheplanpod@gmail.com] 📲 Find us on Instagram | TikTok | YouTube — search @thatwasnttheplan_podcast 🐾 If this episode moved you, please subscribe, leave a review, and pass it along to anyone who's ever loved an animal — or a person — and been told to just get over it. And as always — whatever plan you had? We're glad you're here anyway. 🥂 Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2551219/support]

Endometriosis: Painful Periods Are Not Normal ft. Hilary Pawlik

(Fair warning: Emily's mouth was fully uncensored this episode — blame the tech gremlins. Also, our earrings nearly derailed the whole thing. You'll hear it. We kept it in.) This week, Emily's co-host Courtney Holland is out due to an emergency — but honestly, today's guest doesn't need a wingman. Hilary Morris Pawlik has been Emily's ride-or-die since the eighth grade, and she shows up today to talk about something that affects 1 in 10 women and yet somehow remains one of the most underdiagnosed, underfunded, and dismissed conditions in medicine: endometriosis. Hilary is a professional dancer, award-winning choreographer, and co-director of Artist Entrance Dance Company in Los Angeles. She's performed with The Hollywood Pinup Girls and the Mental Head Circus vaudeville show, and she's basically done everything short of the Iditarod. But today, she's here to tell a different kind of story — the one about years of painful periods, fertility struggles, a missed diagnosis, a baseball-sized cyst, sepsis, and an emergency surgery that revealed her organs had started fusing together. What they cover: * What endometriosis actually is (and why so many women — and their doctors — have no idea) * The surprisingly wide range of symptoms, from painful periods to shortness of breath, leg pain, and GI issues * Medical gaslighting: being told you're not in "enough" pain to have endo * IVF, a uterine septum, and the winding road to becoming a mom * Going from "watch and wait" to hospitalized with sepsis — while her husband was in Thailand * The surgeon who quite literally saved her life (Dr. Richard Freeman at the Disney Cancer Center in Burbank) * Why your regular OB/GYN may not be equipped to handle this — and where to find a specialist * The Huberman Lab episode with Dr. Thaïs Aliabadi that every woman should listen to * A Long Island research study actively enrolling women who haven't been diagnosed yet — and why that matters * The hormonal birth control decision Hilary resisted and then reversed — and why she's so glad she did * Community, support groups, and why both Emily and Hilary swear by themIf you have a uterus, know someone who does, or you're just a decent human who believes women deserve better healthcare — this episode is for you. 📎 Resources mentioned: * 🎙️ Huberman Lab — "Female Hormone Health, PCOS, Endometriosis, Fertility & Breast Cancer" ft. Dr. Thaïs Aliabadi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMzfGZnaPN8 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMzfGZnaPN8] * 🔬 ROSE Research Study (Northwell Health / Feinstein Institutes) — endometriosis research enrolling participants: https://feinstein.northwell.edu/institutes-researchers/institute-molecular-medicine/robert-s-boas-center-for-genomics-and-human-genetics/rose-research-outsmarts-endometriosis [https://feinstein.northwell.edu/institutes-researchers/institute-molecular-medicine/robert-s-boas-center-for-genomics-and-human-genetics/rose-research-outsmarts-endometriosis] * 📲 Find Hilary on Instagram: @hilarypawlik 💌 Have a story about a plan that went sideways? We want to hear it. Reach out to us at thatwasnttheplanpod@gmail.com [thatwasnttheplanpod@gmail.com] or www.thatwasnttheplan.com 📲 Find us on Instagram | TikTok | YouTube — search @thatwasnttheplan_podcast 🎧 If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who needs to hear it. It genuinely helps us grow the show and reach more people. And as always — whatever plan you had? We're glad you're here anyway. 🥂 Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2551219/support]

Part 2: Hypothermia can be funn! - Ice Mermaid

Last week, Melissa Kegler said she was going to get her record back. This week, the universe said, we’ll see about that. What follows is five months of waiting for water that is somehow both too warm and too frozen, a logistical nightmare involving flights, storms, dams, and one very specific 24-hour window where everything finally (and briefly) aligns.  It is, by all accounts, the worst swim of her life. Naturally, she does it anyway. There’s something quietly unhinged about preparing your body for hypothermia on a biweekly basis, dragging friends and coworkers into the chaos, and then—when it finally happens—thinking, “This feels terrible. I might die. Let’s keep going.” And yet. Somewhere between the near-bail, the dead-man float (briefly considered, quickly abandoned), and a very well-earned post-swim pizza, Melissa figures out exactly what she’s capable of—and, more importantly, how she wants to do it next time. Also: hypothermia. Surprisingly...fun???  Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2551219/support]

Pt. 1 - The Ice Mermaid, Melissa Kegler

There are people who set goals.  And then there’s Melissa Kegler—who hears a mildly unhinged suggestion and thinks, yes, that seems reasonable. In Part 1, we trace the origin story: from pool swimmer to open water wanderer, to casually knocking out the Triple Crown (Catalina, the English Channel, Manhattan… as one does). Along the way: crocodile-adjacent panic, questionable water conditions, dolphins, bioluminescence, and just enough vomiting to keep things grounded. It’s a story about curiosity, momentum, and the dangerous power of someone asking, “Have you ever thought about…?” Unfortunately, someone did. And next week, it gets cold. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2551219/support]

Never Give Up. Also, Buy an Air Fryer.

This week, we dispense wisdom. Some of it useful. Some of it… less so. From brain candy books and existential dread to air fryer eggs, dry skin trauma, and the radical notion of simply not giving up, Emily and Courtney share the life advice they’ve collected, ignored, rediscovered, and occasionally weaponised. There are thoughts on fear, presence, kindness, and why you should probably talk to your knees. Also: why teenagers don’t know how keys work, and why calm might be a superpower (unconfirmed). Take what you need. Leave what you don’t.  We’re all just doing our best. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2551219/support]