The Bridges We Build

Guest: Monica Zoll- A Fierce Advocate - do not miss the signs and symptoms

Monica Pruitt Zoll shares her family dynamic approach in her coaching practice. Monica uses her personal experience with her mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis when she had young children and dropped nearly everything to help her mom (and dad). Her parents were living together in the home where Monica grew up. The Initial Signs: Do not assume that the first signs of Alzheimer’s will be memory loss. In Monica’s situation, she shares how her mom’s energetic/nervous Venezuelan energy shifted. She became really focused on cleaning and organizing.  Monica’s mom started pulling away from her friends and always said that she was too busy. Monica believes that her mom knew that something was wrong and was trying to hide and minimize it to others because of the stereotypes and shame. It was unclear what was happening at first because the signs were not obvious. Monica thought it could be a brain tumor because of the new mood swings including anger. The anger and OCD were new.  Do NOT Give Up: Her dad was the first one who tried to ask the doctor for tests to get a sense of what was going on with her mom. The doctor said no! Then Monica asked and the doctor refused again! On the third request when they brought her mother in person the doctor finally agreed to scans and testing. This was what led to Monica’s mother finally being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  Unfortunately, ageism or insurance formularies can be factors getting the help you need for your loved one.  Do not give up, advocate! As the only child, Monica promised her mom she would take care of her… The sadness arrived with the diagnosis and some fear because one of her mom’s dear friends had been diagnosed prior. Her mom saw the decline, personality changes, and eventually his passing. This made her mom sad and a bit worried. One Prior Episode of Getting Lost but the doctor was not concerned: She did get lost driving to the mall once. Even with this the doctor was not as concerned because she was able to trouble shoot and make a phone call to create a solution. REMEMBER: Trust your gut and ADVOCATE for your loved one.  Being STRETCHED: There was a lot of guilt for Monica. She was not really with her kids/husband 100% and not really with her mom and dad 100%. It was a fire drill she was just trying to make it through initially for all of them. What helped initially was starting medication and having the family move in ESPECIALLY the grandkids….  Also, there was a big shift when her mom started going to the day program from about 9 am – 3pm, initially 2 days a week and eventually 5 days a week. At times, her mom did not want to go…but once there she enjoyed it. Much like when we drop off kids to school. Monica’s training in Montessori teaching was pivotal. Just like little ones who get scared being dropped off, those with Alzheimer’s are usually fine after they engage with the day care group. Monica taught her dad how to navigate this as well. Monica coached her dad through this process as he became a caregiver to his wife. There is value is one person spear heading and managing the care plan for the Loved One. This person is then divvying up assignments: phone calls, sending packages or cards, videos, or uploading the Nixplay picture frame, etc.  BUILD IN BREAKS: 10 minute breaks at a time… TAKE THEM! It is not too small… listen to music for yourself or do an activity together. Music for you and your loved one can bridge the gap when the conversational skills are diminishing. Dancing and listening to music relieved so much stress and brought a lot of laughter to Monica’s whole family! Her mom did yoga too and was even able to do Tree Pose😊. Get up move around in any way, stretch, and get outdoors! Monica’s mom passed away in 2019. After her passing, Monica knew that she wanted to share her knowledge and help others. Contact https://www.monicazollcoaching.com

Guest: Anna Cantor shares her journey - passion turned into purpose!

