You're Playing the Wrong Game
I got humbled recently. Someone had to remind me of my own advice, and it’s literally the thing that I say all the time, which is: it ain’t all about you.
It was hilarious because I am the queen of “it ain’t all about you.” But here’s the thing — I’m human, and unopened emails, no-shows, and low engagement can all feel personal and make you feel discouraged when you are in the thick of it.
I’m going to talk about how and why marketing messes with our heads, why the advice that we are consuming might not even be built for us, and what I am doing differently this year. So let’s get into it.
I was in this place in my business where I was feeling discouraged and frustrated because I kept putting things out there and wasn’t getting the traction that I wanted. I didn’t understand why. My friend very thoughtfully and kindly said, “Have you tried reaching out one-to-one to remind them and make those connections?”
It was really funny because I thought, “Oh shit, yeah, you’re right. I haven’t done that.” And if I think back to my own experiences, when someone local has reached out to me and said, “Hey, LeeAnn, I have this thing going on — I’d love to see you there,” even though I know they are connecting one-to-one with a lot of other people, it has been a very successful tactic in getting me to show up. Because, one, I respect that person; two, I care about them and want to support them; and three, they’ve taken the time to remind me and connect with me, which makes me feel like a person and not just an invisible participant consuming information.
When my friend said this to me, it was very humbling, because — as I mentioned — I tell my clients this all the time. We have to work harder. We have to sit in the seat of the consumer and behave how we would want to be treated as the consumer. In that moment, I realized I wasn’t doing that and had actually gotten a little lazy.
Now, I want to be kind to myself and say that I have a lot going on, just like you have a lot going on. When I created this vision for the thing I’m working on, I wanted it to be easier because I didn’t want it to be another item on my to-do list that left me feeling exhausted. In my friend’s response and reflection, I realized there were two ways I could move forward: either A, step up my game, make more connections, and try harder, or B, let go of the expectations and just let it be what it was.
In that reflection, thinking about why I wasn’t showing up as much as I could be, I realized that part of it was that I was in the phase of just doing it. And sometimes when you’re in that phase, you aren’t really thinking about all the strategies for how to grow it and best execute on it. For me, as someone who has learned that I need to dive in — because if I don’t, the perfectionist comes out and she will sabotage me — I just have to show up. That’s where I see the most success and growth for myself, because I can prove to myself that I can do this.
In that, I realized we’re just in this doing phase, and I need to be okay with not seeing the growth and traction I hoped for, while also recognizing that I’ve done this long enough that I can start taking on more work. This piece of the building is more comfortable and familiar to me now, so it’s easier to do. I can take on more work that is going to continue to grow this project.
But let’s talk about why so many of us get stuck and why it still feels personal. It feels personal because we have put time and energy into building it. We feel that it is special. And in some cases, there is this low-level expectation of, “You know me. You know what I’m doing. Why aren’t you engaging?”
When that happens — when your email flops, when the no-shows happen, when you get ghosted — it can feel very personal because we’re giving it the good old college try. But when we really take a step back and look at it, are we really giving it the good old try?
A couple of questions you could start with: Are you consistent? Posting? Sending newsletters? Networking? Are you consistent with reaching out? Are you staying curious and experimenting with different forms of marketing, but committing to those experiments long enough to actually see results? Or, like a lot of us — myself included — are you hoping that effort equals automatic results?
Yeah, I know. That stings a little, because our ego wants to say, “I’ve put in all that effort, so I should automatically see results.” What I’m talking about here is loving accountability — not shame, not shoulda-coulda-woulda, not feeling bad and stopping. But as humans, we are attracted to comfort and control, and running a business is in so many ways out of our control.
Here’s the trap I find myself falling into, on and off: I get sucked into the online world, listening to major educational coaches who have been in the game for a really long time — Jenna Kutcher, Marie Forleo, Amy Porterfield — and I’m taking advice from online businesses that have large audiences, years of social proof, and established authority. Then I’m applying it to my business, which has a very small, locally based audience, and asking myself, “Why isn’t this working?”
I’m taking advice from coaches and business owners who are selling digital products or masterminds whose business model is based on volume. When I say volume, I mean their audiences are large. They have large email lists. I’m applying their strategies to my little itty-bitty list.
