The Raising Kids with Purpose Podcast

19 // 4 Ways to Connect Before You Correct so Your Kids Can Listen Better

You know the moment. Your kid does the thing, and before you even think about it you're correcting, lecturing, repeating yourself, and nothing lands. They do the same exact thing the next day! Here's what most parenting advice gets wrong: it's not about what you say! In this episode, certified parent coach Adriane Thompson breaks down the science of why correction without connection falls flat, and she gives you 4 simple, practical tools to connect with your child first, so your words actually get through. Whether you're dealing with meltdowns, defiance, or just a kid who seems to tune you out, this episode will change the way you show up in the hard moments. WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE Why correction without connection doesn't work The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, logic, and understanding consequences, is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. When kids are dysregulated, this part of the brain essentially goes offline. No matter how calm or clear your correction is, if your child's nervous system is activated, the message cannot land. Connection is what brings their brain back online and makes them available to hear you. Research also shows that kids need five positive interactions for every one corrective interaction. That 5:1 ratio matters, and the four tools in this episode are part of how we build it. Tool #1: Empathize First Before correcting, offer just enough empathy so your child's nervous system knows they are safe and seen. This isn't about excusing the behavior or skipping the correction; it's about opening the door so the correction can actually get through. Think about how differently you receive feedback when someone checks in with you first versus when they come straight at you with criticism. Our kids are wired the same way. Tool #2: Get on Their Level Physically get down to your child's eye level before you say a corrective word. Crouching down, sitting beside them, or placing a gentle hand on their shoulder communicates safety through your body even before you speak. Towering over a child activates their threat response. Eye level does the opposite: it signals connection and collaboration, not confrontation. Tool #3: Limit Your Words and Actually Listen When a child is dysregulated, more words make it harder, not easier. Say the most important thing once, clearly, then stop. And then do the part most parents skip: actually listen to what your child has to say. Kids are far more likely to receive correction when they first feel heard. Fewer words, more presence. Tool #4: Be a Sportscaster Sportscasting means narrating what you observe without judgment, interpretation, or emotional charge, like a sports commentator describing the action on the field. "I see that you hit your sister. I see that you're really frustrated she took your puzzle." This approach helps kids feel understood, slows everyone's nervous system down, gives kids the language for their own emotions in real time, and creates space for them to begin problem-solving on their own. It works equally well in discipline and in praise. LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED Blog Post: 11 Ways to Build a Strong Parent-Child Relationship Through Connection:https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship] Book a Free Call with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat] P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/] RESEARCH & SOURCES Prefrontal Cortex Development The prefrontal cortex continues developing into the mid-twenties. This region governs executive function, decision-making, and impulse control — and is significantly less accessible when a child (or adult) is emotionally activated. National Institutes of Health — Brain Development - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/ [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/]  The 5:1 Positive-to-Negative Interaction Ratio Research by Dr. John Gottman originally identified this ratio in relationships, and its principles have been widely applied to parent-child dynamics. Children thrive when the emotional bank account stays full — which requires far more positive deposits than corrective withdrawals. The Gottman Institute — Positive to Negative Ratio - https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ [https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/]  Co-Regulation and the Developing Nervous System Children's nervous systems regulate through connection with a calm, regulated adult. This is the science of co-regulation — and it's the foundation for why connection must come before correction. Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University - https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/ [https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/]

18 // How to Set Boundaries and Stop Giving In to Your Kids' Every Request!

