Unstuck with Jay Abbasi

177: Stop Being So Hard on Yourself

The way you talk to yourself may be the very thing holding you back. In this solo episode, Jay explores the difference between self-criticism, self-observation, and flow states, and why understanding these distinctions can dramatically improve your performance, resilience, and well-being. Drawing from the teachings of Anthony de Mello, Viktor Frankl, and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Jay explains why harsh self-judgment creates unnecessary psychological suffering and how a practice of self-observation can help you become more self-aware without becoming self-critical. He also breaks down the role of flow states and when to observe yourself versus when to let go and fully immerse yourself in the moment. Notable Quotes “There is only one cause of unhappiness. The false beliefs you have in your head.” — Anthony de Mello “Self-criticism does not serve you.” — Jay Abbasi “Be that kind of coach for yourself that you would want if you were playing sports.” — Jay Abbasi “You need to be able to observe yourself without judgment.” — Jay Abbasi “Flow is being completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” — Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Resources and Links Jay Abbasi Website: https://jayabbasi.me/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayabbasi/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayabbasi_/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thejayabbasi/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jayabbasipodcast Get Featured on “Unstuck” Want to have your story featured on “Unstuck”? Submit your story through the link below, and Jay may choose to highlight your story on a future episode and offer you personalized advice on how to overcome any challenge. Submit Your Story [https://yb57saub5n2.typeform.com/to/gTvni0Ta] Join Us Next Time On Monday’s episode, you’ll meet Jamie, Director of Regulatory Affairs for a medical equipment manufacturer, who knows she has the skills to move up but struggles to project confidence and presence in high-stakes conversations. Jay is joined by Allison Shapira, Harvard lecturer, executive advisor, keynote speaker, bestselling author, and former opera singer, to explore how leaders can communicate with greater confidence, credibility, and impact.

176: The Gap Between Knowing And Doing

Why is it so much easier to know what to do than to actually do it? Meet Sebastian. The team call ends and he's staring at his reflection through a blank screen, frustrated because he did it again. A developer brought him a problem and rather than coach or delegate, Sebastian took it on himself. This week, he promised he'd stop being the bottleneck. But when the pressure hit, he fell back into the same pattern. He reads leadership books, listens to podcasts, and genuinely wants to grow, yet he keeps asking himself the same question: Why does knowing better never seem to turn into doing better? Today, Jay sits down with Scott J. Allen, PhD, leadership educator, researcher, speaker, and host of the Practical Wisdom for Leaders podcast. Scott shares insights on self-awareness, behavior change, leadership development, and how to close the gap between what we know and how we actually show up. Notable Quotes “Leaders don't have to have the answers. Sometimes they need to elevate the right questions.” — Scott J. Allen “Self-awareness is ground zero.” — Scott J. Allen “What people are raising their hands for out there in the world is incredibly difficult to do well.” — Scott J. Allen About Our Guest Scott J. Allen, PhD, is a leadership educator, researcher, speaker, and host of the Practical Wisdom for Leaders podcast. For more than two decades, he has studied leadership development, helping leaders strengthen self-awareness, navigate complexity, and build the habits that lead to long-term success. Resources & Links Scott J. Allen Website – https://www.scottjallen.net/ LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/scott-j-allen/ YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/@PracticalWisdomForLeaders Jay Abbasi Website: https://jayabbasi.me/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayabbasi/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayabbasi_/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thejayabbasi/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jayabbasipodcast Get Featured on “Unstuck” Want to have your story featured on “Unstuck”? Submit your story through the link below, and Jay may choose to highlight your story on a future episode and offer you personalized advice on how to overcome any challenge. Submit Your Story [https://yb57saub5n2.typeform.com/to/gTvni0Ta] Join Us Next Time On Friday, Jay explores the difference between self-criticism, self-observation, and flow states. Drawing from a recent conversation with his book editor, he explains why self-observation is a critical skill for growth, how it differs from harsh self-judgment, and why flow states are essential for peak performance. If you want to improve your ability to take action, perform at a higher level, and create meaningful results, this episode is one you won't want to miss.