Not kidding — I’m currently part of an online business group, because even though I’m aware of the pitfalls, I know there’s still a lot I can learn. Someone in that group said her email list is small. Her “small” email list is 20,000 people. I hope that puts things into perspective, because I don’t think people are talking about this enough. There’s just not enough honesty about it.
I am by no means saying it’s not possible for you — or for me — to achieve that. But it’s a different game that you need to be playing. For those of us who are locally based, we’re not playing that game. We are not in that field. To apply those strategies and expect the same outcome, even when data says we should be seeing results, it doesn’t feel as successful or as monumental to us.
What I find is that a lot of online business coaches are not being fully transparent about the size of the audience you need in order to reach the revenue goals they’re promising you.
So photographers, service-based businesses, and consultants focused on one geographic area — or heavily location-based — are trying to apply high-volume strategies and then wondering why they’re not seeing the same results or the same impact. Local businesses are different in how we need to market, connect, and build.
To contrast those differences: online businesses have a large audience, whether built organically through content marketing or through paid traffic. They are scaling through automation, with far less one-to-one direct contact. They have systems in place that automate their process to meet client expectations. They have volume-based visibility — a lot of eyeballs on them — which creates the potential for more conversions.
Whereas location-based businesses are working with a smaller, finite pool of people. We are growing through relationships — whether someone finds you cold through SEO and then continues working with you over the years, or connects with you through one-to-one meetings and word-of-mouth referrals. We are building relationships, and our visibility is trust-based.
We need to understand that we are playing a different game, but using someone else’s rulebook.
I want to caveat this by saying that yes, some of these strategies absolutely have a place in our businesses. But the trap we fall into is thinking those strategies are the only way of doing business, getting locked in, and wondering why we’re not seeing the growth and success we want.
So this year, some of the things I’m testing and experimenting with: all the time I would spend creating content specifically for Instagram — which can take quite a bit of time and has a shelf life of maybe 24 hours — I’m diverting to other avenues where I think I’ll see more ROI for my time.
Here are some of the things I’m working on.
First, personal emails. I’m just getting better at sending emails to past clients and connecting with new people. DMing people, which can potentially turn into real conversations. Commenting thoughtfully on posts on Instagram. Instead of spending so much time creating content, I’m intentionally going in and asking myself, “How can I engage with people who are already engaging with me? How can I engage with other businesses I’m genuinely excited about?” That way, I’m building relationships instead of spending time on content that feels like a hamster wheel. It feels way better because I feel like I’m actually giving something.
I’m still posting and creating content — I’m just being more strategic about how much time I spend there and where I can get the most life out of what I’m creating.
I’m also focusing on coffee dates. If someone comes to me wanting to “pick my brain,” that’s not the kind of coffee date I’m looking for. The coffee dates I want are ones where I’m having genuine connection conversations — learning about the other person, seeing if we vibe, seeing if we can become friends in some way, and exploring how we can build community to support one another.
I’m focusing on referrals — talking to past clients and asking them to share my name if they know someone who could benefit. But I’m also referring people more, because reciprocity, my friends. When we become a referral source, other people will refer us. I believe that wholeheartedly. If we’re only ever asking people to do it for us but not doing it for others, we become like a vampire — just taking, taking, taking. And I just don’t think that’s a great way to operate.
And then I’m focusing on strategic partnerships — aligning myself intentionally with others in an ecosystem of support and reciprocity. Different from referrals, this is a partnership where we’re locking in and saying, “Yes, you’re the person I’m going to send people to because I trust you and we align.”
If we break this down at a high level: social media is the awareness piece — it’s helping people know who I am and where to find me. Email marketing is one step further into my ecosystem, where I’m nurturing people, helping them learn more about me, and building a deeper level of connection and trust. And then the last and most high-impact piece is the one-to-one conversation, which is the conversion accelerator. It helps people say yes sooner. They can get a sense of my energy — and it’s either a yes or a no.
I want to challenge you with this question: where are you hiding behind creating content?