Have you felt like you keep giving in and can't follow through on a rule or boundary you've given your kids? This is super common as parents find themselves withs struggling to set boundaries and instead make a bunch of rules that can backfire. In this episode, Adriane unpacks how to set boundaries that actually get kids to listen and make better choices, and also learn how to give your kids autonomy! In this episode, I'm breaking down the real definition of boundaries vs. rules, why fear-based parenting does the opposite of what you want, and how to set boundaries that build connection, foster your child's autonomy, and create cooperation instead of compliance. This is one of my favorite topics to teach and one that completely changed how I parent my three neurodivergent 2e boys (who are autistic, gifted, have ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and more!). In this episode, you'll learn: * The difference between a boundary and a rule (and why it matters so much) * Why consequences and punishments don't actually change behavior * What "connection before correction" looks like in real life * The difference between compliance and cooperation and which one you actually want * How to root your boundaries in your family values so they actually stick * Permanent vs. evolving boundaries as your kids grow * What to do when your kids push back (because they will — and they're supposed to) * Common boundary-setting mistakes and how to avoid them Resources mentioned: * Full blog post: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/boundaries-with-kids/ * Free Family Values Printables: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/k7y5i5 [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/k7y5i5] * Setting Boundaries Toolkit (age-appropriate scripts + strategies inside): https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/]  * 12-Week P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/]  * Book a Parent Support Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/adrianerthompson/discovery-call [https://calendly.com/adrianerthompson/discovery-call]  Connect with Adriane: * Instagram: www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose [http://www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose]  * Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com]  * Facebook: www.facebook.com/raisingkidswithpurpose [http://www.facebook.com/raisingkidswithpurpose]  If this episode helped you, would you take 30 seconds to leave a review? It helps other parents find this podcast! Message me if you don't know how to do it!

17 // Why Praise Doesn't Work to Motivate Kids (And What to Do Instead)

You may have been told to praise your kids when they're "being good." So you tell them, "Good job" any time they make a good choice; you may use sticker charts and other forms of praise. What if that well-meaning praise is quietly working against the very confidence and motivation you're trying to build? In this episode, we're digging into what the research actually says about generic praise and why the small shift from praise to encouragement changes everything for your child's brain, resilience, and long-term motivation. In this episode you'll learn: * Why "good job" isn't actually helping your child (and what's happening in their brain instead) * The 3 types of praise — and which ones build a growth mindset vs. a fixed one * Carol Dweck's research on person praise and why calling your kid "smart" can backfire * The strength-based encouragement formula that combines the best of both worlds * The Sportscaster Method — the easiest way to encourage without empty praise * How to flip from "I'm so proud of you" to something that actually builds self-worth * Practical phrases to use in the moment (even when your brain goes blank) Resources mentioned in this episode: Free Strengths Toolkit — Discover your child's core character strengths so you can encourage them intentionally in the moment. 👉https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d5l5j6 [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d5l5j6]  Read the full blog post — includes the strength-based encouragement infographic, printable phrase guides, and deeper research breakdowns. 👉 raisingkidswithpurpose.com/strength-based-encouragement [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/strength-based-encouragement/] Mentioned in this episode: EP 9: The Lie We've Been Told About Consequences — if this episode resonated, go back and listen to Episode 9 where we unpack another big myth about what actually motivates kids: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/9-the-lie-weve-been-told-about-consequences-and-rewards/id1879606964?i=1000760441242 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/9-the-lie-weve-been-told-about-consequences-and-rewards/id1879606964?i=1000760441242]  Books referenced: * Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck - https://amzn.to/4odKb8O * The Strength Switch by Dr. Lea Waters - https://amzn.to/4ukPh4v * The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey - https://amzn.to/4udwxUk [https://amzn.to/4udwxUk] *The links above are affiliate links. If you purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend books I've personally read and love! Work with Adriane: If you're ready to go deeper, not just with how you talk to your kids, but how you show up regulated, connected, and intentional, the P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program is where we do that work together: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com]