175: Trust Is Granted

What if trust isn’t something people earn, but something leaders choose to give? In this solo episode, Jay challenges a common leadership belief: that trust must always be earned. While leaders certainly need to earn the trust of their teams, Jay argues that effective leadership begins by granting trust to others and empowering them to succeed. Drawing from personal experiences, leadership lessons, and real-world examples, he introduces a three-part framework for raising standards and building accountability: Inspiration, Education, and Accountability. Jay explains how these three elements work together to create high-performing teams and how leaders can identify which area may be missing for themselves or the people they lead. Notable Quotes “Trust is granted.” — Jay Abbasi “If you are not inspired, then you will not be inspiring.” — Jay Abbasi “Oftentimes there’s just a knowledge gap.” — Jay Abbasi “Your job as a leader is to identify the gap.” — Jay Abbasi Resources and Links Jay Abbasi Website: https://jayabbasi.me/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayabbasi/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayabbasi_/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thejayabbasi/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jayabbasipodcast Get Featured on “Unstuck” Want to have your story featured on “Unstuck”? Submit your story through the link below, and Jay may choose to highlight your story on a future episode and offer you personalized advice on how to overcome any challenge. Submit Your Story [https://yb57saub5n2.typeform.com/to/gTvni0Ta] Join Us Next Time On Monday’s episode, you’ll meet Sebastian, a software development leader who struggles with procrastination, overcommitment, and turning knowledge into action. Jay is joined by Scott J. Allen, leadership educator, researcher, speaker, and host of Practical Wisdom for Leaders, to explore how leaders can close the gap between what they know and how they lead.

174: Your Job Is to Lead, Not to Be Liked

Why do so many leaders sacrifice respect in pursuit of approval? Meet Leo. During a meeting with other regional leaders, the conversation turns toward his team's performance. Missed deadlines. Poor follow-through. Lack of accountability. As Leo listens, he realizes the concern isn't just about his team. It's about him. He's well-liked, but other leaders are beginning to question whether he'll enforce standards when it matters most. Leo wants to lead with compassion, but he also wants to be respected, trusted, and taken seriously. Today, Jay sits down with Jason O. Harris, retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, combat pilot, keynote speaker, and creator of the No Fail Trust® Framework. Drawing from decades of military leadership experience, Jason shares practical strategies for building trust, creating accountability, and leading teams without sacrificing humanity. Notable Quotes “Your goal and objective is not to be liked. Your goal and objective is to lead.” — Jason O. Harris “Connection leads to commitment. Commitment leads to accountability. Accountability leads to trust.” — Jason O. Harris “Be the most interested person in the room, not the most interesting person in the room.” — Jason O. Harris About Our Guest Jason O. Harris is a retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, combat pilot, keynote speaker, and leadership expert. Through his No Fail Trust® Framework, he helps organizations build stronger cultures of trust, accountability, and execution. His work focuses on helping leaders create high-performing teams through intentional communication, meaningful connection, and proven leadership principles. Resources & Links Jason O. Harris Website – https://jasonoharris.com/ LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasonoharris/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/jasonoharris/ Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/jasonoharrisspeaks YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/@JasonOHarris TikTok – https://www.tiktok.com/@jasonoharris1 Jay Abbasi Website – https://jayabbasi.me/ LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayabbasi/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/jayabbasi_/ YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/@jayabbasipodcast Get Featured on “Unstuck” Want to have your story featured on “Unstuck”? Submit your story through the link below, and Jay may choose to highlight your story on a future episode and offer you personalized advice on how to overcome any challenge. Submit Your Story [https://yb57saub5n2.typeform.com/to/gTvni0Ta] Join Us Next Time On Friday, Jay shares a practical framework for holding people accountable without becoming harsh, controlling, or authoritarian. Through real-life examples and actionable strategies, you'll learn how to build trust, set clear expectations, and create accountability while maintaining strong relationships. If you've ever struggled to balance empathy with leadership, this episode is for you.

173: You Don’t Need More Discipline

The problem isn’t your willpower. The problem is your system. In this solo episode, Jay challenges one of the most common beliefs in personal development: that success comes from being more disciplined. Drawing from personal stories about rebuilding routines, growing a business, and strengthening relationships, he explains why relying on willpower often leads to frustration and self-criticism. Instead, Jay makes the case that consistency is not a motivation problem but a systems problem. Through practical examples and actionable strategies, he demonstrates how creating the right structures can make positive habits easier to maintain and help you achieve meaningful results without constantly fighting yourself. If you've ever wondered why you struggle to follow through, this episode offers a refreshing and practical perspective. Notable Quotes “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” — James Clear “Your brain is not wired for that.” — Jay Abbasi “It was the systems that needed help, not my willpower.” — Jay Abbasi “You don’t need to rely on your willpower. The system is there.” — Jay Abbasi Resources and Links Jay Abbasi Website: https://jayabbasi.me/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayabbasi/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayabbasi_/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thejayabbasi/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jayabbasipodcast Get Featured on “Unstuck” Want to have your story featured on “Unstuck”? Submit your story through the link below, and Jay may choose to highlight your story on a future episode and offer you personalized advice on how to overcome any challenge. Submit Your Story [https://yb57saub5n2.typeform.com/to/gTvni0Ta] Join Us Next Time On Monday’s episode, you’ll meet Leo, a leader whose team is underperforming and facing growing pressure from other departments. Jay is joined by Jason O. Harris, retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, combat pilot, and keynote speaker, to explore how leaders can create accountability, build trust, and improve performance without sacrificing the human side of leadership.