I’m also thinking about experimenting with paid advertising. As I mentioned, a larger audience is where you can utilize strategies you’re already doing and potentially see results. So I’m considering paid advertising to grow my email list. The way I look at it, it’s not going to be an immediate ROI, but it’s a way to get new people into my ecosystem and nurture them over a longer period of time to eventually convert into a paid customer. One of the benefits of paid advertising is that it can accelerate the eyes on you, with the goal of eventually turning those people into customers.
The biggest thing to know about paid ads is that most of the time they don’t convert into quick money unless you’re offering a low-ticket offer. My goal with paid ads is to drive brand awareness and build my email newsletter. I have no idea how any of this is going to pan out. What I’m really leaning into is experimenting and playing to see what works and what doesn’t.
That’s one of the biggest advantages larger companies have that small businesses don’t — they have more capital to get curious and experiment. But once your business has hit a steady revenue where you know what’s coming in, I think the next level is experimenting with other forms of lead generation so that the success of your business isn’t contingent on one traffic source.
In order for any of this experimentation to see results, there has to be a level of thick skin and resilience through trying something and failing — or really, experimenting, learning, tweaking, and experimenting again.
I watched a YouTube video where the creator talked about how only 15% of people actually follow through with something. That really struck a chord with me. Let’s say 100 people start the same thing. Everyone’s excited and motivated, but only 15 people actually follow through. Mind blown. So the biggest part of this is actually following through. That’s when you start to see results. That’s when you learn whether something is working or isn’t.
At first, your competition is 100 people. By the end, you’re only competing with 15. If there’s anything to take from that, it’s to follow through with what you say you’re going to do. Stay the course.
When a strategy or marketing effort doesn’t work out the way we planned, it doesn’t mean you suck at business, that you’re bad at what you do, or that you need to burn everything down and start over. It just means you need to reassess and pivot. Maybe you need to try a new channel, change your approach, or focus on depth over reach.
But a word of caution before you abandon ship: you need to commit to something for at least three to six months, because you’re not going to see any real data until you’ve fully committed for at least that amount of time. And for a lot of things, it actually takes way longer. To get a true understanding of whether something works, we need consistent effort to get actual data.
If you quit and jump to something else, you end up in a perpetual loop of false starts — which circles back to that 15% who actually follow through. Challenge yourself to stick with the thing until you have enough data to make a decision on whether or not it’s working.
Earlier this year, I watched an online creator give a full breakdown of all the revenue streams in her business. One of the things she had tried the prior year was TikTok. She had created content, and it basically flopped — hardcore flopped. After a full year, she looked at it and said, “This didn’t work and I’m not going to spend any more time here.” She then looked at a digital offer she had marketed, but not as well as she could have. She knew she could make more money if she focused her marketing there a little better. So she made that adjustment — but it took her an entire year of follow-through to have enough data to make those decisions and tweak for the next year.
Okay, let’s end this with some journal prompts that you can either think about or write about — whatever works for you to get your mind spinning on ways to approach the second half of this year.
Where are you taking things personally that are actually data-related? Reframing it that way can help take out the emotional charge.
Are you over-investing in visibility — specifically social media channels — when you could divert that time to building more one-to-one connections in a way that feels authentic and genuine to you?
What would it look like to intentionally strengthen one-to-one connections? How could that fit into your business? How could you make it more fun than, say, creating content for social media?
And lastly, what is one strategy you’ve had on your list for 2026 that you haven’t fully committed to, or that has fallen by the wayside because you got distracted by something else? How could you recenter yourself on that original project and create a game plan for the remainder of the year — or, if that feels like too much, just for the next three months? Can you commit to that? Can you strengthen that piece? And at the end of that three or six months, what metrics would you use to evaluate how it did, and what would you change?
That’s a juicy question.
To wrap all of this up: remember that you are not alone in that “want, want” feeling that happens when you try something and it doesn’t seem to be getting traction. In small business ownership — especially when you’re local, don’t have a team, and don’t have a lot of capital for paid advertising — things take way more time than anyone wants to admit. So remember, you’re not alone.
Flops aren’t failures. They’re experiments. They’re tests. They’re learning experiences.
It’s all about staying curious. Marketing and stability are a long game — and remember, it ain’t about you. But you’re still allowed to feel cranky every once in a while when you’re not seeing the results you want.
As always, take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and remember — you’ve got this dang thing.
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