Anna Cantor has 10 + years of experience with Dementia. Her mother was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s & Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia in 2010. Anna was living in Germany at the time and dropped everything to become her mother’s caregiver. About 4 years into the process Anna moved her mother into a Care Home because her mom needed more care. Since then, Anna made it her goal to continue to educate herself on Dementia. She is a Certified Independent Dementia Consultant through Tepa Snow’s PAC program. Anna focusses on two pillars: the Care Partners (family usually) at their home as they are dealing with day to day challenges with the disease progression AND after moving your loved one to a Care Home by creating a support system and plan for what comes next personally. Anna’s approach with care as a partnership of friendship and trust to have their back. Post traumatic growth is used to integrate the space of resilience with embracing where they are at now… all the feelings are OK, and to move to acceptance. Then, Anna can help others prepare for the next stages of the disease process. Being vulnerable but empowered to adapt and adjust with agility as needed knowing about next steps is vital. Tepa Snow program discusses (https://www.tepasnow.com [https://www.tepasnow.com/] of on Facebook), the brain changes coaching them to discuss which way is best to work with your loved one by using language, sound, music, visual cues. Tips: Break the tasks or challenges into specific steps by looking at the patterns. Routine is good but not having it be too rigid… stay flexible. What was the person doing prior to diagnosis? Create the same scenarios that give them comfort: pack a lunch, go to work (take a walk), doing art or crafts, etc. Are certain times of the day triggers? Tools to use for self-care- yoga, any physical exercise, learning and connecting with others in community (Alzheimer’s support group Alzheimer's Help & Support | Alzheimer's Association [https://www.alz.org/help-support] ), and knowing what to expect next can provide comfort… See the good in this process – see the good! Holding hands, sharing a smile, a hug, music… MUSIC, talking, create the special moments of connection and Anna has seen it still present with her mom during recent visits. 32:30 At what stage do you consider comfort measures only for your loved one? How do you personally make that choice for your loved one? The doctors and medical professionals are trained to continue and preserve life. Anna shares how withdrawal of feeding (by not using/ placing a feeding tube) is very humane and peaceful end of life process. Getting the diagnosis after the testing process… then what? How to get information? Gain clarity through personal research and reach out to the Alzheimer’s Association for trainings and conferences in addition to getting a second opinion. Robin Williams’ diagnosis of Lou Body Dementia – as an example of why we need community, resources, support and counseling. THIS is not meant to be done alone. See if you qualify for free counseling in your state if you are a Caregiver for your Loved One! Anna is very EAGER to help… she fell into this path through her mother’s diagnosis and feels humbled to create this consulting practice: https://www.yourdementiacoach.com [https://www.yourdementiacoach.com/]and IG @yourdementiacoach.  Anna is available 8am – 9pm Pacific to help trouble shoot as well. Contact her for a free consultation! Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others!  Please subscribe, rate, review and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB.  Thank You! https://www.carewithabundance.com/serviceofferings [https://www.carewithabundance.com/serviceofferings]

Guest: Quincie Novella of Salus Homecare - Why use an Agency for Caregiving & How Covid changed everything...

Reposting….A rookie move on my part… not sure how this was deleted so I am reposting this episode! Quincie Novella is a Case Manager for Salus Homecare.  She really began her journey when her mom was diagnosed with a terminal condition, then put on hospice at the age 52 years old.  Quincie quit her job to take care of her mom and her life was forever changed.  From that moment on she decided to serve others in this way. Salus Homecare provides coverage in Los Angeles, Orange County and San Diego, California.  Quincie talks about the types of Caregivers they hire and how giving life back to the clients is always the priority.  Everything from the owners being on site each day to the A+ BBB rating, and ongoing background checks that are done on caregivers; this all speaks to the culture and standards of their company.  Here is the link to learn more Home Care, Home Health, and Hospice Services | Salus Homecare [https://www.salushomecare.com/].  You can also contact Quincie via email at qnovella@salushomecare.com.  The services are customized to your loved one's need with a specific plan of care. I speak at length of the Long Term Care Insurance paperwork that Quincie helped me complete to activate my mom's case!  It was a huge burden that she lifted off my shoulders. Quincie Novella reveals the risks of hiring a caregiver on your own, without an agency.  How can there be any risk if a family uses a payroll agency?Listen in to find out!! (24:47) Quincie reveals how Covid truly changed everything.  It is a candid heartfelt description of what she and her company experienced first hand.  Quincie even helped with the case load to support the staff and families in need. Lastly, Quincie talks about how family members get really stretched when trying to do the care themselves resulting in a completely different relationship with your loved one.  Do not hesitate to call for a free assessment to see whether your loved one is in need of additional support from Quincie/Salus. Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others! Please subscribe, rate, review and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB. You can also message me any thoughts, feedback, or topics you would like covered… possible future guests too! Thank you for joining me. Much LOVE!

Guest: Shelley McIntyre, "Change is inevitable, pain is not."