16 // Help Your Kids Build Frustration Tolerance to Become More Resilient

A lot of parents grew up without getting their emotional needs met. They may have grown up emotionally unsupported and left to work through hard feelings on their own, mostly because their parents, even if well-intentioned, had to work and were busy. Or they grew up in homes where feeling disappointed, sad, or mad simply wasn't allowed. And out of love, many parents are now overcorrecting. They're removing every uncomfortable moment from their child's life because watching their child struggle feels unbearable. Here is the truth nobody is saying out loud: when we shield our kids from every hard moment, we are not protecting them. We are robbing them of one of the most important skills they will ever need: frustration tolerance. And tolerating frustration is needed to build resilience. In this episode, Adriane shares a real story about wanting to rescue her son from disappointment, but she made a different choice. She illustrates a powerful example of what it looks like to stay present with your child in their hardest moments without fixing it for them. Frustration tolerance is not something children are born with. It is a skill that must be practiced. Their brains are literally under construction, and their frontal lobe, the part responsible for regulating emotions and understanding cause and effect, are not fully developed until their mid-twenties. Our job as parents is not to remove the frustration. It is to be the scaffold while they learn to move through it. This episode covers: * Why so many well-intentioned parents have swung the pendulum too far, and what it is costing their kids * What frustration tolerance actually is and why it is one of the most critical skills to build in early childhood * The pickleball court story and what it taught both Adriane and her son about resilience, repair, and trying again * How to recognize when you are managing your own discomfort instead of supporting your child through theirs * Three practical things you can do this week to start building frustration tolerance in your child Resources and Links Mentioned: How to Become Your Child’s Emotion Coach: Episode 12 -  https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/emotioncoach/ [https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/emotioncoach/]  Play with Purpose Parenting Class: This class is designed to help parents connect with their children through intentional, purposeful play while building the skills kids need to thrive. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/play-with-purpose/ The P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: Adriane's signature 7-step framework for parents who want to regulate themselves first so they can show up fully for their kids in the moments that matter most. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/]  Book a call with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat]

15 // {Part 3/3: The 8 Sensory Systems Every Parent Needs To Know}: The Sense no one talks about

This episode is about the 8th sensory system — interoception, and it’s the sense no one talks about. It's the one that connects your child's meltdowns, their anxiety, their inability to notice they're hungry until they're already falling apart, their emotional dysregulation, and so much more. And it's the one that, when I researched it, explained a lot about who I was as a child. This episode closes out the 3-part series on the 8 Sensory Systems, and it's the one I'd hand to every parent, teacher, and caregiver who has ever looked at a child in a full meltdown and had absolutely no idea what triggered it. In this episode: * What interoception actually is — the nervous system's process of sensing, interpreting, and integrating signals from inside the body, including heart rate, hunger, temperature, pain, and emotional states * What a large interoceptive cup looks like — deeply tuned in to hunger, fullness, bathroom needs, body temperature, and emotional shifts * What a small interoceptive cup looks like — missing hunger cues until complete breakdown, potty accidents, not noticing they are overheating, unable to identify where discomfort is coming from * The direct connection between interoception and emotional regulation — why children who can sense what is happening inside their bodies regulate better * The highly sensitive child who absorbs everyone else's energy and emotions — what is actually happening neurologically * A personal story about growing up with interoceptive hypersensitivity, being called a crybaby, and the shame that came with it * What to do — practical tools including body check-ins, body awareness language, predictable schedules, and validating your child's physical experiences * How all 8 cups interact with each other, and why a child can go from fine to completely dysregulated so quickly * The school angle — why children with unidentified sensory needs are frequently mislabeled as defiant, and how understanding this makes you a more powerful advocate in every school meeting * A note on microschools and co-ops as alternative environments worth exploring The shift this series is meant to create: No cup size is wrong. Your job is not to change your child's cup — it is to understand it. That understanding is what moves you from frustration to empathy, from confusion to confident advocacy. You stop being just the disciplinarian and start being the person who truly knows your child. Resources mentioned: * Full blog post with all 8 systems: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/sensory-processing-systems * Free Sensory Profile Worksheet — fill it out for each of your kids: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/h9m3f5 [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/h9m3f5] * Work with Adriane — coaching programs for parents who want personalized support, understanding and advocating for their child: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat]  Missed the earlier episodes in this series: * Episode 13 covers the foundation of sensory processing, the cup analogy, and the tactile, vestibular, and proprioceptive systems. * Episode 14 covers the auditory, visual, olfactory, and gustatory systems — including a complete reframe on picky eating and why noise-sensitive children are often the loudest ones in the room. A note before you go: Take the reflection question from this episode seriously — which cup surprised you the most, and which one finally explains something about your child that has been confusing you? Then download the free Sensory Profile Worksheet and fill it out for each of your kids. That one exercise will change the way you see their behavior, possibly forever. Thank you for spending this series with me. Sharing this podcast with another parent who needs it is one of the most meaningful things you can do — for their family and for mine.