Grief Recovery Expert, Shelley McIntyre is a wealth of knowledge as an educator and a coach.  She has a very unique perspective on change and challenges we face.  During Shelly's work as a corporate strategist and product consultant she recognized a common theme- the obstacle to growth (in companies and individuals) were feelings surrounding CHANGE.  Change is so threatening that it elicits a grief response for what once was.... a true sense of missing and yearning to recreate the same situation or experience. Shelley creates systems and processes to normalize this feeling of loss and grief.  In doing so, grief becomes normalized and not as overwhelming. The ability to name the feeling, talk about it, and identify where you feel it in YOUR body is an instrumental part of the acceptance process.  In order to do so, we must let go of the myths around grief: that we need to be strong for others; power through it; have a glass of wine or drink to relax; replace it with food/toys/distractions/stay busy; time heals... All of these myths further isolate the individual going through this transition by externalizing the solution vs. turning inward.   There are ways you can have a conversation with your loved one and process some of your grief if they are still here!  Three ways to address the grief you are experiencing: 1) Share and discuss positive memories and stories with them.  Assume they can hear and understand everything even if they have reduced or no verbal skills.  2) Apologize for a prior situation- if a positive experience- for example, where your loved one deserved praise or recognition for their supportive nature to you. 3) Ask for forgiveness through a letter that you write but do not give them OR find a trusted person to stand in as a heart with ears!  Never ask for forgiveness to your loved one's face... because you never know how it will land. Here are a few reminders of what to do (or not do) as we journey through these transitions with our loved ones with Dementia and their losses in turn become our grief too. 1) Remove expectations- get rid of the shoulds; everyone progresses at their own pace and in their own order! 2) Accept your feelings.  The only way to move forward is to go THROUGH it. 3) Calendar the meaningful dates in advance: birthday, anniversary, holidays, etc.  Then, plan in advance how you will manage your self care and the activities for the day overall.  YOU choose... do not wait for it to just happen. 4) On days when you are having challenging moments, look across a long distance, an open space.  This provides a bit of distance, perspective to your vision and creates space and hope. 5) Feet on the floor.  Really feel them grounded and rooted.  6) Rub your belly slowly 7) Humming either alone or do so with another person. Healthy options to Flight, Fight, Freeze, and Fawn: Flight- go for a brisk walk or hike when you feel like you want to bolt.  Freeze- lay down, nap, or meditate.  Fight- scream in the pillow, jumping jacks, something that gets your heart rate up.  Fawn- make a list of gratitude... even the smallest things matter. If we do not do this work Shelley McIntyre says the pre-existing grief keeps piling up and compounding for each new experience.  Our bodies and souls carry and store it at a cellular level.  Instead, use these methods and techniques for support as you step into YOUR life with continual radical acceptance of what IS and keep the LOVE!   Reach Shelley on IG @griefisnormal or https://shelleymcintyre.com Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others!   Please subscribe, rate, review, and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast.  You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG & FB.

Mini- Episode: The Season of Transitions

Change is constant.  However in 2020 and 2021 we have been thrust into more change than ever with Covid.   Even further, we are navigating tremendous change with our loved one.... Then there is another shift!  Our lives are constantly changing... 'tis the Season of Change & Transitions. School is ending, Summer is coming, perhaps a graduation...   How many changes are you or someone in your immediate family experiencing currently?  Returning to work in person?   Did where you work, live or go to school change?  Your body... has it changed?  Our inability to see people in person over the last year has impacted relationships with friends and family in ways we never even imagined.  What does this look like as we gradually return to these relationships and situations?  Is it awkward, lumpy, strange? N O U R I S H- yourself! N - needs are met (a place to live/sleep/food to eat) O- oxygen: just breath and stay open with your heart and mind U- underachieve ... yes do less! R- radical empathy, grace for yourself I- intentional: purpose & priority; what is a MUST do; create a honeydo list for yourself with LOVE on it first! S- soulful: be real with yourself and go for your dreams and STRETCH or reach but do NOT push. H- heal: reframe negative chatter; accept where you are (starting point) so you know where you want to reach!  HEART- lead with it vs. fear.   Fear is truly the absence of Love.  This is when our ego jumps in and gets defensive to preserve itself.  The familiar is far more safe and known.  But then we do not grow... The resistance and friction from these transitions and challenges makes us stronger and far more resilient.  You know how you feel after you do something super scary for work, school, or for yourself!  Afterward the feeling of confidence from breaking through this FEAR or challenge... the knowing and internal strength is palpable!  Remember this ENERGY as you go through this new Season of Transitions.  Nothing is permanent. Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others! Please subscribe, rate, review and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB. You can also message me any thoughts, feedback, or topics you would like covered… possible future guests too! Thank you for joining me. Much LOVE!